Friends hi-fi system not very good, what do you do or say?

I am an asshole that way, I don't mince words. I tell people what I think if they ask period. Not my fault if their feelings get hurt. Life's tough, wear a helmet. 

I always say, my hobbies and or life don't need to meet your expectations, just mine. 

What would you expect if someone came to your house and listened to your very nice sound system and they actually spent 1.5 million on a state of the art system of their own with a dedicated custom built room and that audiophile thought yours was not that great?

If my friend was happy with their system, I would probably say something like "very nice". If asked what I thought could be improved, I'd probably make a suggestion. 

A couple of years ago, an audiophile friend made a comment about my vinyl setup being a little light in the upper frequencies.  He was right, but it cost me about $4500 to fix it.  Lol.

I would not want to encourage someone to spend a lot of money if they are happy with what they have. 

I would simply say to my friend that he/she shall audition the audio system from his/her friends to realize what good sound should be.

I say, what a nice journey you’re on. if they look at me like what do you mean I’ve reached my destination. That’s my clue to just smile and carry on. If it’s the other way, I know I found a kindred spirit, and we can talk about such things  that are very important in life. Such as does a grounding box really work?

I always respond “sounds good!”

That makes everyone’s day.

Much like I wouildn't tell the parent of a newborn how butt-ugly their child is I wouldn't tell a friend how awful his system sounds.

Sound is subjective so your "not very good" is someone else's "great".

I would say something complementary about it or having it and then mention that you you have a system and were able to improve the sound by doing X. The trick is to be tactful, interested, and helpful and offer some evidence of your knowledge and that big improvements are possible without being a Hilroy or being condescending or critical. Human nature is that someone coming in acting superior or condescending to you will ruffle your feathers and close off communication. It is all in the approach. But it offers a great opportunity to start discussing something your are passionate about and offer some assistance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLTEpuhGURE&t=27s

DeKay

Sounds good is what I'd say...   everyone perceives sound slightly differently.  Maybe they like it bright, dark, boomy... 

I have a friend who is a rock star, and he's got more vinyl albums than many record shops, but his sound system is about on par with a 1970's Radio Shack setup. I tell him he should bring some of his records over to my place some time so he can hear what they really sound like, but he hasn't taken me up on it yet... 

I just say.nice system..Most all gear looks great these days so it's not a lie & they might think it sounds great..As quickly as possible,I invite them to go listen to live music so the next time they sit down to listen to their "nice system"they might realize looking & sounding great are not the same...

If I'm listening to the worst system I ever heard, and I'm asked about it, I'll reply:

"I've never heard anything like it in my life"

Hoping they don't want more detail.

The best thing you can do is to invite that friend to your house to listen to your system. Of course after you say something nice about his. Then play some music that he is familiar with and see his reaction. Offer advice only if asked for. Otherwise, don’t say anything. That same thing happened to me, except that I was the friend with the crappy system. 

If you’re friends and he doesn’t know you have the same hobby. Are you really friends? I hardly doubt it.

If I met someone and they try to hide the fact that they also have a dedicated system of their own, that would probably be my last invitation.

I also find your comment about the Lambo pretentious.

I own a relatively "nice system" myself, running electrostats but I also enjoy my $70 Moondrop aria earphone. If one loves audio, well... idk but not like this.

If you find my direct post offensive, I apologize in advance.

@hilroy48 

"I am an asshole that way, I don't mince words. I tell people what I think if they ask period. Not my fault if their feelings get hurt. Life's tough, wear a helmet."

Yes, I think you're right.

As they say. "Know thyself."

There is a number of good peer reviewed articles on giving constructive criticism from a human resource perspective on the internet.  The principles apply in all situations, not only the workplace.  Constructive criticism should not criticize but rather focus on some obtainable recommendations or suggestions on how to make improvements based on your experience.   Give constructive criticism between statements of praise.  For example, state it is obvious you put much work into equipment selection.  I have found room treatment can have a significant effect on SQ and you should consider this.  Use “I” phrases is suggestion (I… think, recommend, consider, etc.) rather than “you” commands (you…should do)..Provide examples from your experience.  Be empathetic.  Put yourself in their position and think about how you would want to hear the criticism and what specific words would be most helpful to you.  Express your passion and knowledge enthusiastically without being condescending.  Constructive criticism encourages someone to learn and grow.  Destructive criticism discourages someone and makes them feel inadequate.  Constructive criticism is specific and includes action plans. Destructive criticism is vague and confusing. Constructive criticism is delivered with empathy. Destructive criticism often includes harsh and confusing language.

