I am always up front and tell her. HOWEVER - she usually responds with "well, you know how much money you make".
Duhh - clearly I don't. If I did, I wouldn't be spending it like I do. |
I've got a pre-amp hiding in the garage right now. I'm trying to figure out a way to camoflage it in my stereo rack. I thought about just laying it on its side behind the entertainment center, but the remote won't work. |
I think we need to get a "tax" credit to stay married AND buy stereo equipment. We help the economy and raise great kids. I think we need to get a lobbiest working on our behalf. |
I've undertaken at least a dozen covert operations, since entering into this hobby, that would make a Navy Seal proud. Wife "Is that a new stereo thingy?" Me "Nah honey I've had that for awhile now." or "Why yes it is dear! I traded a guy straight up for it". Strength and honor! |
Bryanhod, that's why I'm still married. Some stay together for the children, I stay for the stereo equipment. LOL. |
Divorce is a lot more expensive than stereo equipment. |
maryedw@hotmail.com, we didn't ask because we KNOW about womens tricks. Hell, she probably knows my tricks too. She never discusses money on her purchases either. If I say "Hey, is that a new outfit/dress/whatever", I expect one of two responses.
1) If it didn't cost much, she'll tell me that, "yes it is, but she got an unbelieveable deal on it, like 80% off".
2) If it was expensive, she'll hide it away for a couple months, so when I ask, she can say, "No, it's not new, I've had this for awhile".
It's the politics of being married over 20 years. LOL.
It's funny how you mention gifts. My wife and I do the opposite things. She'll buy me cell phones and digital cameras, things I can never find because they're always in her purse (she's the photographer) for my birthday, and I'll buy her a new end table (that's really a subwoofer, hehe) for hers. It makes for interesting gift-giving. I look forward to her birthday more than my own.
Cheers,
John |
If she had any clue, she'd shoot me! The only thing she knows the real price on is the tv, since we went shopping for it together.
I usually tell her a component costs about a quarter of what I spend. Since she has no idea, it works for me.
If she ever figured out how to get in my favorites folder, and finds Audiogon, my ass is toast! |
Wow, you guys are funny............. How come you didn't ask how many of us gals have tried to deceive our husbands! I was just trying to think up a good story as to why I just had to have a new set of Vandy speakers, and don't ya know - he asked me what I want for my birthday - whew! |
Tobias, I hear ya, man.
Been to the Greek Islands, you ain't missing anything (except, maybe, that Breuer). Take her to the next CES convention if held in a "fun" city. Vegas had a lot of togas to be found over at Caesar's.
Also, if the kitchen is a big deal for her, try to make it happen...somehow. Trust me, the look on her face will make your listening experience that much better (not to mention the "extra-loving" you'll surely receive.)
Best regards. |
Boy, would I love to be able to say I was straight up with the s.o. about it all. The music has lifted me out of depression countless times. But I wonder if I would have been less depressed if my companion and I had both found the same pleasure in it.
I've mentioned the great deals, the bargain prices I've paid by shopping here so many times that she has to be aware it's not the whole story. A 2 grand kitchen reno we planned still hasn't happened, but I have a new cartridge; a line of credit she hadn't known about showed up when we remortgaged the house. ( No we didn't get a second mortgage just to pay for the audio system ! ) A couple of windfall back paycheques went on Music, the food of love, not on a vacation together in the Greek isles.
So now I'm writing this as a public declaration that tweaks are where it's at, and that new speaker cables, a tone arm and a power conditioner will not happen for a long time if at all. This is hard to say. I notice an intensity or rush behind my upgrade ideas, and I think it's due to aging. What if I never get to hear how my LP12 sounds with a Breuer? (Gad... a Breuer... )
What if it never gets any closer to perfection than this?
Say "no big deal" to that? Not easy. And yet (I hate to say it, especially here) I somehow think it will be easier to say "no big deal" to that, than to say the same thing if I never get to see the Greek islands with my companion.
