Have you ever deceived your wife-audio purchase

My wife has stopped asking. Therefore, I've stopped bending the truth.

I used to think she didn't know when a change was made. Ha! Then one day I changed out a black ARC preamp for a different black ARC preamp with the same number of knobs, switches, etc. She walked by a few days later and said "hey that's different". I was so suprised there was no way to get out of it through obvious double-talk, the trade up stories, etc. The worst part was, it wasn't even mine, I was just playing with a friends pre and re-tubing it for him.

A while back she came up with a new scheme (my music room had become relatively packed with gear by then). The new rule became that if I brought something in, I had to remove something of equal volume. She would actually stand there with a tape measure and calculate volume as I brought things in. That backfired however, when I figured out I could remove equipment in advance of a pending purchase. I'd be hauling stuff out, declaring it's volume and explain it was for the new speakers I hadn't gotten yet.

Then I finally broke down and got a 3rd job that just paid for the audio hobby alone. That pretty much stopped the issue in it's tracks. I explain up front that she should expect to see a new XXX in about 6 months. 6 months later you can have 3 buddies over to haul it in, make a mess, make noise far too late into the night and it goes just fine. Maybe being straight about everything but price helps. We both know she doesn't want to know.

I'm glad to see this thread again. I re-read the whole thing and it made me laugh again many times.

Audiobb, yes, to me, the difference between the words girlfriend and wife is like the difference between the words new and old. Quite large, if you will. I'm sure if you are with her long enough she will 'guide' you towards marriage, and if she's a smart girl, she'll even make you think that it was your idea. As they use to say on 'Ally McBeal', men are guided by their 'dumbstick'.

As for GG cables, yes I had a friend lend me a pair of Extreme interconnects and I bought a pair of Revelation speaker cables (which I will sell when I get motivated). The GG's have that great tonal quality that I've only heard from gold, but IMS, IMHO, the Jade Audio cables offer the same tonality, with a much better soundstage. So I'm currently using all Jade interconnects (Hybrid and Vermeil) and I'm still waiting for my Vermeil speaker cables to come in. I did prefer the PAD Dominus speaker cables to the GG Revelations, though I have since replaced the PAD speaker cables with Stealth Hybrid MLT speaker cables. I had a beta test run of the Jade Vermeil speaker cable, which had me very excited, though that was many months ago, and before I heard the Stealth Hybrid MLT's. I still look forward to hearing the production run of J.D.'s cables.

Cheers,
John

Hello Phaelon,
lol!
I won't touch that with a ten-watt pole - though I am tempted! Oh what the hey.
Have you SEEN the gatefold in the September "Pentode"? heeheeheeee
cheers

Deceive is such an ugly word, gently misdirect maybe, but deceive never. Just once though, I would like her to say, that she can hear the difference with a new toy. Is that so difficult, too much to ask? It will never happen, but I know, we know, every change makes a night and day difference.

No, but I do an excessive amount of preparation for how and what I will tell her. Get all of the possible retorts covered and reasons/methods to overcome them - sort of like computer software game theory. I am not opposed to attempts of guilting her into agreement. However, she still has an advantage over me in that she is an aging female and at times trumps my well rehearsed combinatorial logic with hormone-influenced diatribes. Fellas, you young ones, will find out what I mean at some point in your relationship. It is inevitable. Sorry to break the news to you.

Jmcgrogan2, i think you are right.That's one of the reasons i prefer girlfriend to wife.To be honest, i don't see much advantages in getting married alltogether.Anyway, most of the marriages i know are just crappy.People put up with each other out of habit and fear of being alone again.
I can't imagine me and my girlfriend as one of the boring midlle-age couples.We are both very active (sports and other) and she made it very clear she doesn't want to give HER LIFE up.We are both very individual and used to being single, so i still hope we can respect each other's privacy.Including audio gear :-)

I think you are honest man, and there's much wisdom in your words for those who can see it.

