Hey Lug, the lugster, lugaroma, luuggy-dugy-do,
Ive always wanted a ghost town. Ever since driving through one as a kid I thought it would be so cool to just buy a whole ghost town leaving all the old facades but re-building the rooms behind the false fronts. Maybe you and I need to hang in one some day. (I mean after this life) We could have a lot of fun making it a true Ghost Town. Im sure we could scare up some old friends who would hang with us. I can think of three friends who have died that would be up to it.
For now, I guess we should concentrate on our earthly obligations. Either way who ever goes first, lets make a pack to meet.
Enjoy the time away from treatment. I can only imagine what a clear, drug free mind feels like; its been so long now.
Hey, just thought Id stop in and say I love you man and keep up the great work!
J.D. |
I guess I feel compelled to continue on at least a weekly basis of reporting events as they unfold. On the health front this week is a scheduled week off from chemo. I continue to feel good and I'm optomistic that I'll get to stop treatment for awhile.
I sold my hot rod to the first looker. It took about twenty seconds for the guy to commit to buying it. He's happy and I'm glad Barb won't be dealing with it later. Besides, selling it provided me enough cash influx to splurge on a Supratek Syrah and the ZYX. As a result my system sounds as good as it can get without upgrading amps or speakers which I never intended to do. When I made my first high end purchases back around '74 my retailer gave me some really good advice. He told me to get the speakers with the characteristics I want and upgrade upstream. He also shared the wisdom of getting the absolute best source at the same time. With a great source and adequate speakers you can upgrade between to huge benefit and minimize total outlay to audio nirvana. This logic has worked very well for me. My speakers can be picked up for $650-750 on the used market, being floor standers missing the last octave..flat to 40 cycles. Honestly, they compete with most $5-7K speakers because too often the more expensive speakers owners haven't taken the time to match everything as well as I have to make theirs sing. Hope this is viewed as advice rather than a sermon.
The rest of my hot rod proceeds are going into a major roof redesign. Geez, this is about as much fun as buying a refrigerator but it's the right thing to do for Barb. Our home was built in the mid 50's having a pitched gravel roof with what's called Dutch gutters. Aesthetically it's a beautiful design where there is a dam at the roof edge and the downspouts come through the soffit area. Luckily we live in a very dry climate as the seal at the facia area cannot be kept. Water leaks into the soffits and drips in a few areas around the perimeter of the house. I'll be eliminating that design, putting in more soffit vents and roof vents and having continuous gutters all around. The facia, which angles back toward the house will be replaced as part of overall plan too. It will still enjoy the aesthetics but be very functional. So, a week of living with the guys replacing and repairing the soffit/facia and then another week of removal and re-roofing followed by a couple of days of gutter install. I don't think I'll be doing much daytime listening...maybe at Steve's place. He's offered a key, perhaps in jest. He he. Should I take him up on it???
My sister will be here on the 7th and she's offered to help with the construction of acoustic treatments. I'd appreciate any advice I can get about DIY constructing treatments similar to those offered by the Eigth Nerve. I have three boxes of dense, rigid fiberglass 3M 2'x4' panels I've been storing for twenty years. Two boxes are one inch thick panels and the other is two inch thick. I have way more than I need to do the job. I'd love to exchange emails with an owner of these products or get some info about their construction. Help??
Paul Frumkin is probably coming out in late May and if I continue to feel better Steve and I will be making plans to visit Albert Porter. He's agreed to be an audio tour guide for this experience. What a nice man! Even though he is held in the highest regard here at Audiogon it's a little known fact that he is personally responsible for a number of innovations at the pinacle of playback. I'll not comment further on this since he's chosen to not toot his own horn. This is exciting as I'm sure you guys understand. He was thoughtful enough to call me out of thin air one day. Subsequently we have talked numerous times. We share the same values and I know how comfortable I'll be there. When he offered to share his single malt scotch I commented that I might want to pick up some Cognac as that's my preference. He's got a stash of some very old and highly regarded Cognac he's saving for me. Listening to his system and sipping on the nectar of the gods. How much better can it possibly get??
Life is good. I am thankful. Much of my good fortune is because of you guys. I continue to get surprises almost daily and I'm feeling guilty about it. He he. Kirk, aka Audiofrankj, sent me a treasured book I've begun reading. Some of my now favorite recordings have dropped in out of the blue from you guys. Being lucky enough to feel as good as I do right now I'm mostly consumed by a need to be normal for however long it lasts. I feel a little shallow reporting on all of this normal stuff but I want this thread to survive in the hope that the message will live for a very, very long time. Inactivity will kill it. Remember, it's not about me but our shared humanity. Please, continue to post. |
You should have a good time with Albert. He is a gracious host, has a nice system, and a demented sense of humor. Just tell him not to cook the VTL's. If you get the chance when he's not looking, steal a couple of LPs for me. I'll send a list later. |
I'm looking forward to meeting you in person Lugnut, I have the last of that old special Cognac hidden under the counter so my Tuesday night music guests don't drink it before you get here.
Nrchy, how about you coming that same weekend and we will make a party of it. I might even give you an LP or two as a bribe. |
Hi Pat. Amazing thread here. All these wonderful people understand what's important in life, and that it could easily be any of us in your predicament.
As a physician (radiologist), unfortunately i see really ugly things all the time. I have to call the doctor (whose often known the patient for 30+ years) to tell them their patient has "whatever." It takes the wind out of most of them - you'll never hear this side of it, but your doctor dreads calls from me, dreads having bad news to share with you, dreads that someone in their care has been afflicted with something bad. We're trained to stay objective and be able to distance ourselves from the matter at hand (which is actually good, otherwise we'd have difficulty coping) but it always hurts. For this reasons, I make it a point to call other doctors when the news is really good. For example I read a CT on a paient who had widely metastatic ovarian cancer, whose last 3 scans looked worse and worse, but on my scan, the tumors had all shrunk to barey measurable size. I called the oncologist to give her some really good news.