I want it all, I may get one. Wish me luck, eh. |
After reading these stories I have to laugh at some of the extreme things guys will do to keep up with the hobby. Makes me glad I'm not married and that I can buy equipment whenever I please. Oh someday I will be (I know, I know), and I'll have to remember to print this page out to "learn". :) |
Constantly which is absolutely necessary. |
Why is this question limited to audio gear? |
Gogamecocks I have been down the jewelry path. However, I was able to tie that purchase with an anniversary event. Most guys really aren't into anniversary or birthday gifts for ourselves. If we want it we just buy it. I did build up some credit points by buying an expensive necklace for our anniversary. Of course for myself I didn't want a gift. She felt so guilty that I was able to re-build my system without a lot of resistance. Also, one of her comments is that she really can't tell the difference with the upgrades. I think it's because she doesn't take the time to be a critical listener. I did have somewhat of a breakthrough over the weekend. My system is down because my preamp is being upgraded. She really missed not having music in the house and the boom box just didn't cut it......there is hope! |
Goose is onto something. Research has indeed proven that when selling to men, you sell on quality or return on investment. When you sell to women, approach from the aspect of "how much it's discounted" and "what a bargain" it is. Anyway, I don't tell if I don't think she will notice such as cables and accessories. With bigger things, I rat hole money and then lie about what it really costs and brag on what a bargain it was used. Then she will eventually want something like a piece of jewelry or something comparable in price and I keep my mouth shut. |
Not married but I have to comment. I've never laughed so hard at some of these. I will agree though, as it applies to so many other things...make sure she is 'into it'. This has to be one of the most effective stress-free routes to go. The bogus receipts? I started with that one while in high school, in my early teens and my mother was watching me spend every penny I made on audio gear. I love this hobby, good group of people here too, I have never learned so much and laughed as much, thanks. |
After 22 years of marriage you get to experiment with different techniques. I did go down the road of deceit. That path is a big mistake since she pays the bills. My new method is to put aside some funds that come into me directly (business expense pay backs, bonuses or getting a little extra "gas" money when I hit the cash machine). Once I get some funds saved up, I couple that with a sale of the existing component I want to replace. I have been able to re-build my system by using this site for savings. How could she refuse the "Look how much I saved" comment by buying demo or used equipment. (She has used that one on me for years). She has been a great sport indulging my habit. |
Yes. But I explained that i am in training for the CIA and that in order to qualify, I had to learn the art of shipping and receiving on the sly. The defense department sends me money, and I must not leave a paper trail as to how it is spent. As a trainee, we are allowed to spend this $ any way we like, but we cannot reveal cost, unfortunately, to ANYBODY. So I have decided to delve into the world of "stereos", and names which have initials are more in line with secret agents, i.e., CIA, BAT, AMP, PREAMP. etc. So if on ocassion, she sees a big heavy box being delivered by the UPS guy, don't touch it, and please don't ask about it, because I may have to k...
Only money orders and cashiers checks. Seperate secret agent room preferable for setting up items. Must spend hours of intense studying and listening to all equipment.
It's tough, for one who "lives the life of danger." |
I'm thinking of starting an audio support group for those members that have lived to their spouses about their expenditures. The line starts at the end of the block. |
I got my audio dealer to write me a fake invoice for my Paradigm Studio 100 v2 speakers with rosenut veneer. $800. |
it is nice to know that i am not the only one.
after 15 years of marriage, i cant tell you how many fights and arguments that have happened ( the first one was over a pair of vandersten 2ci's).
my wife has been very good overall and i shouldnt complain.
mike |
YES, AND SHE MOVED OUT! GOD I LOVE THIS HOBBY! |
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Who knew that I could be this covert? If I knew what type of talent it took to smuggle new and/or expensive gear in and outta the house without my wife finding out, I would've been a first class drug smuggler or top rate spy for the US. It's a crazy game we're playing, but "LONG LIVE THE AUDIO/VIDEOPHILE." |
We have a DON't ASK, DON'T TELL policy in effect. |
New power cords and interconnects go rather unnoticed!
I have auditioned so many components, my wife figures I'll probably send it back. After 36 years, she pretty much has accepted my addiction! When I upgraded my LP 12 and ML preamp years ago, they looked identical to their ancestors, no problem! I am a little more open about my purchases now.
