Well, I don't know what you were talking about, but that is exactly what I meant.... Mint grown fresh, soaked into the oil you rub on.....
You mean you don't TASTE it??
Oy Vey!
Now how does that dull the senses? |
I know that this forum is supposed to be about audio and such, and not a counseling session, but as I can see the two are obvious related. I feel compelled to share my experience.
Presently, my live-in girlfreind's property is sitting in my driveway, and I can't play a blues record because I removed my clavis dc from my turntable for safety reasons.
One place where it all went wrong, is one day I brought home a piece of equipment, I was happy about and in a good mood with my new purchase, and the sense of joy that I shared with her was met with obvious disapproval and disappointment. It soured the experience. Why did I buy if I was going to have a bad experience, or, why do I have her here, were what I think stupid questions going through my head.
It's good to have a sense of humor. Life is fun, and it's fun to evan play things out with a sense of humor.
We all have disagreements about things, big and small, that can affect how we treat our hobby(s).
For me, I don't need for a spouse to be into audio, I don't need one that doesn't care about money, but evan If they don't care about sound or what I just did to my turntable, or what a bargain I got, I would want them to care about my happiness. When you love someone, you have a desire to tell them about things that make you happy, evan if they aren't interested. You like to see them happy, evan if you could care less about what it is that makes them so.
Furthermore, I find this to be a healthy hobby. Listening to music, to me, is far more fulfilling than watching t.v., I can also do things while I listen instead of being occupied on the couch, wacthing a screen. I can engage in conversation, and music fills the soul whereas t.v. fills the mind. And what woman would not want her man doing his thing, playing with his hobby THERE, where he can be with her and share his happiness, and be THERE for hers? That seems INSANE!
Do we have to share all the same interest to enjoy each other? I think not. I don't think we really need share each others passion in certain interest to benifit from that passion.
My freind just told me that I need to find a woman that feels the same way about me as I do about stereo equipment, they're out there. That's shallow. I think I need to find a woman that my stereo can be happy with, 'cause I don't want to be shallow and not consider my stereo's feelings. It doesn't deserve to be treated like this.
Would I be shallow if I said that a woman could have extra ugly points if she was an audiophile? |
Basement, you will hardly find one of the female gender, who is both the woman one would dream of and a true and dyed in the wool audiophile. Why? I suggest you read Slawney's post above..with that proverbial pinch of salt, mind you. The point where I think he's right, is, that we males rather cling to objects, to the other gender, relationship is important. So if we relate more to our hobbies, compared to HER, well then mostly there is fire in the house and the hobby is quite rightly seen as a rival and opposed against.
Besides, you don't need your "significant other" to be an audiophile at all. What you need is a music lover and if you're lucky, she will lend a kindly ear to your efforts in the true sense of the word, be a friend and a critic as well and more often than not, your relationship will deepen and be enriched with and through the common enjoyment of music. |
Basement- fwiw I don't hang out with girls that don't express even the slightest interest in the rig. I over heard my latest interest bragging to her friends on how great my stereo sounds and looks; needless to say I felt very good. If they disapprove or don't mind it any attention I don't mind them any attention, a relationship is about mutual respect and admiration and I ain't given up this hobby- so I save us a lot of time. I just can't imagine women not encouraging music in your life, they always seem to love the fact it is my interest. You just have to know when to listen to the rig and when to shut it off(or at least turn it down) and listen to her, listen to stuff she likes(sometimes) and do other things that interest her, once you have that down its a piece of cake- my problem is finding one that is worth the investment of time. There's a million fish in the sea and I must have met half of them- gotta be gettin close! |
Basement, I can't imagine being in a relationship where my partner doesn't support my passions; or where I don't support hers. Music can and should enhance relationships and become a part of them -- the music, gear and expenses need to fit into the flow of your journey together. The gear is not the competition, it should be treated by both parties as a vital augmentation of the relationship. Keep looking and you'll find someone who feels that way and wants to support you as much as you support her; like Tim, I feel really great when my partner brags about the sound (equipment is the necessary evil to get the music right). |
Slawney; I just took Detlofs' recomendation, first, I had to run for more salt, then I had to read it a few more times while I tried to get my brain to wake up enough to obsorb that level of intellegence.