If my friend was happy with their system I would be happy for them.  It’s all about loving and enjoying the music.  I’ve given people advice on different equipment over the years.  Sometimes it’s for very expensive components and sometimes for a Bluetooth speaker.  I’ve shared my hobby and passion over the years and have given away a lot of equipment too.  Enjoy the journey even if it’s only a single step.  

If it sounds good, compliment it. If it doesn’t, don’t say anything—your friends probably already know. Friendship is forever, but audio systems are transient, subjective, and come and go. It’s not worth risking a friendship over sound.  "Put yourself into his/her shoes."

Per actual experiences. I've sold gear locally so in that case the buyers have been pretty transparent in asking for advice. In buying gear locally sellers are more apt to give advice vs take, somewhat ironic when I hear their system and its not up to par. If they're extremely prideful of system I'll try to hide my displeasure, if they seem open to an opinion or questioning I'll offer my two cents. I always try to pose my advice as suggestion, never want to to come across as condescending or superior.

The most curious encounters have been extremely expensive components, equipment hoarder, tons of equipment laying around unused or in second systems, and the main system sound quality is relative crap to the expense. In these cases always amazes me that some people don't believe in cables or rooms or AC quality, always something left out that leaves much untapped potential. In these cases I've made it clear they should at least consider the things they've left unattended.

My take …. A couple of things

(1) Understand your differing orbits before you compare them

There is likely a chasm between the respective party perspectives when a guest is considering expressing feedback or an opinion on the homeowner’s audio system capabilities.

Unless the homeowner is actually clearly asking for an unvarnished opinion (and can properly appreciate any constructive criticism on how they can improve it….) . Assess FIRST where the homeowner resides on the Yellow Brick Road to Audio OZ.

Mostly based on a homeowner’s resistance to opening up his budget, the guest critic’’s “not very good ..” is in constant tension with the homeowner’s position of “ ‘good enough”, with his cheerful acceptance of its present limitations, shortfalls, and warts ….fine but important distinction..

(2) Regrettably , most people can’t handle the truth …full stop.
​​​​@hilroy48 already alluded to this embedded in his witty sarcasm in his post above.

TAKEAWAY:

So choose your words wisely.

The one exception might be where you are first provoked and the proverbial gauntlet has been tossed in circumstances where the homeowner pontificates that his “race to the bottom” cheap-as-you-get it price budget system somehow meets or beats your high- end system.
We have saw these in YouTube as barkers and false prophets preaching to a very small cohort of misguided disciples.

Otherwise,,,@lanx0003 ….+1

You and I have two very different opinions on what is witty...

Unless you're being ironic.

Honestly,  you should get new friends if it sounds that bad...  😁

Keep your mouth shut at all costs. If they like the sound of their system, that is all that matters. I liked where someone just said nice and let it go. Invite the friend over to your house sometimes and just happen to ask if they would like to listen to your system. You have to understand that if your system is great, you might embarrass your friend.

"I have a friend who is a rock star"? Tell us his name. 

Make some suggestions that might help the sq like setup changes, room treatment, etc. But if you know that the speaker/amp combo will never work (for example a cool sounding amp with analytic sounding speakers or warm sounding speakers with a warm sounding amp), you might make some suggestions.

As for being friendly, you aren’t critiquing his wife, it’s audio gear. I’ve been in a few audio clubs and I’ve told members that their $40k speakers didn’t sound that good or there were a couple of times a few of us were in a listening session at a friends/audio club member house for a listening session and a couple of us were holding our hands over our ears it sounded so bad and his system was over $100k.

I do the same with cars, I’ve told friends with new corvettes/bmw’s that they can always MOVE UP to a Porsche. 

Don't lie is always my advice. If asked, tell it like you see it. In the end, it is never helpful to lie in an effort to please someone. It will eventually bite you in the rear end. And the person lied to will live and learn on fake advice.

Life long lesson: Only give advise and/or make suggestions if you are asked to contribute. 

While on “that” tour of a friend’s home do you also comment on their choice of decor, the meal, neighbourhood?  You are an invited quest, act like one.  If you are invited over as one who shares a common hobby or passion, that’s an invite to discuss the hobby and one’s personal pursuit and journey.  There are many ways to provide constructive criticism without being an a$$hole. 
 

