About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone


Many of us have come to know Patrick Malone (Lugnut) as a friendly, helpful, knowledgeable and kind individual. He is a frequent and enthusiastic contributor to our analog discussion forum. He has initiated only 17 threads, but responded to 559 threads. I would guess that many, if not most, of us can recall a time when Pat replied with helpful advice to a question we posted or helped us track down a rare recording. I have come to love Pat as a friend, and to respect him as a man, and I suspect many of you share those feelings.

Today I write to share difficult news with you. Pat has been diagnosed with an aggressive stomach cancer. It has yet to be determined whether surgery will even be worth it. If surgery is performed, most or all of the stomach will be removed, and Pat would face a difficult and long post-op period in the hospital. The medical course is still uncertain, but will be determined soon. Whatever is decided, it will not be easy or pleasant.

Something may be planned in the future to assist the family. For now, Pat could use some of the friendship he so often and willingly showed us. You can email Pat at: lugnut50@msn.com. You can also mail cards, letters ... or whatever. You may email me for Pat's mailing address. My email is: pfrumkin1@comcast.net.

I hope to spend a few days with Pat in Idaho or Nebraska (from which he hails) soon. Between this news, my legal work, getting ready for family arriving for the holidays, Audio Intelligent, and trying to make plans to visit Pat, my head is spinning. If you email me and I don't respond, please understand that I am not ignoring you, but rather simply do not have time to reply.

Pat may or may not have time to respond to posts here, to emails, or to cards mailed to him. But he has asked me to convey to each and every one of you that he has cherished your friendship, your comradery, and sharing our common hobby on this great website.

As we prepare for our holiday season celebrations, and look forward to -- as we should -- enjoying this time of year, I ask that you keep Pat and his family in mind ... and softly offer up, in quiet moments in the still of night and early morning, prayers for Pat and his family. God bless.

Warmest regards to all,
Paul Frumkin
paul_frumkin
Hello Barb,Id like to welcome you,and please know that all of you are in my thoughts and prayers.I will try to come up with a suggestion or two to name the little one,seems like pets all have thier own personalitys,let us know a little about how she is!Ive read so many wonderful things about you ,from Pat and friends.Love to all of you,Ray
Barb, Neil Young's dog in the song is named King. Gina knew the answer to that one.

Cinnamon Girl is a great name, and definitely a fitting one for that sweet face.
4 syllables for a dog's name? let's keep at it.. should be fun for all of us...
What Nate said about Pat free-falling made me think of this. The original German is by Rilke. Thanks Pat for the chance to share it, and think of you and of us all.

As if from the distance, leaves are falling,
Fall as if their far-off gardens fade into the sky;
They fall, their gestures are of letting go.
And through the night there falls the pressing earth
Down all lonesome past the stars.
We are all falling. There: this hand falls too,
It happens to us all. Just look around you.
Still there is one who holds us tenderly
As in his hands we fall, fall endlessly.

Warrenh, obviously you've never met my beagle, Cortez the Killer.

I guess four syllables is a bit much. How about Cinnamon for short, then?

Tobias, that Rilke poem is gorgeous.
...or our English Mastiff, Evita the Kitty Cat. She usually comes to "Here, Kitty."

Thank you for the poem, Tobias. So beautiful, and fitting.
Hi:
That is a beautiful connection Tobias. The Poem is called "Autumn" from Rilke's "Book of Images" if anyone is wondering.

After that I say we call the dog Rilke.

Cheers,
Craig
Hi Barb,

Having that puppy in you life is going to help during the grieving period for sure.

My wife, Gina, suggested Cinna as a short version of Cinnamon Girl, or Aussie for her being an Australian Shephard.

My suggestions are an anagram of LUGNUT -- Gultun or Tungul. They may be unusual but either name will definitely cause people to turn their heads and take notice of the dog. I know I would!

Peace and prayers for both of you,
Lou
SOLEIL--French for sun...always a great visual for me....warmth, life, god, good spirit...oodles of pictures..good ones...or how 'bout just Patty or Luggy or nutty?
Pat,
I have never been a believer in organized religion of any kind, but your words have made me a believer in humanism. I will use this phenomenal thread as a reference to console those going through what you're almost done with and when the time comes to help me cope with my own demise. You are a giant among men and although too short yours has been a life richly lived . Thank you for taking us on this difficult journey and unifying us in our love and admiration for you.
Pat, I enjoyed our phone conversation today, and your guidance. Muchos gracious for your valuable time and assistance.

