In my former marriage i was introduced to high end audio by my husband.
At the time the endless visits to highend shows , meetings and shops annoyed me. Tech talk and not very female friendly designs came and went in my living room.
And although i couldnt get used to all of the above, one thing i learned , how to listen.
Now years further , in my second marriage quality audio wasnt a very well know topic of my husband working in tech. Mediocre cheaper hifi dominated the house, which looked even worse and sounded even a lot worse.
When we talked about new speakers and bang and olufsen was mentioned i knew i had to educate him , to let him know whats on the market and how things can sound.
The revelation ended in buying avalon speakers and simular quality equipement and cables.
Now its up and running i really enjoy music again!
Who would have thought that!
I have never seen a lot of other women enthousiastic about quality sound and music. Are there any in this group? Do your wifes experience the same as i did?
Congratulations, you are one of a kind. The few women I have seen are good listeners but only one who was really into the seeking out auditioning evaluating part of it. She bought Tekton Moabs after hearing mine. (Her husband came but she did the vast majority of the listening.) Another one I knew confided in me how much she enjoyed my system ("I could listen to this all night!") which was whispered in confidence because the (much more expensive) stuff her husband bought was awful.
I know lots who enjoy good audio, but only one actively involved, and none who had to take over from their husband as you've done. For which, well done!
Well, thanks for your fine X-mas wishes, and yes, there’s the odd female here enjoying good two channel stereo sound, including good LP playback, and not just the more convenient CD stuff. Can be seen on my virtual system.
So from me too, a jolly good and merry Christmas to y’all on this forum. 🎄✨ Michélle 🇿🇦
Well I've had the good fortune of being with the same partner for 46 years this Feb. It was how we met. MUSIC! She lived with her buddies in a condo next to my mothers. I'd visit there would be this great music..
At my mothers urging (she loved to dance) go see whos got the music going.. I did and well MUSIC, dancing and have a good time was the one common thing we shared. As different as night and day, yes we were and still are..
BUT when it comes to music, she loves beautiful things, how it looks, how it sounds. She will get up and move your speakers. I've seen it..
She learned the triangle, she can really position for her listening QUICK.. LOL I got to watch her.. She use to move speakers in "The big stores" Tugging and pushing 350 - 400 lb speakers, poor sales staff having heart failure. I always said, mind your manners, that purse, is full of money and a gun.... She's pretty quick with both.... Of course I was kidding. There was no money.. :-) I carried a check book, just like her.
Music and Dancing, what else is there... My Hat on the floor... I slowly walk around the hat to the beat of the music, my faithful pup follows me... The Missus, keep the beat with her castanets, and the taps on one of her favorite dancing shoes... She is a vision of pure beauty, after close to 7 decades of refinement... She makes my heart beat fast to this day...
I have never seen a lot of other women enthousiastic about quality sound and music. Are there any in this group? Do your wifes experience the same as i did?
My mother in law became something of an ally to my audiophilia some time ago when I was demoing speakrs. She has acute hearing and developed a genuine interest in sound reproduction.,We’ve compared notes on equipment ever since and demo’d together numerous devices through the years! My wife however is only interested in the music even though she discerns sonic differences very easily and quickly. Proof of the pudding -- a silver foil speaker cable I tried out last week where she spontaneously remarked that the sound had improved, without being aware that anything had changed in the system
Jasmine, I suspect many men on this site are a bit jealous right now. I think women are very capable of discerning good sound, perhaps even better than their male counterparts. What I don’t understand is why seemingly fewer woman make it a priority to want to take the time and sit down and do any substantial listening. I can recall only one time where my wife asked to listen to a Hamilton CD--she sat in the sweet spot and loved it. She said it sounded better than the live production she heard in Chicago! But she hasn’t been back since. Just don’t get it.
I suspect many men on this site are a bit jealous right now.
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We are creatures of passion. It is the type of music that makes all of us alike, not that sets us apart...Understand the person is to understand the music that person loves.. Not what you think they should like!!
A true partnership is based on no ones leads, but I will always follow and with great respect. My FIL taught me that... You show your respect by understanding and LISTENING, with your eyes....He use to say... Smartest person I ever knew, and the most loved.. Man could he Cha Cha Cha... A klipsch guy too, loved the horns...Corner horns... and valve amps... We have all his 78 collection... Wonderfully preserved..