Assuming this is a friend and not an acquaintance I'd likely ask open-ended questions like

what component do you like best?

How does this sound to you compared to the one you replaced it with?  

What got you to buy this or that, etc,

If his hearing sucks or he simply has unrefined taste but is happy why pee in his cornflakes? 

@testpilot  +1

If you are a guest in someone's house you should act like one.  Be polite!  Show some emotional intelligence.

"Audio systems tend to be private affairs I guess.  I don't necessarily want to hang out with someone and listen to tunes. Those wonderful College days where it made a lot of sense are long gone."

@emergingsoul 

That explains why, even on an audio site like this you don't want to say what components you use. As far as listening to music with friends is concerned, why    did that stop making sense, and why?

I'm sure that you won't reply, but I had to ask anyway.

Personally, I try not to mention any details about my system.

I've noticed that.

Here is some life advice: If you don't have anything nice to say, shut the f*&^# up. 

This rule applies well beyond the question asked.  Cheers!

Every system can sound good if set up right, even a Bose. If you appreciate music, and appreciate even more what someone can do with ‘low-Fi” you can find something to like in every system nearly. Now, if they have it set up poorly, I would say it sounds good but ask them if they have tried experimenting with speaker placement, etc.

After all, what are we really talking about here? A bunch of boxes in a closed room trying to approximate, for example, an orchestra in a huge hall….never going to happen. If some boxes are a little better than other boxes, they’re all still producing sound waves in a small room. Even the cheap ones.

What I think is really bad are those people with multibuck systems with absolutely no concern paid to set up or room. Those can actually sound pretty bad too!

You're close to the third rail here....."Honey do I look fat in these jeans?"  The easy answer is a redirect.  Don't talk about your system or his but embrace the brotherhood of the hobby and invite him over to your room.

it's a great conversation starter if they ask what you think. Tell them about your journey, how much fun it is, how they can improve their system. You can be constructive without hurting their feelings. 

I always start with the extremes and put things in perspective. It's very possible that they are not hearing what we do. Their system may perform well for their criteria. Incremental changes are not one way but the best way to learn and appreciate this passion

Are you consciously going to change your friends life? If you start them down the path of your sickness will you someday be sorry? Think of the money you have spent. Then ask yourself can your "friend" bear the same burden. Oh woe is me. I am so glad I don't have any friends left for me to drag down this musical nightmare. That's the long version. Short version is "Yup, sounds good."

If we're only talking about audiophile friends, I've had long discussions with friends about every single aspect of audio, everything out in open and we don't have to agree on everything.

If there are constructive suggestions you could make about placement, set-up, I would not be afraid to offer those, but would not condescend. Do you really have a Lambo? I did, the last of the Diablos, a 6.0 built under Audi ownership circa 2001- gorgeous car but hardly under the radar- I had kids running on my blind side (most of the car is blind sided except looking forward) to take photos. That car attracted a lot of attention. Rosso Vik (candy apple red), snow corn white interior with red piping, carbon fibre dash. Tres exotic for the money when I had it. Long gone. 

Here's something that may be hard to consider: Chances are fair enough that each of us has had either a same component, or one that was similar in brand/quality to one the host has. "Oh, I had a similar one of those xxx, back in college. It was great ...". If the host has any interest in that fact, s/he may respond with something like, "Do you still have your xxx?".  Then you have options:

(1) Yes, I'll never part with it. Memories of those great times.

(2) I found that the yyy is very similar (perhaps a white/grey lie), but seems to have better bass in my current listening room. 

(3) My kid uses it in his bedroom system, and it sounds pretty good in there.

If you absolutely never owned anything marked, "Wards", "Tandy", or thereabouts, you still may have common pressings or musical preferences -- I mean, it is about the music, right?

It's a journey. It's a hobby. Not a contest.

Lak +1. Before I will agree to listen to someone system.i want to know what is the porpuse of Him inviting me? Sometimes the reason is for me to evaluate their system. If this is the case. With respect I am extremely careful and discuss what I heard. I always say the system sound good. You can improve it if you want to, and I will help you. Let me know., and I say thank you for the pizza and tea.

So personal and revealing a situation; I'll tag on to previous comments:

1. Depends on the nature of your relationship; how close you both are.
2. Depends if he's aspiring to be an audiophile.
3. Depends on if he's asking for your "honest evaluation."