We in the medical profession are just people - we get sick, we fail, we regret - and we listen to music, we hope, we try to smile. Sometimes no matter what we do, mistakes are made, people/patients misunderstand us, call us arrogant, heartless, greedy and so on.
It' an honor and an awesome responsibility caring for people - and I hope you're happy with the people taking care of you: that they're competent, compassionate and considerate, that they temper reality with hope, that they offer extra supprt to you and your family.
Anyway, no matter how much i may think we (docs) suffer with our patients, it's nothing compared to what you - the patient - and their families suffer. Hang in there, keep the faith, and enjoy the music!
Art |
Art,
That's an interesting point you brought up. My oncologist is one caring individual. When I told him how good I was feeling and I knew the Taxol was kicking some serious ass the guys face lit up and it made me happy. I've known he has had a heavy heart about everything leading up to this. One failure after another making me feel worse when I knew he would anything to make me better. During our last visit we discussed what is happening as a result of this thread. He was touched. Then I listened about his trip this week to Moab, Utah to ride bikes in some of the most breathtaking scenery known to man. We joked about some aspects of his trip in that it is the heart of the polygamist Mormon splinter group yet they temper their strict behavior because of the tourist income. (No judgment, just observation on how we humans behave) We talked about wishing that we knew each other under different circumstances as we like each other a lot. Perhaps I stepped over the line here. I dunno. The thing is I wanted him to know that no matter what, even in failure, he is respected by me for his efforts, and I know he is very good at what he does. It is what it is. He appeared to really appreciate what I said. He and I have a plan unlike any I've heard of so I might bop til I drop rather than choosing unconsciousness over pain. If it works my wife or daughter will post this for the benefit of all. If she doesn't then it's no issue. It's his desire that he see me until I cannot come in any longer and anticipates I will come in very late in the process. We both want to make this the best it can be. Sounds weird when I read what I just said but it is the truth and I'm not going to lie about anything even if it I seem a fool. I have faith that dying is not only easy but most likely rapturous. This I've come to believe after being with a very close friend and my father and holding their hands when they took their last breath. I dread the path of getting there but won't be given more than I can handle. The doc knows this is how I feel and it seems to please him. Bottom line, there will be an especially pleasant little corner of Heaven awaiting him.
Nate, if you come down to Albert's I'll gift a record of your choice. Just send me a list.
Hey, I've talked to Albert and he's a lot like me. This will be a lot of fun. I know I'm walking into an environment where I'll be glad to be myself.
Albert, Cognac, good food, friends and extreme, ground breaking audio playback. About the only thing missing is the dancing girls. Maybe by then Steve will have a copy of that Marsel Marceau album he's been looking for. Thanks for the invite and looking forward to toasting you with that sensuous old Cognac. |
Hi Pat,
Just wanted to let you know I got a copy of the book today. I'm going to read it this week, then listen to the album again. Should be interesting!
I'll be thinking of you and Barb. Keep the faith.
Joe |
Hi all,
I have been watching this thread for a while and I am really embarrased that I haven't posted until now. I can only hope that I would handle myself any where close to how Pat is. And for the rest of you, I can only feel proud to be in the club. Your support is amazing and I get tears in my eyes everyday that I read more.
Pat I would love to send you a "care package", but I don't have any classical. Lots of blues, rock and big band. If any of those interest you, I would be more than happy to send a nice mix.
Jeff |
Jeff,
Thanks a lot for the kind offer. I'm somewhat embarrassed by the overwhelming number of gifts I've received from this community. Just recently I received a box from UPS. Upon opening it there was a new Grado Reference cartridge. The enclosed receipt indicated the quantity and model. It was signed by John Grado with a note saying "enjoy the music". Many of the posters here have sent me books, albums, even medicine and other touching gifts as well. The biggest gift of all is this thread. My local friends have been quite generous too. They have helped me with spring yard cleanup, mowing and some light home repair. Some of my audio club members have brought over some really cool records refusing to take them home. At the beginning of this thread when the weight of the world seemed to be on my shoulders this community lifted me up by reaching out in so many different ways. It is amazing. What can I say? Thanks seems so shallow but that's the best I can do. Can I pay you guys back? Not unless I become the recipient of a divine miracle. I think we have all learned a great deal from this thread. Being self-sufficient for a lifetime and taking pride in meeting my own needs became a barrier to being a gracious recipient. I've learned. A few of you have become really close friends and have even taken the time to meet me in person one way or another.
Feeling as well as I do Barb and I are going to Portland, Oregon for a few days in May. We'll be staying downtown and hopefully will be having some memorable times. Later, after Paul completes his stay here Vetterone and I will be going to Dallas to meet Alber Porter and listen to his cutting edge system. Life's good and a lot of you guys are responsible for making it so.
Joe, it's funny about A Love Supreme. I'm so glad you are reading the book. I've played that record many times since it showed up in my mailbox. It gets better with each play and seems to have opened the door for understanding some of his Meditations recordings. I hope you enjoy the read as well and that it opens musical doors for you too.
Whatch out what you offer Jeff. My two favorite genre's are jazz and blues. I have a huge selection of each and I never feel I have enough. That's kind of greedy on my part but I can excuse myself. It is for the love of the music. Right?
Tomorrow I start my next three week barrage of poisons pumped into my body. It's not that bad this time around and there are few side effects. I'll be coming home afterward to listen non-stop for about 18 hours. If one can't sleep then play some tunes!! Best to all and thanks for keeping this thread alive.
P.S. Let's all give Paul Frumkin a big hand for being awarded the "Best New Component" award last Saturday night by Stereo Times. Liquid as a component is a remarkable achievement in my book. Way to go Paul. We early beta testers knew it would go this far. |
Lugnut, I attended the Stereo Times awards party in NYC, honoring Paul Frumkin. Audiogon plans to post my images covering the event so we can all congratulate him.