Anyway, even if i get married someday, i don't think there will be any major change in relationship.All of my girls knew who i am and what to expect with me.I don't expect any problems there - also, i intend to choose a woman who sees the world the way i see it.But, you can never know.People change - usually for worse.

Also, i think i remember you from Gabriel Gold thread.Did you get the Revelations?Mine sound great - but the whole system isn't finished yet.I only use them in my office system for now.
P.S.She knew exactlly how much i paid for GG's - in my country that's a small fortune.Not one word of critisicm - but key word could be "girlfriend".Altough i do trust her not to change into a monster once she feels she's "on the mule".

"I leave "Stereophile"s lying around the house - unlike *some* Daddy Mags, at least the kids won't become perverts from reading them.(I hope.)"
Aporigini,
Hope is right. I've heard the word "sexy" used many times to describe audio gear. To me, it would seem pretty normal for a young man to get turned on by a pair of shapely legs on some hottie; but I can't help wondering what the psychiatric community would have to say about a young man getting turned on by a pair of glowing tubes on one of Joe Fratus' hot little numbers?

No way. Not me. Definitely not. Wouldn’t even cross my mind. Mislead my wife about audio gear purchases? What kind of person would do such a thing? Not this guy. I don’t have to. As I have explained to my wife on many occasions, I am diligent about researching all options prior to any purchase. The fact that I am able to acquire new gear at a mere fraction of the list price has to do with my brilliant negotiation skills and the well- thought-out strategies I employ during the purchasing process. The fact that dealers have been welling to take a loss for me is only to the benefit of my lovely wife and family. Really people, some of you need to rethink your scruples.

A loving husband.

Audiobb, the key word is GIRLFRIEND. Girlfriends are much better than WIVES. GIRLFRIENDS are MUCH more understanding than WIVES, FME. GIRLFRIENDS are out to please the man because their chief goal is to become the WIFE. Once they have the saddle on the MULE's back, it's MUCH easier to dig the SPURS in. I watch my sons 'use' their GIRLFRIENDS, and I admit that I'm jealous. I remember when my bride was my GIRLFRIEND. That was the best couple of years of our relationship, IMHO. Since then, she has been 'using' me.

That being said, I don't LIE, I just do not discuss $$$ with my wife. She has good ears, and can hear differences, but there is no need to discuss finances. Ignorance is bliss, as they say...
She has plenty, I buy her plenty of gifts, so in 23 years of marriage she has never complained, or asked the cost of what I spend on audio gear.

Cheers,
John

I would rather break-up and be single forever than being forced to lie how and where i spend MY money.
My girlfriend knows everything, especially how much money goes into gear.She even encourages me to buy something if she sees i want it and it makes me happy.
Yesterday she listened to the new speakers i bought (BRSE HR-1) and we were both very satisfied with the sound.
I know what people think - it's not the same once you get married.They all were full of understanding once.Then, if your audio-gear is your priority, don't get married.I didn't.I'm 31 and i don't see myself married in a long time.

One more thing - if i spent HER money, i would ask for her permission.This is MY money.
If i had a family, i would ALWAYS look out for my children's primary needs (food,shelter,education,little things etc.).
With the remaining of MY money, i can do whatever i want.

I have a strong opinion that i alone should be able to finance all of the family's normal needs.
Whatever my wife earns, she can spend on clothes for all i care.But she has no right to complain about 6 000$ speakers (or 10 000$ spent on gambling) if all family's needs are fulfilled.
Just my opinion, of course.I don't like compromises and i will set my life that way i hope i won't be forced to make them.

i am sorry to hear that unfortunaly some have to resort to description for improved gear. my sharp eared wife insists on having the best sound we can afford. she gets involved with our system and lends a good ear for musical improvements.

I've snuck gear into the house.

Once, my wife called me at work and asked "Why does the CD player look different?"

Most of the time though, the conversation goes like this:

Me: "Honey, I just ordered X."

Her: "How much is it?"

Me: "It's $XXX"

Her: "Oh. Okay."

