This occured to me as an addendum to the current "Wacko" thread:
How many audiophiles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to tell all the others that they should be using HIS light bulb, which blows away all the competition. Worth fifteen times the price he paid, the light caused him to deposit his jaw somewhere in the room where he first witnessed the light of this amazing bulb. He also requests if anyone should find his jaw that he would be grateful for its prompt return as he hasn't been able to eat any solid food ever since.
Three to argue about bulb's placement in the room for maximum light dispersion.
Six to insist that the bulb would render superior light if powered by the Phallic Serpent $2500 power cord.
Two to insist that light bulbs are old technology and introduce distortion into the spectrum of light.
Four to declare that a light bulb is no substitute for "real" light, and to greater appreciate the light the bulb provides one must also go out and absorb as much "real" light as possible.
Three to ask why there are so many used light bulbs on the market.
Two to suggest a power regenerator may stabilize the bulb's output and provide for greater enjoyment of the light eminating from it.
Twelve to argue the chain of hierarchy in delivery of the optimum output of light from the bulb.
One to design a custom stabilizing harness for the bulb, fabricated from polished steel and burled Bubinga wood to assure the bulb will be held in place and be immune to all vibrations.... in great style. Filled with lead shot, of course.
Four to suggest doing several A/B/A comparisons of different bulbs before deciding upon one.
Six to quote the recent bulb shootout in The Absolute Light that declared that Home Depot bulbs are every bit as good as NOS GE bulbs.
Three to decry that it's all snake oil, and point out that the rest of the bunch are all whackos and the world is coming to an end anyway.
OK, I'm sure some of you can come up with a few more....
Four to declare with great certainty that the very finest bulbs ever were produced for military purposes between 1956 and 1961 in a small factory in Belgrade, and that viewing the light from these bulbs is sure to transport you directly to Nirvana on a non-stop flight in a first-class seat with Angelina Jolie sitting beside you! Three of the four happen to have a stash of the Serbian wonder bulbs, a few of which they may let go for the right price.
Six would never even install the bulb as they will have already upgraded to a superior bulb in the time the bulb was in transit to them. Those bulbs could be seen for sale on Bulbogon with a "10/10" rating (still in the sealed box).
Now light bulbs available in Multi-LED Direct Replacement. Shades(no pun intended) of 1984. Classic Tube lovers (analog - incandescent) will argue that the new Digital/LED lights are too harsh and bright. This problem will be fixed by the new Burr-Brown-designed 24-bit high resolution ADR's (Analog to Digital Rectifiers). This, in turn, will be followed by the inevitable comment "I can't see spending an extra $39.95 when I can't See the Difference.....and on it goes....
is the lightbulb from europe or asia? is the connection made of copper or silver? is it receiving "dirty" power? is all the power arriving in the bulb at the same time? is a burn-in period needed?
One to ask, "will the bulb perform better if you leave it on all the time?". Two who answer yes but it won't last as long. Fourteen to argue the point till the thread gets too nasty and the moderators pull the plug. At which point a new thread starts on those little donut things that are suppose to make your bulb last forever to which five point out various weaknesses in said donut and call them " snakeoil products. To which eleven oldtimers talk about the one in their garage which has been working for 40 years!
Laughing at ourselves...now thats what I'm talking about.Now thats healthy boys.O.K now everyone take tomorrow off and go screw ...I mean tighten your speaker posts.
Four to debate whether they should replace the bulb now, or wait for the introduction of the newfangled light bulb recently previewed in The Absolute Light.
One to advise that the light from the bulb looked much brighter in the store that at home.
Depending on the wattage the burn in time will vary. Of course I'll need to get the most recent Hi End Light Bulb magazine to see what the reviewers say...
One in "Bulbophile" to suggest that the latest Mark IV version, with "bulb chimneys" for improved convection cooling, will put out a few more watts than the one you have at even lower distortion than you have, which you can't hear anyway. (read on)
6 to help tilt back your bulb for the correct phase and time, even though you have a load of ear wax thick enough to be able to screw a bulb into your ear canal without falling out, ala "Uncle Fester", who happens to resemble a reviewer in the defunct magazine, "The Bulber".
4 to lament the good old days, while reading 1970s issues of "Bulb Review".
I have more, but the grass need cutting....with ear protection, of course!
Four to state they are suffering from fatigue after prolonged exposure to their bulbs.
Sixty four to establish and proliferate an entirely new vocabulary to describe the various attributes of light bulbs and the light they produce.
Sixteen to wax rhetorical on the one bulb they should never have sold back in the mid 80's.
One to shamelessly plug the bulb they currently have for sale, and explain the various reasons they are selling it even though it is the finest bulb they've ever owned.
Three to check with their wives to make sure the bulb in question is acceptable for their homes.
Man, that mirror your holding up Marco sure is clean! I have been heavily surfing the audio forums for over 3 years and after reading this, I am grining like a fool but nodding my head.
Now close it down dammit, you're pulling people away from the thread I started!
Oh yeah, three to point out that all bulbs give off exactly the same amount of light as they performed a DBT.
Twelve to point out that the bulb in question is too small for the room it is in and a more powerful bulb should be used.
Six to suggest an external crossover linking the bulb to additional bulbs providing a broader coverage of light.
Two to insist that a simpler circuit is superior, and that the single bulb is the more pure solution and does greater justice to the truest expression of light.
One to build their own DIY light bulb.
Seventeen to suggest various tweaks to improve the performance of the light bulb.
Nine to suggest using a battery power-source for a more stable expression of light.
Two to insist that no one has improved upon the tried and true candle as a light source.
Seven to suggest various room treatments to enhance the dispersion of the light in the room.
Three to replace the light switch with a Swiss-made rheostat.
Fourteen to suggest a dedicated circuit with an isolated ground would improve the bulb's performance.
Three to ask if the bulb is appropriate for Home Theater use.
Six to ask why, when they put their ears directly on the bulb, they hear a humming noise, and what can they do to get rid of it.
And since a light bulb is a tube, its wattage is of course "better" than the solid state one, which would be an LED, I guess. Musn't forget that since NASCAR uses only LEDs in their race cars, tube light cars can't be as good, though. Bob P.
You guys have it all wrong, a simple silver coating will enhance the output of a el cheapo light bulb that competes for one tenth the cost of all of the above higher priced models and make things so bright! Special applicator provided of course and if you act right now, they will throw in an extra ounce of the maigc stuff! You can acutally hear the difference!!!
Don't forget about the gargantuan, corrugated, razor-sharp, aluminum heat-sink around the base (bass?) of the bulb. I'm sure some would argue that that gives the bulb's light more of a mid-hall perspective, at which point we would all be reminded that this is subjective and a matter of personal taste...
vote taken regarding how many foot pounds of torque each bulb was screwed into the socket with lit the best? research and development costed a bundle for the special bulb torque wrench alone. there was a almost unanimous vote until someone suggested using Walker sst on the socket which required testing to resume.
And then there will always be a few folks who won't know what a light bulb is, what it does, or at a mininum how you to define the term before they can get into a dissussion about how to use it. Some of us just have dimmer bulbs than others. :-)
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