You know you're an audiophile if--

You just got a pair of speakers you can barely move yourself (inverse proportionality with age probably too)

The first house you bought cost less than your current stereo investment (ditto)

You have boxes of cables with which you don't know what to do
you believe that accuracy is the pinnacle of sonic excellence and enjoy suffering the sound of a pooor quality recording because you believe it is indicative of a high quality audio system.

if you admit to being an audiophile you need therapy--audiophilia pathologica.
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You audition an amplifier that your really love and it sounds better than all the others but you decide against it because it is not expensive enough. You end up buying the next best sounding one that costs a lot more. have a pair of interconnects or phono cartridge that cost more than your car.
.... To truly be an absolute undeniable audiophile......... YOU MUST MAINTAIN ABSOLUTE DENIAL OF ANY SUCH CONDITION! Just say the word Audiophile out loud , it is monotone and lacking emotion and sounds like phonic enunciation ..Now say Denial( too yourself), it has lower octave attack and swings too airy highs that cascade down to warm musical midrange with soft natural decay.....No , their is no such thing as an audiophile. Cheers
Your partner says they are feeling 'horny', and you immediately look to see if they are touching your beloved speakers.
You find yourself at a dinner party explaining why some people prefer the sound of records to CDs.
Hearing from your ex-girlfriend, "there is too much stereo stuff in this room--I really like those little Bose speakers" was a tipping point in your last relationship


Telling the current girlfriend "you can dance in between the speakers all you want, but please put down the beer cuz you are waving all over the amps", which she turned into a tipping point

Life is complicated sometimes.
when you are several steps into 'quitting the spending'

and that making a new power cord or new tubes for a few hundred is not really a purchase worth worrying about
Even though it was an upgrade, you kinda wince when you see something you used to own for sale here by somebody else. But then you are happy someone else is enjoying the gear you broke in.
Your guest room closet is a holding place for what you call the "emergency back up stereo" cuz you are too lazy to put all the stuff you've replaced up for sale.
....... it's Friday night and you're adding to or reading a "you know you're an audiophile if...." on Audiogon.
You're on a first name basis with the UPS deliveryman.

You have a secret bank account that your significant other doesn't know about.
you spend hundreds of dollars on audio stuff as easily as you spend $10 on other things.
You sold a perfectly wonderful home to buy another just to get a dedicated listening room...
Despite hours upon hours of moving your speakers to get them just right, you'r tempted to try to get them even more "right".
When you have 2 sets of amps. One for winter time listening (tubes). One for Summertime (solid state).

When you think $1k - $2k is a pretty reasonable price for used 1M cables that have gotten good press.

When you have multiple copies of the same album/CD for any variety of reasons.

When you have so many albums, that you have bought albums at the store that you already have because you forgot you had it.

When your primary guidelines for buying a house is how good the listening room is.

When you cannot possibly calculate how much you have spent on audio in your lifetime. You also have forgotten how many amps, pre-amps, digital, and cables you have owned in your lifetime. The all sort of blur after a bit. You can remember most of them... But it would take more effort than you can justify to list them all out.

When you have spent over $100 on a single piece of vinyl.

When you decide to lie to your significant other about the price of everything you buy for your system. You divide the number by at least 2 to 3.

You have paid over $30 (each) for aftermarket fuses for audio gear.

You have more equity in your audio system than anything else you own (including your house).

At you thought AA was Audiophile's Anonymous, and you considered going for a split second. Then you come to your senses and realize you probably would not fit in there.

My present house cost less than my main system. And then there is the bedroom system, and closets full of gear, wires, parts, etc. And then, oh yeah, add my two cars to the cost of the house, main system still rules. I guess I could go on and on.....
Mitch has it right, what the hell am I doing here on a Friday night.

You have to upgrade every last part in your equipment, stock is no good. And then that isn't even enough, you have to upgrade the upgraded part.
You name your two sons Martin and Logan and your two daugthers Sophia and Svetlana.
You think buying an ARC Ref-3 in Audiogon for $5500 is a bargain but your son's laptop for $400 is too damn expensive. can't figure out which amp to buy for your power cord

...your cables have arrows on them think that tube gear is the latest technology can't listen to live music without thinking that the soundstage isn't focused put CD's in the freezer think that the Clever Little Clock is ridiculous but have no trouble swallowing that vibrations are drained away by $600 brass cones unplug the refrigerator for your listening sessions

...your speakers sound unexplainably worse when Stereophile takes them off the Recommended Components List use the words 'ambience' and 'chestiness' a little too much for your co-workers comfort can't change a light bulb but you're damn sure you can redesign that power supply with your battery-powered "cold" soldering gun have more cables than CD's or LP's spend all day at an audio dealer auditioning gear and then go and buy it online
Your bathroom has bookshelves within arms reach of the throne littered with TAS, Stereophile, Crutchfield, AA, and the other audio mags...........
You used to hate it when late night came and the family went to bed, because then you'd have to turn it down enough that they could sleep while you were listening in the living room.

