A solid slap to the ear holes and yell naughty monkey.

@bwang29 

"Do I tell guests not to physically touch the speakers?"

Frankly, I'm astonished that anyone would behave this way.

Any non audiophile guests we have usually ignore the system altogether -- it's so foreign to them, they tend to completely disregard it.  

Most of my Friends are audiophiles and there is only one I get nervous about using the turntable and that is because he has a familial tremor. My wife is scared to touch it. She operates everything else fine.

@rel Better late than never:-)

@pascon , I like yours better than pidgin Germain, but keep a hefty bat in an obvious corner that's painted to look the part....and recently *used*

....fot The One that thinks it doesn't apply....no...😒

....and I'd like to talk 'bout My Favorite AADS system. ;)

Bird wire, the stuff seen on building edges and sign tops....wonderful deterent.

Portable Defense with dispursion qualities; think a teasing hairbrush writ large in stainles steel fat .needles...

But even my dog and the 2 cats have enough sense drilled into them to "Don't..."

@bigtwin Spot on!

This is one of the best threads in a long while.

I have had many audiophile friends over for a listening session and never had a problem.  When I have my non audiophile friends over, the first thing I tell them is not to touch anything because the equipment is very delicate.   If they do, they will be out the door.  So far, so good.  

“Come out” as an audiophile! That cracked me up.

Just print out a little sign. 
Welcome! Happy to have you in our home, and pleased to share the exceptional sound of our audio system with you. We have a Zero Tolerance Policy on touching any part of the system, including and especially the speakers. Please refrain from coming in physical contact as you listen. If you should forget, the following response scale will apply: 

First Offense- I break your left knee cap.

Second Offense- I break your right knee cap.

Third Offense- You will never be invited back again.

We thank you for your cooperation.

@gjohns

There are two types of people in the world. Us and Them 😌

Agreed, though sadly compared to them we're the tiny minority.

My Tannoy Berkeley’s have solid wooden grilles with just a cutout for the 15 inch drive units.

Behind their beige fabric no one has yet realised that the grilles can be removed.

Nothing good could happen if they did.

As for this worrying tend to see some loudspeakers being sold without grilles, no, no, no!

My speakers are about the only thing exposed most everything else enclosed (sans pre on top and TT).  GFs tribe here for xmas and was nervous ++.   I moved them back closer to the wall and I think my GF warned her outfit of my sensitivity.  Everyone stayed clear of the rig as well as the large rambunctious critters. One of the reasons I no longer have pets as I got tired of critter control in general. 

Couple years ago one of my friends came over and he leaned on one of my speakers and I quickly diverted him by moving to another room.   If somebody starts scrutinizing my speakers I move in close to head off problems. 

Guy down the street had 4 B&W 603s.  Between the grandkid's neurotic full size poodle and an over zealous cleaning lady the speaker looked tattered after a few years. Broken grills, dented tweeters.   I even notice one looked like it was sitting at an angle so I looked at the feet.  One of the front feet was almost pulled completely out of the base.  Best I could figure was cleaning lady was leaning the speaker over and jamming the sweeper underneath as I knew for a fact his wife insisted she sweep under anything that could be moved.    

@mijostyn 

I fear you’re just a little late to the party…

Get Electrostatic speakers and tell them they operate on 6000 volts and if they touch them they could wind up on the moon. 

Put up a sign that says this;

                                                         Achtung!

      Das machine ist nicht fur gerfingerpoken und mittengraben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gerwerken by Dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepin hands in das pockets, relaxien und watch das blinkinlights.

Some people want to touch everything, like two year olds who never grew up.

Wonder why they don't want to touch red-hot exposed tubes?   Post sign saying anyone who touches the speakers must touch the tubes.

In college my only source was a turntable, so I'd just pull the headshell when the party was over. Later I got a second headshell and a low end Audio Technica, but removed all my MFSL and other references. Today, I have a VPI with a JMW Memorial unipivot arm. It's a pretty intimidating device and most guests are happy to stream or listen to a CD. Grille cloths stay on.

You need a dedicated listening room for guests like that. Must contain:

A pool table

A pair of Bose 901s hung by chains from the ceiling and run with a 6’ high rack full of cassette decks, equalizers, tuners, amplifiers with lots of pretty lights.  Buy them for next-to-nothing at yard sales, Goodwill, etc.

A beer fridge full of Coors Light

Big bags of Cheezies

A big TV, hung way up high (out of the way of the beer, slobber and orange fingers)

A kiddie area with lots of toys and cell phones to play with

...put them all in there and lock the door and let them out when it’s time for them to go! They might not even want to leave!

My grandfather was probably the first audiophile in our family - although he was not easily recognized as one.  He had an all in one stereo in his basement.  Nothing fancy.  But when I would join him in front of it -  it felt like it was a shrine to him.  

Some people would just wander over and fiddle with it.  He finally put up a sign on it, which I still have as a hand me down from him.  It simply says, "Please do not touch.  Thank you."  Some people in the family thought he was a bit odd for doing so, but I always felt he was in the right and I now feel that way about my gear.

I just hide all the power cords.  

Find better entertainment for your guests: Have a cocaine.

When I saw the headline on the subject I thought this thread would ask about the wives and kids that that blow drivers and fuses while using the equipment. And I know most of you will not allow that but I have been caught unawares. And I won't even think about what small children used to do to vinyl.(!). As to your problem; keep the boxes to ship back for repairs and eat cost and smile cause we have friends.

I am surprised - I have never had to say don’t touch. 
 

I invite folks over and perhaps it’s the area rug creating an a border but folks comment but don’t touch and are surprised at the clarity and detail of music when they sit in the sweet spot. 

