You're not a true audiophile unless...

Writing useless posts.

The one that comes to mind is that being an "audiophile" is simply buying a bunch of really expensive gear.

I cringe when anyone calls ne an audiophile.

True I like being known for my music collection first.

to me an audiophile is someone who looks to improve the sound of their audio playback. Its about the love of music and making it sound better, even if that's just adjusting your speakers on your desk top to make them image better, that's an audiophile. Just as much as the guy who spends $100k on a system or the guy just starting out with little. If they like music and take steps to make it sound better they are an Audiophile.   

For me it has become an education in acoustics.

My wife also tells me that since taking up the "task" my 71 year old hearing has become much more acute and discriminating. I am hearing things in the immediate environment that I didn't used to, and I just generally paying more attention to sounds and identifying them.

Audiophile : SS gears

Music Lover : Tube gears

😉😊

Believing every teak on the market makes a huge difference to SQ.

Believing not much matters and hoping sound comes out when the ON button is pushed!

Those 36 volt cables are thrown out to make way for the 72 volt cables. 

You are not an audiophile until you spend 3k on a piece of gear that you let sit in your rack for weeks and don't crank it up for fear that it might not work or cause a malfunction or might not sound like an improvement over the gear you replaced it with that cost less then half the price.

…you like being called an “audiophile”

... you aren't finished with the break in period until after the return window passes.

These are starting to sound like Jeff Foxworthy bits. I love it 😂

the healing can only begin when you admit it

I think audiophile bites the blowhard wiener, I prefer enthusiast ! 
Cheers 🔊

A true Audiophile builds the best system they can affford , and never is finished 

say  a new dac comes out that's very popular , or maybe you want to upgrade your Loudspeakers.I have been into Audio since the mid 1970s  and it never ends 

the closest you can get to the real event is the ultimate goal.

The Etymology of the word means "audio lover".  Based on that I'd say an audiophile is just that- a music lover who seeks to elevate the listening experience of his favorite music. 

You enjoy recorded music enough to also enjoy accumulating the tools needed to make listening to it a more refined experience. You may actually be having fun doing that.

"Audiophile" is now similar to terms such as "conservative" or "liberal." it means so many different things to so many different people that it has become a throwaway expression.

Goodness, this ought to be so simple.

A bibliophile is one having a disciplined appreciation of literature

An oenophile is one having a disciplined appreciation of wines

So an audiophile is one having a disciplined appreciation of musical recordings

One who can converse regularly in audio forums without embarrassing themselves (too badly)

The label "audiophile" can be a badge of honor or invoke grimaces and/or mockery depending on whether interactions with others are complimentary, helpful, or condescending. When opportunity arrises, and you enthusiastically whip out your smart phone or tablet, display photos of your audio system, vacation high points, pets, and grandkids (in that order), you just might be one of "those audiophiles."

The term "audiophile" implies a degree of elevated knowledge and/or status related to the reproduction of music at home compared to the "average" music listener.  If everybody had exceptional music systems and could do a deep dive into high performance audio, we would not be referred to as "audiophiles", we'd just be called "normal."

General prerequisites for being an "audiophile" would include a highly sensitive "antenna" to pick up musical nuances often overlooked by "others", low(er) tolerance for errors and omissions in musical reproduction, an excellent command of vocabulary related to musical reproduction and equipment, and the ability to clearly communicate those observations and experiences with others -- including "non-audiophiles."  While owning expensive gear will certainly accelerate one's "audiophile qualification status" it is no guarantee that status will be sustained if the other qualifications listed above are not satisfied.

I will approach this with a serious comment despite the OP wanting a humorous thread. An Audiophile has a stronger connotation then just audio equipment and music. Having an open mind to what is possible and avoiding negativity is imperative in having an Audiophile mindset. 

to me ...  the  music from my HiFi, be it ever so humble, makes a my place feel more like a home.   I love the music and the feeling of being at home.

I've also learned to take as good care of my hearing as much as possible.    I put down what ever I'm happen to be carrying and cover my ears with my hands when jets and helicopters buzz over my place.

Ron

To me an audiophile is someone who cares about how the music sounds when listening. Is it live or is it Memorex? 

@wayoomuch .....Uh, yup... (it's late, and I as well.....)

...some of what I may do could classify me as an ' audio-defiler', but I'm 'up' for it.....;)

Anyone who has actually bought a piece of audio equipment a little out of their comfort zone with the intention of making the music sound better to them.

Anyone who is reading this thread.

Anyone who buys one of many audiophile publications and believes 99% of what is said there and then buys one of the brands mentioned.

Two out of these three are required.

@bolong

Your comment was a ridiculous stretch and very disgusting.

You seem to be under the impression that I was "likening" audiophilia to pedophilia. I was merely pointing to subliminal influences of words.

