Do You Ever Find Yourself Unable to Listen To Your System?

The subject has been covered pretty thoroughly above.  I'll simply tell you that yes ..... I have gone weeks without listening when family problems are at a peak.  Right now they are simmering, and my listening has suffered considerably, although I can put the local superb jazz program on FM and get some relaxation.

For me, music tends to increase the emotional pain. When my gf left me a decade or so ago, I surrounded myself w/ music (which did no good, of course--only allowed me to exercise my self-indulgence).  

I had an experience like that. My grief had a soundtrack in the form of a playlist loosely based on this album, which I think allowed me to overindulge and prolong the pain. For a long time the first notes would bring me right back into that headspace, and I so put it away for a while.

Then I decided to revisit it, expand the playlist, and now it's just music that I enjoy again. 

But more to the point of the OP, if you are going through a tough period, I think it is important to be in the right headspace to enjoy your system, and not force it. The music you listen to will become entwined with whatever is happening in your life at the same time. As was pointed out earlier, engaged listening is a form of work; budget your energy accordingly. 

@geof3 - Agreed

To keep things fresh, I dial up either Qobuz or Primephonic and happily choose what musical morsel I might next want to listen to. Will it be something I'm familiar with? Or something/someone I've totally never heard of?  And yes all you literalists, I actually do dial up my choices...on the ethernet-connected payphone/PC presently parked in the parlor.

I feel sincere gratitude to all responding to OP and to OP for his post. Many of us had/have some similar experiences,. Responding to such kind of question could be more valuable than a technical advise regarding a particular gear. Compassion that you express is important and can well be encouraging and helpful for OP. 

I found it particularly useful to create some kind of intimate (positive) feeling and relation with my audio system. Enjoy both, the SQ and the music. Depending on your mood, try to decide which kind of music may please you. Sometimes I find it calming to listen to silence. 
I have a very specific attitude and relation with each of my (three) audio systems. Independently of the cost of each of them, i enjoy all of them in different ways.  Try to create an intimate relation with your system as if it were a member of your family. Despite  your personal problems, do you still communicate with the members of your family/friends? So do the same with your system.

Dependencies are no good,  but here in this world we always depend on many things (as an extreme example, we even cannot exist without an air - our existence is subject to the environment and one small component of this environment is our audio system). 

my mood def affects my enjoyment of music so that when very stressed or feeling low for any reason I tend not to listen to it. Hope you find your way back to enjoy listening again, for me and I'm guessing most other audiophiles out there music is food for the soul. without it I miss the frisson but am unable to experience it when my mood is badly affected, a double edged sword.

I think this thread shows we are ALL broken to some degree. It manifests in each a bit differently, but still exists. To see an outpouring (for the most part) of complete strangers supporting someone struggling speaks volumes to the overall nature of the people here. I would guess we have a “membership” of 99.9% men. We tend to not want to express or show weakness of any kind. It is in our nature. But here we all are doing just that, and being lifted by each other. Bravo!

Definitely depression, or on the verge.....live with one who does in a bi-polar fashion.  Not severe, but there are times.....

I hope Jay gleans insight and solace from the overall response from all...and admire how some so quickly stepped up with concern.

Not shrinks, but experience shared and thoughts engendered do count. ;I

I have moderate tinnitus but fortunately my mind blocks it out when I'm listening so it never interferes with my desire to listen.

Thanks OP for a really worthwhile topic. I never saw it coming but it has me thinking...

I have 2 general causes for being unable to actively enjoy my system (which for me means playing my music on the HD or youtube at moderately loud volumes):

1 - Emotional issues: pretty much anything that disrupts one's mind & well-being (ie, death of friend or family member; loss of income; real bad news that matters) can take me away from the system. Lack of peace of mind (however temporary) translates into less emotional bandwidth for enjoyment of music

2 - Migraine/tinnitus: both are pretty much constant and get rather bad. When that happens music (either via speakers or headphones) sounds "off"/"wrong" and actually causes head pain. The off/wrong thing is difficult to explain, but when it happens, I just stop trying, 'cause what happens isn't worth it.

Having said that, unless I'm flat-out sick in bed (very rare), I can always enjoy what I'm hearing right now: low volume classical music (streaming radio from Denmark) on my KEF 103.2s in nearfield configuration (right now it's choral/polyphony, my fave for this application). I can't remember a time when this didn't sooth & satisfy my mind...