I feel your pain. Sounds like quite a pickle you were in- while in the process of trying to upgrade your woman, your stereo got downgraded in the process.
And then while taking in your wisdom, I had a nightmere epiphany; what if, given that women are women, and given she was for me the wrong type, and she was an audiophile, what would happen if I tried to switch amps, or cables? would I be in for it? What if she couldn't hear second order distortion? What if her new component obscured detail? Would I be allowed to change VTA? Would I have to work overtime to try to get equipment that was so good, so expensive, that we could both live with it in order to try to save the sound AND the marriage? WOOW!
Whew, I'm back. I would like to retract my statements on points for being an audiophile, and comparing stereos to women. I'm with tireguy-how a woman reacts to our hobby is an indication of things to come. It's the interest in what we have created that is interest in us. The Ozfly hit the nail on the head, it is a two way street, and we should take their advice:
Women are not stereos. You can't upgrade them. We can't add or subtract resisters or change cables to get them to sound the way we want. When the system requires attention, tubes or adjustments, we can get to it whenever with no harm done. People and stereos both have thier advantages.
I'm curious, did you get them back? did they sound the same? How much damage was done? |
Jeeze, maybe I am just lucky or I try much harder (If I am really working at it with much more effort that anyone else than I must be doing it subconciously or my wife is feeding me subliminal messages while I sleep). My wife enjoys listening to my audio system, but she does not care what parts it consists of. She just likes to listen. She does not give me grief when I want to make a change of equipment. I should confess however, that I do not change equipment often (No equipment neurosies here). I have only had four speaker systems since I began this audio interest in 1975. The first speakers being the KEF 104ab's.
Anyway here is the last week of my life, balanced between audio and my wife. The audio week began with the arrival of a batch of records from Acoustic Sounds. While we were listening to them my wife made the comment that we should get away for the weekend. The next day, without any further prompting, I made reservations for the weekend in Cape May, NJ. We ate, we shopped, we drank, we stayed out late ( caught a great band named "Black and Tan") returned to the hotel and made "UGH-UGH" noises. We both had a great time. She appreciated that I did something for her, namely getting away for a weekend. The moral here is to think (no!, not just about audio) and not to be selfish.
Oh and just to show that appreciation works, and I know some of you will love this and others will scratch their heads in amazement. As we were driving home from Cape May, on Rt 73, I was being a little devious and intentionally slowed as we approached DeSimone BMW. My wife looked at me and said "I wondered why you chose to take this route." She then said she had no intention of walking around the lot of a closed car dealership. As you can imagine I was a little dissappointed. My wife then said that if I was truely serious about a new car we should go back when they are open so we can do something about it. We are going back this week. Had my eye on a dark green Z3 for a while.
|
This is a very simple question. The answer has been shown to me dozens of times throughout my life. And, yes, I am still not married. The basic reason is that when you are spending time, money, and attention on the stereo system, you are not spending that time, money, and attention, undividedly, on her. It has nothing to do with the stereo system. I've had this result with car hobbies, sports hobbies,etc. The bottom line is: What's hers is hers, and what's yours is hers. You will not stray from this concept or she will find someone else who will "toe the line". Needless to say, I don't "knuckle under" to stuff like that very easily, so I remain unmarried. On balance, I'd say I'm lucky, because all my married friends are going through divorces and losing their houses, and everything. They adjusted their lifestyles and priorities to suit the wife, and in the end, they were told,"I think I can do better" by their wives. You may not think you can "upgrade" a woman, but the woman sure as hell thinks she can "upgrade" from you. And her eyes are open to it every day. But, not till she sucks every last drop of blood out of you, first. And, has the next "victim" firmly in the sights. And the older you get, the worse it gets. At least in the teenage years, you have the "off chance" that they might actually fall in love with you before they "get wise". By the time they are in their 30's and 40's, forget it. They're dating your bank account. They measure their control capability by how much they can swerve you away from your central "core interests and values". If you resist, you are in the dog house. If you continue to resist, you are out the door. Notice, that they never complain that you spend too much time cutting the grass, or painting the house(improving "her" assets). It's the ability to influence what YOU really want to do, that is the guage of her control level, and that is why it becomes the issue. In her mind, it is only one short step, from there, to losing control of the money, and that is unacceptable. That's it. You may consider it harsh commentary, but we're talking about some very harsh, cold behavior. Just look how often you see on the Audiogon threads about "If I get speakers bigger than a shoe-box, I'll have to get divorced. Is this rational? No. That is because the speakers are NOT the issue. The issue is control. Mercenary? Yes. Heartless? Yes. That is the root of this issue, that nobody really wants to talk about. |
I love watching sports, particularly basketball. I used to think that it would be nirvana to find a woman who was as avid a fan as I was. I'm now happily married to a woman who is at least tied for Most Apathetic sports fan in the world - she not only couldn't care less about any sport, she has no idea what's going on in the world of sports. I realize now that this is, in fact, ideal. We interact on lots of topics and activities - there's no need for my passion to be her passion, and in fact, when I'm avidly watching a game Sunday afternoon, she's fine with giving the kids a ride someplace, or anything else that's needed.