You said your whole life, "I can't build..." but found courage and the motivation to educate yourself to build a dedicated listening room.

Your children see you so little, that as you emerge from the listening room they say, "Hello sir."

Your wife tells people, "At least he's not on the streets..."

You stay up late at night, nodding off while listening, then snapping back to attention and thinking, "One more song..."

You laugh openly at other audiophiles when they say in relation to purchasing equipment, "I'm done now..."

You've stopped going to audiophile shops in your area because you've heard everything at the shows, and you always want what's at the shows.

You have traveled no less than two states to secure a component.

You have been overseas and chosen to visit audio shops instead of sight seeing.

You have owned more than a dozen of every link in the system (i.e. source, amplification, cable sets, speakers, etc.).

You have worked for decades budgeting, scrimping to save and upgrade to achieve a "respectable" audiophile system. The single-mindedness of your quest has never been broken; you have always loved the experience of listening to great music on stereos.

You spend inordinate amounts of time not watching TV, not viewing movies, but simply listening to two channel music!

You have contemplated putting together a musical montage for your funeral.
Even though you need to get your roof repaired you spend the money on new speakers because you got a deal you can't say no to.
You feel you need an audiophile-level system in at least 4 or 5 rooms (main room, bedroom, bathroom/walk-in, garage, home office, music room where real insturments are) in your house. And at work as well.
Greatest thread ever on the gon. Now we just need a comedian to deliver the lines at an audiophile comedy club.

...when you turn off your refrigerator, furnace (winter), AC (summer) during listening sessions. My listening room doubles as a sauna in summer, a refrigerator in winter.
When you make a good money-saving deal on a non-audio item and justifiably think....."Hmmm.....I can buy a new amp, speakers, etc. with the $$$ I saved!"
You have the Audiogon website open perpetually at work and at home... Just so you don't miss a deal.

You meet your favorite equipment designer or recording engineer and you feel like you are meeting a movie or rock star.

You convert your garage into a listening rooms with dedicated lines. Then you realize it has no heating. You now have justification to go buy those insane tube amps you have been drooling over forever. Because actual indoor HVAC heating would be very expensive.

You have decided to pull most of your money out of the stock market and invest only in tubes. Because tubes never go down in value.

You have thought about being buried in one of your rather large speakers.

Police have been called over to your house by your neighbors, and when they arrive and hear your system, they are floored by the sound of it so much, they think your neighbors are nuts, and only issue a warning.

A robber breaks into your house and thinks he hit the jackpot. Then he tries to pick up and carry off one of your expensive looking [but heavy as hell] amplifiers... Next he tries to move your 250 lb speakers... Having no idea the value of the cables of your system, he frustratingly ends up taking your Playstation 3 that you use as a Blu Ray player. You are relived because it is by far less expensive than even most of the power cords in your system.

You have put together an awsome high powerd SS system. You have been through a dozen power, speaker, interconnect cables. component matching has taken years. It sounds spectacular, you love it....then the doubt sets in. What if tubes really do you get (closer) to musical truth...But ..these speakers won't work with tubes...

You have EVER used the terms "musical truth" "pin point imaging" or "organic sounding" when discussing your stereo.

Your teenage kids bring friends over and and you overhear "that is my dad, and that is his stereo...he hears things"....DON'T TALK TO HIM!!
It is -10 F in Chicago and you are angry that the heat switched on because it screws up the low level resolution of your system!
You have "junk drawers" filled with old cartridges, new cartridges, cables, tubes, etc., etc., that is worth many hundreds of dollars
Junk drawers? How about entire boxes! And you never worry about having a cable you might need when you buy something whether it's audio, video, telephone, cable, ...
Nowadays, I could say from my Transporter and Squeezebox but the ID actually comes from my job as a wireless engineer. keep a straight face when you tell your friends that your next turntable is going to be a Milky Stork.
... you attend live music concerts only when the seat in the sweet spot is available
You spend more on renovating your home to accomodate your equipment that the original price of the home.