.
Tobias, Beautiful post....Thanks
Rgds,
Larry
. |
Intellectually I realize that ... I'll just need to succumb to the inevitable and let this process do its thing. ... Accept ... apparently, I'm just along for the ride. To say this, to accept, in the face of ordinary obstacles is difficult; to live it through in the face of ordinary obstacles takes strength and courage. To say it in the face of life itself is great honesty. To live it in the face of life itself means, to me at least, the greatest courage and love a human can possibly achieve. Pat, to share your difficulties as you have done is to keep us grounded in the reality of the struggle to live and grow. There is no use in high-flown words if they have no grounding. Your sharing has made my difficulties easier to bear. We are just humans, prone to error, in impermanent bodies. To manifest eternity--the eternity of life, of reality, of the universe, of God, of love--from this position, is our challenge. Lugnut is doing his job, and what a job. I am immensely grateful. |
I'm sure Pat will be embarrassed by this, but hopefully not upset...
I only met him on one occasion, but have had the pleasure of corresponding with him over the last year or so. The level of respect and friendship I have for Pat increased immeasurably when I met him in person. He is in many ways a throwback to a bygone era when men were polite, considerate, and anything but the doormats they have become. His struggle has been an inspiration to me, and his example, one worth following. He is a trooper, but inspite of all he is going through, his thoughts and concerns are for his family and those around him. In a culture where selfishness is considered a virtue, Pat shows how meeting the needs of others actually meets our own needs.
To quote a better man Pat, "I thank God for my every remembrance of you..." |
Pat, as you are well aware yourself, Barb, Amanda, & Scott are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep the faith, for He will keep you. God Bless you and yours. |
Pat,
Sometimes words are inadequate. I think you get the sense of what the Audiogon community feels for you and wishes for you. It's strange, but the impact your thread has had is quite enormous. I think my wife summarized it this weekend, when a non-audio couple whom we haven't seen for a year, asked me how I spend my "non-working" time, since I told them I'm too busy to socialize. She said "He used to spend all his time reading about Audio equipment on A'gon, now he just wants to know how Lugnut is doing". Like many of the other contributors on this thread, I have never personally met you, but your honesty and fortitude has touched all our lives. And our perspectives on what's important. |
Patrick- Good luck, my man. All of your friends and acquaintances here are thinking of you. Loony has said it all, but just one thought. If its time to put your ownf and your family's needs first, then that's what you should do. Even though most of us have not had the pleasure of meeting you personally, I am sure that I speak for all of your Audiogon buddies: please don't concern yourself with making us feel bad; if venting here helps you even the slightest amount, then that's just fine. I hope you take the opportunity to put your words and thoughts out there just as they occur, w/o any concern about their effects on others. No way do you seem like the selfish sort at all and your concern for the impact of this on those you've never met is quite touching and even a little embarassing. So let it fly; I think the bargain we (the Audiogon community and yourself) made was for you to be honest and for us to listen and help in any way we could. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for some good news soon. |
This is unfortunate news indeed, Pat. Let me get this right: the doc sent in the shrink because he didn't want you getting into his stash? But seriously, whatever comes, I know you will face it with the same courage and abiding faith in a loving God with which you have faced everything to date. Your faith will not fail you; your God will not fail you; your loving wife and daughter will not fail you; and your friends will not fail you.
If a chapter is closing, Barb and you provided the perfect punctuation: taking life for a wild ride in a warbird. God bless. |
Jeff,
Kidding or not, I'm working on it. I have a nice spot all picked out for a Teres 255. |
Loony,
It looks like your in need of a turntable.(just kidding) No I'm not.
You said it all..very well
Jeff |
Pat,
I feel a bit awkward commenting here, as I only know of you what I've read on this site.
I have to say that I believe it took great depth of character for you to speak out here as you have, despite your modesty about it. I'm sure I could not have done the same.
I only wish I had some sage advice or meaningful words that would carry you through your difficult time. Those could only come from personal experience; you and I being better acquainted. Words of that caliber are, in this case, beyond my grasp.