Fellow AudiogoN'er's, it speaks volumes of the man, that with all that is going on in his world, he still has time to make analog recommendations for fellow hobbyists. Of course he also has me convinced that heaven is in Idaho. Now I just need to convince my wife of that. :-)

Howard, thank you for your report, and for being there for 'us' that cannot visit in the flesh. I hope Pat knows we are all there with him in spirit and through our prayers.

Barb, I officially welcome you to the circus. :-)
I've read so much about you in a strange way I feel like I know you. You are Pat's rock, and we all pray for God's love and caring for both of you in this intense life struggle. You are the light of Pat's life, that is obvious from my time with Pat.

May God bless and comfort all of you.

Warmest Regards,

John
Pat and Barb:

I am not sure we will get to chat again. I will try to call tomorrow but know how tiring this must be. It has been a pleasure and an honor to help out in whatever way I could. You are remarkable people. Everything I have seen from the warmth and generosity of the thread suggests there is a higher being, we couldn't have reached this level on owr own (my own two cents and not proselytizing, so please no one take offense).

On a more upbeat note, I do have a name for the dog, phoenix. My sister-in-laws nephew, whom they treated like a son, died tragically at a very early age and they inherited his wonderful dog. As fate would have it, the dogs name was phoenix and it has been a great source of joy and consolation for the last few years. My prayers are with you both for a peaceful and graceful parting.

Gary
Ray, will you stop namin' nuts! (See the film "Best in Show" if the reference is lost)

This morning, when I went to hug Pat goodbye, it took a lot for me hold it together. I had such a rock in my throat, I felt like dropping to the floor and sobbing. Then, Pat broke my thoughts with a plan of his own. "I'll see you in the afterlife," he said. "I'm saving some choice spots for friends." I asked him if it would be waterfront property. "Nope," he said, "it'll be just like here, as it is on earth." I felt so happy for him.
I was sitting down in my office chair this morning and as the norm checking the thread. As I set there somberly reading my two grandchildren came bounding into the room. I have a 6 year old grandson and 4 year old native american grandaughter. Looking at me they both noticed something amis and my grand daughter said "grandapa, whats wrong", concerned etched on her face. I tried to explain in a way I thought they would understand and my grand daughter took my face in her tiny little hands, concern etched in her big blue eyes and said "Grandpa Its okay he's going to be with God"
Since Paul started this thread IÂ’ve been going along with the thread and learning about many of the people on Audiogon including Pat and liking what I see about the people of Audiogon but not knowing what to say. Boy, now thatÂ’s a sentence! Out of the blue today I talked with Nate about an amp he used to own that I own now and I brought up this thread to him. After I got back home from a road trip tonite to listen to a NEWAS memberÂ’s handbuilt amp no less I logged on and saw new posts to this thread and began reading and decided I do have something that I would like to say. Welcome Barb :-) first. WeÂ’ve read a lot about you and you are a welcome addition to Audiogon. The other thing I have to say came about on the drive back from Appleton after talking with Nate and having a chance to think about the conversation. which is sometimes a dangerous thing. In my life I need both my fingers and my toes to count the number of people in my immediate family I have learned about cancer and heart disease and death since my father died when I was fifteen. One thing I have learned about the afterlife is it is right here inside of me with the memories that I carry with me every day. My children never got to meet my dad but between my mom (sheÂ’s 84 and still going strong) and I my kids have learned about dad and the other relatives that they did or didnÂ’t know. My kid's and I even had a lesson when we got to see the house my mom grew up in in the 1920's. so cool!!! So I guess what IÂ’m trying to say is that if when we can remember these things that have created an impact on out lives and pass that along to others we actually have an afterlife right here for the living but for all those fingers and toes that have gone before me I sure would like to see them again and can only imagine where they are now. Time will tell but I really feel that I will see them again and they are going to be smiling and their feet will be aÂ’tappin and chili will be on the stove. At least I hope so. As far as the puppy I like the anagram idea but! Taking care of a puppy is sort of like strapping yourself into a high strung Nova (or in my case a Â’69 Boss 302) and just let it go and see what is going to happen. How about Nova?