I’ve gone months not listening to my system. When you get in your 60’s you’ve lots of different priorities. That has nothing to do with your system. It’s not going anywhere. Unless it’s stolen. But I’m home every day. So bring it on, come meet my seasoned .45 from 25 years working the streets. It’s not happenin!

The answer. is yes, it happens to me and in my case it’s a sure fire marker that clinical depression is setting in. 

I cannot tolerate the side effect profiles of antidepressants. The condition is usually concomitant with a lack of physical activity and I self-medicate by reducing the work schedule, getting on my bicycle and getting back to putting in a hundred miles per week.

Sorry, misc-audio...

That was flip as I didn't read your reasoning for the question.  I suspect how audio formed one's life provides some of the answer.  There was never a time when music wasn't a vital part of my upbringing and lifestyle.  Immediate family and cousins are/were musicians, some professional.  It's akin to breathing for me.  Decades ago, when I had my wife over for the first time, my furniture cushions were placed all over the corners of my sound room, testing.  "She may as well know me as I am."  Also, in this, our first and only house, I chose to select a remote, very difficult cube of a room for a dedicated studio, instead of the larger, more audio friendly family space.  It was the perfect solution for our family.  Moods drive my music selections, tempering my needs on the fly.  Working of my 50th year of sobriety, there, indeed, have been dark times, like most of us.  I suppose music is my drug of choice now, but generally, hangover free unless the Sweetspot Siren takes me deep into the night.    :)

Again, there are wonderful resources available for mental health.  I'm happy to report I've availed myself of them.  Best, Pin

...no

More Peace, Pin

Hi Jay-

Yes, certainly, we have all been through periods like this or at least most people have.  I have also found that when I'm physically sick - flu, cold, strep - I do not want to listen to music and when I flip on the stereo habitually that is the sign that I'm feeling better.

In terms of mood affecting desire for music, I won't go into the deep advice some are providing - I do think much of it is good advice -- but I will stay a level shallower. I have found that it's not a bad time to look for some music that speaks to your current mood rather than to try to jam in your otherwise favorite genres into a mood where they don't fit.

In other words, if you are having trouble relaxing and experiencing a lot of anxiety, try Indian or Middle Eastern or North African music, or another kind of ambient-related genre. See if you can find something that speaks to you now.

Good luck and hope you are feeling better soon, and that your family issues work out!

Yes, every year when school is out for summer vacation and my wife is home 24/7.

Music is the healer.Everyone has a special Artist and Song that always helps them .If there are times your system bothers you then you need a new system. 

Try to put on a channel of something where a person chooses the music, even if the quality of the sound is not perfect.  For me, it is XM jazz, channel 67.  Don't listen to the rig, but to the music.
I do hope you can come to terms with your sorrow asap, as I am certain most of us are..

For me, music tends to increase the emotional pain.  When my gf left me a decade or so ago, I surrounded myself w/ music (which did no good, of course--only allowed me to exercise my self-indulgence).  I sensed when I was getting better by the simple fact that when I got in my car, I turned to sports radio rather than throw in a CD. And when home, I could read or work without music in the background.

OP, you read my mind. This is exactly where I am at. It has been a serious s*** storm for the past several years for me. I don't care so much when I'm the target of the attack. I land on my feet. I went though COVID, a big hit to our family business etc. etc. BUT a recent visit to my daughter and her family bowled me over. My 42 year old son in law was just diagnosed with ALS. My daughter is 36 and they have two small children at home. This seems like life at its cruelest. I am a Christian; however, this shakes my faith. To wrap it and and answer the question; YES, I think I need my rig more than ever. Don't give it up! I would appreciate prayer from any of you inclined to do so. Thank you. Joe

I have a couple of go to albums for when times get a bit rough and they usually always get me a few steps up from the bottom of the barrel. Do you have any (for want of a better word) healing music in your collection? Keith Jarrett’s Koln Concert (moans and all) picks me up and there are a few others. Sorry of hear of your family’s situation - hope it improves for you. All the best to you and your family Jay.

I understand what your going through. Life is extremely hard, I turn my system on every day, but rarely listen to one song. Physically and emotionaly drained, I have no energy. This last year was the worst I ever experianced, and it has not stopped.
 If you have someone to talk things over with, that can help. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Sometimes reading what others say about their simiar situation helps. Know that you are not alone. I pray alot, that helps me. I hope and pray things get better for you. Tom G

@douglas_schroeder

Feel free, even to the point of changing the hobby to something else. You have no mandate from the universe to be an audiophile your whole life. It matters very little if you ever use a HiFi again. Do not let stuff chain you.