I usually just let my set sound for itself. I'd invite him over for listening and let him hear what you perceive as a great system.  If a difference is obvious to him; he'll notice and say something. But it could also be his ability to discern music and sound is so different from yours he prefers a bright or boosted sound to details and refinement.

Funny that's just how I got into audio; a neighbor came by I showed him my new Sony and Boston Acoustic system with speakers buried in a bookshelf.  He kindly invited me over for a listen to his "audiophile" tube system with electrostatic speakers. In those 30 minutes, my mind was blown at the steep difference between his sound and mine. I immediately began my plotting to refine my system, approach and knowledge because I now knew what I was missing.

Or you can just say, "That's an interesting system," and smile.

If someone is interested in this hobby, and proud of their system, it is highly unlikely that a first-time listener to that system would be unable to find something complimentary to say about it. It is also pretty easy to steer the conversation toward a general fascination with the number of variables effecting sound quality, how it's a never-ending journey, how we grow accustomed to even the best systems, how the same system can make distinctly different impressions on us depending on our mood, the time of day, volume levels, etc. 

If you feel compelled to make any comments at all, I would ask them questions like,

• "how do you like the sound of your system, and what do you like most about it?"
• "how often are you able to listen?"
• "how do you like the source you are using (i.e., turntable, CD player, digital streaming, etc.)"
• "what new music have you heard lately?"

Rather than judge right out of the gate, try to understand first. 

You might realize it is a pretty good system for the money they are able to spend, or for the types of music they enjoy or, you might realize they simply don't know how to put together a good sounding system.  Even if you don't like it, simply enjoy your visit with your friend. 

OTOH, if they have heard your system and recognize you as an authority on audio systems, and if they really want your opinion then, baby steps.  With any feedback, it works much better if you try to find and start with something positive.  Find something, anything, you like about their system and compliment them, i.e., "I used to use those footers and really liked them" or "I always wanted to try those, what do you think?"  Develop some level of trust and rapport first and then provide your honest critical feedback in measured doses.  Even if pretty much everything about their system sucks, you could start with, "if I were trying to improve this system, I would consider new speakers" then "let's talk about what type of sound you like best and the options in your price range."

You said the person is a "friend" so treat them like one.

In the first visit never say any negative things about my friends system. It will hinder their aspirations to learn this hobby. You will loose the opportunity to share what you have if they took it personal.They will not incite you again.

I've been there. Say it's nice, then let them listen to yours. Let them draw their own conclusions. 

A friend has asked me for advice and I am perfectly willing to give it. However, I soon learned that he had made some decisions that aren't open for discussion.  His system is based on an Onkyo int. amp. and CD player, entry level phono player w/built-in phono preamp,  He has small three way floor standers, name not visible to me and forgotten by buyer.  He has basic computer streaming, but no external DAC.  No power conditioning.  All is connected with cheap cables and lamp wire.  The set up is in large room with a high slanted ceiling, hardwood floors, no rugs.  The speakers are placed against the front wall with maybe six inches clearance.  It sounds, well, like you'd expect.  Instruments and voices are indistinct with no identifiable sound stage.  There is perceptible itermodulation distorition.  Wall placement seems to be non-negotiable.  He is awaare that something isn't right and would like to fix it.  Rather than suggest new gear I am urging him to experiment with different speaker placements before he does anything else.  Once he discovers that his system can be improved with some simple set up changes -- Move the speakers away from the walls, maybe tilt them inward, and lay down a throw rug or two.  If he hears improvements than perhaps he will be OK with new speaker placement.  Or, at least he will know that he needs speakers that will accommodate his decorating preferences.  My expectation is that his basic Onkyo setup would sound OK if set up properly in a smaller room and might even be OK in his large room, even though, YES! I yearn to recommend some great bang-for-the-buck components we all know about, modestly priced power conditioning, better wire.  But that might be a bridge too far for my friend.  What is good enough to him might never satisfy me.  But if he's happy, why shouldn't I be?  I'd rather keep him as a friend than nag at him to improve his system along lines that I would like.  And besides, it's fun to go home, listen to my own gear, and smile.

In his 1880 essay, "On the Decay of the Art of Lying," Mark Twain suggests that people should lie thoughtfully and judiciously, with a good object, and for the benefit of others. He also suggests that people should lie gracefully, firmly, and frankly, with their head erect.