I am really looking forward to the visit from you and Vetterone, I have a great Mexican food place picked out and hope will be a great experience for you guys. |
Pat,
Even though I e-mailed you privately today, in response to your generous, unsolicited sharing of thoughts about another thread, in which I had asked a question,I want to be part of this thread. To say that this thread has had a shuddering, shattering and, I would venture, absolutely unforgettable impact on the members of this group, is a gross understatement; reading it is a lesson in hope for mankind, exemplified and led by your stark, ruthlessly honest and searing love for life and its finest values. You inspire us and I only wish you well. "Dum spiro, spero" (while there's life, there's hope) is obviously your mantra and I, together with the friends who know you personally, hope and pray that we can face these trials together for years to come. |
Good afternon Mr.Lugnut, I am very happy to learn that you enjoy some of the same music as I do. I am somewhat envious of you, who wouldn't want to take a listen to the famous Porter Audio System? Albert could probably charge admission. I hope your day is going well and you have time to sit back and listen to some tunes.
what are some of your favorites? right now I am listing to(and I can't get enough of)Jay McShan, really great stuff. And then it starts branching out to guys that he is playing with, such as Gerry Mulligan. Does it ever stop? And then you have another favorite of mine, Johnny Hodges, again there goes another tree. Duke and how many people did he have through his career? I am really just a beginner in all of the big band blues thing, I have liked the style all of my life but I thought it was rock. Now looking back some of my favorites have been blues related, Stones, Climax Blues(duh), Savoy Brown and of course Eric Clapton. It has been just the past few years getting into 'high end" that I have ventured out of rock. I was just telling my wife, Colleen, the other day "I can't believe that I am actually listening to Mel Torme and enjoying it"
Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book, I am normally a one liner.
Later,
Jeff |
I am in awe of this thread, which I just discovered today.
It's so great to see how many members of the Audiogon community are pulling together and supporting "Lugnut".
It has brought out the best people and the best IN people posting here, as they discuss their true feelings and share their thoughts about friendship, generosity, fighting and surviving cancer, and of course this crazy, beloved hobby of ours and love of music. (another kind of therapy that we all use on a regular basis) It really humanizes the Forum, as we realize that there are real people on the other side of that keyboard we're pecking away-at. (That's a good thing to remember when you're preparing to fire-off a nasty-gram at someone here.)
I haven't read anything this inspirational since Lance Armstong's book, "It's Not About the Bike", concerning his fight with cancer.
Pat, I wish you the best of luck in your continuing battle with cancer. You don't have to come back and win the Tour de France, just hang-in there and keep talkin' to us! |
Hi Guys,
Well, another round of chemo went okay. The doc think that a couple more treatments followed by a CT scan and I might be able to quit it for awhile. Nuff said about that. It does make me very happy.
Albert, you and Steve are doing a wonderful service that will go a long way to reinvigorating interest in high end aduio, specifically two channel. It's great that you could make time to photograph Paul's award event. I really like AIVS and think it deserving of an award.
Springbok10, are there 9 other Sprinboks? Thanks for your kind words. I would think I can speak for almost everyone that has posted to this thread when I say I'm glad that this has touched you in a positive way. It's been good for so many people; way beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
Jeff, answering questions about what types of music I thoroughly enjoy is getting harder every day. Primarily I love blues and jazz. I do listen to a lot of rock too but of the more acoustic, hormonious variety nowdays. Female vocalists are a kick no matter the genre. Some male vocalists trip my trigger too. What really surprises me is my attraction to recent composers of orchestral music. A few years ago I would have just lumped it in as classical but I think that would draw criticism from the experts. A lot of what has been written beginning with Dvorchac (sp?). I love the Grand Canyon Suite and the music or Aaron Copland. Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington and Ella are among my recent heavy rotation albums. About all I don't listen to is organ music, gospel and most country. So many older recordings were done better than today's best and the performances outstanding. Of course, music is timeless or at least good music is.
Golden ears, Boa2 sent me the Armstrong book. Remember when he had trouble adjusting to living? Well, I must have been meant to read that book just for that chapter. As I've mentioned before I had cancer previously that was supposed to take my life prior to now. Funny, no? Anyway, when I recovered and was in remission I discovered how difficult it is to rejoin the ranks of the living. This chapter meant a lot to me because right now I am among the living and I'm determined to not lose a moment though wasting it with any such nonsense. Thank you Mr. Armstrong.
Also, this thread isn't about me or audio or even cancer. It's about something much bigger. Our shared humanity and love. Love, as in pure, untouched by outside influence, from the depths of our souls, meant to comfort those we come into contact with. There's been a lot of love sent my way by anonymous faces pounding out messages on a keyboard. Slowly I'm meeting members here one at a time whether in person, emails, phone calls or this thread. I hope that this experience stays with everyone bacause the world needs it. Let's all remember each other when we are in pain and reach out to comfort. There is joy in that as I've seen expressed here. We must keep our eyes open.
J.D., my prayers are with you and your family. Hopefully, you will qualify for a heart transplant soon and recover your life. I've seen this community respond to your reasoned posts and trust that they will lift you up as they have me. Peace. |
I just had neck surgery on Monday, and I'm using my limited allotment of computer time to peruse the threads. I happened upon your post, Pat, and now I can lie back down with a smile on my face. You just have that effect on people.
And J.D., I have no doubt that you will be skiing again. I just see that happening for you.
Enjoy your day, everyone.
Howard |
Pat,
I'm glad the news today was better. To answer your question, there are 15 Springboks, who are the South African national rugby team. Rugby is a fiery passion in South Africa, rivaled only in Wales and New Zealand. When the Springboks beat the All Blacks (NZ rugby team) at rugby, it is like Miracle on Ice all over again, each time. Every South African who is a toddler, dreams of being a Springbok. I wasn't one, but can pretend! - I could bore this thread forever about the exploits of the Springbok rugby players, but won't. But that is where the name comes from. You can rightfully take a warm glow from the effect your thread has had on all of us - I'm even thinking of sending it to my rugby team so they can take inspiration from you and smoke the All Blacks. See, you have potentially even influenced thick-skulled rugby players!!That is how powerful and all-embracing your thread is. |
Howard, that was one of the best compliments I've ever received. I'd love to think that I could make people smile. Hell, I figured I pissed off most of the people that I've met. Just joking. Smile in unison everyone just for old Lugnut cause it makes him feel goooood.