Bossman
Pat, we don't know each other but I really do hope for the privilege to meet you over there and that we could have met here. You all are such great people.
George
As always you and your family remain in our thoughts and prayers. I really wish there was more to say in words to convey just how much you and your family are thought of and prayed for.

I happened to read the post prior to trying to go to bed last night. There were a few moments I was able to reflect upon many things in life, as I was not really able to get to sleep.

Of all the things, different names kept popping up in my head for your and Barb's pup. Everything audio related that is cute, to everything "Lugnut" moniker that came to mind as well.

Now, I honestly have not posted much on the thread, but rather emailed you personally as I am not as eloquent with words as just about everyone else posting at this point.

However, you have been more than brutally honest and open with us, and I too feel you deserve the same back from us.

From the very beginning of this thread, to current day, the way you have handled yourself with grace, dignity, selflessness, the concern for others, and how they move forward with their lives will not pale or fade with time. My thoughts as I layed in bed kept coming back to your demeanor, your guidance, strength, inner peace and where you derived this from. Coupled with the known fact your reluctance to "witness" (please forgive me if too strong a term) or perhaps desire to show the devout faith you possess from fear of turning others from the thread. Please take solace in the fact, those of us that understand where your destination lies will shed tears for you and your loved ones, both tears in sorrow to see you go, tears of thankfulness to have been blessed to know you, tears of comfort to know you are without pain and in a much better place, tears of realization that you helped direct us back onto the correct path in life reminding us what is important.

Again please forgive me for my rambling, for I feel my thoughts are never even close to being so composed and organized as yours, Pat.

With all that in mind, as well as much, much more that my overactive imagination would take me days to try to convey... I seemed to "land" on a name for the pup.

It kept coming up in my mind, as to, what has Pat obviously possessed from the onset of his unfortunate news? Whom has Pat turned to for stregnth, comfort, inner peace, (as well as Barb, family , & freinds)? Whom has Pat referred to as a bigger part of this working through him to convey to us all? Whom will Pat be in the presence of after he has passed? Whom has Pat subtely been re-directing some of us, leading others of us to? What would Pat want us to fill our lives to lead us in the right direction after he has passed?

Now, I don't want to be overly "religious/zealous/etc." however, again, Pat has been openly honest with me, and I will do the same for him. Before it is too late for Pat to read how he has redirected/reminded me personally and I regret not saying so.

Whether the above questions are taken from a Biblical / Religious / Christian perspective or just what Pat seems to evoke in the most common sense of the word... the word/name that kept coming to mind for your new pup is:

Spirit

As you know, you have this in spades Pat, on all levels. Now, whether or not it is fitting for Barb's pooch is up to both of you. I hope my ramblings made some sense.

As always, I will be praying for all of you. Go ahead, angle for that "lake front property" as I think you may already have the land waiting for you!

May God Bless and keep you and your loved ones in comfort and peace.

With love,
Kirk
My vote is for Luggy.

Pat, there is so little left to say other than your almost home. I know from my personal experiences that you soon will feel the freedom from the immense constraints our human existence provides to our soul. I know you are about to experience the love that created us all, and it is good. Soon my friend, and it will truly be a relief. But not just for you, but you have allowed us all to understand the experience and we too are ready.

No we will not feel the freedom you are about to experience, but you have prepared us. Thank you for the unselfish journey.

The experience of life (that which you are about to have) is beyond words. Unlike me, you will not be given the option to return to this experience, but instead you will be welcomed into an eternal life that you will recognize as home.

Welcome home Pat, you have had quite a journey, and it is time to rest. God is waiting, as are all the souls who have been watching over you. Soon you will remember all you have forgotten here on earth. The love that has created all that is, and all that is not will be your solace, and it is good.

You have left Barb a wonderful blanket of love which she can wrap around her soul. Your time with Barb is not over, it is only different. The love you have left behind will support her, and the love you are about to experience will be the future. You will continue to hold her, even more now, for your soul is free to carry hers.

