I would be very interested in finding out how one manages to justify (or sneak in the home) expensive audio equipment without having to sell your soul to the Devil? It's quite a challenge for many of us I think. I heard of someone buying a Bel Canto DAC and telling his girlfriend that " Oh it's just a $ 100.00 power conditionner", or whatever. Seem like we need to get creative here if we can pursue this crazy hobby much longer! Regards All...
At the moment my wife is coping very well with my audio hobby since Sandy took away my listening room. All my gear is boxed up in a spare bedroom and I'm stuck with 100's of channels of crap on the TV to choose from! I'm living in Reality(?) TV HELL! Arrrrrrrgh!
My approach is very simple - in good years, spend on turntables, which dont depreciate. In bad years, sell them off and recycle the money. You dont have to ask the wife. You can also pitch this creatively "Honey, I just saved us $1000. Guess what - how do you think bought the new DAC? Easy...I just sold off a cartridge (don't tell her that such a small item cost $1000)."
The usual complaint was "aren't you done buying stuff?"!!! Until both our dear mothers died and left us some monies . NOW... She has her inheritance pot and I have mine. The complaints essentially stopped. The rebuttal to any complaints is..."am I asking you how you send your inheritance"? After working and slaving for 35 years to raise three kids through grad schools, it is now my turn to savor one of my passions. It's true. You can't take it with you..
We have a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. The stereo rig is in the man cave, which can only be accessed from the outside - so she rarely sees it (her choice, not mine!). I keep a separate slush fund for business expenses, gifts - and the occasional purchase. Meanwhile, these last two years she's spent quite a bit more on her "stuff" than I typically do on mine - so there's balance of a sort. Finally, a bit o' lovin' is important. Sure, I buy little gifts for myself, but I buy gifts for her too. Thoughtful, spontaneous gifts count for a lot.
Man cave setup so she doesn't care. I buy vintage classics that don't cost too much. I don't get needing to spend fortunes on high mark up gear. My rig sounds great for a lot less dough than most.
Upon seeing the fiberglass absorption panels I'd just brought into the living room (with wife approval), my best friend said, "You know, marrying her has only given you a higher pole on which to fly your freak flag."
I manage it by having separate finances that we don't have to justify to each other. We have the shared accounts, where bills are paid from, and groceries, and other shared expenses.
But then we also have our own accounts that we do as we please. If she buys some $500 shoes, I don't care - it's her money. If I buy expensive hi-fi equipment, she doesn't care, it's my money.
Purchases that come from the shared checking or savings accounts require us both to agree and approve of the purchase before hand. But purchases from our own separate accounts are purely our own.
Do your marriage a favor and take control of the finances - have joint accounts for joint expenses and separate accounts for individual expenses.
When my wife and I frequent antique shops/malls, she will let me know where there are any LP's that I may have missed. Also, she will unplug my system when thunderstorms are in the area if I'm away. She knows how much it means to me, and supports me, as long as I don't want to spend too much money. I really have to verify the need to spend big bucks.
My wife enjoys music as much as I do. When I told her Iwanted to check out Acuphase she asked "but we're going to keep the Rogue too right?" Life is good.
Some of us are blessed with wives that are comfortable in their skin. Why is she going to fight me? She's doing okay in the toy department. In the long run she will spend much more on purses, clothes, accessories, hair care, perfume. shoes, fancy coffee, makeup, and fast foreign sports cars than I do on my modest high system which btw has not seen a new item since 2005 (Bryston 4B-ST). Now software (CDs and LPs) is another story... but again I think my totals will come in beneath hers. And I use cash only! Regardless, every family member has needs and wants. Some of them should be met....
This post, written 10 years ago, Gumbydammit did it, is so great, that I think you should read it again:
03-16-02: Gumbydammit This thread makes me chuckle, so I will pass on a little tale that might help you out. Show this one to your wives if they think you go "too far"... Upon moving into the new domicile, It was discovered that I just COULD NOT get the turntable to be free from the shabby listening room floors "bendable" nature. Even a wall mount would not work. (Next house will be a concrete dome...)