And, Springbok10 I'm glad you explained the rugby thing. Unleash this thread upon them. Remember, it ain't about me or music or equipment. This thread belongs to everyone. Not once is six pages of posts has there been an unkind word said. On the internet no less. The worlds rudest environment. Think about the chances of that happening.
Best to all and have a great weekend. The Lugnut household is so busy now it's incredible. Lot's of things getting accomplished and enjoying anything that comes along. |
That's great news about getting a cartridge and a personal note from John Grado, Pat. He's really a very decent man: generous, kind and helpful. He donated one of his more expensive pairs of headphones when the Audiogoners got together, last summer, to put together a home theater system for a young woman who was paralyzed when she got hit by a drunk driver.
Thank you, Pat and Albert, for your congrats on Audio Intelligent's award from Stereo Times ... a "Most Wanted Component" award. Lis and I attended the awards party in NYC last Saturday night.
I've come to believe that the folks here on Audiogon are the finest group of people I've ever known. Where else do people donate a complete home theater system to help a recently paralyzed young woman cope with her situation? Where else can you get all the audio advice you need, just for the asking? This thread is the latest example of the character of you people. I'm proud to be a member of this fine group.
At the Stereo Times awards party, I had the distinct pleasure to meet Steve (Audiogon's proprietor) and Albert Porter. Man, are these guys my kind of people! They are both a real class act -- smart, knowledgeable, funny as heck, and just fun to be around. A huge "thank you" goes out from me to Steve and Albert for coming to the awards party to support me. I am truly humbled by their kindness.
Warmest regards to everyone,
Paul |
Audiogon has my processed images of the New York Stereophile show and Paul Frunkin's award ceremony as of this morning. The photo's should appear under "show coverage" this week, once they have sorted them all out.
I must announce to everyone at Audiogon:
Paul don't need no stinkin' award, he has the MOST beautiful wife imaginable. Pooey on the award, stay home and enjoy your time with HER.
Seriously, congrats on the award. Great party with dozens of high end people and crazy "dance floor lighting" that I captured in my images for all to see.
|
reading this thread reminds me of whats really important in life!!! |
How was your week? This thread's been kind of quiet, everyone must be busy this spring. I sent you a piece of vinyl, it should arrive to you early next week. I cleaned it with Mr Frumkin's solutions, but there are still a few ticks and pops here and there. The music makes it worth while though. Is that new cart broken in yet?
Paul,
Contratulations on getting some recognition. I am looking forward to seeing Albert's pictures.
take care'
jeff |
Hi everyone,
As Jeff (Jdodmead) has guessed this has been a very busy week and as the month progresses will only get busier. My sister flew in last Saturday and we stayed up late (for me) every night listening to music and having guests over until she left. She enjoyed herself so much she is planning another visit and will be bringing her husband along as well. I had another uneventful chemo round on Tuesday and saw my sis off late Wednesday afternoon. In case you haven't guessed, uneventful is a good thing.
A construction crew arrived here on Wednesday to replace the facia and some soffit material before the roofers come in. I made the mistake of prepping our garage doors for painting when the crew offered to paint them at the same time as they paint the repair work they are doing. While I feel pretty darn good I'm really not in any shape to be doing scraping and sanding. And, to think last summer I was helping a friend build a spec home! I'm very tired and somewhat wounded but I'll be okay. I've learned my lesson though. I've just got to save whatever energy I have for fun. To Hell with work!
If anyone remembers the tale about Steve (Vetterone) loaning me his Supratek and it not working right and then he bought another just to find out it wasn't working right then here's the rest of the story. Both units work fine now and I bought the older, remote control one. A local friend dropped by for a listen and visit and decided right there to buy the second one and have me build a system around it. Problem is, he wanted me to choose the other components for him on a very strict budget. I honestly don't know if I've done the right thing but at his urging I've ordered one of the BIX turntables and a pair of ASL Wave 20's. This will be cabled with Paul Speltz anti-cables too, including his new interconnects. I haven't yet decided on what speakers to buy. If you have any recommendations for used (or new) exceptionally good monitors in the $600 range please let me know. I'm thinking if I can find them in this price range, Harbeth, Revolver, Coincident, Triagle or Omega.
I'll be selling my cartridge (yes, I love it) to my friend after talking with Mehran. It's a long story, but again Mehran is being very good to me and this is an opportunity I shouldn't pass up. Besides, my friend is getting a cartridge that he wouldn't be able to afford otherwise.
I had posted a thread about some recommendations on what to do while Barb and I are in Portland, Oregon next week. We'll be staying downtown and concentrating on having fun there. We have received some good advice and will be meeting at least one other Audiogon face while there. Viridian (Marty) is putting together a some options for live jazz and great food for us based on the latest information. I'm pretty sure we'll be downing a few drinks together with him.
Right after our return from Portland Paul Frumkin will be coming for five days and then Steve and I will be heading out to Albert's place. In between all of this activity I'll be assembling the BIX, making some DIY room treatments, babysitting the roofers and gutter crew as well as a number of other things that have been left undone due to being out of my game for so long. I'm sure glad that my daughter Amanda is so good about mowing our grass and taking care of other chores for us. She's a good kid that's stepped up to the plate to help her mom and dad out.
I love this thread and hope you guys continue to post. While I celebrate my good fortune with this respite from being so sick, I know whenever those nasty symptoms come back it's going to be tough. It would be very easy right now to lie to myself that I'm getting well. But, I really see no purpose in concentrating on bad things that aren't happening. I'll just have to deal with things as they come along.
Best to all!