@corelli Not wanting to preempt the OP's response to your 'Perplexity' as to why women - in general - do not take the time to sit down to listen to a piece/pieces of music *at home*.
It is a question of - conditioning - VERY POWERFUL CONDITIONING, as a home-maker, just not to sit about in leasure in ones house(hold) while there are *things* to do, we're learned and trained to do.
This internalised training makes one most uncomfortable 'wasting time', as other household related things, ALWAYS will feel like to have a far higher priority.
Being taken out to the opera, theater, or some other out of house venue will break this sort of 'spell' - which often is close to a self admitted kind of OCD behaviour.
Even for a woman, after the end of a relationship, it is quite difficult to readjust and drop these 'old' habits.
It's literally like learning how 'watching paint dry' - and believe me, THAT is seriously difficult, once you were trained, and to some degree supported by instinct (nest making), to change.
I'm speaking from personal experience, Michélle 🇿🇦
So much of high end audio is designed to exploit typically masculine traits. Bigger, better, faster, more. Endless dissatisfaction. Endless fretting over what we might be missing and what some other dude says about our stuff. Sure, women are susceptible to these sorts of things too, but typically not so much when it is technical.
My wife rarely listens to my main system. She does not know how to work it even though it is no more complicated than firing up the space shuttle.
She listens to the Sonos speakers I have placed around the house.
But, I recently inherited a pair of Aerial Acoustics 6T towers and she allowed them in our formal living room. For simplicity and minimal impact on the room decor I have them connected to the new Sonos Amp.
Lately, when I come home from work she is in the living room listening to the 6Ts whereas she rarely used that room before. No matter what anyone might suspect, the 6Ts sound lovely and compelling even with a Sonos Amp. She hears that.
And since there is little to no technical crap to deal with or look at, she is drawn to them and enjoys them.
So of course women can and do appreciate SQ. I think they are just less susceptible to falling for the BS that we men insert between the music and our ears.
When my wife and I were dating, her only source of music at home was her son's boombox. She wanted to play a song for me, and it had these selectable tone settings like "rock", "country", "classical", etc. It frustrated her because none sounded right. She'd push the different buttons and say "this one's too muddy", "this one's too harsh", "this one has no bass". We finally found a setting that was an okay compromise when a sock was stuffed into one of the ports (my high-tech suggestion).
The first time she came over to my place, I had huge SoundLab electrostats in the living room (I'm a dealer). I had warned her that they were bigger than doors and she didn't seem to mind. Since she was a drummer, I put on a drum solo recording and hoped they'd win her over. She loved them, and started playing air drums, explaining to me the nuances she could hear in the drummer's technique.
I'm now a speaker manufcturer, and nothing goes out the door without her approval, as she has much better ears than I.
With my wife and me it all began in 1968. She had a Lear 8 track stereo in her Chevrolet which sounded worlds better than the squawky AM radio in my old beater. That started the two of us on a search for better and better sound which continues to this day, more than half a century later. We have listened to my DIY speakers for decades. When I told my wife I wanted to build a pair of fully horn loaded speakers for our den that would include a pair of 18 cu.ft. folded corner horns plus midrange and tweeter horns out in the room she not only approved but also spent many hours helping me build them. We both love listening to them.
@justmetoo I in no way doubt your experience. I'm sure that what you suggest applies to many. But there are a good number of others where the reason lies somewhere else.
I have Fridays off so my routine is to bike, clean the house from top to bottom, do the yard work. So when my wife comes home on Friday we are set for on open weekend to relax. I will spend a good number of hours listening to music. She will spend her time with reading or some other interest. So it is not that she feels compelled that she has to be doing some ingrained expectation as you have experienced. And, yes, I often play music SHE likes, but to no avail. We have enjoyed many broadway productions live together. But she is a no-show in the audio room.
Now there are obviously many woman that love music. But a smaller percentage seem to be into the experience of listening intently to reproduced music. In the end, I'm sure the reasons are many and varied.
