What's the funniest song you ever heard?
Somebody did a song about Gary Hart right after it got out that he slept with...an intern? I can't remember who. I'm told John Denver did the song at some concerts, and a lady was nice enough to send me a tape of it, which I've long since lost. Anyway, HILARIOUS song!! If anyone happens to know where I can find it, I'd be both amazed and appreciative! |
He did, indeed! It's on several of his compilation albums from numerous live recordings but (I believe) was first recorded on the album called "Live and Kickin'". As far as downloading goes, 5 of his funniest songs can be downloaded here: http://www.bladeagency.com/artist.asp?a_no=11 This isn't the best version of the Scotsman out there, but you get the idea. Check out Elma Turl and Appalachian Rap as well for an even bigger laugh. Have fun! |
Four Bitchin' Babes-- Viagra in the Water. Just outside of Johnson City On a dark and twisting road In a Kenworth 18-wheeler With a heavy, shifting load He was pushing through to Binghamton Though the hour was getting late Pfizer's finest on a mission To the pharmacies upstate He was on a holy mission There were men who couldn't wait (for his thirty thousand pounds of Viagra¬) He'd clocked seven hundred miles Since he climbed into the rig Just another twenty-five or so Would finish up that gig But the trailer hit an oil slick And down the hill did fly (Oh, my!) until it landed at the bottom in the town's water supply It was instant rigor mortis What a hard way to die! CHORUS: Save your sons Shield your daughters There's Viagra¬ In the waters All over Johnson City People rising with the dawn They drank their morning coffee, Took their showers, watered lawns And who could have predicted All the changes up ahead? Men were getting up for work, And heading back to bed So many called in sick, You would have thought a virus spread Down at the courthouse coffee shop Some stared in disbelief As a pack of thirsty lawyers Started filling out their briefs But at the local college Young men appeared much smarter No chromosomal mystery They simply studied harder Now water on the rocks Is the latest party starter Save your sons Shield your daughters There's Viagra¬ In the waters The Johnson City firemen Cursed their wretched luck They could not get their fire hoses Wound back on the truck Sprinkling holy water at a funeral, Father Ryan said "I know I've saved their souls, but I've never raised the dead. Would a couple o' strong men help me now Close the casket lid?" Old man Weisberg Took the shower of his life Then he marched into the kitchen And he called out to his wife She knew something was up As he stood naked at the table Holding two cups of coffee And half a dozen bagels It had been at least a decade Since the last time he was able Save your sons Shield your daughters There's Viagra¬ In the waters Believers seeking miracles The pilgrims came in hordes The waters of Viagra¬ Grew more popular than Lourdes The clergy quoted scripture But they found it hard to sell That those who chose to be anointed Were pointed straight to hell Despite the dire warnings The crowds began to swell Some hardened politicians Came into town one day With their permits and their pipelines Pumped the waters all away From the heart of Johnson City Rose the mournful cry of men But the women knew another truck Was coming through again Dont worry there's a truck next week We'll spread the oil again Save your sons Shield your daughters There's Viagra¬ In the waters |
The classic, I'm a lumberjack by kids in the hall. Pretty funny damn song. Honorable mention - A boy named sue, And then She bit me (fresh prince) I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK I sleep all night and I work all day. Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea Mounties: He cut down trees, he eat his lunch He go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he go shopping and has buttered scones for tea. Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I skip and jump I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars. Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I wear high heels Suspendies and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear pappa. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels? Suspendies...and a bra? ...He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day. ...He's/I'm a lumberjack and he's/I'm OK He/I sleep all night and he/I work all day. |
“The Legend of the USS Titanic” as performed by Jaime Brockett and Chris Smithers A sampling: You wanna 'nother toke, Captain?...... And the Captain, he say....... RIGHT!!!!!!!!.............. .......He says “I am commencing to hold it in!” He walked around the wheelhouse. He went downstairs He laid down. He get up, he ran in the other room. He sent a radiogram. He came on back in. He took a shower. He come out. He shaved. He laid down. He got up again. He turned on the television. He turned off the radio. He played a game of cribbage. He read his masked marvel comic book. He walked thru the kitchen, made a cup of tea, made a cup of coffee, sat down, ate a piece of pie, went upstairs, played another game of cribbage, went back in, finished his other masked marvel comic book, laid down, he had the television, the radio, the egg beater, the air conditioner n’everything's all goin' at once. He walks up on deck and this is fifty two minutes later n' this cat ain't breathed yet! So the First Mate see him standin' up there on the rail he's all puffed up like a balloon! And he say, “ya gotta let it out, Captain! |
Nobody has volunteered the classic "Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life)": Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life End over end neither left nor to right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life. Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am Make me a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly tempestion below IÂ’ve got the will, Lord if youÂ’ve got the toe. Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life End over end neither left nor to right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life. Take all the brothers whoÂ’ve gone on before And all of the sisters whoÂ’ve knocked on your door All the departed dear loved ones of mine StickÂ’em up front in the offensive line. Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life End over end neither left nor to right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life. Yeah, Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life End over end neither left nor to right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life. |
