You might be an audiophile if...

you have plastic surgery to look more like michael green or mathew polk......or you've trained your dalmation to do that 'his master's voice' thing

Boa2 - that would definitely get me going....

You get aroused listening to your wife expound on the sonic characteristics of various 6SN7 tubes with the local hi-end dealer.

You can hear the difference between the UPS, FedEx & postal truck as they're coming down your street and if they pass your house (after you've jumped up like a kid for the ice cream truck) you get bummed out, 'cause it's another day before your ________ arrives.

You get home after a long day at work and after turning on the ceedee player, set the tt platter spinning, spending a half hour looking for the perfect disc and or LP (the amp and pre were already on from the night before), checking to ensure your room treatments are all in place, cleaning the LP you may play, settleing down in the sweet spot, listen to the system for an hour, AND THEN WONDER WHY YOUR SPOUSE ISN'T HOME AND CALL HER CELL AFTER THE LP HAS PLAYED BUT THEN REALISING YOU HAVE THE PLACE TO YOURSELF, YOU TURN THE CELL PHONE OFF AND SETTLE IN FOR MORE GOOD SOUNDS!

You see that ad for "A Perfect Pair" in the back of Stereophile and honestly notice the tubes instead of the boobs.

Letterman's Top Ten for Audiophile and Home Theater Obsessions:

10) You get a complaint about noise...from your local airport.
9) Your electric company builds a substation in your backyard
8) Your H.T uses as much cable and wire as found in 3 average homes
7) Your speakers are bigger than your refrigerator
6) Every time you play a Bach pipe organ piece, seismographs register activity
5) You get rid of your wood stove, because your tube equipment puts out more heat
4) You have more filled equipment racks than your local radio station
3) Your new preamp is the best one you've ever heard, and your system is finally finished. You trade it in next week for a different one.

2) You own at least 10 different vinyl pressings of every Beatles and Stones album
1) You can "hear" the sonic differences resulting from a 3 degree ambient temperature change.

Mofi... naming dogs this way would be much less distructive...

... if your wife knows all the high end audio brands and pronouces them correctly.

and www.audiogn.com is your home page!

You called Rives Audio to assist on the selection of your last home purchase (you'd be surprised how many times we've done this now).

You're designing a new home and you spend more time with Rives Audio than you do with your architect on the remainder of the home.

You converted a barn in your backyard into the ultimate audiophile getaway.

You are a successful practicing doctor(s) and decide to abandon that to sell high end audio equipment and have Rives Audio design the showrooms (two brothers come to mind here).

You ever considered buying a building in Manhatten to build the ultimate audio room because you wanted it convenient and closer to your office. (true story)

The last words you heard before you made an audio purchase were: "Hang on, I've got to introduce you to someone. I'll conference them in, hang on." (Jonathon Tinn clients know what I'm talking about here)

You watched a Vin Diesel movie and suddenly had the urge to buy audio equipment. (JTinn clients will understand this too)

You have more invested in records and cds than your retirement accounts.

You ever wondered if you should paint your interior walls with textured paint for added diffusion.

YMBAAI:

1) your on-going discussion about the glass table in the listening room with the wife eventually leads to an accidental hammer falling out of you pocket (onto it) as you were walking through the room to go fix something else..

2) You cancel the Stereophile cause you're ears are better than the reviewers ("what were they thinking when they said that!").

3) You're 4yr old son can point out that that's Louis singing and playing the trumpet, and Duke is on the piano (at the right times during the song of course).

4) Your spouse gave up on you long ago....

...if one or more of the following LP/CD's are among your collection:

Jazz at the Pawnshop
Anything by Diana Krall
Anything by Jacintha
Dark Side of the Moon*
Brothers in Arms*
Any Stereophile Test CD
Anything by Patricia Barber
Muddy Waters Folk Singer

*approved "Audiophile" version required (more than one copy of
either qualifies)

....if you own and listen to LPs/CDs which you don't even enjoy the music on
but they make your system sound really amazing

....if any of the following are on your speed dial

Your local high end shop
Your local music store
Rives

...if you've started a mutual fund for your kid's first system

...if your the cost of your analog rig could pay for a year at an Ivy League
school

...if your idea of a fun weekend is perusing garage sales and flea markets for
vinyl

...if you routinely find yourself with a half-dozen or more unopened CDs/LPs
among your collection, simply for lack of 'listening time'

...your local high-end shop has put up a plaque dedicating their new analog
listening room in your name

..If your son's names are Martin, Logan and Krell and your daughter's names are Avalon, Maggie and Linn :-)

You're an audiophile if your local high end store's salesment won't give you a demo of a high cost component you know you can't afford, and you get offended!

..... if you used the money you saved for cataract surgery to buy new cables. You don't need your eyes to listen to music anyway.

I know Mattybumpkin is BSing because there's NO WAY he'd miss a pass like that from Pam...or Christy for that matter.

I think Viridian has busted us all. Heheh.

Marco, I feed both an audiophile and automotive fix that may lead to me one day needing Fixident.

Boa2, you know it. I pay $122/mo for Empty Attic storage to house worthless crap AND my empty audio boxes.

...if your listening room looks like Junji Kimura's from 47 Labs. Mine certainly does.

mwilson there's no need to get personal! I'm trying to plan better this year.