Since the listening room does not have a basement under it, I did the right thing. Well, I thought it was the right thing.
As my wife got home from a long day at work, she found my brother, a friend and I deep into a project. The living room rug was history, there was a 4'X 4' hole in what used to be the floor/subfloor and where there once was the concrete pad that the original addition was built on, now was a 4 foot round, six foot deep..hole right into the ground.
She asked if we had too many beers. (There were only two empty cases in the kitchen.) She then asked if we had finally gone off and killed the trash next door and needed a place to dump the bodies. Then she asked how she would get the concrete dust off of everything. The WORST thing however, was the aircompressor spitting oil all over the porch after it ran the jackhammer for an hour to chop out the concrete. (carpet number two)
She decided it would be best to go to her friends house untill the dust settled and the slightly intoxicated helpers were gone.
The next afternoon, with a new piece of plywood on the floor she realized that there was a 4X4, sunk 6 feet into the ground (no bodies dear), then concreted under the house.
There were no arguements about the whole affair, we both knew better. I dont tell her what furniture to buy, what dishes, art supplies, dog classes, "you want a new car honey?" Go ahead, buy that new dress, it looks nice on you. Get the PROTON clock radio dear, not the cheapie. Go for the gusto! You like that color for the siding? Okay..etc etc. The sound system and the autos are MY department. Everything else is hers.
In my living room now protudes a nicely stained 4X4 with a "home-made" plastic gasket around it. There is a cut in our carpet that "kind of" hides the interface between the floor and the 4 feet of beam sticking out of it. The concrete dust has settled and been cleaned.
The LP12 sits on its perch like a proud bird on a dock piling. We have had company over the years that have commented on the "ugly" thing next to the "ugly" seven foot tall metal rack. "What is THAT for? Don't you stay with the times? We have CD's nowadays you know..." A few have actually been seen to have goosebumps when she would proudly smile and say "yeah, but listen to this new Sting we just had imported from the UK."
As the Grado dropped in the groove, those without ears of tin understood.
But I still joke about that day she came home and handled the situation so well. It all worked out. Plus, she got new floor coverings. ;)
The day after, as we danced on our bare living room floor with zero upset to the stylus riding in the groove....she said, "I think the sound is wonderfull, but I think the cartridge is getting a bit tired. Maybe you should go get a new one."
How about sneaking things out of the room which has now become my issue? After too many outbursts and threats to pour water on my rig when I am out of town, I have decided to crate things up until the dust settles. Funny thing is that if she believes that she owns the rig jointly with me, why would she contemplate such an irrational act. Button pushing perhaps but nonetheless I have gone proactive. The Tidals are now safe and sound inside the shipping crate. Anyone here have a significant other threaten to destroy gear to make a point, or worse act upon the threat?
Mrs. Timsorosk, Hi, this is Mrs. Noble. Funny, you call your husband a "spud" and I call mine the 'stud'. My husband keeps me quite busy, especially at night, but I would love to post as often as I can to give the feminine perspective. You keep your spud in line and I'll try to do the same with my stud. Maybe we could go shopping for expensive shoes just to even things out a bit. Or, better yet, I say we setup our own systems, money no object! Let me know. Bye
This is Mrs. Noble100. You must be the guy that started all this by parading around in nothing but a speedo and rollerblades. I seriously suggest you read my husband's (Noble100)last post on the "Where does your user name come from" to learn about all the trouble you caused today. You almost got my husband killed over that disgusting speedo. The FBI and all the news crews just left our house, finally, and my husband just told me the whole sordid story about you and your speedo. The last I heard, the FBI said Obama was having NASA shoot that nasty thing into space. I agree with my husband, you should lay off the Wild Turkey and start wearing normal pants.
