Definitely lonely to be an audiophile

My enjoyment of great home audio and efforts make my system sound great have never been appreciated by others not particularly into this stuff. That's just how it is, and I don't mind it at this point. You can never get guests to "shut up and listen" as they're generally not there to do that...plus, there's one "sweet spot" made just for me...I put on low level instrumental jazz all night when people are over (or at least back in the day when people were over), and maybe later when people loosen up I'll play something groovy and louder if it fits. If somebody asks me about the system they're in trouble as after a few drinks I can get carried away blathering about the wonderfulness of my cables and phono cartridge ("here...feel this tube!"), and have to just stop...meh...if your insecurities demand appreciation of how smart and cool you are by often noting your expensive hobbies and claimed superior taste (like the self promoting bloviating creeps who often dominate this forum), well...you're simply an insecure bonehead. Like me.

I live alone, but feel less alone when listening to a well set up system. It took me a while, but I've educated my 75 year old ears to distinguish between good and bad recordings and other factors that bring out the best sound my system can produce. Quality cables, room acoustics and other tweaks are as important as the components  you choose. 

It is hard to share this hobby with people who think the work and expense you put into the pursuit of excellent sound is foolish, but I do enjoy sharing it with some fellow audiophiles that I know. Mostly though it is a solitary but highly enjoyable time lost in the appreciation of what I am listening to and my introspection.

     Buy your wife a used receiver and speakers or something.  If you can't put something together that is acceptable for television watching with your wife, you should be ashamed.   A shrink might be able to cure you of your OCD enough to allow you to succumb to your psychosis of not being able to accept that there is another problem driving it.  You don't have to continually look for faults in a system, especially to the point that it curtails sharing an experience with a loved one. 
     My Television plays into a Rotel pre-amp tuner I bought of Craigslist for $30, including shipping, using an old Bryston amp.   At first, the pre-amp sounded to terrible that I was going to trash it,  but I needed the remote and tone controls.  It plays through my 41 year old, stand mount B&W two and a half ways, and has burned in very nicely, i.e. My ears and brain have adapted to hear its good qualities over the bad.  My bedroom TV has smaller stand mount B&W's powered by an entry level Audire Legato pushing an Adcom 60 wpc amp ($50, Craigslist), which  was also very disappointing, at first.  I can always go the the good system to really enjoy music, but I am not psychotic about being the necessity of being a tweaky nut case who is so terribly insecure that he cannot fathom listening anything that is less than perfect.Give this to your wife, along with a used receiver, etc, and speakers. 

“The neighbors have a crappy TV streaming the concert, really bad quality,”

One does not know what one does not know. For example, If an individual has only driven a Yugo, would they understand a Tesla?

"I want to be alone."  Greta Garbo. 

It used to frustrate me not being able to share my passion of audio with my family. Lonely indeed. However, my dad liked Atlantic City a lot and went there weekly. (He passed in 2015). He blew enough money to get good comps like free concert tickets. I was surprised when he started attending the shows. He took in a Moody Blues show. He talked for weeks about how much he enjoyed it! A cool moment for me for him to share that. Joe

@ghdprentice

Your career interests me because our arenas seem to have some commonality.  If you'd like to share details, please send me a private message.  If not, I understand perfectly.  I've only exchanged private messages with one member so far!

I love traveling. The moment I am at the airport I am off the grid. Although someone could call me they don’t. Then in Japan or China, wherever I am, the moment I have a minute I slip off into anonymity and explore the quiet back streets and parks. Which always to my surprise and delight are completely empty of people. I love snaking my way through interconnected parks and gardens of small towns in China (you know, 18 - 30 million people) and soaking in the culture (through what they have built / native habitat. As a teenager I loved getting lost in the quiet empty urban night in Chicago... and later backpacking alone on the Pacific Crest trail for a couple weeks. I always kind of wanted to sail across the Pacific alone. What does lonely mean?

I never thought of the dog aspect. I have a love seat as listening chair with the left seat in the sweet spot for me and the right for one of my dogs. She likes classical and jazz mostly... but will get up, and go to the corner if I put on something loud and screechy. She really enjoys some music, keeping her head up and listening to sounds coming from different locations.