Cartriges went unnoticed also! Honesty pays. Your wife could hide some pretty expensive jewelry! |
Fellow Audiogoners, I am shocked and dismayed to read of your various attempts to stretch the truth. For what? A mere addictive passion for art? I admit that I too was once propelled to such measures. How did I overcome the temptation? The answer is simple and within easy reach. Overinsure! That's right. Take out enough life insurance to assure your spouse and children a life of ease in the event of your unfortunate demise. That simple action does wonders to bring out the sensitivity and honesty in all of us ;-) Enjoy the music! To apply, dial 1-800-Too-Much. |
I purchased a Yamaha ceiling mount projector, Stewart Firehawk Screen and built a custom, dual purpose acoustic enclosure for said screen. Tore up the ceiling to run power, component and dvi cabling. She did not ask why or how much after I said it would be nice to have family movie nite, once a week....Tom |
Mghcanuck,
You must be THE MAN!!!
I weigh 275lbs, she said that if I could get down to 220 and save my money, then I can get a new amp. Needless to say I'm starving myself right now. |
chalkme, that's priceless, LOL.
I'm thinking of upgrading my amp and pre. We recently had our second child and let's just say sex has not been a concern for some time. Now I'm thinking I may be able to withhold it in order to convince her about the upgrade... |
I begged and pleaded for six months before I got permission to buy my $2200 Paradigm Studio 100 speakers last month.
Then I made a rookie mistake, she found the receipt for $400 worth of cables.
I haven't had any sex since. sigh. Worth it, though. |
YA RIGHT, I now feel that I am a used car salesman !!!!!!!! |
O.k., now that we found that we're not alone in this shadowy world of double dealing and strechting the truth, I think we need to start a support group for when we do get caught? and you will one day. Me, I'm lucky, I can't afford 3 or 4 thousand for a component, so when I do get caught it's only over something that cost a couple of hundred. which is usally one days overtime, aleast thats how I explain were the money came from. |
And I thought I was the only one. I bought it used from a friend. Everything shipped to work and paid for by cashiers check. |
I've been there myself. Sometimes the truth hurts but if you can imagine for a moment the pain of witnessing your wife doing you a favor by polishing the acrylic faceplate of the Electrocompaniet CD player (that a long lost Norwegian friend sent you) with a cheap, dry paper towel, pick up the Audio Note speakers you got at a garage sale and set them front-faced-down on the coffee table so she can dust/shop-vac underneath them, then set them back on the stands and shop-vac the dust off of the drivers and tweeters, spray the platter on that old SME20 you purchased at GoodWill with Armor-All getting it all nice and shiny again, putting tie wraps around all your cables to organize things a bit better, pulling those filthy, dusty, metal base GEC KT77 tubes from an estate sale on your amp and sticking them in the dish washer, etc.
Now... this "favor" would make most audiophiles freak out, but try explaining your freaked out behavior (why you aren't thrilled about what she's done for you) without attaching a dollar figure it. Impossible.
It seems best to be honest. |
My wife says to me "I thought you already have a good stereo".
Or there's the "well, it's your money". Fortunately, I handle the finances in our house but I still need to tell her something when she asks how much a piece costs (usually around half). As long as I don't spend the vacation fund, I'm OK. She just looks at me puzzled when I get a new piece. It is not the $. She just does not understand. Now if someone would just make an invisible amp... |
Hey Bob, thanks for reviving an old thread. Actually, the answer is......respect.
My wife and a bunch of friends formed a 'girl's group' some time ago. I strongly encouraged her to meet with them at least once a month for dinner. A while ago she brought home an interesting story. Of the six women, two of them had taken their husband's last name at marriage. Each of the other five retained her 'maiden'name. My wife took my name.
The point is that the other five were complaining that with the mutual check book, the husband was always being difficult when it came to each of the wife's use of money. Understand that all of these women are rather highly paid professionals. anyway, the two women who had taken their husband's names each have their own checkbooks. In my marriage each of us has a half-obligation to pay the household costs and whatever money is left is each of our own business. What i have left-over is mine and what she has is hers. The point is that the women who retained their own names, etc., have no control and the two women who took the husband's name have all of the independance: the five chose independance in name but lost it in fact. I don't look at my wife's bank statements and hers are not my business.