Hello Mrs. N . This is Mrs. Tmsorosk, ( Missell ) . Maybe we should start posting here to give things a womans prospective . The old spud says every ones welcome . He often buys new things that resembles the old so it's hard for me to locate . If i'm seeking out an unauthorized purchase I usually check for styrafoam popcorn stuck to the side of the broom or vacuum . Best of luck with your audiophile you'll need it . Missell De'champlain
Hello. This is Mrs. Noble100 and I just have one question: Is it true that all Audiogon members pimp out their wives/girlfriends to fund their audio habit like my husband tells me? My girlfriends say no way but a woman on this forum named Elizabeth said it's definitely true and that she "dun in" and buried her husband for doing this. Confused in What's That Smell, Louisiana.
She found me this way and I'm not a permission seeking type, nor one to really explain/justify. I'll boast about good deals, but she's very much in the dark.
One strategy thats worked well was taking away her credit card and getting her a card under my amex. She gets to tease about it to her friends how she charges everything to my card, but when it comes down to significant purchases, she seeks my permission.
I on the other hand monitor everything she buys, get veto rights on her purchases and answer to no one as to my purchases.
Iv'e never been questioned over an audio purchase . We each have are own passions . The better half , or is it two thirds , has two high end cars in the garage , I have a ten year old Grand Cherokee in the drive way .
I don't I have wife or girlfriend to contend with. However, I do have family and friends. I have learned to cope by not talking much about this hobby of ours. I kinda downplay the whole system.
This used to not be the case. Initially, when after a long absence, I started to return to this hobby my family and friends were supportive, i.e. "Oh he found a hobby. That's good. He works too much."
It started with an Ipod. The darn thing really fascinated me and gave me perspective on how it changed the world. So then I decided to replace my 19 or 20", 30+ year old Toshiba, CRT as my primary TV. I bought a Samsung 32" HDTV.
Then someone told me that I could run the TV sound through my receiver into my stereo speakers. BTW. My "receiver" was a 30+ year old Sansui stereo receiver that only had 1 channel working. So I hooked up one speaker to the A channel on one to the B channel and would select the A or B channel depending on where I was in the house when playing music.
We tried the hook-up of the TV to the receiver to see how it sounded coming through the stereo speakers rather than the TV. It sounded like s------t. But now I was really curious so I decided to bite the bullet and replace (finally) the receiver.
Long story short, in about 3.5 years I went from a 30+ year old receiver with one stereo channel working and a 15 to 20-year old Yamaha CD player and a similar-aged Yamaha dual cassette deck...
To an Ipod. To a Samsung 32"HDTV. To a Denon AVR 3808-CI, to a new Denon DM 2910 CD player, to a 5.1 channel surround system driven by Vienna Acoustics speakers--4 Mozart Grands (full range) and a Maestro center channel, a JL Audio fathom f112, a Pioneer KURO Elite flat panel and a few components I probably forgot about.
Oh and I also resurrected from the dead a 30+ year old Sansui Direct Drive turntable, then I put a Pickering cartridge on it and now am running a Denon DL-160 on it and then I added an EAR phono stage. And then I brought my old record collection into the living room +/- 500 records from storage. And there are still probably a couple of components I have forgotten about, not including the fact that I am still using the 20+ year old Yamaha gear (I had a bunch of cassettes also in storage).
As I said, when I first started down this path my family was supportive. We used to talk about equipment, go to stores together, demo my new purchases. We all enjoyed it.
But as I moved beyond the entry level, type product at the Best Buy and Circuit City and Fry's level, they started to think that maybe I had gone off the deep end. As an example. One time I was searching the 'Gon for turntables. A friend was over and I had him look at some of the turntables with me to get his $0.02 worth. Well, his $0.02 worth was, "Wow. That costs $900! That costs $1,200!! For a turntable?" The next day or so I saw another friend and he had this concerned look. Like he was thinking that I needed an "intervention". He says, "So I hear you're looking for a turntable. You know. You can get a really good turntable at Best Buy for about $200."
At some point our views had diverged. To a certain degree. My family and friends had started wondering if I was crazy. They saw me wasting money needlessly on items that could have or should have just been bought at Best Buy for a less than $1K.
