What do you say to your audiophile friends who say you just listen to your equipment more

I can't hear what anyone is saying while I'm busy staring at my equipment.

Most of my audiophile friends are mostly music lovers first.  Sure they enjoy my system and I enjoy theirs but its about the music for us and we have an appreciation for a wide variety of music.  I just don't care for Gregorian Chants, Rap and Hip-Hop and neither do my friends.  I particularly enjoy many types and eras of classical and jazz, my wife enjoys more modern rock from the 70s to the 90s than I do.   With a good hi-end system, one can enjoy all types of music recorded since the acoustic recording era.  Hearing 78s (nominal speed) on a great system is listening to direct discs much like listening to music on good horn speakers.

Say nothing as my friends say nothing ever.

A number of years back... a few of my friends and I used to get together for "card night" once a week.

We would rotate houses... and when it came to my turn to host... the others would start looking through my vinyl collection and making requests.

They would even wait patiently as I flipped or swapped a record... enjoying the system not just for the music... but for how good it sounded. No one ever tired of it.

Sometimes music is enjoyed more... and sounds better... when shared in good company. It removes the critiquing and analytical equipment listening one tends to do when alone.

@jndean 

I reflect your sentiments... except for retirement. But I am looking forward to that.

@mahler123"Great sound enhances the appreciation of great music.  The gear is a means to an end, not an end in itself."

Well said!!!

Many years ago... I just listened to the music.  Then I discovered what potential was out there, and fell into the rabbit hole.

I'm climbing back out now... with exception of a few minor tweaks yet needed... and am back to listening mostly to the music instead of the equipment.  The plus of that is... I have regained my sanity.

My only major complaint left is... sometimes when I'm busy around the house, I like to go old school and listen to FM broadcasts. The SQ of most stations suck nowadays... with their highly compressed and over processed mp3s.  I truely miss the old fashioned analog broadcasting methods.  Seems anybody with a playlist and a microphone can be a radio DJ these days.

Eventually you will run out of upgrades in your system which will be as good as you could ever desire and listening to what the equipment can do will fade away so you can just listen to the music. It has been over a year since this happened to me and I build my own amplifiers and preamplifiers so this should be harder for me than it is for someone who buys ready made components because instead of trying different brands I experimented with different circuit designs, different kinds of coupling transformers and different kinds of capacitors finding out the most elaborate often get outclassed by simpler cheaper parts.
After you reach that stable stage in your audiophile life it does not mean you will not still be interested in how other people do it and if you build your own from scratch, how manufacturers who do it differently than you do it.
So sit back and enjoy the different performances of your favorite composers.

I tell them I’m blessed to have good equipment and the joy of hearing good music playback sound amazing is a personal and relaxing high.  However, 3 years ago my audiophile buddy passed away and the dealer we dealt with died six months earlier than that.  It put my life in perspective. Enjoy this life while you are here. If music and your system does that do it. Make yourself happy! Tell your friends to each his own ! 

I like listening to how my equipment plays my music (finally).

However, more listen to my system. How do I know?
Because I don't listen to full songs.
Skip to another to hear how it sounds...

When my system succeeds in releasing the music, that's all I hear - the system disappears. 

Never critique another man’s rutabaga unless he asks you. - Old audiophile axiom

Some words and phrases you might consider using if you’re not sure what to say are, Wow!, holy crap!, nice! What did you do to your system?, nice soundstage, Smooth!, Transparent! and Can I look at the CD?

No friend has ever said that to me.  Even friends who aren’t interested in hi-fi seem to understand I’m in to music and good sound.  And certainly I don’t bother forcing it on anyone who doesn’t care.

Most of my friends are not audiophiles, though a majority are musicians and they LOVE listening to my system.  Every time one of them comes over they expect to be able to check out vinyl or whatever from “the sweet spot.”    It’s really nice to be able to share this stuff.  None of them buy hi end gear themselves but they certainly get why I do.

Everyone who listens to mine are mostly amazed by the vintage of the gear. Albeit modified and tweaked. They can’t believe a record from the 60s on a turntable from the 60s with amps from the 60s playing through those weird 50s speakers can sound like nothing they have ever heard before. I get a kick out of that.

I say the equipment doesn't provide any sound to listen to unless I am playing music through it. 

I can't get my friends out of my listening chair long enough for me to say anything. So I stay off to the side and tap my toes.

My non audiophile friends know I'm a musician and concert sound mixer/producer so the audio geek thing makes sense to them. However, none of them gives a damn about my gear issues unless I'm using said gear to entertain them somehow, and even then the "short attention span because they don't actually care" eventually kicks in. Social situations like dinner parties or the like really aren't conducive to "active listening" nor should they be...people wanna drink and chat, and my jumping up and saying "listen to this!" lasts about 10 seconds. An organized "listening salon" thing where friends just sit and listen doesn't ever happen and that's fine with me. I've done "house concerts" featuring myself and some talented singer/songwriter friends, and those are great and everybody pays attention to a degree that makes it more intense in some ways than a more public show...all good.