I'm sure little of this means much right now, or even makes sense, but it will. Barb, you will never be alone for Pat will be with you forever. I do not mean just his memory, but his spirit and his soul. His work here on earth is done, but his sharing a journey with you is only partially complete. Asking for his comfort and love will bring him to your side. Your soul will recognise his, and you will find comfort. I suggest you have something agreed upon. Mine is "tickle neck" and I feel it with those who are supporting me. I have told my kids and wife that when I'm gone, they will know I am next to them every time they seek me, by the feeling on the back of the neck. Right where the hair starts, I feel it often when I think of "home" and I know it to be love.

Pat, thank you.
Howard,

You didn't give me credit for the nine tubes I do have in my system!! Fess up. They were there. Don't mislead this nice group! The next step would have been a Berning ZH270 and a pair of Merlins.....

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and for the warm welcome to Barb. Gotta go.

Pat
Pat,

You're absolutely right. And good of you to protest, too. That Supratek is one nice preamp!

Howard
In the scheme of all the time past and what is yet to come: Pat, my fellow audiophool, I'll be seeing you in just a few minutes. Save me (us) a bunch of listening chairs. Can't wait to hear the tunes you got up there...peace and love to you my friend....I will miss you.

warren :-)
Pat/Barb- Please don't take my silence as indicative of not caring. I think about you often. I'm rarely at a loss for words, but find myself without anything constructive to add and it seems presumptuous to think that I can provide any words of insight or comfort. That leaves me feeling a bit helpless, but I do know that in tough times, the presence of friends and family is as comforting as anything they so. So this post is just to let you know that I am present (virtually). As for the pup, I think Cinna is great. Can't remember if it was to be an Australian Shepard or Sheepdog. I know someone who breeds the sheepdogs, and they are remarkably intelligent and good-natured dogs. Best of luck with her, sheepdog or shepard or whatever. Sounds to me like you've made the best of the hand you were dealt; played the game with style, grace, intelligence, humor and love. Truly a remarkable life and legacy.
Your friend, Michael
Pat,

At the end of your introspective, you stated

I only hope you understand. Remember to keep the messages contained in this thread alive and well inside your hearts.

regarding your opening of your heart and showing us true emotion. I think it's safe to say that we have gone well beyond understanding and it happened about 15 pages ago...

May love, peace and contentment be yours

Greg
Pat, I love to see your name pop up here! It sure brought a smile to my face. What we wouldn't give to help you carry the load you bear right now, but some journeys are taken alone.

I was really taken by the name 'Spirit' for your new puppy although if he's got a deep raspy voice and a lot of wrinkles maybe something referencing Neil Young would be in order!?! : )

I want to say publicly "Pat thanks for being a part of my life, you are well loved!"

Lyle Lovett wrote in the song "Simple Song" the words:
"When you find the one
you might become
remember part of me is you..."

I always loved that idea.

Love, joy peace, patience...
Hello everyone - this is Barb. Pat and I just finished with the shower, shave and shampoo (or sink bath) routine. It has always been important to him to look his best. Of course he's the most handsome man in the world to me. He is now visiting with a local audio club friend which is very comforting to him.
He has been very miserable the last 48 hours. The pain is unbearable and it's been hard to get comfortable enough to sleep very long. The hospice nurse will be here soon to increase the morphine dosage. I have been giving him massages and plenty of kisses on the forehead.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful suggestions for a name for our puppy. She stays with us only a few hours per day because I am not ready to care for her full time yet.
It is hard for me to express in words just how much all of your support and love has meant to Pat and I. His love will always be present in our home and sitting with me in the sweet spot. Until later. Love - Barb
His love will always be present in our home and sitting with me in the sweet spot.

My eyes filled with tears as I read this. God bless you both. Love from Toby.
Pat and Barb,
Thru your great friend Paul, I have been following this for the last year. Words can not properly convey my feelings but I will try. I sit here in my office doing something I have not been able to do for years, cry like a baby. As I think about why, it comes to me that my tears are not all sadness but of Peace as well. Peace that for once in my life I truly realize that we are not alone. Hard thing to say for a lifelong Agnostic. Your strengths and fears you have shown all of us will be a lesson to follow for ever. There will never again be that paralyzing fear of what is next. Only strength in knowing that other's have walked this path and done so with grace and dignity I can only hope to acheive. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!!! May that strength and love guide you these last days Pat and may those same strength's and love help you in the future Barb.
Ok......back from a walk around the building to catch my breath.
Thank you for sharing your journey with such openess and stark reality. It has been a true honor to know you even if only in this virtual world. your spirit is special and will be remebered for a lifetime.
Know mine and my wife's love and thought's are with you two.
Peace