Another time, I was painting a house I lived in when I was single. I was standing back at one point admiring my progress and I thought, "It would be really great if there was somebody here to share this progress with me." That was followed by the thought, "If there was, we'd probably argue about what color to paint it." It was precisely at that moment that I probably made the most progress in understanding the tradeoffs of relationships.
At this point, it doesn't matter a bit to me whether my wife has any interest in audio systems, music, or any other arbitrary pasttime I might enjoy. If she suddenly got interested, I would embrace that as well, but assuming she never does, that's fine. I don't care if she thinks my music is too loud for her tastes, or that I'm "crazy" for spending the amounts I spend on it. There's two sides to everything, and the other side to this attitude is that I don't have any obligation to understand, embrace, or spend time on any of her pasttimes that don't genuinely interest me. There's plenty of stuff that we do both enjoy to spend any energy torturing each other about the ones we don't mutually enjoy. |
Not many responses to this lately. My wife and I and one of her friends are listening tonight. Who knows where the goosebumps will lead. I will not be listening for equipment artifacts tonight....... |
would that make it a tri-amping situation? Always wanted to try that... |
Hmmmm, I have not been here for a while..
TWL:the first reply never made it....
So I will type a second one.
I hear you about the checkbook etc.....
But if I had to go deaf in order to keep my wife......I would! I would smash it all, burn my two copies of Amused To Death, my Krall, the Stones, Floyd, Sting.....ALL of it...and give it all up for her. I would listen to 128 MP3's with what little hearing I had left, if any!
For that matter, I would do the same for my second best friend, Gumby, my sheltie! (thats where my name comes from on here by the way.)
Tunes are cool. My system is WAY cool. But I have not been able to cuddle up to my pre-amp like I do my wife.
The last time I tried making love to a line conditioner, I was in the hospital for a week! D/A converters dont hug you during your sons school play.
Cartridges wont go fetch a ball in the yard and listen to your every command. In fact, turntables tend not to be loyal at all. Even thought they can be a part of relaxation, they tend not to come over to you and give you a lick on the side of your face when you are stressed out. Speakers dont follow you to the houseboat for the weekend either.
I hope you are able to find what you are missing someday!
If you found the right one, there would be no question in your mind either. |
Count your blessings people. I now have an "ex-wife" who gets the "Maybe, I should take him back to court" look in her eyes whenever she notices something new when dropping off the kids. On a positive note, I do get to buy the toys now (new job) that I couldn't afford then. |
First: Honestly assess the situation: If the fact that your amp puts out 1200 watts per at 8 ohms doesn't draw even the slightest hint of interest from you significant other, drop that line of conversational openers like a hot potato. You'll only dig a deeper hole with each new technical pronouncement, and may eventually cause her eyes to keep rolling around her head without ceasing - Kind of like the black hole vortex intro to Twilight Zone. Don't laugh - I've seen it and it's not a pretty sight. In fact, you can probably draw on previous experiences with your car to determine if she will buy this one.
Second: If you can get away with this one, go for it. "Honey, you don't really want to know." If she says - "Oh yes I do", go to option 3 - post haste.
Third: Get her involved in the decorating side of the hobby. I have a friend whose wife dismissed the whole HT concept as a colossal waste of money, until she learned of the decorating possibilities. Now she's bugging my buddy to get more, bigger, faster, louder, brighter.... so she can make the HT of her dreams! Be careful, this may unleash a genie you can't put back in the bottle.