I'm in this for the gear as much as anything else, and no one can tell me I'm doing "audiophilia" wrong.

I'm a System Builder, not just an audiophile. Been doing this for about 35 years, since my early 20's. I have chosen to focus on a different aspect of the hobby, one that involves a great deal of variety of sound through building systems, which is one reason why I have some speakers for sale at the moment. I have allocated my time, money and energies to an alternative aspect of it that gives me far greater pleasure than experiencing the same system every day.  

     I am a music lover. I listen to mostly classical music, but also jazz, female vocals, and  classic rock. The gear matters; however, I have (mostly) learned to be content with low high-end affordable equipment such as Triangle floorstanding speakers, reference Marantz electronics, Kimber cables, VPI turntable, Denon 103 cartridge, etc. I say “mostly”, because I look on Audiogon almost daily for what is available and also read the forums. But I can appreciate stuff without having to own it. Contentment is an attainable choice, perfection is not. 
     These days, 5 years into retirement, my  wife and I enjoy traveling and supporting certain needful non-profits (Church, schools, indigent ministries, etc.). My wife and friends don’t understand the need for more gear. I have two friends who listen intently, and we often share listening sessions. Mostly, however, I listen alone. I look forward to early morning sessions with Bach and empty house moments with the volume turned up, exploring genres other than classical. I love music. I love the way it can move me and go straight to my soul. I love the palate of emotions that it brings, but I have become content with the gear. That may mean that I am not an audiophile, just a music enthusiast, but contentment is a choice.
John Dean

All of my non-audiophile friends are exactly like my extended family. They all think I'm bat-s**t crazy. I've stopped trying to convince them long ago. There isn't a family member who even owns a CD player ... not even in their cars. They've all entered the modern world of I-phones and earbuds.

Being single for over 20 years, I've brought a lot of newly acquired female acquaintances over to the house. Upon first going into the living room, which is now my dedicated listening room, they always get a weird look on their faces and then ask the same question which is ..."why do you do this?" I always answer the same way. I gleefully say, with a smile ... "because I can." :-)

Frank

It's interesting how some of my friends sit down and listen and they still don't get it. Occasionally, a friend will sit and you play something he or she has heard hundreds of times and you can see it happening. They are hearing that song for the first time. They are amazed by the depth and width of the sound stage. Drawn in by the bass beat and clear mid range and detailed highs. Sometimes startled by the clarity and realism of the lead singer. I love it when they get it. It gives us one more thing to talk about!

You know what’s even worse, is when your friends say you only listen to tweaks. That’s precisely why I had to take the relatively drastic step of blindfolding visitors and friends before entering. Loose lips 👄 sink ships. 🚢 

It has always been amazing to me how a well thought out full range system with good imaging can be so divisive. Among the people I count as friends there is only one audiophile and if anything I tell him just listen
to the music.  He claims he does as he keeps flippin' equipment.

My non-audiophile friends fall into three categories:

1) dismissive:  It REALLY takes all that equipment just to make some music. You should hear the stereo in my car!

2) myopic:  Walk right past a dedicated room full of equipment and appear to not acknowledge its existence.

3) music lover: They just walk right in sit right down and ask to listen to
anything.  And after some time then make a request.

I get along with all of these types.  My favorite listening is when I'm alone.
Now that can be an entire thread!
  

If they are in the room, I would say,
"Raise your left hand when you think
I am listening to music, and your right when
it's the equipment."

Then, ignore them.
Or respond, telling them they were dead wrong.

@david_ten , re 8:09, 11-25....*G* ..and one wonders what voices they hear replying, and with what is said that they will do....next....*erie laughter, fading into a cough* ;)

I think it’s rare that someone is in this hobby only for the gear.  I’ve met many audiophiles, and while we often do get criticized about the gear we are mostly avid music collectors. If you spend as much time searching out new music as you do new gear, you don’t have a gear problem. If you spend a significant amount of money on music- to own or stream -you are a music lover! I want my music to sound real. That’s the gear part of being a music lover. I bet that describes almost everyone on this site.
Umm... I just got done ordering stuff off of discogs before I read this thread. I may have a problem...

if you're a gear-head just to be a gear-head, who cares....own it and let the devil take the hindquarter

+1 @rettrussell  

I never talk about audio with non audiophiles.If they feel like listening to music I will put on something of their favored genre and watch their reaction. "Is that a different version than I hear on the radio?"" You must have surround sound! "" Who's playing a guitar in the other room!? "

It's all in service to the music.
A handheld transistor radio (kids, look it up) can sound like a symphony if it's all you've got.
However, if you're a gear-head just to be a gear-head, who cares....own it and let the devil take the hindquarter (as my grandmother used to tell me)

I think I'm a music lover first and I think we all are looking for the magic sound!! The gear is the vessel to get us there!!