Patrick |
Hi Pat, it's great to hear about the fun and no less of anything that ain't. I love this thread, thanks to all for keeping it up. For small monitors, I liked the Triangle Titus Es a lot when I heard it recently. In a higher price range, I owned a pair of Aurum Cantus Leisure 2 SE's for about a month and just hated to see them go. The buyer loves them enough to have become an audio buddy. All the very best, Toby |
Pat. You continue to be a source of admiration for all of us. With all that you have been through, the courage you how, the way you have always tempered hope with reality of the situation, you undying love of music as a healing medium, and your openness to all of us.
I had a stepfather who was sick with cancer for a loong time, and he never accepted his illness, his situation or his ultimate fate. Of course that was his prerogative. Still, it was sad to see him deny his situation, deny the pain, deny the pain meds, deny the hands that were lent to him for support.
None of us know how/when we will depart this phase of existance, but we should all strive to achieve equanimity, joy, and inner pease each day as if it were our last. In your case, there is reason to believe the plan will not go as you may have originally thought - but apparently you'll be dammed if you'll allow any 'change in plan' to interfere with the mission of getting every little last bit of joy and happiness out of the limited days we all have.
In a way, you have reminded me that all paths lead to nowhere, that it is the journey that matters! |
"all paths lead to nowhere, that it is the journey that matters!"
Well said Artg. It's just so sad that it takes so long for some of us to realize this. |
Sometimes I'm struck mightily by the insights offered by you guys. When Artg wrote about his step father I realized that this experience is one he will carry around for a lifetime. Believing as I do that not much of what happens to us is by accident, maybe this thread is a way for all of us to work through such issues for our own benefit. This repreive I'm enjoying is not without its challenges. Yeah, I'm enjoying it a lot. No doubt, it's better to be feeling well than staying on a steadily declining path toward death. The light at the end of the tunnel. Five weeks ago I could see it very clearly and only needed to maintain my emotional strength to meet up and be engulfed by it. Right now, I don't even see that light. I know though that whenever this chemical coctail that is working for me stops doing its thing I will be faced with that light and it will be much closer than I will be prepared for. I know it'g going to be tough to handle, at least for a short while.
As much as I'd like to just get lost in feeling good and ignore the inevitable I can't allow myself to forget. That would make the shock of returning symptoms too hard to handle well. All of this stuff we write about here is simply an excercise in getting to know ourselves better. I don't have time to fart around and screw up with it either or I could easily be like Artg's step dad. For about the zillionth time I repeat, I ain't courageous nor brave. I'm prgamatic. Most of you would be too. Either enjoy today or waste it. Either control the impact on your emotions or be controlled by them. I just can't do it any other way. If you want to see me at a weak moment it will be when the Taxol stops helping. I'll need you guys then more than you realize. It is comforting to know that you all will be there with me, helping to prop up my spine in a moment of weakness. I'll be okay then too, but it will be so much easier because of you. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your continiued support. I am a very lucky guy. |
Pat, when I read you last post it made me sorry that I am so far away (miles wise) from you. I wish there was something I could do to help as much as you have helped many of us through your posts. We all need eachother in this moment we call life. Heros are made by opportunities, not strong backbones. Your trials have revealed your character to the rest of us! It's easy to be thankful and appreciative when there are no problems, and most of the things the rest of us consider problems are really inconveniences. I assume the praise you recieve is a little embarrassing, but when a person brags about how well they would do under a given circumstance, their foolishness is made obvious by the exampe of those who do bear up well under difficult circumstances, as you are doing.
Thank you for being so transparent, you remain in my prayers. |
Nate,
Thanks for understanding. Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed by the praise offered up about bravery. I'd like to think I'd be brave under certain circumstances like saving someone from a fire or drowning (an experience I've had) or from suicide. One never knows how you would react until faced with such events. I do accept your compliment about being transparent in this thread though. Most of the time it requires very little effort since this is the way I am most of the time. There have been things I've written about that took a lot of effort to share with this group. Maybe it's because I fear that some criticism might spring forth as a result. Maybe it's because I make myself feel vulnerable in doing so. I dunno. It doesn't matter. I'm obligated to be totally honest here or else this thread will cease to serve the purpose I think it contains within the talk about me and audio. At the end of the day Lugnut doesn't matter nor does anyones stereo. It's about a greater insight into how we conduct our lives during such a period IF you are lucky enough to have advance notice like I've enjoyed. There are numerous stories in the Bible about wealthy individuals that were faced with the contrast between life being defined by ones possessions and the possessions that really mattered. My "stuff" really has very little meaning even though I can and do enjoy it. What I treasure beyond all material things is the relationships that are a measure of who I am. Stuff is a measure of what I was. This thread and the friends I've gained through it are a gift more valuable than anything I've received in my lifetime. If by being transparent I can help anyone reading this then I've been worthy of the friendships I've gained. |
I, too, am a fan of Pat's transparency, but it's the fullness and richness of his tonality that really puts it all in perspective for me (and that's no joke! :-)
Coltrane comps are on the way, among other things... |
Thanks Zakesman. Well guys, today was another day of chemo. I suspect this will be as uneventful as the others although I'm not feeling well at all. Barb and I both went to our audio club meeting and ate out prior. Whatever I had didn't agree with me and has carried over into today. Of course, it would help to have a normal stomach! Frankenbelly sometimes misbehaves. The Portland area has its own unique style of food preparation and I hope I can enjoy it fully later this week.
I asked the hard question of my doctor today. That being, "How long on average does the Taxol work?" I was a little bit rocked by his answer of a couple of months since todays treatment marked the two month use of it. Oh well. I'm scheduled for a CT scan next week while Paul is here so we'll see if I can just forgoe treatment until symptoms return. That would work for me. While I feel pretty darn good it is getting old being fatigued all of the time. Maybe without treatments I'll regain some of my vitality. Of course, without treatment the cancer will grow and it uses a lot of calories doing that. Fatigue is an issue for anyone with active malignancy. The doctor thinks there are other drugs we can use after the Taxol. Hmmm. My guess is that the other options might be brutal in comparison. No sense in worrying about it until the time comes.