What I can say is that I routinely check this thread to read of your latest exploits, or just your commentary on ordinary events. It is a constant reminder that I should live my life to the fullest, to more often let my wife know that I love her, to call relatives and stay in touch, to just do my best to be me despite anything that might make me less so. Thank you for that.
I also wanted you to know that despite never having met you, I think of you, your situation and your family often. You are in my wife's and my prayers daily. We wish you and your family the very best.
Consider this an introduction... |
Nothing to say, just want you to know I am here.
Jeff |
Our thoughts and prayers are most definitely with you! |
Pat,
Just to hear your 'voice' here is always good.
We're always thinking of you, in case that isn't obvious.
Howard |
Thanks for the well wishing from everyone. And Paul, I knew you'd fit right in with the new firm. I do hope that Lis looks for a house with a dedicated listening room for you.
My world has been a little rocked by this particular visit with my doctor. The short story is that I have another CT scan tomorrow mid-day which will confirm what I already know. I know that the cancer is active in my stomach and that since the lining of my abdominal cavity also suffers from involvement I have a fluid build-up beginning in there as well. I can tell that my liver is sensitive and my lung capacity is diminished too. Today's scheduled chemo was canceled. About the only good news is that when I complained about forgetting words, which is happening with increased frequency, the doc said that is a normal chemo side effect from prolonged use. I guess I'm not losing my mind after all!
I must have said something to the doctor which prompted him to have the counselor come in to visit with us. Actually, I know what I said to him. I had requested a particular drug but probably wanted it for the wrong reasons or mis-stated what I intended. Basically, and this is from the heart, I don't want to want to lose control of my life AND I don't want to quit living my life until it's over. I expressed a desire to continue to enjoy life. Honestly, I doubt that will be the case. The cancer is closer to gaining control of this situation than I am of gaining control of the cancer. I hate that. It pisses me off a great deal. It's one thing to die but quite another to be faced with losing interest in everything and everybody, one thing and one person at a time. Unless I'm very lucky that's exactly what is going to happen. I want to be in control. I want to dictate my life until it's over. It ain't gonna happen guys and I better get on the right track about this. Intellectually I realize that there is a time, and it's coming sooner rather than later, that I'll just need to succumb to the inevitable and let this process do its thing. If it means that I lose interest in music and begin to cling to what is closest to me (Barb), then I just need to let it happen. Accept.
One of our audio club members is a radiation doc at this clinic. My oncologist said that if I'm fortunate what is bothering my stomach might be a candidate for his services. Otherwise, I'm not sure what my other options are at this point. The possibility exists that there are no more options. I dunno. Apparently, I'm just along for the ride.
I had planned on having a club meeting at my place on July 11th. Barb wants me to carry on with that plan and since it seems to be important to her I probably will. I had already gotten a committment from a jazz quartet to play for an hour or so. These guys are good, very good. I've got so many drugs around here that I can somehow make myself feel pretty good. The preparations might be difficult but I know that between her and our daughter that we can pull it off. Normally the club doesn't meet during the summer months because of vacations and other activities that interfere. A smaller than normal turnout would be fine but the prospect of live music might bring out a large group. Either way will be just fine.
I know I needn't apologize for writing what I have. Still, I do wish that I could make you guys feel real good about all of this. I'm not feeling good about it at all and I know it will hit some of you hard. The thing is I promised to be honest. Anything less would not be Lugnut. I need to work through this. Feel free to offer advice or criticism, whatever. Keep me and my little family in your prayers as Paul has so thoughtfully done. God bless you all.
Pat |
Hi Pat and everyone,
A ride in a WWII warbird? That's great. I've always wanted to go up in a warbird. What a great Father's Day present!
Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well, Pat. Maybe it's time to heed the doctor's call to a grazing approach. Whatever it is or whatever it takes, I hope you find a solution so you feel better again soon.
I apologize that I've been AWOL. A planned 2 week stay in Detroit turned into a 3 week stay, and upon return to Delaware I was just beat ... slept most of the past 2 days.