You might be an audiophile if you keep the major appliances out on your front porch so the "motor hum" doesn't intrude on your system.

You might be an audiophile if you schedule family vacation trips only to those destinations that have high end audio salons and adequate vinyl shopping opportunities.

you have 10 jitter filters, a Theta DAC and 110V in your car stereo.

You need to sell your excess audio gear to pay for taxes you should have been saving toward instead.

If your garage/attic is full of boxes that all that audio gear comes in.....and nothing else because there ain't no more room...!!!

OR

Some of the furniture ,in your living room , made from some of those boxes(end tables come to mind because years ago I did just that)..why...because you ran out of room in your garage/attic.

Boa2 is the winner so far!!!!!!

(I thought I was nuts!?)

you're willing to move your heavy speakers and stands from against the wall to listening position rather than having to sell them because your toddler may knock them over in your listening position.
-or-
You buy things you know has absolutely no foundation in science "just in case" they might work, like putting a plastic-encased "chip" on top of your CD player while the CD is spinning, which makes all your CD's magically transform into higher-quality sound.,

(I've NOT done the latter.)

Thanks for all the responses. These have been great. Although I see myself in waaay too many of these. I'll add a few more.

You might be an audiophile if -

You are mentioned in your local Krell dealer's will.

You have more than 20 unused interconnects sitting in a box somewhere.

Too heck with dedicated circuits. You ask the local electric company put in a dedicated transformer for your house. AND THEY DO IT. :o)

your living room is arranged around your speakers, and your speakers visually dominate the room, being several feet from any walls.

You pay $54 per month at a storage facility so you can keep all of the empty audio boxes.

You and your wife sleep in the guest bedroom so that the larger, master bedroom can be used for listening.

Yep, it's true.

you own more than one Alan Parsons CD...and actually listen to them...

...the lighting of your room and the hum of your kit illuminates you more than the passages of the music...

If your listening to music on a 90 degree day and you turn off the air conditioning because its too noisy.

...you pay the electic company way more than you have to every month so everythings always "warmed up".

...you get more excited over looking at a nice set of speakers than you do a nice set of boobs.

...your connections are way cleaner than your windows.

...your couch has a permanent imprint in the sweet spot.

...your family is afraid to touch the stereo.

...your last choice for audio equipment is Best Buy.

...you have ever had a cable delivered overnight red.

I have a dedicated credit card for audio purchases. I have a dedicated room for the empty boxes. I am seeking a dedicated therapist.---

...you stop inviting friends and relatives over for fear of them questioning you sanity, once they saw what you've done to the living room.
...you swear you can hear the difference between an object 1/4 once vs 1/2 once placed on top of your component.
...you spent the week-ends tweaking your components that you thought sounded "Perfect" last week-end.
...you look around for things that "might" work in your system everytime you walk into a Home Depot.

...if you buy a cd that you already have. Now I have never done this...just know some people who have:)

When someone asks you what kind of stereo you have it takes twenty minutes to answer

I AM an audiophile:
*my vinyl/cd collection is in alphabetical order & requires a (small) separate room (I don't wear socks in summer)
* I evaluate new homes also by their suitability for spkr placement
* I have a dedicated circuit
* I listen to music late at night and, yes, the sound is better...
...and more

Gunbei : LOL. At least you know that yr spkrs are very faithful...

You've ever thought your Dunlavy SC IV's would make spiffy coffins for you and the Mrs.

the power cord attached to your amplifier cost more than your amplifier!

I couldn't resist!*>)

your stereo system was put together by selecting equipment from Stereophile's Reccommended Components list!*>)

If your teenage children tell you to turn it down.

Your lady comes out of the bedroom, wearing a slinky negligée, and a "come play with me look", and you tell her just another half-hour until I finish cleaning vinyl on my VPI.

-you're listening to your system untill 1am, then get up to listen again at 6am, all bacause the power grid is 'quiet'

-you lock your living room door so the family can not come in to disturb you, and play dumb later "...sorry, I could not hear you, must of been that last movement..."

-you put a lock on your living room door to begin with

...if you can hear your amp stands
...if you keep your VPI on 24/7

if beg your friends not to but that BLOWS system at the super store, and convince them to give you the money to buy used off the 'Gon. If your sytstem is worth more than your car$(OK my car).

...each of your speakers weigh more than you do.

...you've changed one or more of your components more frequently than you
brush your teeth.

...it makes sense to put together just one more system to go along with the
other six you already have setup throughout your house, and the four in
storage (there is still the cellar stairs after all...you can fit a chair there at the
bottom, and carpet the stairs and add some Echo Busters..)

...your LP collection requires its own separate room.

...not only do you know what the "Fred's Head Mod" is, you actually have the
green and blue pens to prove it.

Uhhhh, how many of these do you have to fall under before you can be called "certifiable"?
I remember a University course in Abnormal Psych where I'd start to get nervous if I knew too many of the feelings and characteristics described - this feels like deja vu all over again.

http://www.royaldevice.com/custom.htm

you wear mismatched socks but your vinyl collection is arranged alphabetically.

YMBAAI: You leave your car running all night so the radio/cd will be ready to listen to on the way to work.