OP,

Perhaps, just perhaps your four legged friend likes you just fine, and maybe, just maybe, she thinks your system sounds like, well, dog poop :)

Hi Frank, thanks.
Charles 

Well, it WAS a lonely hobby until I discovered my local audio club.  Then for 12 years, I was able to meet with a friendly bunch of audiophiles, anywhere from a dozen to 50, once a month, plus occasional mini meetings of a half dozen or so.  Great fun, as we listened to all sorts of music and gear at people's homes and audio stores.  Of course, the lockdown ended all that a year ago.  It seems even with most members being scared to death of the Wuhan virus, even post-vaccination, the future of face-to-face meetings is in doubt. So, once again, it's a lonely hobby, even though there are Zoom meetings and the occasional email or phone conversation with other members.  Zoom for an audio club meeting?  Really?  😞

@wolf_garcia  you must be a member of the PC culture.. I in effect identified myself as on the spectrum. Lighten up.

charles1dad >>>

Nice to see you posting here. You always bring good "vibes" to the discussion. :-)

Frank

@slofut,
Understood, I realize that we just interpret Luis' comments differently. Happens often with reading text.
Charles

And I do agree that when listening to music on my system I do prefer to be alone, most people want to talk over the music and don't get it. Although 1hr is about my limit for critical listening then ADD barges in... 

Charles, I really don’t mean to insult or offend, and it’s not hard to get the wrong impression thru an internet post and I may have. But it sounded like to me that the op said that his wife and his neighbor (not together) were going to watch a concert and it sounded like either would have liked to have him enjoy it with them, but he couldn’t because he couldn’t bear that it didn’t sound as good as his stereo, so he sat in his room and listened alone to cd’s on his fine stereo. He was implying a level of guilt over it. If that’s the case I’m sorry but that could be a bit arrogant. Not that he realizes that or intends it. Am I wrong? Or maybe I’m seeing this all wrong? Need a facepalm emoji.

Hi @slofut,
Arrogance and insecurity issues?
I guess we infer differently the posts/comments  on this thread. Who's displaying arrogant behavior?
On the contrary I find  the commentary  quite refreshing, fun and insightful. 

Music lovers freely acknowledging the desire to listen to music is often a solo activity, this is true. Fact is  many people aren't interested in sitting for a few hours to enjoy music in their homes. Perhaps I'm missing something but that's the reality. 
Charles 

Sorry but there's some arrogance/insecurity issues there too... 

strikes me this thread is as much about loneliness as it is about being an audiophile

loneliness is an important topic... everyone should think through what makes them happy and what is rich and what may be missing from their lives -- if one feels lonely, it can be addressed in numerous ways

being an audiophile does commit one to spending a decent amount of time in this usually solitary pursuit (as others have mentioned) - like much in a  building good, happy life, finding the right balance is key, as is the right frame of mind to address challenges life brings...

not many audiophiles around me that I know of. Most non-phile guests I invite over can't shut up and listen

@luisma31 

Consider membership here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5ulCPZCRVg&list=OLAK5uy_nY1AU_xVKlisVAhPrO-Sr6P7P8xru1yIo

<
I like social interactions, it is who I am, but definitely being an audiophile makes you an outcast. Just another dilemma, acceptance is bliss 
>
Luis, I fear your acceptance is misguided. Your wife and friends are watching a live concert and you can't watch it with them because you're over critical of the sound? You could find your friend watching the next one with your wife... Get over it dude, solo time with your stereo is fine but be real. JMHO not judging but observing, I am as guilty as you about some other passions and it has cost me a high price. 

@luisma31

Impressive, I'm just curious how many do you have?

I have three. Frank pram stereo 30 (modified), Lafayette LA224B (modified), Yaqin MC-5881A (modified). Three sets of home built speakers. Also a Bush VHF 41 radio and a NordMende Parsifal 6/675 radio. Oh yes and a JVC soundbar for the TV, not exactly Hi-Fi but better than the TV speakers :^)

  Great replys to a great thread.  Listing session starts abour 7pm for me and ends about 10 or when I fall a sleep. About 1 hr in ,Louie the dog whines at the door. Won't  stop till I  let him in. He  goes to sleep fast. Not a music critic. The best audiophile friend I could have. But most of all as I listen to the misic and fiddle with the equpiment  I am thankfull for all the geniuses that made this happen for me. Thank you all. 

Lots of truth in these posts.   I have been “searching for musical truth” only the last three years when I finally made some time and decided what the heck, “you can’t take it with you” so you might as well spend some of it..  Being absorbed in the music, usually alone, is second only to long walks in the woods or along a beach, two places where one can listen to the sounds of nature, to clear the mind and recharge the batteries ...

Yup, alone time is best!

@charles1dad

"Nice thread!
Many interesting responses and perspectives.
+1 ghdprentice and tomic601 in particular.
I can attend a jazz club and sit through 2 or 3 sets or listen at home for hours"

Thanks Charles and thanks for posting, ah the jazz club, big band performances, any of these venues ... looking forward to get back to that.