John
Pat, this is Derek in Omaha. I wish I could make it to Idaho,it must be beautiful. I spent the weekend in a meditation group. There was much discussion about experiencing God here NOW. It is everyone's birthright! One topic that came up more than most was, death. Everyone was expressing the love they felt from those that were going "home", and the GIFT that it was to be with them in those last days. Pat, you were on my mind and in my prayers this weekend and everyday since I started reading this thread. God, bless you and your family.
.
Pat,
.
I have continued to think about you daily and lately, it seems more like hourly.
.
Our conversations have been wonderful, happy, sad, poignant, inspiring, frustrating and full of love.
.
I am blessed to have had the chance to know you and my life has changed as a by product of your courage and insights. I have always felt blessed for my family and life, but knowing you has greatly enhanced my perspective and appreciation for life and my blessings.
.
Thank you first for being such a good friend and then for sharing so openly with all of us, for your display of courage in facing what we must all handle at some point. I pray that I will handle it all with even half the grace you have displayed.
.
I dread not being able to pick up the phone to give you a call and will miss you greatly. I am and will always be grateful for all that you have shared with me.
.
Thanks for being my good friend and such an inspiration to all of us.
.
Love,
Larry
.
Pat,

Thank you for your inspiration - it has not only helped us bond as a community, it has helped humanity as a whole.

I don't post much here anymore--

Be assured I have followed not only your journey, but your guidance, and for that I thank you!

In this little known (to the world) forum, you have taught me to see through eyes that awakened me, allowing me to become my own-- a rare event in my life.

If this sounds "deep" indeed it is, because I have learned that life isn't all about VTA or VTF ...

It's about appreciation, gratitude, fun, love, and of course music!

It's what you learned' me :) thank you --

Oh yea,Pat & Barb-- If you have a new pup in the house, I have news for ya! you better go buy new shoes for the next year! Pets snuggled next to you with your fav'rite tunes are the very best. Hugs!

Love ya buds !~

Richard
Hi Pat and Barb.

I have been following this thread for some time now, but havenÂ’t been able to write. I felt the need to now. I lost my father to stomach cancer all of 7 years ago on New Years day, 1998. I was 18, and he was about to turn 50.

November 1st was the day that we learned of his diagnosis, and were told that he had 6 weeks to live. Our family made all out war on the cancer, and he lived for 14 months. I have been reliving my own personal experiences, as many of those here on audiogon have, through your story.

As I have been filling out my medical school applications, I am surprised at how often my thoughts have turned to your story. I suppose it is the deep personal memories that this thread evokes, but I wanted to let you know that, weather you want it or not, a piece of you has now become part of me. I cannot help this, but I am grateful for it. My father enjoyed living an agonizing and torturous 14 months to their fullest. I used to think that I was powerless to help him, that I could do nothing for him. It has taken me a long time to realize that I did more for him than any chemo or surgery did, by being with him, by listening, traveling when we could, by taking time out of being an 17yr old pain in the ass, to be a son and a friend. I don't really know where I am going with this, but it feels good to write it, I hope it helps you feel good in reading it.

John M Lawrence IV
(Windzilla)
Audiophile Greenhorn

P.S. Barb, often, when I say "you" in this post, I am referring not only to Pat, but to you as well, I just have a hard time expressing that sentiment into words.
Barb and Pat- You're in my thoughts and prayers daily. May God be with you both.
pat & barb...been following it all for months. i lost my mother in law to this dreadful disease and was there for the ending days. i admire you as everyone else here does for your great dignity, courage & eloquence. i really have nothing to add other than my deep admiration and prayers for both of you. pat, keep rockin'. and barb, keep up your beauty and spirit. it's as inspiring as anything i have ever experienced.