If I have the money I buy what I want. The same goes for her.
It is called respect, which comes from responsibility and independance. |
I have no problem buying non-local items. But local pick-up is a pain on my neck because she would love to pick it up with me. Here is the way I handle local transactions.
Ex: buying a $2000 CD Player, I paypal or send half of the money to the seller ($1000). Then bring her together to pick it up and pay the rest of the money (another $1000). Told her that it was the best deal of the decade. For higher priced items I usually do 70/30 just for my own safety.
Later when I sell the same player (ex. $1500), I show her the money order or eBay page that I can sell it at the higher price. I'd been doing this for about 5 times. Now I'm free to buy or sell anything at will. Never have to lie again!
How was it?
Bob. |
Yes...the policy is to ALWAYS deceive them...since they find out in the end anyway!
It's that period between the installation (at night of course, through the side door) and the 'discovery' that is FREE...by which time I have another deal on the go.
Soooooo...the trick is to keep them in a LAG mode, 'cause if they ever reach LEAD mode the next mode is the 'DIVORCE' mode.
Keep up the good work!
(See also my thread: "Has audio ever caused the 'D' word?") |
For me, honesty is the best policy. Besides, it's none of her f*#2@!?< business. Our bills are always paid on time, we have money in the bank, and money in an investment account. Where's the problem? On top of that, I don't go to bars, I don't screw around, and she always knows where I am. Listening to music is about as pure as it gets and I think she probably feels about the same way. |
I don't think I'd live in the same house with my wife,
if I honestly believed she accepted and understood
me paying over $400. for power cords.
Of course I spare her the actual details of this hobby,
it's my responsibility. Plus, I'd like her to stay
another 12 years.
|
No honey, thats not new...I painted it! |
Well Ive used the old credit card trick. Lets say you make a $2000.00 purchase. You give the dealer $1201.00 in cash
and when the credit card bill comes in its see Honey, it was $799.00 ! The things we do for love. |
Krelldog, it is a tale, never, never a lie. C'mon now, you know better than that. When I bought my amp(used right) and cdp, I got the speakers for free! Did you know Home Depot sells blue bi-wire speaker cable. Did you ever go to a garage or estate sale and find something nice. Used cds for $3.95. It was broken, and still under warranty, dealer could not fixed, so I got a newer model, demo of course. Enough of that. Get her some flowers, dinner and a movie, then you are all set. Good luck and be cool. |
Wow what A topic.....but yes I have. When I buy something that I surely know that my superior half will resent, I will ask the retailer for a second (bogus )receipt, so if she questions me I have the lesser of the two receipts to show her.
But how many of you out there have asked her if she minds if you bought {BLANK} and she says she doesnt care, only at a later date when she is mad at you, that she has has the nerve to spout " You had to buy {BLANK} didnt you". Are wifes are made from the same mold? |
I recently picked up some cat toys (little balls with a bunch of rubber tentacles sticking out of them) that my wife assumed were for the new kitten to play with.
The truth of the matter is that I intend on tacking them to the inside corners of our soon to be installed single driver speaker cabinets.
Although I am not making audio purchases @ the current time (due to budget constraints) money had nothing to do with the deception (they were cheap). I just did not want her telling our friends/guests that I had placed cat balls in the speakers. |
actually, i've been married only 1 yr and haven't had to lie about it once.
sure, explaining a $1k power conditioner took some work and creative financing on my part (i.e. selling other audio equip), but even that went over w/o a shrug.
find a wife that likes your hobbies.
then again, catch me if / after i upgrade speakers (which will likely cost as much as her car, 3 vacations, all new livign room furniture...you get the idea). ---may be some embellishments on that transaction (or at a min, make it affordable: "its only $50 a week for a couple weeks"---yeah, like 150.
rhyno |
It could be very interesting to conduct another survey, say, in 5 years just see if any of us are still staying married. |
Absolutely brilliant! Man... you guys are good... I have a feeling this could be the most important thread at the GON to date!
Not re-married yet (waiting till after speaker upgrade)
but with all the new material from you seasoned pro's
I will be set for years!
Gosh I love this place :-) |