Fourth: And this is no bull. Set the system up so she can push one or two buttons and have the thing running. It's how I justified the Crestron. Honey' I've made it easy -see?
But as others have widely shared... if you can make this a family passion and not just yours....you'll have a lot more success for all the right reasons. |
Hey, anybody know that Albert Collins song, "Master Charge?" It's on "Ice Pickin'" Okay? Nuff said. Buy the Jota! |
Packaging. Try packaging. For instance, this morning I discovered this thread but my wife was in an especially 'chatty' mood. I listened for a while and then I cranked up my Audio Aero CD player wired to my McIntosh 2102 tube amp and put on Santana's 'Supernatural'. Even though I am also a San Francisco boy(Santana is from here-abouts), I don't go out of my way to play Santana. I transferred the music to the living room. As expected, the chat started to go away and now my wife is in the living room reading her People Magazine(I pay for the subscription). Oh, for those of you who might know me form another thread, I wired my system both into the living room and my office for a 'number' of reasons. In this case it allowed my to finish this thread. So, lesson +1: Go out of your way to play her music. You don't have to fake liking it; she always knows....(.) Lesson #2: When making a bigger change, give her something to expect that she can have some control over. When we bought our home the back yard is quite big and the back two-thirds was an undeveloped hillside. I terraced the whole thing and I have quite the orchard and vegetable garden. She never goes down there. However, just outside the kitchen door is a 10x25 foot rose garden(all raised beds) with 42 differant roses. She does go out there. I spent last weekend weeding the thing.....ouch!) So, my next project is to do an addition to the front of our house because I want my own a nicer office/music room. I am calling it the new 'library/comupter-room'. So, this means the computer is moved from a smaller room off from the kitchen that will become a charming breakfast room--she can't wait to have what will obviously become 'her room'. Remember, it is all in the packaging. |
08-11-02: Tireguy,
I would not agree more! |
I try not to have them in the same room listening to audio! |
I made a deal: either I spend money on a motorcycle (dangerous in her eyes) or audio. Now I don't have to sneak anything in at all. |
My girlfriend loves the stuff, and to boot, she has supersensitive ears...one of the few who have hearing past what most do,,,
She is usually saying that she wants me to teach her about the stuff,,,and you know what else? She absolutely loves airshows and going to the shooting range,,,Now, how much is this woman worth? (she is a doctor,,me, a tennis coach with a useless grad degree in Biomechanics) oh, and loves animals...;-) |
Hey Jsujo, great response. ther is a whole lot of 'ME' in this thread and a bit of 'us'. I tried to go for us in my above response, but I think you did quite well. |
don't have either
used to have a wife - had to get petty upgrades slowly
but kept my cd habit - my money, my discs
had a girlfriend last year, she was an opera singer
noted how great my system was but not interested at all in any of my musical tastes
dumped opera singer
my hobby is so bad that the carpet needs replacing badly
but I just spent the bonus on a Nottingham spacedeck rig, phono stage, wall mount, etc.
how do you get them into this
two lessons
1) never let a gal dictate your passions and where you spend your money
2) play Van Morrison's Moondance while making love to her (wine, candles, etc), she'll gladly enjoy your hobby from that point out |
2) play Van Morrison's Moondance while making love to her (wine, candles, etc), she'll gladly enjoy your hobby from that point out
I did that with Pink Floyd,,,because of her,,I would have put YES. |
Simple...just get them as involve and interested as you are with your listening to music and audio gears. The next thing you know she will buy you the stuff for your b-day/ Xmas. Wife bought me the ML Ascent last year and upgraded my amp this year to MC402. Next year... who knows what's next.. CD/DAC combo??? hint..hint..Lucky am I?? |
MC402,,your wife a neurosurgeon?..;-) |
Start with a budget that she agrees to even if it is only $1000 or $1500 bucks- buy good used then gradually sell and upgrade to something better with the addition of a little cash when you have it.
If she likes the sound now and you let her hear something better then she might appreciate your upgrades
LetÂ’s face it, just as with a new car audio equipment depreciates too, so try to buy some damn good used at a reasonable price. Look at the Sony SACD-1 first sold for $5000 now used $2500 some times even less.