My view was hey, 1) it's my $$$, 2) I work my ass off, 3) it's a hobby, 4) in these days and times and in this economy it helps relax me. They don't get the emotional connection I have to the music and movies or the peace and sense of calm this hobby provides. I enjoy it. And hey, isn't 3.5 years to assemble the system I have a long time? At least compared to some of you guys it must be.
Anyway so now I kinda just keep my mouth shut.
The last thing I did related to this hobby that no one thought was crazy was I had a BBQ for a bunch of audiophile/videophile people that I know. About 20 like-minded dealers and hobbyists showed up. One gentleman even drove from out-of-state to attend. That was fun too.
Loss of interest, energy...save it. Read "The Manipulated Man" by Esther Vilar printed by Pinter and Martin for a real education. Flunky woman libers and other "entitlement type" women hate the book so "deeply", you know it's great. It's extremely candid by a very, very candid woman. Otherwise, the absolute safety of a vasectomy and the decision to be married tends to rule the game.
Unless I have kids to raise and I'm providing the ideal nuclear home environment, typically, I'm way, way happiest as a bachelor. Girlfriends? Always be doing something special together. Bust your nuts along with her bra straps laughing out loud together anytime you get the chance. Share many unique, special moments together - mostly funny.
Why won't this thread go away? What about all the women and gay audiophiles, what about their spouses, boyfriends,etc... The hobby needs to get out of this boys club mentality.
Divorce worked for me. A symptom of other issues I am sure, however listening to music at all in the living area would induce territorial marking by my wife and step daughter until they would run you one way or another. Sureal experincing two people morhp into the same self-centered characters as those on the crap reality TV they watched constantly. ( literally multiple repeat episodes of OC houswives etc.) I know I am being a bit of a downer to some. But hey its 4th of July, and I am free at last!! Do they have TV limit clauses in prenuptial agreements?
Stay out of debt, always make sure you have more money than her (so you can stick it to her how much more responsible you are than her) and keep seperate bank accounts. Then go out and buy what ever the hell you want. Remember to hide your gold. Happy listening.
I got my first set of serious equipment while she was in her home country visiting family. When asked, I just explained how "cheap' it all was, knowing myself that I was speaking in relative terms. She accepted it pretty well because it all sounded so great, although in her mind it hampered her ability to use closet space. I later explained my new CD player away based on it having originated in my ancestral country. She raised eyebrows, but accepted it fine once she heard how wonderful everything sounds through it. A long time later I showed-up with a second set of speakers. This time wasn't so easy. I explained that, because of my hearing loss on one side, I needed 4 speakers so that I can always hear everything even when I turn my head. She pretended to accept that. The new cables were fine until she tripped over them. If I was able to stop talking about speakers all the time, especially just before sleeping, she might have been more accepting about my third set that I put in another room. That lead to threats and things got rough for a while. It seemed logical for me to justify the new amp to match the new speakers, but less so to her. The DAC needed to play flac files from my Mac into the new amp didn't go over too well, even after all my explanations about vintage amps and ultra-high-tech DACs and stuff. She loves to tell me it sounds awful while trying to get me to sign divorce papers. To patch things up, I invited her to come with me to the shop to listen to main speakers to match the "small" ones I put in the other room. That didn't go over so well. I think the shop has hired new security to fend her off. The second set of speakers in the other room have left her no place to hang clothes, which has given me a good excuse to raise the issue of moving to a bigger house. After all, the new speakers are surely too big for this room, so therefore I need a bigger room. When tubes arrive from America and she needs to sign for them, it takes some real effort to patch things up. I took her to a great restaurant and she was happy at first, until she noticed it was just behind the stereo shop. When I tried to explain that I just needed a short piece of optical cabling for the DAC, that was it: threats of divorce turned to weapons being waved. I promised her I'd stop being an audio freak immediately, and I stuck to it, except for the pair of speakers that I swapped a few days later for my second listening room. They looked almost identical, so I figured she would never find out they were twice the price, even if she noticed they were there. The first 3 seconds of sound, and she was storming into the room, wielding a samurai sword. Life goes on...
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