I encourage you to invest in things that are eternal, and care less about the material stuff.

and who woulda thought, the best advice from our own dougey ain’t even about gear... seriously... valuable advice we can all be reminded of every now and then  👍👍👍

now if you will excuse me, i need to readjust the bias on my $8,000 tube monoblocks... 🤣🤣🤣

@jay73 - I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. I find that sometimes I loose the will to listen, but I also found that if I will sit down and listen that I will usually find a way of escape, or even better yet, I'll feel better. It happened just today.

@rocray - That is some awesome advice and as you mention some advice of a lifetime has been offered here today by others. There are several persons of faith here that could become a resource for the OP if ever they are so inclined.

Finally it is a breath of fresh air that nearly everyone here has been able to contribute and that nearly no one was offended. That is what makes this country great.

OP, I pray your life issues fall away and you are left with peace and hope and a clear outlook.

Note: in the book iDisorder, I believe by Rosen, there is a direct positive correlation between screen use of all types (phone, computer,  TV, etc.) And depression.  An important read. 

Of course.

Depression robs the joy out of many things.  

During those periods I tend to watch a lot of mindless television.

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the comments/advice!

That was really nice to read and encouraging.

I am doing ok and will get back to the Music Soon.

It's nice to see all the support on this forum and that we all share a common interest in Music and the incredible hardware that's goes along with it.

I really appreciate the input from everyone.

@oldhvymec, thanks for your input. I cannot imagine what that must have been like to go through what you did. 

Thanks again all.

Jay

Jay73,  some folks before me,have given the advice of a LIFETIME. Reach out to the Lord. I know in my heart that he gives strength to each and everyone of us. You just have to ask. He also has a very strong back. He carries me everyday! 

Whether an audio system sounds good is vastly influenced by our predisposition. Never feel an emotional empathy, guilt, or necessity for a machine. Do not give your life to a machine. Use them, dispose of them, watch them prove the Second Law of Thermodynamics. 

Feel free, even to the point of changing the hobby to something else. You have no mandate from the universe to be an audiophile your whole life. It matters very little if you ever use a HiFi again. Do not let stuff chain you. 

It is normal for there to be periods of life where interest in various activity waxes or wanes. No issue. Keep perspective. 

OR, HAVE YOU FAILED TO BE A TRUE AUDIOPHILE?!  ;) 

I encourage you to invest in things that are eternal, and care less about the material stuff. 

My take on the Audiophile World and Musicians:

They are often a very different breed of cat.
Meaning they tend to be introverted, above average
intelligence, melancholy and opinionated.

None of these traits leads to a happier life. 

So if you get out of the Audio World for a time
or forever, it is not a bad choice. 

When the music stops "Moving You" emotionally
it loses all reason for being.

If this is where you are at now, I can only say I
hope you find a peace some way.

God Bless,

@barts

let’s not feed the obvious troll... comes to a thread like this with negativity and spite -- while the rest of us express caring and good wishes, as we should, to the op

how tone deaf 

I believe many audiophiles deal with this issue in varying degrees.
I find that often when I can’t get any enjoyment out of my system it’s because I’m depending on it to be a panacea.
HiFi listening can be a source of pleasure but can’t be counted on to lift you up. The degree to which you enjoy your set depends the emotional state you bring to the endeavor. You want the music and good sounds emanating from your system to make you feel good, but it doesn’t happen if your troubled or depressed

clearthink

Allow me to clarify:  Many people don't post here for fear of being ridiculed which is quite common.  I suspect that once any person posts here they want to read the answer(s) to their question.  So, I conclude rightly or wrongly that it is a "brave" post to make simply because of its personal nature.  

Regards,
barts

First, let me say that I'm not any kind of mental health professional - just to keep things clear.

I can, however comment on the OP's condition 'cause I frequently suffer from the same thing ............It's known as depression and can affect you in various ways. 