god bless you both.
Pat and Barb,

This is David from Ontario, Canada. I believe that you have made many people that have read this account of your pain and suffering and grace and love much better human beings. It has for me.
Thank you.
I talked to Pat this morning. He's been feeling poorly the last few days. The upside is, it may be due to an allergy to the pain meds. If they can get the right meds, and Pat can get comfortable and rest, he may feel much better.
It's Tuesday morning, and I'm just getting back to this thread after being away for a few days attending my first cousin's wedding in the bucolic upstate New York mountains. We had a weekend focused on fun and celebration, eating (and drinking, though not for me), being outdoors, making/enjoying music, and meeting friends and relatives both old and new - in a setting featuring warm sun, brisk clean air, brilliant autumn leaves, interesting rocks and trees, snow-covered peaks, star-blanketed night skies (nice to see once in a while that the Milky Way is still around us) and panoramic mountaintop vistas revealed after a slightly grueling but invigorating (so you didn't mind the mud and slush) hike up. I found myself lingering, after group photos atop an abrupt rock face peak overlooking miles of valleys and ridges below, to watch as individual brightly colored leaves would every so often break free of their tree moorings and sail off gently into the abyss, yet not falling but buoyed upward and outward on thermals ascending the cliffside, floating away gradually against the blue sky like a slow and solemn dance procession. But all the while privately I kept wanting to hurry back home and to my computer because I knew I was missing this thread at a critical time.

That, and also because of an email exchange Pat and I had last week. You see, a few months back, when I sent Pat an old CD changer I had cooling in a closet, I did so with the threat that I would regularly be making and sending him CD-R's of whatever music I felt inspired to give him - mostly just in case he ever tired of having to get up and down to flip records during his illness, but also as a form of communication of my regard for him. Well, you know what they say about where the road paved with good intentions leads...

Despite plenty of initial enthusiasm I found I quickly became rather bashful about the prospect of imposing unsolicited music upon a guy I didn't really know, who had a large collection I was unfamiliar with the contents of, and who probably could no longer be in possession of the unthinking sense (that I suspect most of us are guilty of, however incorrectly in reality) that he had all the time in the world left in which to listen. Simply put, I didn't want to waste Pat's valuable time and attention on anything not of his own choosing, or that he or Barb might not dig as much as me. I was relieved when I learned that some of Pat's local friends - who presumably know his tastes better than I could - loaned or gave him several CDs, and after only a couple of stabs at sending him stuff, I aborted the mission thinking discretion might be the better part of valor in this case.

After reading recently that Pat had just 30 or so CDs to play I asked him last week if there was anything in particular he wanted, and instead he encouraged me to go ahead and send him whatever I felt like. I really wanted to deep down, so I agreed with both excitment and some reluctance to compile just one CD-R. I decided on making a collection from a group, my favorite among currently active rock bands, that I don't believe he's heard before, and I hope no one finds this too strange or inappropriate but part of the reason was because I feel they've written some inspiring songs about affirmation of life within comtemplation of death (though it's incidental, for those who might wonder the band is The Flaming Lips).

However I couldn't quite finish putting together the CD-R before we had to leave town, and after reading, the evening prior to our going, that Pat couldn't keep food down anymore, while we were away I feared it would really be too late upon my return for completing and overnighting the disk to be anything more than a futile gesture - even on the outside chance he might have liked the music nearly as much as I do, which of course was never any certainty. So now, reading Pat's most recent posts above, I've decided - again - that at this juncture I shouldn't send it after all. I feel kind of foolish concerning myself like this about something as small as a CD (though I myself will listen to it and think of Pat after he's gone) when Howard, who writes so eloquently, has actually traveled to be with Pat, but it's emblematic to me of the essential powerlessness I'm sure frustrates us all in this situation - with time slipping away, and words seeming like but leaves blowing away on the winds of a changing season we cannot alter.
Zaikes wrote "with time slipping away, and words seeming like but leaves blowing away on the winds of a changing season we cannot alter."

Wow! Those are incredible words!
Alex, you've done more than you'll ever know to affect Pat's life. He couldn't stop talking about the CD player you sent to them, and how it ignited his interest in digital. We listened to it for a couple of hours on the day I arrived. You are such a caring person, and it really comes through here.

Nate, I don't know what to say. You are a bright light in my world.