Since I've committed to upgrading my cartridge I need to do this in a reasonable time. The acoustic treatments need to get done soon also. Steve and I are going to be working on a bi-fold door project at the entrance to the music room. We believe the benefits of doing this will allow the equipment and the room to work together as they should giving me the depth and layering I long for. It's good the way it is but since it can be better, why not?
The Benedryl and the steroids they give me to combat Taxol side effects makes me pretty ripped. Forgive me if this post isn't all that understandable. I have one drug pumping through my veins that wants to put me asleep and another that pumps me up. They are competing with each other and it makes my thoughts go on the dark side. I am concerned about the next drugs that'll be tried. I've got to do this because of two things. One, I must live until at least September. I had elected to double my life insurance when that option came available and it takes effect at the end of that month. Two, I've already done three different drugs now and see no reason to stop trying now. I jokingly mentioned during dinner that I was selecting music for some kind of service in rememberance of me. Barb was glad I was doing so but the look she cast upon me while the tears ran down her cheeks was hard to take. I'd take getting kicked around hard by the meds just to give her some more time to enjoy old Lugnut but the thought that a brutal dose of chemo might not allow me to be enjoyable hurts to contemplate. I know I'm worrying about stuff that hasn't happened. My question to myself is how do I balance the reality of feeling good for now with the necessity of dealing with the enevitable. I cannot allow myself to lose my character. Considering the possibilities of what comes next is a must for me. It's the only way I can keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. I hate it.
I'll be okay. As I said some of this dark stuff is the result of the drugs. Life IS good and today is meant to be enjoyed after I take a nap. Thanks for being there for me. |
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Hi Pat,
.
Just checking in. Here's hoping getting off of the Taxol is a good thing energy wise and that the next drug option is kind and helpful.
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Thanks again for the openness of what you are going through. Reading this thread never fails to remind me to appreciate all that I have been blessed with and how fleeting it all can be.
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My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will give you a call in the next couple of days
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Love,
Larry
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. |
Pat,
Please keep sharing, we are here to listen. I just wish we could do something to help.
Jeff |
Hi Patrick- Hope you feel better after the steroids and the anti-histamines stop fighting. While I have (thankfully) no personal experience, the steroids and anti-nausea cocktail they give my wife seems to be fighting it out with her anti-cancer drugs and makes her feel pretty $hitty for about 4-5 days; then 2-3 fair days, then a week feeling pretty good. I know she would have a hard time doing it w/o a pretty good light at the end of the tunnel. I admire your strength w/o the docs giving you much of a light. Of course, we all hope that they are wrong. I went to Doug and Paul's last night and heard their new Teres/Schroder/ZYX Uni set-up. I've never been a huge fan of B&W, but I was pretty blown away by what I heard. We listened to a 45 rpm of Louis Armstrong doing St James Infirmary which was the most amazing example of soundstage, imaging, and layering I have ever heard, on top of a heart-stopping performance. I also aquainted them with some of my bluegrass-country roots (Trio 1), which we all enjoyed as well. The Dvorzac (sp?) was very intense and the Bach Cantata soothing. Very humbling to hear what is to my way of thinking, a pretty maxed out analog rig. Big $ for sure, but not crazy $. Hope you get your analog well set-up soon.
Keep hanging in there, friend. All the best. |
Swampman,
I've been through the type of treatment your wife is getting an it's much more difficult to endure than what I'm doing. Besides, whether you believe it or not, your role is more difficult than hers on several levels. Bless you for being a good husband. If you ever falter DO NOT hesitate to contact me and I'll prop you back up. I sense that you are like my wife and I admire you for it. When I talk about the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm speaking about death. For your wife, it's cure. I need to remember the light even if I can't see it or else I'll be overwhelmed when it returns brighter than when it left. For your wife it is a goal for living, something to reach for. When I say that my chemo is pretty benign it's a true statement. I have few side effects. Stoned and tired today and tomorrow I'll be just like yesterday...okay.
St. James Infirmary is THE SONG I was talking about at dinner last night and Barb started to cry. It is the most wonderful music I've ever heard on every level. I've been meaning to order the 33 rpm version for myself by the same folks that did the 45 rpm set. I would trade a large pile of my best records for that one song if I had to make that choice. Amazing how one song moved me so much. IMNSHO, this is the best song ever recorded by anyone, ever. I must admit that I'm surprised Doug and Paul own it being classical lovers that they are. I'm also really glad you went over there too. They are great guys and I love them a lot. Doug has been a big help for many of my analog questions. Paul, bless his heart, wrote one of the most important emails I've ever received and I will be forever greatful to him for doing so. Hearts this big are a wonderful thing to experience.
As far as my analog is concerned I'm home free right now with the Yatra MK II. The opportunity to upgrade to an Airy 3 (I'm going silver wire) with the silver mounting plate is a no brainer. My only concern is getting the darn thing broke in so I can fully enjoy it. I wish I had the cash to burn so I could hire someone to play records 24/7 until it reaches the magic hundred hour mark. Wouldn't that be a fun job? This turntable, cartridge, tonearm stuff with all the setup and bits and pieces needed to make it happen right is like some weird brotherhood. We are together but we are separate also. What I have found is there is more than one way to skin a cat. If I were to offer any criticism of us as a group it would be that we possess a learned narrow minded-ness. My analog front end would be rejected out of hand by many as being unworthy until they actually listened to it. Sure, if it were gone I'd probably buy something else but mainly to gain a little more acceptance from the group as a whole rather than any real sonic leaps in performance. It's like trading in a Sportster for a Fat Boy. Of course, the Fat Boy is a real Harley as if the Sportster isn't. Yeah, right.
Jeff, you are doing something more important than you realize. You are here and take the effort to let me know. This should be a Mastercard commercial. Priceless. |
Pat-
As always you know yourself, Barb, Amanda, and Scott are in our thoughts and prayers. (just a reminder) I will try to give you a call soon and see how that "read" of yours is coming along...