Quite a few songs by the Fugs. Particularly on the "LIve at the Filmore" album. "Coca Cola" and "Mary Magdalene" come to mind. Did they also have an album titled "Golden Filth?" I haven't kept up with anyone who was into the Fugs, so don't really know the words anymore. Pretty rude stuff. Also, Dana Lyon's "Cows With Guns." Deb |
Monster Hash - The Toys I was working in the lab late one night When I heard the gurgle of a waterpipe So I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smoke Who said "This shit ain't bad, here, have a toke" (We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash (We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed (On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hash As we partied in the castle with the living dead Mouths were dry and eyes were red The ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed "Won't somebody please pass the Visine" (They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash (We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed (On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hash The mummy was toking on a bong Wolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along" The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floor Laughing hysterically and pleading for more The scene was rocking as the werewolves moved To the undead reggae band's dance hall grooves Meanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein baked Some Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes (We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash (Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed (We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed (On monster hash) - We ate some monster hash The party would have gone on 'til we all passed out But just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout "Watch out, beware, cover your necks Dracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked" (He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash (Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed (He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed (On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hash Now every night the dead rise up from the grave To partake in our happening THC rave For you, the living, this hash was meant, too When you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you (We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash (Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed (We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash (Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash mmmm - that shit gooood Easy, boy, save some for daddy mmm - hash gooood Other funny songs: Girlfriend In A Coma - The Smiths My Ding-A-Ling - Chuck Berry They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napoleon XIV |
"Run Red Run" by the Coasters! Nonwithstanding their other classics "Along Came Jones", "Charlie Brown" and "Yakkity Yak", "Run Red Run" has all the elements you'd ever want in a humorous song: Gambling Booze Guns A monkey who gambles and drinks booze Very fast running Revenge (by a monkey) Quality threads (also by a monkey) It's an old soul/r&b classic that's very funny and very stylish. Appropriate for children also (at least it was for me!), but with deeper appeal to adults. Just the best "good time" song I can think of that will make anybody laugh. Honorable Mention, and much further from center: The entire "Helter Stupid" album by Negativeland. "Auto-Manipulator" by Crispin Hellion Glover. "Pervert" by Big Meat Hammer. Veteran Portland, ME punks that are a pure old-school joy live. The lyrics are so fine, they don't even play the song live unless the place seems VERY ready for it, and even then, you'd have to ask politely. |
Tom Waits album "Nighthawks at the Diner (From Easy Street)" here's a blur drizzle down the plateglass Two Nice Girls album, "Spent My Last $10.00 On Birth Control And Beer." When I was a young girl like normal girls do |
Tom Lehrer's "That was the week that was" album - every song is a hoot, though my particular favourites are "New Math", "The Vatican Rag", and "Pollution". Also, try to check out the "Stairways To Heaven" album. Eleven different versions of "Stairway To Heaven", my favouite is the Australian country version. "Didn't You Kill My Brother" by Alexei Sale is also pretty funny in a twisted sort of way, as is "Cousin Dupree" by Steely Dan. |
You have to hear Patrick Sky - Songs That Made America Famous. Recorded in 1973 with a warning on the back: Despite redeeming social importance, this album should be approached with caution. Offensive and sick/funny songs like: 1. Ramblin' Hunchback 2. Bake Dat Chicken Pie 3. Rock Star 4. Yonkers Girl Type his name in Google and you can see he recorded a number of folk albums before coming totally off the wall with this. Funny for those not easily offended. |
I was in Denver 10 years ago and I heard a song on the local jazz station called: "An Ugly Woman Told Me No" ...it was hilarious and I never found out who sang it, I only heard it once. Randy Newman's "Short People" was a hilarious song also. Oscar Brown Jr. has a tune calle "But I Was Cool" that will crack you up. |
Pretty Smart On My Part By Phil Ochs I can see him coming He's walking down the highway With his big boots on And his big thumb out He wants to get me He wants to hurt me He wants bring me down Sometime later when I'm feel a little straighter I will come across a stranger Who'll remind me of the danger And then I'll run him over Pretty smart on my part Find my way home in the dark I can see her coming sure looks pretty her breasts are bold and her mouth is large she wants to get me she wants to hurt me she wants to bring me down But sometime later when I feel a little naked I'll lead her to altar Then I'll tie her all in leather Then I'm gonna whip her Pretty smart on my part Find my way home in the dark I can see him coming he's walking through bedroom with a switchblade knife He's looking at my wife he wants to get me he wants to hurt me he wants to bring me down But sometime later when I feel a little braver I'll go hunting with my rifle where the wild geese are flying then I'm gonna bag one Pretty smart on my part Find my way home in the dark I can see them coming they're training in the mountains and they talk chinese and they spread disease They want to get me They want to hurt me They want bring me down But sometime later when I feel a little safer We'll assasinate the president And take over the government And then we're going to fry them Pretty smart on my part Find my way home in the dark Shiva that was Alan Sherman. |