Seek some serious help. If you have a good relationship with your family physician consult him/her for a referral to a mental health pro. You might have to go through more than one before you find one that clicks with you. But keep trying, Believe me, it's worth it.

sheridanmartinj "LORD as you already know we as humans just don`t make the mark. "
Apparently you believe and are convinced that somehow although there is a LORD somehow he managed to screw up when it came to us humans it’s odd that you’ve forsaken reason for Faith.

barts "Very brave of you to post this on the "audio" forum. "
I do not see anything "brave", bold, or fearless about posting anonymously to an internet forum actually that is not brave at all.

@sheridanmartinj:

Why don't you find a more appropriate forum for your proselytizing?

And no, I'm not an atheist. 

There is nothing abnormal about your experience. Pretty much everything in this world is cyclical. There is very little that is unaffected by this--  relationships, weather, politics, hobbies such as audio. . . and, of course, human emotions. 

I don't know if this is true in your case but when strategies we rely upon for self-soothing fail to do the job, it may be an indication that it's time to deal with whatever is troubling us more directly, instead of focusing upon relieving the symptoms.  

Sure.  Serious listening can be a a really involving experience, but like most involving experiences, it is actually work. I often find it easier and more what i want to play music on other systems more int eh background - rather than go, sit in one place, and pay close attention.  Normal IMO.
of course sometimes the big system provides the background music too ...

OP,
Very brave of you to post this on the "audio" forum.  That alone says to me that you recognize whatever it is swirling around you.

Eat well, sleep well, do not self-medicate!  Never helps, never will.

Stay away from the garbage media that is Television.  Go outside and breath.

Clean out a closet or the garage, dispose of things that you haven't seen in a year or more.  This is the start to creating order.

I've been there and done that...

Warm Regards,
barts

I do sit down to listen occasionally and the mojo just isn’t there. I listen to a song or two and I can tell that I’m just not feeling it. Sometimes it’s because it’s summer and there are so many other activities that I feel I should be doing and other times it’s an issue such as you describe. Happily the feeling eventually passes and I can sit back and take it in.

jay73

Good advice as above. Try listening to your system overnight (start at Midnight). There are far too many distractors in the daylight hours.

Happy Listening!

Dear LORD,   first of all I ask for forgiveness for anything that myself or OP may have committed, OP may not understand salvation perhaps he does some time LORD as you already know  we as humans just don`t make the mark.  being a Believer LORD you know I have been where OP is at the present time. I`ve come to know that your grace is sufficient for OP just as it has been for me and will continue to be.  LORD I come boldly before the throne of grace to ask that you LORD bind the hands of any spirit that your word deems a lie out of the pit of hell; the spirit of stress, depression, demonic satanic powers that my be working against OP and close  love ones unexplainable sickness where as death my be on the arise LORD as  your faithful servant I stand in the gap for OP I ask you in the name of JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH to fixed his situation regulate his mind mend his broken heart if that being the case Deliver him and set him free you can do all things but FAIL.  I believe every word in the good book from the front to the back, NO weapon Formed against OP shall prosper greater are you LORD that is us the Believers than he that controls the negative world. I pray this prayer in the name of JESUS CHRSIT OF NAZARETH.  AMEN. 

I've read that when you don't find joy in the the things that have always made you feel happy in the past, you may be suffering from depression. My thought is that what you're going through  may be larger than your hi-fi system concerns.

Never. In fact, almost the other way. I almost NEED to listen to chill out. I’ve never lost an interest to listen to SOMETHING. I definitely fall in and out of styles of music, but never music as a whole. It’s too much a part of who I am.

Professional help, not well meaning (mostly) audiophiles.  You can get way more detailed on your problems one on one with a pro.  Can’t do it on here.

Sorry to hear about your troubles! Others have offered advice on how they deal with things and really, most of it is pretty good. However just b/c you can’t sit and listen as you’d like, doesn’t mean you have to be deprived of the solace that music provides the soul. I listen to music on my iPhone with good quality BT earbuds quite often. Mowing, puttering or just sitting with a good cigar outside.

Pandora, Amazon or my own ripped library via iTunes. It is high-fidelity? Likely not, but until you can spend some time with your primary system, sometimes just having MUSIC playing can be of great help. Or even a good audio book can help take your mind off things.
In any case, hang in there for "this too shall pass".

Happy listening.

"6 Things Men Should Not Eat"

If you listen to this guy, EVERYTHING degrades testosterone.
He also has a creepy vibe to him.

One other thing, living is cancerous to your health.

Most everything in moderation. Why on earth does anyone want to live to be 100 and not enjoy food?