@perkri

Mostly, its my cat and myself

Man what is it with animals and music, my dog is the only one that doesn't like it? I think I am coming to the conclusion I'm the one she doesn't like

@aewarren

I was going to reply to the OP but since I'm an audiophile, I think I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

Got it ;-)

@lp2cd

Read this story on WaPo and consider...

I don't read WaPo usually but not bad of an article. Especially these quotes below, to which I can relate sometimes but it is definitely not who I am.

The truth, says Sólo, is that introverts can be very engaging, but it’s draining. “If I’m going to go to a social event where I actually want to be, I’m loud, I’m making jokes, I’m telling stories. But it really does feel like you have a battery running down pretty quickly.”

Introverts missed seeing their close friends but savored the ability to go for hours or even days without speaking to another person.

@keegiam

Hopefully you will find a few friends that get into it.

Have some close but really the pandemic has placed a wide range halt to anything social, here in South Florida (party town) cases were out of control and some people decided to just sever all social interactions, for example I called my friends and they were "I would love to go to your house but I don't think my wife is onboard as she is concerned of getting sick" or "Yeah sure but if I get sick I will pass it to my kids and that wouldn't be fair"
I mean I can't argue with that logic and I totally understand, I don't consider myself a reckless person either, to be honest my wife also was freaking out of social interactions in general.

@jjss49

"nowadays, i have a much slower work pace, more time with golf (group/social/sometimes alone), cars/track driving/instruction (mostly social), socializing with friends (over meals, concerts, etc etc) -- all of this balanced by solo time (sometimes with s.o.) immersed in music and hifi matters -- not to mention minimizing watching the cable news b-s"

Thanks for posting, from your comments you have a truly balanced act, live concerts? so far I have only heard of virtual ones.

@asvjerry

A subject that hasn't broke into friction and fuss.....;)

To be honest I just posted without structuring the writing too much and just what I had in mind at the moment so it wasn't a well thought post but I knew most of us here could relate.

Sit, staring at the wall, and listening to the ghosts playing in front of it...

Nice line

@audiodwebe

Audiophiles setting up their listening room so others can enjoy the music

Not what I said.

@wolf_garcia

Stating that audio geeks are on the autistic spectrum is insulting to those who know people with autism unless the statement is broadening the "spectrum"

The statement was made like you said broadening the "spectrum" not literally, you are correct it could be insulting to some, not my intent to make it such, my apologies if it was insulting to you or others

@chris_w_uk

In fact she has two amps and speakers of her own

Impressive, I'm just curious how many do you have?

I value my alone time too, but I'm lucky that my partner Valerie is interested in my fiddling endeavours to improve the sound, and has input with suggestions. She also likes sitting quietly next to me to listen, as we share a liking for a lot of the same music. One thing I will say, in my alone time, I tend to have the volume higher than when we are both listening. I'm not sure if that's because Valerie likes it quieter or because she is thinking of the neighbours, I should ask :^)  Also we have totally separate finances so she doesn't grumble about the cost, she buys what she wants and I buy what I want.  In fact she has two amps and speakers of her own, even if they are Chinese :^(  We have managed 20 years like that, and still happy.

Stating that audio geeks are on the autistic spectrum is insulting to those who know people with autism unless the statement is broadening the "spectrum" to make a lame point. It's sadly ignorant, and simply wrong.

Audiophiles setting up their listening room so others can enjoy the music, as well.  What's that about!?!

Wow, I've been around to see 'It'.
!
A subject that hasn't broke into friction and fuss.....;)

Yep, pretty much solo but nice when one has company.  The majority around here can't be called 'audio addicted', so they merely pass through.

Most is played at desk, when the activity allows for it.  The 'main playground' can be work as well and is used for such on occasion.

*G*.....and bigger is better to some degrees.

Not retired, nor interested, really.  I'm a partner with spouse so it's really not an option.  I'm looking forward to 'backing off' on certain aspects of that...however....
....but Full Stop would make me crazy....er....*L*

There are the times I will sit still, with whatever at hand in hand.

Sit, staring at the wall, and listening to the ghosts playing in front of it... 