Great sound enhances the appreciation of great music.  The gear is a means to an end, not an end in itself

I tell them that they’re right (sometimes) and also point out that they are smarter than I because they can be satisfied with a $50 Bluetooth speaker while I have to spend at least 20% of my income to truly enjoy the sound... 

It's always been about the music. The audio gear is just a way to get there in audibly satisfactory way.

edcyn

Perfect reply and on point.

Happy Listening!

No shortage of Equipment Whisperers, in these environs...

I was told by my mentor at least 20 times, now He stops after 20 yrs.I just kept quite whenever he tells me I only listen to my cables and gear.I learned a lot from Him.

I tell people that I not only listen to the music, I listen to the "sound of the music" and the equipment facilitates this.

I listen to the music because of the way a piece can move me. The gear exposes all new layers I never fully appreciated until now. Whether it's an SG, French Horn, voice, or the decay of a cymbal, I'm hearing old favorites in a completely new way. Attention to the gear has provided me with a sonic kaleidoscope to examine. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

My friends are smarter than that. If anyone did say that more than once, they likely wouldn't be invited back. I don't need mindless negativity. :)

Its a fascinating subject, Mike. So many times I’ve caught myself being carried away by the music .... in the grocery store... So its the music, much more than the system.

But we want a good system, and this just does not ever happen by accident. Especially not when so many designers and manufacturers are out there making stuff specifically knowing and with the desired intent of hyping stuff up in order to get your attention enough to make you buy.... what it will only later on dawn on you was not the revealed involving detail you thought it was but ingratiating now turned tiresome hype.

I just covered the vast majority of everything out there.

So in defense we make these checklists: tone, dynamics, imaging, etc. This of course is an endless rabbit hole as we go from tone to timbre to harmonic development to timbral balance until before you know it we’re like Michael Fremer talking about how much there is there and how the presence is present but is it palpably present?

Which I say only halfways jokingly as you know I take this stuff very seriously myself.

The way I got out of this trap years ago happened quite by accident. I was auditioning a McCormack DNA1 vs a Krell and being a bit perturbed because in spite of not caring for the Krell it was very hard to find anything really technically wrong with it. Until it dawned on me while enjoying the DNA my foot was tapping. While listening to the Krell I was happily checking off my audiophile to-do list. While listening to the McCormack I was happily tapping my foot.

But wait! Not so fast! Because, next thing you know, foot-tapping becomes just another item on the checklist.

Like I said, fascinating subject.

A non-audiophile friend wouldn't know what listening to music VS. equipment even means!;)

People say, "gee, you really must like music." You bet. 90% of my listening is in my office to a pair of Sonus model 3's streaming away. At this moment Simon and Garfunkel are doing Mrs Robinson. "Most of all you've got to hide it from the kids." 

Call me an unrepentant audiophile.  I just love listening to good sound.  Exulting in sheer tonal beauty. Getting lost inside an image. And if I feel the need to up the experience and I've got the lucre, I do it.

This is one question I don’t want to even think about anymore. Those days we spent listening to cables and power cords are thankfully behind us. Life somehow interrupted our pursuits and things changed as almost inevitably it must.

One of my friends went through a divorce and a debilitating injury and another had to cope with the death of both parents in fairly quick succession.

On a personal level I feel I’ve made great progress in my recovery from Audiophilia in these past 4/5 years.

Instead of obsessing over the minutae of sound quality I’m beginning to enjoy all sources from TV sound to Bluetooth speakers, (I still draw the line at smartphone speakers though, ugghh!)

My days of worshipping at the shrines of Linn, Naim and Rega etc are now a bad memory. I am now immune to the preachings of all those Hi-Fi gurus and high priests of audio prose.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love high-quality playback sound as much as ever, eg those Monopulse speakers I heard at a show recently, but I’m just more inclined to be pleasantly surprised whenever I encounter it instead of actively seeking it out.

Glad to be able to willingly disembark from that never ending merry-go-round. I suspect this happens to quite a few audiophiles eventually once the bubble bursts.

Good answer

What do you say to your audiophile friends who say you just listen to your equipment more than your music?

As reubent already pointed out this is not the kind of thing audiophiles say. But, its a serious question because its something audiophiles actually do. Moreover, its the kind of thing audiophiles SHOULD do- BUT there is a time and a place for everything. So its a serious question, and deserves a lot more than a retort.

So instead of retort I would answer, "Yes, this is a very real problem. The point of it all is to be carried away by the music. In order to do this we break it down into lots of little pieces. Its easy sometimes to get carried away with that, and lose sight of the goal. Thanks for reminding me."

I meant nonaudiophile friends. But thanks for mentioning both as well

My audiophile friends don't say this to me. I listen to a broad range of music types, and don't stick with only albums with great sonics. Heck, my audiophile friend probably say I need to pay more attention to my equipment....