I am also extremely sexy, but having been married for 21 years now, I am neither rich nor famous. I can live without fame, thank you, but the other thing sounds kind a nice.
We have one name, two checking accounts. Even so, Wife knows what high-end audio costs. I leave "Stereophile"s lying around the house - unlike *some* Daddy Mags, at least the kids won't become perverts from reading them. (I hope.) Also she has gone with me when I've shopped for upgrade components. Hey, it was her suggestion that we buy our first "real" speakers - Magnepans, back when we were only a few months married. What a keeper she was and is.

Woodworking, oy. I too took that up as a hobby (hey, I can build custom racks now, right?) but I fell into the woodworker's High End. Japanese handtools - the Audio Note of deceptively simple bits of steel and oakwood. Lookk at the Hida Tool website. They're in Berkeley.) I could use a set of new chisels, but I need a dCS Verdi also, and it costs less.
When a Purcell shows up at the doorstep in this obviously well-made flight case, there really isn't much point in my concealing what I spent on it. At least Nordost Valhalla doesn't look expensive. She had a cool expression on her face though when I told her it was "part of a CD player". "I thought we had a whole one.", quoth she.

"Look, sweetie! A new preamp!"
"That's okay, dear. The sleigh bed comes next week. Sign for it, willya?"
Yes, dear.
cheers aporigine

I don't deceive my wife on my purchase, our agreement is that what ever I spend this year on gear, she gets a diamond on our ten year wedding anniversary equal to what I spent.

What is funny, I buy a JL F113, sell it for X, pick up 2 SVS PB13, she adds up the three subs and writes it down, but doesn't give me credit for what I sold the JL for.

Funny thread, caught my eye right off, with my recent history. I've been on a spending binge bringing my old Pro Logic mid-fi system into a high-end 21st century version, all spawned (as is often the case) by a complete refinish of the family room. Fortunately, she doesn't know the value of things, and knows from the past that my audio purchases, usually on the pre-owned market, can include some very low (relatively) prices compared to what other things have cost. Anyway, as it turns out, the US Postal Service only sells money orders capped at $1k. So when I recently bought a new Fathom F113 subwoofer for $2265, I stashed the two receipts for $1k each and cleverly left the one for $265 sitting on the dresser next to loose change and other odds and ends routinely found in my pockets. Told her I got a great deal on a used subwoofer. She never noticed (a near gaffe!) that the box was unopened with it's original JL Audio-stamped packing tape.

However, an earlier post about kids and an expensive turntable (similarly introduced into the household via subterfuge) conjures my worse fears, that someday something will happen that will smoke me out of the woodline. Now that I have a 60" plasma (she's on board with that one), I feel I have a giant neon billboard in my house that says, "ROB ME!!" I'd hate to have a conversation with the insurance company with her present. That's outside of hiding my proportionate anxiety with the kids and the gear...

Phd your absolutely right and we should probably be a little more careful about how things are worded. I am fortunate that my wife enjoys my hobby and is probably a bigger music fan than I. She's also more aware of things like "diminishing returns".
Looking back over this thread makes me realise there is a fine line between addictions and obsessing over ones hobby, and lets face it, it's no secret that most addictions can be hard on relationships.

Tom_hankins sounds like you have the ideal relationship with your wife!

You know wife deception may be a more sensitive issue with some and not others. I will give an example: A while back an audiogon member had his amp listed for sale along with his phone number. I called to inquire and the guy told me that if I purchased his amp he wasn't going to be around to ship it! Asked why & he informed me his wife and kids just left him due to his audio purchases and he was ready to end his life. I talked to that guy for an hour and finally asked if he had any relatives nearby and said his Dad was close. Before hanging up he convinced me he would contact his father and he would be fine.

Another example: I called a fellow member on a preamp sale and talked to him briefly before his wife grabbed the phone and protestingly asked "Are you buying or selling?" I responded that I was buying, she said great and gave the phone back to her husband. I'm sure they are rare incidents.