Some people, including women, simply do not care about and are not moved by what we audiophiles call sound quality. Much of my equipment was inherited and spent some time in my wife's sister's basement. Her sister is a trained musician, she sings classical music and has a great voice. She likes a lot of pop music as well. With some of the hoard of decent audio equipment in her basement I built a reasonably good system with Rotel components and B&W speakers. I set it all up and auditioned it for her and offered to install it in her house. She could not have cared less. Not impressed at all. The gear went back in her basement and sits there to this day.
After all these years, LOL you're not pulling our leg are you...
Something is a little strange...
The chicken soup is smelling like chicken skat? Excuse me if I seem a little skeptic...
Who are you Mrs Jasmine? Is all that stuff true? No I'm not trying anything goofy. Just say it's so.. :-) I'll believe ya...
Just so YOU know I never enter a room unless someone else is there with me. Unless it's my partner. I enter first, otherwise a hotel staff member or another gentleman, never alone... It was one of the practices of the 40. Billy Graham was the example...and the author of the practice..
When my wife and I were just roomates partying being our priority I could get her to come sit with me by playing her favorites but we got serious and made a little family and working mom has little free time for herself let alone my hobbies.
The first time my wife walked into my living room it consisted of the stereo, Sony Profeel, sofa, cardboard box coffee table which supported a twelve inch glass ashtray.
A promotions director for the Quake FM she was impressed by the reel to reel and perfectly comfortable. A deadly combination, I didn't stand a chance.
When I came home with our Avalon Eidolons she was totally stoked. When someone new visits and they ask why are those things in the middle of the room? She'll sit them down and ask if they like music as she's queuing up a side.
There are many reasons, but one of the simplest is this. I don't know what you do for a living, but if a woman does exactly the same thing, she is getting paid less. And that few thousand difference? There goes the discretionary spending that could go into a $50K stereo. Plus, personal expenses? Clothes and grooming? I could go to work in a Bean shirt and sandals and no one batted an eye. None of my female colleagues could do that. (I doubt any single woman has a "listening room"; actually, I've never known a single man who has one!) The women I know who manage to get enough money to spend on music (and many of them do), spend it on concert tickets, or say, a piano.
As a kid from the Projects, I wasn't exposed to the finer things in life. Going to an Ivy League college exposed me to things I could not afford, but still lusted for. My parents chastised me for being so gullible. After college, working for the 1% exposed me to even more things I never knew or dreamed of.
I would say your your former husband did much the same for you. Let's just say life has a strange way of guiding us. -And, guiding us to be better than we ever thought we could be, if we give it a chance. I think your current husband should consider himself blessed. Bob
I think women are programmed to multitask — something I, and I suspect most men, struggle with — so it’s probably harder for them to just sit and focus on one thing. This may also explain why they’re such awesome drivers. Heh heh.
Thanks for posting djasmine. Reading your post and most of the responses brought some joy to my life today. Especially oldhvymec, which also brought good tears.
My wife of 22+ years, who has better ears than I, enjoys the hell out of our audio journey, and has contributed greatly to our combined audiophile enjoyment.
My wife has never bought audio equipment. I brought it into our marriage, the 2nd for both of us.
But she had some 1960s LPs! (That sweetened the deal! LOL!)
So after setting up our new home, I had approval to set up the audio equipment. It was when I played her LPs that she became an enthusiastic listener. She had never heard her old records sound like this. Otis Reading, Supremes, Cream, CCR, etc.
Now, when we’re sitting in the LR, and she turns off the TV, gives me “the look”, I know I’m getting “lucky” tonight!!!
Most men don't care about quality audio either, so let's say, most people. They like "music" and so long as it's what they like, they aren't concerned about the sound quality, just the song.
I believe people are generally average in tastes and perception, but much of this is learned behavior by conformity. Everything is "ok" and therefore is sufficient. Some percentage will develop deeper interest in something, food, beer, cars, music, film, books, etc. and become more discriminating in their thing of choice. But societal norms and pressures skew a lot hence cars are a "guy" thing and sewing is a "girl" thing. People end up letting those norms dictate their lives consciously or not, unfortunately. Others follow their hearts regardless, man or woman and pursue happiness.I
Moral of the story, open your mind to everything and enjoy what you like, not what society says or thinks you should.