Not perfect, perhaps.  Your results vary, too. ;)

Cheerios, J

+1  nice thread here - something on topic, relevant and thought provoking...

another vote here for my valuing personal/alone time greatly, and music/hifi is a big part of that solace and respite - sometimes too engaged in other activities, i miss it...

in business and other career/philanthropic endeavors there is a certain (fairly high) level of socialization and interaction that is required... some of it is fun, much of it is just ’work’ - trying to resolve conflicts, apply pressure to get results, problem-solve, offer support/reassurance -- necessarily doing a lot of that, and the noise level rises, clarity centering and serenity are lost

nowadays, i have a much slower work pace, more time with golf (group/social/sometimes alone), cars/track driving/instruction (mostly social), socializing with friends (over meals, concerts, etc etc) -- all of this balanced by solo time (sometimes with s.o.) immersed in music and hifi matters -- not to mention minimizing watching the cable news b-s

**** It is more of a question to myself if I am ok just listening alone or instead I should "try" to be more social and forget about the obsession ****

Anyone can be both social (i.e., have many friends and pursuits apart from enjoying music playback) and a devoted audiophile/"music lover" when alone.  Just keep your non-audiophile connections going.

As many have posted, we mostly do this high end thing solo.  All is well.  Hopefully you will find a few friends that get into it.  If not, see above.

Read this story on WaPo and consider...
Meet the introverts who are dreading a return to normal
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/introverts-are-dreading-a-return-to-the-noise-crowds-and-small-talk-of-normal-life/2021/04/09/386006b0-987b-11eb-b28d-bfa7bb5cb2a5_story.html 

“I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

~ Henry David Thoreau, Walden

I was going to reply to the OP but since I'm an audiophile, I think I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

Nice thread! Shared thoughts. Can relate to @ghd

Solitary pursuit for sure.

There are a couple of people I can sit and listen to music with, usually followed up with conversation about what was just listened to.

There are others I can share my gear head nerd side with, which is followed up with conversation about what was just listened to.

Mostly, its my cat and myself - and the radio of course. Which currently has Tom Waits playing, so now I have to go find a record and continue that musical thought...

Hi Luis,
Nice thread! 
Many interesting responses and perspectives.
+1 ghdprentice and tomic601 in particular. 
I can attend a jazz club and sit through 2 or 3 sets or listen at home for hours. Very few in my social circle would enjoy this activity.  Understood and no problem. I just love music and the gifted musicians who make it possible. I feel that I'm the fortunate one.
Charles 

@afisher

"the vast majority of us audiophiles are on the autistic spectrum. Many of us are capable of limited social interaction and excellent at being flatscreen warriors when the situation calls for it"

I was thinking the exact same thing, in my specific case I am very social (on the outside), on the inside I might be borderline autistic, hard to explain and contradictory I know.

@audioman58

"Maybe you should setup I surround sound setup for your tv
then you can educate the tin 👂 how much better their audio can be."

Noted, that is actually not a bad idea, have the neighbors come over and test them for their inner audiophile.

@keegiam

"I don't mean to pontificate, but if you're feeling lonely and that obsession with music playback is part of the cause, look inward and ask yourself if you're happy with it. Some are. If you're not, you might want to seek more balance."

Thanks for the advice, I think I am happy with it, it is not exactly I am feeling lonely (I know I posted it does make me lonely but not exactly what I meant to say last night), I am feeling fine but good quality music it is something that meant to be shared. It is more of a question to myself if I am ok just listening alone or instead I should "try" to be more social and forget about the obsession, so your comment is right, something to ask myself. I posted because I thought that most of you would relate to the feeling.

@hobo1452

"If you are pursuing audio nirvana with the goal of pleasing others, you are not an audiophile, you are a wanna be orchestra conductor"

LOL, not my case, I enjoy my system without needing to share or please anyone else. thanks for posting

This whole line of reasoning is beyond my comprehension. I love and listen to the music that appeals to me. ME. I never even remotely considered it a "group" hobby, like a book club. Every single system I have built over many years was for my personal enjoyment. I could care less what anyone else thinks of my system because I built it to make ME happy. If you are pursuing audio nirvana with the goal of pleasing others, you are not an audiophile, you are a wanna be orchestra conductor. I mean, think about it. Why do you think headphones are only made to fit one head at a time?

I'm not sure the "vast majority" of audiophiles are lonely.  Who can be sure?  There's no research, so everything is anecdotal.  Some are, some aren't.

I've been an "audiophile" for over 45 years and never felt isolated to the point of loneliness; my social life is fine.  I can count on one hand the number of friends I've had who enjoyed listening intently, without conversation.  Most serious listening is solo.  Works for me.

I don't mean to pontificate, but if you're feeling lonely and that obsession with music playback is part of the cause, look inward and ask yourself if you're happy with it.  Some are.  If you're not, you might want to seek more balance.