I will tell you this after I got a call last week from my dealer. I too have the ZYX Airy 3S-SB, and my dealer installed it on my new TT setup last week and called me after the initial couple of hours he spent setting up the table, arm and cartridge to tell me how the sound kicks a.. I mentioned that I heard the Airy 3S-SB needed a good 80 hours from what I read to "come around" and he laughed and said I wouldn't worry at all if it didn't change a bit. This was his first ZYX he had set up and was very impressed - out of the box. So - hopefully that is good news to you, and hopefully it will also be quite enjoyable out of the box for you as well!
Talk to you soon & God Bless |
Pat,
If you have concern that your post is difficult to track, don't. You're coming in loud and clear, in fact more so than ever.
Lots of love to you and your family, friend.
Howard |
Thanks, Patrick. On the subject of analog rigs, while Doug and Paul's TT/ARm(Tri-planar, not Schroder)/CARt/Step-up are world class, their Pre/phonostage, as you may know, is older and very modest in cost at present and yet the sound was to die for. So I would never sneer at anything w/o hearing it. I have not had much of a chance to hear other high end rigs since I work so much and have become a bit of a loner, but going to the show in NYC a couple of weeks ago and then hearing a really optimized analog front end, it has energized me to do better in set-up with what I have. I've also had less than mind-blowing performance from some well regarded phono stage/cart combos so I have figured out not to pre-judge. I am sure that the Airy 3 will be terrific. I bought the demo Airy2 and now must get it together to get a step-up. |
Frank,
If your Airy is not fully broken in then you and your installer are going to be amazed when it does. It's very detailed out of the box but with time it gets so smooth it's spooky. At least that is how my Yatra behaves and the one UNIverse I'm intimately familiar with. Isn't it the quietest "in the groove" thing you've ever heard?
Howard, so I handle being ripped pretty well? Har har. I guess there was at least one benefit to growing up in the sixties.
Swampman, contrary to what Raul says (and I'm not fussing), to my ears, and in every case, I prefer the step up to a high powered phono stage. Some are better than others. Just my opinion but it seems more real. I'm no electronics guru but the way they work doesn't create a much longer signal path, so no loss as far as I can tell. Distortion? Maybe. I dunno. Tubes are more distorted than ss but I like it better. That's all I care about. I go by my ears. I'm sure glad you made this move. You will shit. In case you guys don't know shitting is bigger than having your jaw drop. Tell that to the reviewers. |
LOL, Patrick thanks for the smile. As they say in Bahstan; Yaw a real pissah! |
Hi guys. Been busy with other things and not posting much.
Thanks to Swampwalker for the visit and his kind words about our system. We just upgraded from Teres 265 to 320 and that's what he heard. The improvement was far larger than we expected, about the equivalent of going from Airy 3 to UNIverse. IOW, huge! I'll post something on my system thread when I get time. We upgraded our power amp a couple of months ago also. I haven't updated that yet either. A preamp upgrade is probably next. Our little c-j PV11 is in way over its head now, :-), but it holds its own remarkably well. We've had a friend's reference quality preamp in our system and decided to upgrade the power amp first. It made a bigger difference. The PV-11 is a remarkable performer, especially since used ones go for $700 or less.
We visited Swampwalker and heard the Airy 2 with our BentAudio stepups in his system. I've never heard a happier cartridge. It just sang and sang. Some kinda magic going on there with his SOTA, OL Silver, Merlins and Joule I guess. It doesn't match a UNIverse, but there was zero sense of that while listening. The music just flowed naturally into the room with a transparent grace and delicacy that was pure pleasure to hear.
Swampwalker was kind enough to lend us his Denon DVD-3910 with full Underwood mods so we could A/B/C against our stock 3910 and our Arcam FMJ CD23. Differences between them? Sure. Worth $2K+ to mod our Denon? Doubtful. The turntable upgrade was 50 times more significant for about the same money.
Cheers to all! |
Hi Pat,
I know you get tiered and its hard at times to go through all this. Its no fun not being yourself because the drugs make you crazy, but believe me, your role in Barbs life along with so many of your friends is huge! I have been seeing a psychologist since we last talked, and Im beginning to remember how my life affects so many. I complain that living for the sake of others is too hard some times, and that l cant live my life so unselfishly. Well I have done just that for the past eight years and I do have a lot of people who still need me.
As I have told you, I can not make it much over five hours without a nap, which is both due to my heart and the drugs. I hate it that Im not me, yet my kids and wife would take this every day over being left alone. I know you get tired, and some days the fight is overwhelming, but we need you around. I personally can not tell you how much your emails have meant to me, youre a gift that God has provided for me. Your role is great, and I love you. I was very depressed when I wrote you for your help, and that response gave me the strength I needed to make the changes I need to make. Thus the shrink! Keep the spirit as you go through this next treatment, were all pulling for you and selfishly I need you.
J.D. |
Mornin' everyone,
Barb and I returned home late yesterday afternoon from our Portland, Oregon trip. We had a lot of fun and made some really good memories as well as friends. Varidian and his wife (Marty and Liz) joined us for dinner twice during our stay and one night we went on an adventure together in search of live blues but ended up listening to jazz. I shopped hard for some hardware and harder for software being successful in each department. Of note is how much fun I had at Echo Audio. Kurt, the owner, is very accomodating and a lot of fun to work with. He didn't hesitate a moment to hook up several speakers for me to audition on two separate visits. I ended up buying some Tannoy monitors, stands and a used equipment rack for a system I'm building for a friend. I recommend this store for anyone that wants to be treated well not to mention the very fair prices for quality used audio gear. The record stores, which are many, are a mixed bag. I ended up buying twentyone records and one old Vogue 78 rpm picture disk. A couple of the records I purchased were ones I'd been looking for for some time. One was still sealed and the other was in mint condition.
The trip kicked my puny ass and I'm dog tired. Still, it was fun. Portland is really pretty and a very vibrant town. It struck me as very interesting how casual everyone dressed. More so than any other place I've ever been. It rained a lot during our stay and just about nobody bothers with umbrella's, except visitors. Public transportation is free and very organized as well as clean. With only a little planning it's easy to organize a day and find all the stops. The food is great and the place is Emerald City/Wizard Of Oz green. I sure understand the attraction it has for young folks. There is so much to do and the area definitely has a young persons cultural attitude. It was nice to come home to dry, warm weather and a slower pace though.