So we currently have a crew of 4 doing painting in our home. All women including the business owner. My wife found them. Gotta say they are doing an impressive job! Hard workers and very attentive to detail. They work hard, fast and efficiently and their work is immaculate! They listen to a little Bluetooth speaker while working. My upstairs gear is in the room they were working in. No interest or mention of my toys. Why did I bring this up? Mainly to give the crew of lady painters kudos. It’s just not something you come across very often.
Hearing physiology is pretty much unisex so if the SQ is good all sexes should enjoy it equally. Usually wifes are extremely jealous to any activities which requires lots of husbands attention. Wifes wants to be the centers of the universe. Doesn’t matter if it high end audio, hunting, fishing or ball games. Very few are capable to enjoy other things besides relationships.
Such beautiful stories, memories, experiences and points of view.
You gave me tears in my eyes, and a smile on my face with your beautiful messages, thank you for sharing!
Sharing the love for music is about creating memories.
To share this with my husband makes our connection stronger.
And i see simularities with my husbands passion of collecting and driving classic cars.
He loves that i want to go with him to shows and auctions, to drive together on a sunny day, together with the children, or only us 2 when its one of his sports cars.
Those cars, although i dont know anything technical about them bring our family joy through making memories.
And there you have it.
Enjoyjng each others company through audio, classic cars, traveling, dining, great wine, sharing experiences together.
Thats what its all about.
Again, thanking you all for your beautiful stories , wishing you all a lovely festive season.
n80: "She does not know how to work it even though it is no more complicated than firing up the space shuttle."
Now that made me laugh!!!
To the OP and all the lady audiophiles, I think it's awesome and I'm sure most would very much welcome more women into the community. You sound like a great lady....you're welcome in my humble listening room anytime.
For the other evil woman out there.....stop putting Xmas decorations on top of our speakers....LOL.
My wife and I are in a middle income tax bracket. Spending stupid money on my hi fi desires has always been a touchy subject. She likes the sound of quality stuff, just has way too level a head on her shoulders to spend beyond our means. Two years ago I was wanting a new pair of Legacys. The Signature SE’s were on my wish list, but the 6500 a pair was stretching my available funds. I called the dealer, which was in a neighboring state, and ask if his demo room has prices listed on the speakers. He replied yes. I asked if he would remove them for my wife and I’s demo session. He chuckled and said yes. After about a half hour of listening to the Signatures, I ask the dealer about the break in period and what differences to expect between what we were listening to and a well worn set. I mentioned the tweeters and how crisp they were. He said, " Let me fire up the Focus SE’s, as they have the same identical tweeter array and they have been played continuously while in the showroom. I knew the SE’s were over ten thousand dollars and absolutely out of my price range. In 30 seconds of listening, my wife pats me on the arm and says " THOSE...are the ones we want." I said (as I chuckled) " Babe, their a little out of our price range." She surprises the heck out of me and says "Our stock is doing really well right now"..I am just being floored that my wife is trying to talk ME into these speakers. Of course we bought them, and to this day she does not know what they cost.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it make a sound? With you we finally have someone in the forest to answer the question! I wish! My wife can’t tell the difference between music played on her cell phone speakers or“ my” vandersteen’s and this frustrates the hell out of me. Same with tv she does not know the difference between standard and hd and 4k video. I just set up a middle of the road streaming system in my 15 year old daughters room and she said it sounds “different” from what she has been use to and she is listening to more music now. So I do have hope for her but my wife is a lost cause. Great for you to post this and prove that you do exist and there could actually be more of you!
I think most women won't admit they like the sound of good music. I remember add a pair of REL S2 SHO subwoofers to my system and dancing in the living room. She noticed the difference and never complained after that. She like showing off our system to our system to our neighbors when we had them over for cocktails and dinner. The key is to make sure you make thing look right. I can't believe some of the systems I see pictured on Audiogon. They are incredibly ugly. I can't imagine even sitting in those rooms just doing noting but listening but listening to music. I have to be surrounded by a nice comfortable feeling room.
My girlfriend has played saxophone and been a music educator for 30 years. Both of her sons play sax and her oldest is attending a university on a music scholarship. Serious music family.
They have a Bluetooth speaker that weighs less than a coffee cup and changes colors if you so choose. It doesn’t bother me, I enjoy music through whatever...