Maybe you should setup I surround sound setup for your tv 
then you can educate the tin 👂 how much better their audio can be.

Whether we wish to address it or not, the vast majority of us audiophiles are on the autistic spectrum. Many of us are capable of limited social interaction and excellent at being flatscreen warriors when the situation calls for it. Be proud of your place on the spectrum brothers!

Hi Erik, you have very good posts and I respect your stance on many topics, but IMO although right the emotion is conveyed by the musicians if you don't have the Hz that emotion gets diluted and it is less impactful. Now if we are considering reasonable lost of Hz like listening to harbeths or revels or soundlabs vs Polk bookshelves yes you can still enjoy the Polk bookshelves and like you said the minimal lost in hz won't matter.
But if you are comparing the above with a Vizio 32 inch TV sound yeah I rather listen to my system

The emotion in music is not from the Hertz but from the musicians.  If you can learn to connect with that no matter what the system is you'll live a longer happier life. :)

Thank you all for your postings

@ghdprentice

Audiophilia tends to be a solo activity. Personally, I value my alone time more than anything

I agree and I value my alone time too, it is mostly a solo activity. My wife she is a pianist, she loves music, she loves to sing, but she got to the point she tells me "are we listening to music AGAIN?, I'm going upstairs to watch some TV" yeah I guess I'm intense with that, or sometimes she doesn't like the program of whatever I'm listening to.

@oldhvymec

I have something to talk about.. Usually with the dog though

Does the dog has a fluent dialog? Kidding aside I know what you mean, I talk to my dog too, she doesn't talk back but he eyes and body language says everything.

@tomic601

OP I do hope you find people to share music with, but also enjoy the deep connection only solitude and introspection can bring

I agree, thank you for the kind words, as a matter of fact last night my post was due to the fact I enjoyed listening alone, it is just that "sometimes" you think about it and you realized you are alone most of the time, not that is bad, but social interactions are important.

OP.....what a wonderful thread you may have launched...I am streaming an artist I have never heard..in a language i can at best stumble thru at a first grade level...beautifulll.....
Ricardo Arjona featuring Gaby Moreno...

Ha, I'm glad you like him, his songs are basically about life, women mostly, but always realistic things that you can relate to, the one with Gaby Moreno "Fuiste tu" is one of my favorites, it is just a song about lost love, when I met my wife we just to sing the song in duo, she taught me how to breathe through singing, how to go lower or higher registers, (don't know the term in english "impostar la voz") is like "setting your voice to mimic whichever singer registers you are doing", I'm not a very good singer though LOL. Granted you can't compare a popular music / ballads singer to something like Rimsky Korsakov, or John Coltrane, or even bands from the past like Glenn Miller's or even Rock and Roll bands like Zepp and others, still you can enjoy it. Fun fact, I learned the English language through rock, I had a notebook and manually copied the lyrics from albums into my notebook (I did not owned the albums) or had my English teacher to translate and write the lyrics for me, she made it an entire class exercise, it was fun. First lyrics I wrote were Journey's Frontiers and Escape, then Styx's Crystal Ball... fun times.

@toro3

Bringing it back down to earth. I’m sure it’s a universal principle that adding a dog to the equation will help future listening sessions veer away from feeling lonely - it obviously has with me

You know what I have been afraid the sound of my system could damage my dog hearing, maybe a silly thought, she does not like thundering or fireworks so I figure if I'm listening to high levels she could not stand the sound.

I would argue that outcast and solitude within a framework of audiophilia are the same reflection

good one, I think the word "social outcast" was a little extreme, but I tend to separate myself from people when listening, if I would have a friend over possibly he would not like the music I chose, 2 days ago I listened to Pictures at an Exhibition, I always struggled with the first part of the album, I imagine many others will do the same, so another reason why most of the time we listened alone or in solitude.

@oldhvymec

My mighty K-9 companion is always just an arms length away. Heaven will be full of dogs...All my old buddies will be there, or it just won't be HEAVEN.. Plane and simple..

Apparently I'm overthinking it, but my dog doesn't stick for the audio sessions.

I do not agree, too many here who live in the wrong neighborhood.
I do not agree too many of us are growing older.
I do agree this hobby needs to isolate the voices of the world (but all hobbies do).
But when socializing it is nice to be asked questions about it.

G

My mighty K-9 companion is always just an arms length away. Heaven will be full of dogs...All my old buddies will be there, or it just won't be HEAVEN.. Plane and simple..

Love to Pooch Smooch... Good girl...

Regards