Paul's travel plans are being modified as I write this. He has had a number of things come up within the last week making it impossible to arrive today. I hate to see him pay dearly for last minute flight changes but am anxious to see him. We'll just have to see how this works out.
This is my scheduled week off of the chemo schedule and I'm glad. I do have a CT scan on Wednesday morning. Dunno if it will tell any more than what my body is telling me. I'm without any cancer symptoms at the moment and willing to stop the treatments. No, that's not exactly correct. I'm anxious to stop the chemo. I'm tired of being tired and maybe if I get some time off now I'll have more energy when Steve and I go to Albert Porter's June 3-6.
Gotta run. The day is getting hectic already. My buddy's turntable and amps arrived so I need to clean off a work area and take an inventory of all the bits and pieces and check for shipping damage. Peace to all.
Pat |
Pat write me if you plan to visit dirty NY with overpriced public transportation that in addition has a terrible service(don't even bother to use it unless you plan to finish some new Dan Brown's book right there:-). Although our mayor urgently advises to use public trasportation that gets you where you want to be upto one and half hour later...
Despite above...
There are so many great names comming this season there that I realy have to run for it every weekday and weekend, but I certainly can't have that luxury. The great concert season will last until November as far as I know the names are: Nick Cave, David Torn, U2, Oregon(band), Art Enseble of Chicago, Carla Bley and many many more... I gotta have some very vast reason to arrange some one of the great concert ticket...
|
Marakanetz,
No matter what the state of public transportation in NY I'll always wish I could have gone there for a visit. It must be a very exciting place to be. At least for a visit. Buy some of those tickets and enjoy.
Well, Paul arrived yesterday afternoon. The poor guy has a lot of stuff on his plate right now and looked very tired when I picked him up at the airport. We grabbed a bite of lunch on the way to my house and fired up the system when we arrived. A local friend of mine for nearly 40 years stopped by and we talked music, records, cleaning vinyl and equipment for a few hours while listening to some tunes. He too is a lawyer, actually a judge, and he and Paul talked a little shop too. Lugnut, the welder, mechanic, and general handyman hanging with a couple of legal eagles is funny to contemplate. Hopefully a bunch of other friends will join us as we invade Steve's music room some evening this week.
Yesterday I was drafted into the SA rugby team. I received my new jersey courtesy of Springbok10 (aka Denis) with the offical player name and number on the back of "Lugnut 1". Now all I need is an honorary doctorate from Harvard, Yale or Princeton! Thanks Denis.
Earlier this week Jeff (jdodmead) forwarded a Jay McShann album. Great music. I love being introduced to music that's new to me. The Big Apple Bash has a lot of heavy hitters sitting in on the sessions. Of particular note is Herbie Mann playing not only his flute but clarinet and tenor sax. I'd never heard Mann playing any instrument other than the flute. Now whenever I see one of his albums I'll think of Jeff and Jay McShann.
I hope to get today organized quickly so that I can take Paul out to show off some of Idaho's geography. We'll be heading out to look at the Snake River plain south of Nampa and get a good look at the Owyhee Mountain range. Maybe we'll get lucky and run into a real cowboy or something. Yep, real ones still make a living here doing what cowboys do; riding the range, roppin' those little doggies and saving the reputations of pretty maidens. I'll never forget the first one I met when I moved here in the 80's. When I shook his hand it was like grabbing onto a rock. His deeply lined and leathery face looked to belong to a man in his late fifties cursed with "get old quick" genes but I discovered he was only in his mid thrities. Six gun on his hip no less, in town. I'm not kidding you one bit either. The guy came to town twice a year whether he needed to or not I guess. Supplies and "dudes" were flown into the ranch he cared for on a regular basis as the last three or four miles driving there was an eight hour trip. We be talkin' remote; snowed in all winter with no expectation of getting out for any emergency whatsoever. It's a hard thing to comtemplate for the uninitiated.
Gotta run and get this day movin' along. Yeehaa. |
Lugnut
Hope you enjoy wearing the Springbok rugby jersey !
Another Springbok supporter.
Chris |
Pat,
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Take Care |
Pat, I had no idea I was hobnobbin' with a Springbok... lemme buy you a cold one. I went to the school where the game was invented. A plaque on one of the old brick walls is dedicated to the thick-headed schoolboy footballer "who first picked up the ball in his arms and ran with it", thus inventing the game of Rugby football.
You might explain to any cowboys you run into while playing the noble game that as long as it's in your arms, there's no need to shoot the ball
|
Lugnut
William Webb Ellis was the schoolboy,went to Oxford later on and obtained Cricket blue.Did very well academically as well.Statue in his honour at Rugby School.
Ellis Park Stadium in Johannesburg was named after him.The Springboks won the Rugby World Cup there in 1995.
Proud Springbok supporter.
Chris |
Tobias,
Hope you realize this is an honorary thing invented by Springbok10. LOL. For what it's worth, I've always admired rugby players. It's a brutal game and one I would have been a part of if it was offered here in the states when I was a kid. I played football when young and thoroughly enjoyed myself starting at the age of seven or eight and continuing through high school. I'm glad to see there are rugby fans here at Audiogon and would be happy to tip of few with you in honor of the Springbok team anytime.
I saw Paul off at the airport yesterday morning. We had an evening of listening at Vetterone's house with several of my local friends showing up. My sincere thanks to Steve for having us over and being such a great host.
Paul and I hit the local record stores, visited Idaho City (an old mountain mining town), listened to some live blues at my local watering hole and sampled some of the ethnic dining establishments around here. I enjoyed the visit a lot.
Now I'm resting up for the Dallas trip to Albert Porter's. I can hardly wait. |
Pat, I too can hardly wait.
Once you come to Dallas, we are going to move at whatever speed suits you . I have at least three of my listening group guys ready to receive us so you can sample several systems, depending on your mood. |