She enjoys my stereo and is an active part of my joy in the hobby. I just find it curious that her, and some other musicians I’ve known (nobody famous) have had little interest in having an intentional sound system in their home.
In the late 70's I was recruited by another HiFi woman salesperson to join Tech HiFi in the TriState region. Live music was my social life so having a Audiophile system in my living space was a must. I loved working for a great company and helping many people select their audio systems. Through my entire life I was into music and audio. Home theater fix started in 2001 with Pioneer Elite electronics and rear protection system. I am now back to 2 channel analog system with streaming added for music source research. It is true that at most shows, online and clubs women are the minority. Our passion is equal in every way.
n80 and others: ditto. Had an extended discussion with an old friend, symphony player since high school (a prodigy). He says musicians cannot be impressed by anything less than the sound of real music being played in real space. You may have the best Mercury Living Presence ever cut, played on a $250k TT through the most transparent speakers ever made, and the symphony player will go: ho-hum.
To you? Optimal position, front third center, perfect hall: that's what your rig sounds like to you, indistinguishable from Stoki live. Not to the symphonist. Ho-hum. Maybe that's why we are hobbyists and they are professionals. Just like sports. The athletes risk crippling injury to play the real game; we watch on TV. Even watching from the stands isn't the same as being on the field.
Once we recognize that this difference is inherent, embrace it, take it for what it is, we're just fine. Continue as before. That's what I do. Egad, who wants to spend their lives practicing cittern anyhow? Or kicking a soccer ball around? Others do it for our amusement. Not a bad division of labor, I'd say.
millercarbon:"
The few women I have seen are good listeners but only one who was really into the seeking out auditioning evaluating part of it."
Hello millercarbon,
So, you've only seen a few women? You do realize that slightly over half the world's population consists of these lovely creatures, right? Perhaps you should leave your system alone, make yourself presentable, get out of the house and try to meet a few more the next time you're feeling frisky. You'll just need to remember to fake it around them by pretending to be nice, polite and non-flatulent. And you gotta resist using that ether and duck tape in your trunk on the 'wicked ones' so often. And ditch the shovel while you're at it, too.
In my expierience, Iv'e encountered very few women "audiophiles". Now before all you women go beserk, this is just my observation. They don't know how to listen! They would much rather talk.
I know female audiophile exist. Met them years ago at the winter and summer CES shows. 1970's, 80's. And while visiting audio salons on America.
I wanted my girlfriend to respond but she gave me the "don't wanna" look. I know for a fact that she knows what sounds good to her. And can pickup changes and aspects in my system that I overlook. Worst, when she hears something different she goes and looks (inventory?) at my equipment. Could mean I spent money. She is one to go to shows or shops. Which are non existent here in Kona. And expensive to go do. She's much into talking technicals. Sitting, listening, evaluating, tweeking, trying this 'n that... No. Can she hear mid range clarity? Bass extension or definition? Top end extension? Air? Spaciousness? Width, depth, detailed of image? Ambience? Bad recording? YES. She may not know what it's called. But she hears it. Does she complain or comment about them. No. She doesn't really care. Unless I spent a lot of money. . Oooo. A thought just came to mind. Open a high end salon in like Macy's or Nordstrom.
My wife loves music and prefers it reproduced properly. She's a allowed four listening rooms and a recording studio. One is a Michael Greene turnable room. I'm very fortunate for this and other reasons.
One birthday she gave me a higher end Koetsu. Another a cost-no-object DIY air bearing TT. Two years ago, a purpose made listening room. (Our first attempt was only good enough for a HT.)
Amego, do you guys like to DANCE together? It is a bond that cannot be broken.... Even with a walker, yes a WALKER.
When the looks go, the hearing is gone, but the walker works... You got it.. Still feel the beat....
Hats on the floor, I slowly walk around the hat to the beat of the music and my faithful pup is right behind me. The angel that was sent from above, keep beat with her beautiful slender fingers, as we slowly back around the hat...
I wish more women were interested in audio/music and frankly more people. Somehow we have settled into casual listening and younger folks stuck with their earbuds. I don't think people realize the escape and inner balance music makes. I have been blessed with a wife that understands my music habit and purchases and will, on occasion, join me for a listening session. I wish my hearing was as good as hers.
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