Everything is done either through her paypal account or with CC, so I dont even try to hide anything. We pretty much decide what we want, and whats the best gear we can afford to get there, and buy it. She listens to the system almost as much as I do and enjoys upgrading and auditioning new things as much as me.

Does hiding major audio purchases from your wife constitute a form of cheating? Maybe she has hid some purchases from you. If so, possibly your marriage certificate isn't worth the paper its printed on. I always clear a major audio purchase with her first but items under $200.00 (audio accessories like tubes etc) don't constitute a major purchase unless it is your last $200.00. By the way I have been married for 33 years.

I was away on business when my new Sound Lab U1X speakers arrived, I got a couple of email photos from my wife saying that some mysterious crates had turned up and customs were hassling for payment of import duty.
It cost me a holiday of a lifetime for her to forget those 'little' crates that I overlooked.
At the moment with system problems that I am having, her big put down is that, "my ipod sounds better than that" Ouch!

Cables and delivery of new vinyl purchases mostly arrive without comment from her - or just some spares arriving for work, dear!

My GF (who I live with) is not into audio at all. When I met her, all she had was a boombox from an ex, so she sees almost no value in high performance audio.

Recently she was with me when I bought locally a metacarbon cable for $1200 (I told her it was $1000) - but hey the retail is $3000. "You spent $1000 on a a cable?" At that moment I felt really foolish, seeing her side of it.

Of course when I went home and heard how much higher resolution it made my system, I knew it was a good purchase.

About 2 weeks ago I got a new Raven One turntable delivered and set up. The Graham arm had been here in a box waiting. I told her the dealer was coming in to set up the arm. (The dealer has his wife with him so it was a bit of a distraction as they taked, but we were all in the living room) I thought for sure she realized I had gotten a new table, and later that night showed her something on it.

"Is that new?" she asked - damn, had I kept my mouth shut she never would have even realized since both my old and new table are black (but totally different shapes)

Last night I was listening to the new table/arm/cable and realized what a huge upgrade in sound quality it was. Even so, I really dont think most people would be able to tell, or if so wouldnt really care very much.

So I realized that people like us are unique in that we can fully appreciate the sometimes realtively subtle changes in reproduction. Why shouldn't we have the best gear we can (or can't) afford? Who better to appreciate it than us?
Life is short and if this relatively safe hobby brings us so much pleasure, then why question it? (though I often still do)

Now I how to figure out what I'm gonna say when I want to upgrade my 13 year old tube amps for the latest version ones. That will be a noticable change. (the new phono stage stage I am getting this weekend is black with no controls - so that should go unnoticed.)

I drive an old reliable Camry pressing a quarter of a million miles, and am handy at being able to perform most maintenance on it. When my sweetie of 17 years questions, "How Much?" - like a recent TAD-150 purchase here on Agon -, I reply, "Less that 2 payments on a new Camry". As long as I can forgo a new car payment, its easy for me to justify my audio addiction!

Glad someone revived this thread so that I may confess to a recent awkward experience as a result of my less-than-full disclosure. I had convinced my wife that I invested only X in my system. The truth is that my investment has been more like 4X, and that is the actual cash investment (not figuring in what the used equipment would have cost if bought new). We recently met at our house with our insurance agent to update our coverage. Imagine the flop sweat on my brow when the agent asked me for the replacement value of my audio equipment. After a bit of shuffling of feet, I had to suggest that I would need to "get back to him" with the details. The look I got from my wife was priceless.

Like they say, "Oh what a tangled web we weave..."

I'm kinda jumpin in late here but I just discovered this old thread.
This is all real funny but now I have my doubts about those $10 shoes, the $5 blouse and the $120 sofa to match the $60 drapes. ! Hmmmm maybe the jokes on me.....