I am sorry though but if my wife was to stop my hobby I might have to divorce her, but also I have to be reasonable too with the upgrades!
P.S. if you have a girl friend I would lay down that law right up front or go find a woman into it! DonÂ’t waste your time thinking you can change her. Too many women marry guys with those thoughts and they end up apart too. Enough pontificating HUH? |
Not a big deal for me. My girlfriend is prety cool about it. I have a combo of solid state and tube. She admires the warm glow of the tube system. She does get a little pissed when I buy new tweaks but I just tell her that I swap my old gear for new and she just looksat me smacks me in the back of the head and forgets about it. |
My wife is the nicest you could ever have, Whatever
I like She likes,including my ex girlfriends.NO
PROBLEM, ON AUDIO,SHE JUST BOUGHT ME MERCEDES.
ARNT YOU GUYS JEALOUS?BEFORE I MARRIED HER I TWEAK
HER HEAD. |
How you do dat Jay Cee, with your toy? |
I know what you mean. My HUSBAND just gets so sick of me constantly telling him about what I read here, on AVS Forum, and on SoundStage! (my 3 favorite sources of information) I'd have trouble sneaking things past him though, since I need his name on the loan applications. I'm a little in the hole, but at least I don't have credit card debt. :)
Seriously though, even though I am the main audiophile in the family, I've brought him along with me. And it's invaluable. He brings his electrical engineering expertise that helps me understand some of the scientific aspects that I don't have the background for.
He and I have a $300 rule. If it’s over $300, we need to consult the other before spending any money—though sometimes $150 is better. :) BTW, buying a bunch of things for under $300 is NOT a good way around this.
DonÂ’t assume your wives and girlfriends canÂ’t get into audio. WeÂ’re out there. |
OH YES...we're out here! Im with you,Joyelyse.I LOVE this shit! I have a guy friend in HOuston that I love to hang out with because he has the money for all this hi-end stereo equipment. Im going over to his house Saturday night to listen to his new stuff and Im totally psyched!BTW...Im in the process of selling my bedroom furniture just to buy some new stereo equipment...yes,chicks are in to this shit too..:)And some of us are just as "hooked" as you guys are..)! |
Welcome to the 'Gon Darla. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future. By the way, those air mattresses with the electric blow up pump attached to them are very comfortable. If you sell your furniture, save enough money to buy one of those ;-) |
Hey..thanks for the suggestion,Ozfly..:)but I think Im gonna sell everything "except" my mattress and just like..throw it on the floor, ya know..)?Im single so who cares..right?
Anyway,since Im kinda new to this..got any suggestions on a good system for a small room with a small budget..:)? |
As she passes you in the hallway while you are carrying that new-big-package with more "toys" for the listening room, just sweetly wisper: "Honey, it's all deductible." |
Hi,
For a CD only bedroom system near $1K I'd start with the original top-loading Rega Planet CD player--Easy to load in the dark and much beloved by Stereophile. About $425, used.
It's very "live" sounding, plus it's musical and "analog-like", and is a great transport should you ever wish to upgrade.
Next, you can get a good deal on a used AMC 3030a tube hybrid class A integrated amp for about $300. It was also well-ranked by Stereophile and sounds superb. It has 4 ohm and 8 ohm speaker taps, but prefers higher impedance speakers.
Speakers are so much a matter of taste, as well as room and location-dependent I hardly know where to start.
What are your musical tastes? What is important to you, sonically? What isn't? Where will the speakers be?
I can say that I wouldn't spend more than around $400, tops on them, even better: half that.
If you spend about $100 on used interconnects by Alpha Core Goertz, Harmonic Tech, or Nordost and $100 on speaker cable (Monster's Powerline 2's still a bargain) total system cost comes out at about $1200.
That's nearly a "Class C" Stereophile system end-to-end.
|
I don't ask what's in the Saks and Neiman's bags
I always tell her how great she looks. She doesn't ask me how much the gear costs. |
Well the usual question women and HIFI...