I was raised that you don’t touch other people’s belongings and to respect other people’s stuff. I guess that must have been lost through the years.If you have questions, ask. If you want to touch, ask. How friggin hard is that?

There are two types of people in the world. Us and Them 😌 

My stereo is not going to keep me from being around the people I care about and care about me. It’s not that important. 

IMO whether you’re an audiophile or a plumber doesn’t matter, people shouldn’t drop in and jam their hands on anything without asking ! Find new friends or train the old ones at the door !

Cheers

My speakers have no grills.  I went to a fabric store and bought yards of a dense grey fabric.    I attached Velcro tabs on back side of speakers.    When speakers are not in use the speakers are draped with covers/fabric.   Also helps protect from UV too.   Honestly does not look the best but it works to keep hands off.  

Real audiophiles dont have friends.

It's been 30 years since Groundhog Day was released and nothing's changed.

People are still morons.

It's America.  Use your 2nd Amendment rights.  Of course, you need a musket, but that shouldn't be a problem, right?

I would preface their entry into an audio room with "This stuff is fairly fragile like in a china shop, so please don't touch it.  You wouldn't want to have to pay for repair or replacement."

I got a chuckle out of this:

Aaron McDade

• A balloon dog sculpture from artist Jeff Koons was accidentally broken at an art festival in Miami.

• A woman attending the event allegedly tapped the sculpture, and it fell off its stand.

• The incident will be forgiven as the work was insured, an art advisor told the Miami Herald.

Upon further reflection, I believe the sign was on a cloud chamber, and actually read:

Achtung!

Das bubblepikturtaken machine is nicht fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben.  

@hypoman 

Saw that exact sign on some very impressive equipment on a field trip to Brookhaven National Lab when I was in high school!

I keep a Winchester model '97 trench broom,with a "Don't F with the system" sign, leaning against the rack. It seems to get the point through. 

Just be polite and ask them not to touch anything, everybody behaves like little children when things are unfamiliar to them. The ones who visited you before can respect that easily. But when there is a lot of people in the room, turntable without the lid on and speakers without grilles are a good bate for satisfying their curiosity.

Fortunately, the only house guests I have over (or want) know me well & that I'm serious about my sound sound & at least know its very expensive & not be be touched. 

I think I would be like an alert jaguar ready to pounce w/ folks I didn't know anywhere near my equipment & it would be no fun for anyone anyway. 

My Dad taught us 3 boys back in the 60's that his nice system he mostly built was off limits &  we go it! Big Bozaks from kits, Dyanco pre & power amp & a Fairchild turntable (he worked for them) w/ a a 15" platter a Pritchard wooden arm! Then later, an automatic Elac Miracord 770 H w/ a Shure V - 15 type II which we were allowed to use w/ his supervision only. 

Slow torture followed by decapitation. 

Wife's Aunt sat on my subwoofer for the theater system. Very few get invited to the reference room.....they don't get what we get...they start talking while you are pulling out some strange detail and they just smile like what?  Now if any of you are near Chicago suburbs let me know...Audiophiles welcome.

I just don't have house guests, this works great not just for protecting the system.

Actually, the knuckle rap test has been done by more than a few speaker reviewers over the years. I ONCE suggested to an audiophile friend to do the rap test on a set of Pioneer speakers I had at the time. He commented that I had down graded to Pioneer. I pointed out that the particular speaker was trickle down technology from the top of the line TAD speaker. I do agree that people should keep their hands to themselves. When I was a kid in the 60's, we dare not go into someone's house and touch a thing! Even at the ripe old age of 21 I never touched my Grandparents TV or went into the refrigerator. I asked permission! People are clueless today.

We recently moved out of state, and I don’t have friends, but my kids have friends. Teenagers don’t like to sit down and listen to music. They are always on the move and my listening room is down a long isolated hallway where nobody goes.

Nobody that visits my place would consider touching my equipment.  If someone did come over that I didn't trust, I'd gve them a prejob briefing that nothing should be touched.  

Hey l touch my own drivers in my speakers I lightly touch them occasionally to make sure everything is working Sure enough one night I just wasn't hearing the magic and  l thought I was having an off night for listening to my stereo rig  I walked by my tower speaker that has built in powered woofers and it wasn't working! Anyway friends and family that come over and have no idea and are amazing at all the audio gear that is in my credenza  I have my tube amp with its KT 88's exposed in all their glory on the top of my credenza They all look totally confused when looking at my tube amp and ask what is that!!?? I must say though no one have touched or messed with any of my stereo rig so far

Choose the people you bring to your home, they are some who are not discipline enough to respect your place.So don’t invite those, unless your have a lock music room. 

I'd push her tweeters in  ...  see how she likes them apples

@hypoman 

Ilaupht sohard ipoopt en mypantzen

My puppy pissed on my speakers a couple times. With grilles on so no damage. Just very annoying. 

An old friend of mine had a little sign on his beautiful Marantz tube system that said:

Achtung!

Das machine is nicht fur gerfingerpoken und mittengrabben.  
Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken.  
Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.
Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets,
Relaxen und watch das blinkenlights...

 Get a nice pellet pistol and/or smarter friends. 

 Seriously, Ive had people set a drink on top of a speaker, a woman plop her handbag on my TT dustcover, and the fore mentioned curious finger poker. Assume people are dangerous and clueless, you'll rarely be disappointed ....

A drunken woman thought it was amusing to see what happened when she pushed  my tweeters in

I understand perfectly your feeling the other night I had a dinner at home and my friends wanted to know my music room. It didn't happen with the speakers but with the turntable. He just saw the turntable and started using it like a disc jockey spinning the turntable trying to be funny. I wanted to strangle him. Conclusion, the music room was limited to two couples, prior induction of how delicate the equipment is and with the friendly warning not to touch anything at all.