I remember this thread was one reason I joined Audiogon. Good to see It again. Not married but used to have a girlfriend who thought she knew best how to spend my money. Firstly buy gear that looks similar and use tracking. The day it arrives take off early get it off the porch , break down the box and put in the car trunk. Throw that away at work. Get that piece into the rack preferably the bottom shelf. Put something audio related in front of it (but not something she will want to move. Couple weeks and your good. If you have a dedicated room it works even better cause she probably won't go in there anyway. Especially since you use thick heavy curtains over the windows for sound absorbtion of course and a single 40 watt bulb inside a dark lampshade. If ups fails you by being late the fallback is that this is your piece that you sent in for a "free" repair and just got back. Don't have that girlfriend anymore but I don't think there was any relationship.

i only tell my girlfriend about the prices...never my wife.

Sheffb is so right !! All upgrades should go unnoticeable !!
Audio cies surely don't take care of their true customers. Why always change the design for every wife to notice !!!??? I say all upgrades should come from power supply, cables, interconnects or behind the shelf stuff !!

By the way, all hobbies (for men) are afflicted by the same damnation. Talk to dealers in model building, aquariums, astronomy or audio, they all know the tricks, the cheats, the white lies about purchases in their stores. They all will supply you graciously with new lies if you become dry in this department ! !!! I know !!!!Because I've spoken to so many of them !! Because I'm in all of these hobbies.... You should hear the stories about rare tropical fish buying and some very expensive telescopes that some guys try to pass for tools in their garages !!!! Hell....you can't keep a fish hidden behind a curtain for weeks !! Those things are temperemental !!! What a crazy life !!!

Guys one more thing ,wait till I tell you what happened when I bought my Aerial 10T from Gilbert at Blue Circle.
But that's for another day.
Thanks
George

I am married to a wonderful woman,she knows my audio obsession all to well,but I still need to lie about the prices,I usually tell 70% of what I actually paid.She like clothes and the like and she buys on a regular basis,I don't complain or care much.Back in January of this year I noticed a deal on a Rogue Zeus that I always wanted and guess what the seller was located ni a nearby town.A local deal! Wow I couldn't pass that one.I arranged with the seller to go and pick up,and that afternoon after work I told my wife that I was going to the gym(I actually do go to the gym 3-4 times aweek)
I got lost on my way to the sellers place and by the time I picked up the unit and came back it was around 10 at night.My wife and two kids were sleeping.I had the Zeus at the back of my truck but it was very cold night,minus 30(I am in Toronto,Canada)and since I couldn't leave the amp in subzero temperatures overnight or call my brother-in-law for help,I decided against all odds to bring the monster amp in the house by myself.I did!!! Slowly and steady step by step I brought it in.It took me half an hour to haul it in from my driveway to the front door (aproximately 30 feet plus a six steps stairs)For those unfamiliar the Zeus weights 220lbs.
All those years in the gym lifting the dumbells paid off.
Long live high-end.
Best
George

every now and then we have a conversation that goes something like this:

"that looks new, when did you get it???"

Oh, I got that a long time ago.

"and those look really expensive, how much did they cost you??"

Well I bought them used, and got an incredible deal. I really couldn't pass it up. They really didn't cost that much, and besides when you factor in what I sold the one's they replaced for, well it wasn't much at all.

. . . married 29 years . . .

Well I feel sorry for those that must deceive. We have 3 checkbooks in our house mine, hers and the household. We share household expensises equally after that what is hers is hers and what is mine is mine. My only mistake was making the prommise that I would not buy another piece of equipment untill I was out of debt. Now if i so much as look at a piece of gear I get the look. I do tell her about all of my purchases as I feel it is only right. I added a Soundbridge and a 400GB hard drive to the system this spring with a portion of my bonus and still got in trouble. It wasn't for the purchase of the equipment or even the amount spent $400.00 total but that dam promice.

Have fun.

Not necessarily deceived but, did not tell her about the transaction until I sold the piece that it replaced. I am one of the lucky ones though. I have a wife that is OK with these purchases because she knows how cheap I am. Also, she doesn't go crazy with CC so we don't get in trouble... I wonder, however, about those wives who give hubby a bunch of crap about how they can't hear the difference between a boom box and his 10K gear then goes out and spend $500 on a pair of shoes because she needs (actally wants them). I am married 28 years to the same wonderful woman..