AS a student with a very limited budget, there are a lot of choices to be made, and if i involved my girlfriend in them, I would never get new stuff :O( so i simply dont.. then when it arrives i take the bullet, and wait it out.. usually it takes a week.. However when i recievd my one month old speakers (Vienna Acoustics strauss) i thought she would leave me for sure.. |
As long as I buy the new fridge, stove, re-do the kitchen and bathroom floors, wallpaper the laundry room, re-wire the electrical to put lights where she wants, dig holes in the yard to plant whatever flowers and shrubs she fancies this week, pay the mortgage, the bills, mow the lawn, vacuum the carpets, walk the dog (3 times a day minimum), brush the dog every day, fix the cars, cook most of the time, wash dishes, never forget her birthday and our anniversary, then... and only then, I can go ahead and buy stereo gear without a problem. She's really great though... |
Sheep are the perfect solution. They are indistinguishable in 4 of 5 blind tests versus women. They don't know how to use your charge cards and adding wool to a listening room really tightens up the bass. |
my girlfriend spends more on clothes. |
Homer, do you actually have time to listen to your system?? ;-) |
First, never, never, never have a girlfriend if you have a wife. Second, always tell the wife the truth about what it costs. She'll throw up. The more she chucks, the more numb she gets to the cost. Always tell her how great it is and how you're getting newer and more expensive equipment to have it be the best. Keep getting more expensive hobbies, sports, toys and collections. The more the better.
When she wants another ring, remind her that you support her in a style others dream about and you're simply not going to spoil her.
Buy another audio piece.
Engineer a custom audio room
Make at least on of your living rooms an audio room that she isn't exactly welcome in. Then make her an office she can tell her girl friends is hers. Then make a theater out of the other living room. Convert the dining room to a living room. Buy a house in another country. Travel so much she doesn't know if her head is screwed on correctly. Tell her again that her life is perfect.
Spend tons of time racing cars away from home. Only invite her to the track for the race weekends. She'll be a pain during practice when you really want to be with the racers. On the weekend, you can't be their friends when you have to beat them, so you'll want her company.
Then make sure that each place you have has so much audio equipment that's great that she thinks SHE'S rich.
Oh, yeah... it helps to be married to her for a long, long, long time. By now, her memory probably isn't very good and her demands are slowing down.
Bill |
Probably a better question is, How do they cope?" |
I married an audioligist who loves to evaluate sound quality, so all women are not anti-equipment in the living room. |
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I see no one has posted to this for a while, and forgive me for doing a bit of catching up on these (newbie) but I am LMAO reading this thread... very great material indeed.
My setup is embarassingly humbly compared to what I have seen on A'gon, but my dear wife, who is stone deaf with ringing in one ear, could hear the difference from our previous system. I feel so bad she misses out on most of what hi-fi is all about but she understands clarity, both equipment-wise and in choice of program, so we get along well with it. Adhering to Angela100's criteria, on occasion, has no doubt "greased the wheels" and also we travel to Japan at least twice a year to see her family so there is equlibrium to some extent from that standpoint.
In the case of a wife who was totally unreasonable, well, I guess that is one case where cryo treatment might really do the trick... ;) |
Just found this thread. Good question. Someone once said that this is the reason furniture in the rest of the house is for. Talk about expensive! I would hate to match dollar for dollar on chairs vs electronics. Double the cost of everything? But, my advice is to carefully explain the following:
1. It keeps me out of bars.
2. We can have friends over to listen to music after dinner.
3. Electronics can be sold for real money.
Ever try to sell a chair or a lamp??
4. I usually keep my equipment for a long time. Its not
like redecorating.
5. Don't you want me to be happy?
6. Have a slush fund for each of you that is "mad money".
Anyway, sometimes you just go buy it because it makes you happy! Good luck! |
this is the funniest thread ive read so far!!! i was married when i was 20,and whenever i tryed to play the stereo ,shed say the music i listened to made her nervous,after a year of not listening to music i got rid of her!and bought a stereo and guitar.is there any single female audiophiles out there? |
Luckily I've never had to worry about WAF for audio, flying, pets, guns, bows, musical instruments, bicycles, or any other hobbies or toys, etc. |
It always amazes me when guys that are married or have a girlfriend complain about same. Try the alternative. Try being lonely and unable to get even a date to save your life. Count your blessings....... |