With this incredibly powerful conversation, Pat and Barb have given us all the powerful gift of community and friendship. Out of the blue, I received an e-mail last night from an Audiogon member who has been very close to Pat through this ordeal. He just wanted to be sure that I was not too pained by what is happening. I was stunned by his concern. I believe that this gracious honoring of humanity is exactly what Pat had hoped to bring to this community. Clearly, he has succeeded.
Wow Howard...BTW, that reminds me that I never remembered to ask Pat what was the result of hooking up that external DAC, if he did. Anyway, I stand in awe of the guys like you (and Paul, and Doug); of the group that assembled with Pat at Albert's place; of the Audiogon member who sends Pat medicine; and I'm sure many others - including everyone that cultivated a telephone relationship with "ol' Lugnut" - who went the extra mile of personally reaching out past the self-protective distance of the Internet to make an acquaintance in the flesh or by voice, with all the attendant emotional risk that entails, when you knew it would be taken from you before long. It's people like you who're really the caring ones, the ones with guts and a commitment translated into action. You're all loving people and role models for this community.

And - as if we needed any further evidence of it other than the words he has written here - Pat demonstrated he is truly a Wise Man (which I'm sure he'd deny :-) when he opened his heart to the whole crazy lot of us, rather than confine himself to the private and familiar, as I'd guess many of us might be inclined to do if we ever found ourselves in a similar circumstance. I suppose that, with his example for inspiration and guidance, someday there could be another thread on Audiogon not unlike this one, but I could never imagine anyone else pulling it off as naturally well as Patrick has done. Just so there's no mistake about it, it hasn't been his disease or his situation; it's been him, as our leader and teacher, who has made real and made worthwhile this special gathering - a testament to his character and his influence, which, as so many have declared, will endure inside us all.
Hi again everyone - Just a quick note about Pat. These last few days have been very challenging. The pain medication was changed last night which has helped with the side effects but he needs higher doses to help with the pain. We visited with a chaplan and social worker this morning. The nurse is on her way now and a hospital bed is arriving this afternoon. It won't be long now that Pat will lay down for the last time. And no doubt he just smoked this last cigarette but the kisses on the forehead are continuous.
Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts today. God blesses us all. Until next time audiogon friends. Love - Barb
Barb and Pat,
Next Wednesday will be the 10th anniversary of my wife's passing. Both of you are in my thoughts. I wish you peace.
Bill
We did a cardiac case yesterday.Open heart surgery for coronary vesel bypass.It was a redo ie. the second time.First time was a few years ago.Patients coronary vessels were occluded again,so needed an operation again.High risk case since cardiac funtion low and very critical coronary disease.Intra and postop everything is going extremely well.

I remember as we pushed the patient into the ICU,in the corner of my eye, seeing the family ~ the wife ,son,daughter etc.Everybody looking concerned and relieved that he came out of the operating room well.

This morning his son drove back home from the hospital to a town far away from where the operation took place and had a serious car accident.He was killed on impact ....
I guess he was in his late twenties.His father was still unconcious on the ventilator after the op at the time of the accident.Up to this time he does not know his son is dead ................

Let us all embrace life and enjoy it too the full,every single moment of every single day !
Barb, could you let Pat know about a dream I had last night, a dream that had him in it. Well in this dream my time on earth was apperently up and for some reason, I must have done some good things, I was entering the pearly gates. I was pretty calm, and a little proud of all of my accomplishments. The first person I saw was my best little Beagle "Chloe". The next person to show up, wouldn't you know it, was Lugnut. Recognized me right away though we have only met over the phone. He was driving a big red convertible car with big fins on the back. He was wearing that pilot hat on that we have seen here on Audiogon. He yelled to me to jump in, a concert was starting. Well I jumped in the car and wouldn't you know it, instead of a CD player in the dash old Lugnut grabed a 12" LP and slid it into a very narrow and wide slot in the dash board. He looked at me with a wide smile and said "took a little work but now, it's Heaven".
I woke up this morning with a big smile of my face and deep in my heart I know things will work out.
Pat, I look forward to our meeting. And the concert.
Pat, as I commented to my uncle a couple months ago the day before he died from cancer.

I asked if he was still smoking. He told me in a frail voice, "Yes a little." I told him he needed to think about quiting those, because they could kill him. I left his house seeing a big grin on his face. A good way to remember him.

So Pat, you too need to quite those nasty things, "They could kill you." ;-)

I love you.
Please look up and say thanks. Pat is now resting comfortably and sleeping more than hour at a time. His stomach is being drained through a tube in his nose but he is still determined to stand up to take a leak. We will cherish this day and enjoy our many friends that stop by.
Until next time. Barb