Eagleman

Sorry , no hysterical stories ! Just one really great wife !!!

to answer the question, "No." Never lied about buying stereo stuff... I did figure out a way to buy stuff I wanted however... Like one time I bought her a circular saw. She said "Thank you, but I cant' use that!" Oh, I'm sorry honey... then I'll use it till you can." I replied.... that didn't go over too awful bad but getting her a tablesaw I thought was just pressing my luck too much.

My buddy's wife thinks he paid $150 for his entire $9,000 Teres based turntable rig! I am waiting for that day that either her or their kids to accidentily bump into it, break the stylus, tonearm or knock the turntable off it's platform (it's almost 5 feet up) and then tell him something like - "Junior and his friends were playing around your turntable and broke it, here's $150 so you can go buy a new one..." ;-) Lies will cost this guy big, Big, BIG!!!

"look goddamnit take your foot off my neck and let me have some joy in my life, I don't ask for much...can I live, can I breathe...?"

And 'til is day we have never had problem since.

Whats a wife?

I made a deal with my wife when we got married. You don't touch my stereo equipment and I won't wear your clothes. It's worked out well so far. She has no idea how much equipment I have or it's cost. Plus I do all the household finances and she gives me her paycheck. This way I see everything she spends, she always uses a debit card. Then I tell her we don't have much money so take it easy on the spending. When she wanted a new Coach bag I went with her and when she couldn't decide between two cheap bags I held a good looking expensive bag and said, "Why don't you buy this one!" She still tells her GF about that. It's not that hard to deceive them, you just have to set it up right from the begining.

Very funny stuff, very educational as well. I'm headin over to the classifieds.

I usually don't say a thing, just take the price tag off the interconnects and stick it on the Component box.

O honey that's just a faceplate change.
I've always had that, it was stored away.
That only cost 75 more than the one I sold.
Once your "in" the audio buy/sell business it really does not cost that much to upgrade.
My friend is letting me borrow it for a while.
This one is really old (see the front handles) and since I had to re-tube it, I got it for cheap.

My GF decides whats good equipment by the colour of the lights. Ok shes alot younger than me...ooops. She will hate the new belles amp. She wanted me to keep my MF 3.2 fdor her as the lights were 'right on'.
My late wife was a different story. I had a great salesman who would give me a deep bargain price receipt at normal prices. Ha...sorry honey. But she enjoyed it none the less.

like my porno collection, she doesn't want to know. I'd tell her if she got past "don't ask." She wrote a 6500 check for my speakers- she's a keeper guys.

Not yet,but soon. She just keep telling me about the stuff she bought and stored away. (Prep for when she make purchases)

Vvrinc, got it about Greek islands. Thanks for the heads up. I'll do the kitchen reno, maybe build in a couple of speakers...

Generankin, you have supplied more evidence to prove that the female ear is subtler. As if we didn't know. Still got the Breuer ?

What!? I have never deceived... Oh, wait, I'm among friends.
Yes.
My trick is usually to downplay the cost of the purchase and state the true resale price.
"Man, I got a great price on this Bryston 4B-ST. How much you ask? Only $800 US!".
Six months later...
"Man, I sold my Bryston 4B-ST for a great price. How much you ask? $1300!".

I only wish that someday she will realize that I am the victim:)

The only lie I've told so far is perhaps the most common as well--

"Yes, honey, this is my last upgrade for a while."

Yeah right...

Generankin, you're a lucky devil indeed! Was that an Acoustics Research phone you were using?

Never deceived the wife (never had to - we have two separate economies, share joint expenses), but I have a Breuer story: I was in law school, read about one, found it in a SF shop, 3,000 miles away. The shop had two locals competing for it, sold it to me to avoid pissing off a local customer. I installed it, put on a record, called my gf (now wife), who asked it I had gotten a new cartridge. I asked why. She said "I know that record, and the string bass sounds stringier." Over the telephone. 25 years ago.