About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Just wanted to let you know I was still thinking of ya Lugnut.

Bin

And I know where your at the music is playing, you sre listening, and so are we.

I am just a sentemental old fool who misses his friends.

My prayers and thoughts are with you in this trying time. When I went through my bout with Cancer I learned to try and not worry about the future or regret the past but simply to live in the moment. I get up everyday and thank God for one more.

Lugnut,

I admire you more amd more with every post you make... so insperational...though you don't know me I feel like I know you and and think of you often. The world needs more people like you not less.

A few years ago my best friend was diagnosed with Cancer.
I was with him during most all his chemo treatments and spent what was to be his last night with us at the hospital at his side. Sometime during the night I awoke and he was sitting patiently waiting for me to wake up he mumbled something I couldnt hear, when I got closer he was saying to me "who thought it would come to this"?
I didn't know what to say.
The next day he passed in my arms.
Shortly after my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
During her hospital stay one day near the end I decided to smuggle up some beer and get all her relatives and loved ones around, we had a grand old time. She said something about how she would have to start working hard if she wanted to get out of there.
I didnt know what to say.
The next night was unusually uneventful and I left in the morning to go home for a bit. She passed away minutes after I left. I know she held on long enough so I wasnt there when it happened. Thats mom's always looking out for you.

Patrick you have made me realize that maybe it wasn't important what I said but simply that they knew I loved them.
I still dont know what to say.
But I will say that you are loved and thats the greatest gift of all.
One small thing I can do is to light a candle every time I listen to music for my friends Patrick and JD to let you know you are loved.
After all in the end all we have is each other.

bin

The main reason I visit Audiogon is to check on you. I usualy log on numerous times during the day. Both hoping for and dreading to see a post by you. I will sit and stare at the thread not wanting to open it.... cause I dont want to hear that things arent looking good. You have come to mean a lot to me you see and I want to think of you laughing and living and loving life not hurting and going through this. For I am selfish and draw from your strength and love of life. I find myself silently weeping both for joy and sadness as I read along. Still lighting the candle.

Hey Pat take a sad song and make it better; remember, to let us in to your heart, then you can start to make us better; dont be afraid you were made for this...

A couple of stories that most likely will have little or no meaning to anyone but me but so be it.
As best as I can remember them…….
I had traveled alone to a nearby town to attend a concert that none of my friends were interested in. I arrived a little early so I decided to go to a bar that was fairly close to the venue and knock a few back. As I entered I noticed a woman sitting at the bar and I was struck by her beauty. It was a little hard to see as the years had disguised it some but it was there if you took the time to look. She was sitting with what I took to be her husband and some friends. I settled in and had a few drinks when I noticed her get up and walk down the bar to visit with some people at the other end. When she walked back I happened to glance up and see her chin quivering a little and a tear was rolling down her face. She quietly sat down and her somewhat oafish husband failed to notice. An elderly gentleman sitting close by did and said hey what’s wrong? She looked up her voice quavering and said its just that I heard that Paul’s cancer wasn’t responding any more to the treatments and I just.. .I mean that…. At that point the old man interrupted and said; WHAT, that’s nothing to cry about, nothing at all. I could see she was a little taken back by his statement and so was I for that matter. He said in a tender tone; I would go this minute if I could. Her husband spoke up at that point, barked a laugh, and said no way; you would fight for every second just like the rest of us. The elderly man responded no… no I wouldn’t. At that the husband responded in a loud tone “Bullshit you know you would fight to the bitter end for a few more days of life just like we all would. The old man was quiet for a second then slammed his glass on the bar, stood up, and with eyes of steel and a voice to match, he locked his gaze on the husband and he said no I wouldn’t. You see all my friends have passed, I am the last, I am alone, I miss them, and I want to be with them again. They are waiting for me and I can’t wait to join them. In that moment you could see the measure of the man that he once had been and could still be. The husbands retort sputtered on his lips and he turned away. As I glanced at the wife I could see her smile a little as understanding dawned on her. The elderly gentleman looked back and with a nod he turned away. As he shuffled out the door I noticed a tear running down his face but a smile was on his lips too.

I was watching a documentary on elephants. It showed this herd that was enjoying life in a lush reserve.
Inexplicably the whole herd left the reserve and began a long an arduous journey across a desolate an arid land. The scientists that were studying them were perplexed at why they would do such a thing but their interest was peaked and they continued to film and follow them. After a number of days you could see they were coming up to an old, and long since dry, watering hole. In the distance you could see this little white speck. As the herd got closer one female elephant walked ahead as the rest of the herd held back and followed at a distance. As she got closer to the white speck you could see that it was a tiny elephant skull. The female elephant slowly walked to it and you could she was crying as a tear rolled down her face. She reverently and gently touched every part of that tiny skull with her trunk. It was her son, you see, that had passed away a few years back. She had come to say goodbye to him. All the other elephants that made this long and trying journey silently stood by her as she grieved. With a final toss she flung the skull away and the herd turned around and headed back home to the preserve. The next year they show her with a new baby boy romping with the herd.
The circle continues...

I am not sure why I posted these stories but I think of them often and they never fail to move me.

Still lighting the candles for Lugnut and JD.

Patrick,
I think you know from my stories how much you have come to mean to me. Though in some ways this has been brutal it has also been beautiful and I feel honored that I have been able to participate in it in a small way. We will all someday travel your path and I thank you for showing us the way.

I was sitting down in my office chair this morning and as the norm checking the thread. As I set there somberly reading my two grandchildren came bounding into the room. I have a 6 year old grandson and 4 year old native american grandaughter. Looking at me they both noticed something amis and my grand daughter said "grandapa, whats wrong", concerned etched on her face. I tried to explain in a way I thought they would understand and my grand daughter took my face in her tiny little hands, concern etched in her big blue eyes and said "Grandpa Its okay he's going to be with God"

Barb,

Though many of us have gone through similar tragedies we can't know what this feels like to you or yours.
One thing we can do is Listen. In many ways I think just listening, really listening, to someone is one of the greatest expressions of friendship. We are here to listen for as long as you need us.

As unflinchingly and courageously Pat died...
Its but a shawdow of how he lived.

Hereos step back and bow. Well done Lugnut.

Just remembering and honoring my old friends....Miss you and wil not forget.

A time to remember old friends and give thanks.