A audiophile is also sometimes called an audiophiliac which is also the name of Steve Guttenberg's Youtube channel. What other words rhyme with "audiophiliac."

Necrophiliac

Pedophiliac

Coprophiliac

Audiophiliac is part of a word group that is rather creepy.

@bolong

I agree with your thoughts regarding "phile'  usage.  It seems to me that using it      with "pedo" has somewhat tainted in when used  in combination with other words.  

A true audiophile can hear in music what most people can’t. When you can sit and feel the sound of a cymbal, bass or vocal.That can make you smile or chuckle to yourself. That's why spending and continuing to tweak a better system is so addicting.

@abnerjack

It's subtle and not worth lingering on too much, but the subject of subliminal "triggers" can be fascinating. My post was intended to be more of an "aside" than some grand revelation.

People say dinosaurs were the original audiophiles, this isn't true.

Caveman were the original audiophiles. It was due to their efforts that created interest in hearing that ushered in use of musical instruments to further sensitize that area within the brain. All this because if they didn’t develop great hearing they’d be dead because another creature would eat them and because of their desire to eat.

So surviving and eating was how this all started.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, an audiophile is a person who is enthusiastic about high-fidelity sound reproduction. That's a good baseline for me.

You obsess about soundstage :)

@emergingsoul ....Imho, you’re close....

What we call cavepeople were not much advanced from the critters about them.

Likely ’rhythms’ caught the ears first as being ’pleasant’ ...took a millennium for that to escalate into ’that which we do’ for whatever seemed apropos....

Sex, animal howls, beating sticks and rocks....hyping the gang into the hunt mode, be it for dinner or just the annoying neighbors....

Now? 3 piece suits, Beemers, and 100K$ audio collections...*nasty L*

 I'm guessing a good definition might be :Audiophile- an old white couch potato with age related hearing loss spending a lot of money on overpriced highly resolving equipment ?

Have something custom made for your Hi-Fi rig and or music collection.

Secondly wonder why all the music you love isn't as popular as it should be.

Unfortunately it is a bit like a black and white cookie. A very two-sided term: it can certainly mean one who loves audio, but it also carries a pejorative connotation of elitism, conspicuous consumption, and in some cases scientific rejection.

I suppose that is just due to the various personality types that make up the group, and the dynamics of paying a lot for something and then feeling the need to defend it.

I always love to see nests of cables and stacks of components next to records and CDs strewn about as indicating a true music lover who doesn’t think of the pristine equipment aesthetic, and the image it projects, as the highest priority.

While I am very interested in audio quality, I always try to distance myself from the audiophilia characterization because of those connotations. I am a music lover who is secondarily interested in how different gear works and interacts. More of a gearhead concept.

Either way, it’s all a tempest in a teacup. 99.999% of the world doesn’t give a hoot.  And I may be a few 9s short. 

The question strikes me as an invitation to a "no true Scotsman" fallacy.

(No "true Scotsman" puts sugar in his porridge, wears anything under his kilt, etc.)

Just be who you are and stop worrying about what others do, assuming they don't mean to kill you or forbid you and yours from living your life.

In general the world would be a better place.

Not sure without reading all posts above... but IMHO an audiophile is someone who relentlessly pursues the best sound of their favorite musical genre/s they can attain.

@bolong 

""Audiophile" is now similar to terms such as "conservative" or "liberal." it means so many different things to so many different people that it has become a throwaway expression."

Pompous: Having or showing the attitude of people who speak and behave in a very formal and serious way because they believe that they are better, smarter, or more important than other people.

Unless you have tubes and a turntable! :)

Hearing subtle yet dramatic and transformative differences switching out one expensive Ethernet cord for another. 

The definition of an audiophile is when the LOVE of music inspires you to delve even deeper into the mystery of music through the use of artificial reproduction.  For all the infatuation that we have for music, no one that I am aware of has ever managed to explain how and why music affects us as it does.  To have the power to bring that into our daily lives is what inspires one to become an audiophile. 

I'll take my music anyway I can get it. But honestly, I will still prefer to hear it through a good sounding system. Just don't call me an audiofool, I much prefer audiophile.

Ok- you want good tunes that sound great!  Whether from. Headphones, a killer system or somewhere in between 

The term has pretty much been lost to a universal assignment addressing people with more money than brains.  I prefer to consider myself a musicphile because I just do what any actual audiophile should do, and listen to what sounds good to me.  But the majority of people can't come to terms with this because the latest magazine is telling them that they need a brand new piece of equipment that somehow plays audio so differently then every other piece of equipment made over the last 50 years.  I ran into a guy on Reddit who kept going on about how his particular headphones are some of the best ever and his conclusions are backed up by math and experience.  He just couldn't come to terms with the fact that we all hear differently and that his affection for his headphones is not universally shared.  *shrug*