I think I will take kr4's advice and load dirac suite on my pc.
I ordered the umik thingymajig and will initially test with REW.
Then I will use the dirac trial to see if helps.
thanks again for everyone's advice!
I also looked into using the new nova from trinnov. I could connect that between my streamer (hifirose rs130) and either my dac or directly to an amp with xlr inputs.
I could still utilize my dx9 dac as a headphone amp as it works pretty nice with that part. I would connect the I2S on the rs130 streamer to the I2S on the dx9 dac and listen with the headphones.
I haven't found many folks using the trinnov nova for 2.1 listening. I think that device was designed for studio monitoring.
Although it does seem to be able to work for my use case.