Looks like we'll be moving to Michigan -- I've accepted an offer from a small but extremely talented and upcoming firm there. Lis and I will drive there shortly after the 4th. She'll house-hunt while I work, and hopefully we'll find a suitable house and conclude a purchase agreement within 2 or 3 weeks. Then Lis will fly back and begin packing, and I'll fly back a couple days before the big move to pack the really important stuff -- you all know what that is! I'll now turn to the backlog of AI inquiries and orders, and get those out in the next day or two. Sorry for the delay and thanks for your patience.
Pat, again, I hope you find a solution to your current discomfort. As always, my prayers are with you, Barb, Amanda and Scott. Hang in there, buddy.
Warmest regards,
Paul |
Patrick, thanks for another wonderful post. I'll be watching for news. I wish you all the very best... more than I can say, since this is your thread and I'm shy. I love biplanes myself, and now one day I'll take a ride in one thanks to you. |
I just happened upon this by looking at the latest forum threads. Lugnut Hang in there man, my friend has stage 4 colon cancer and he is beating it!! My prayers go out to you and your family. |
Hi Patrick,
Going up in a Bi-plane sounds like a blast!
I just saw one fly over the other day and they sure are easy to spot with the double wings.
............Pat |
You guys are so darned faithful. Thank you. I was going to hold off on posting to this thread until after my doctor's visit tomorrow. Honestly, I know that my current chemo is no longer working. I'm not feeling well at all considering how good I have felt the last couple of months. Eating is becoming a pretty big issue. I'm uncomfortable if I don't eat and more uncomfortable if I do. I will post again tomorrow and let you know what plan of attack is going to happen. For sure, whatever it is will be brutal compared to the Taxol that has given me very few side effects. I am thankful that it has worked longer than anticipated. Enough of this.....
Yesterday I went up in that WWI bi-plane ride that Barb bought for me. Nice Father's Day gift! We went about twenty minutes north of where I live and proceeded to do some "maneuvers", he he. It's a cool ride in more ways than one. I then was given the opportunity to drive the thing. Hey, I'm telling you guys that I could take off and land it without any lessons at all. No kidding. I flew it back toward town and actually found my house and circled it. Stick and throttle is all you need unless you are on the ground and then you need to do the peddle thing. It was a good time and my grandson enjoyed watching me get in, go up and come back down. He was impressed. I'd post a photo if I knew how.
We ate at the airport grill. I've eaten at several small airports and all of them serve a very good meal at a cheap price. I did pay a hefty price all day and unfortunately we had committed to going to a late day barbeque. I could only eat a few bites there and this was about ten hours after eating a small breakfast at the airport.
Jeff, I know how hard it is to put down a long time pet. Sorry about your loss. We had to put down Paco, one of our cats that was 18 years old due to liver failure. He was a sweet guy. With no claws and very few teeth he was the protector of our back yard whenever any stray puss wandered in.
J.D., at this point IF it took having my pee pee fall off for a cure, I'd let that sucker rip. Rest assured, it's still there and it still works, he he.
Larry, the Airy 3 is wonderful. I suppose my system would respond to the UNIverse too but I'm as happy as a clam with this cartridge. It is just so smooth. For whatever reason, I prefer the silver wire versions of the ZYX line. It's going to be interesting to hear it after a few weeks and I'll let you guys know what my final impression is. You can count on it.
Hey, keep your fingers crossed that the oncologist has another bullet to load. I'll let you know tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of me. |
Pat,
Where are you? Still recovering from the little ones? We need an update. Hope things are good.
Jeff |
.
Hello Patrick me boy. Just checking in to say Hi and let you know that I have been thinking about you.
.
I was delighted to hear that you got your new Cartridge up and running. How is the break-in process going ?
.
Best Regards,
Larry
. |
Oh my Pat. I quickly read your comment to Ray without realy thinking. I saw "Back in early February when I got my first treatment I did get mine cut off before it fell out" and I was sure you said "before it fell off." I had no idea what you were talking about, but my mind was thinking something else. I was so releaved to see you were talking about you hair and that you and Barb could still enjoy sex. My God, I felt realy bad for you for a breif moment.
JD |
Lugnut,
Just checking on the posts to see how you were doing. The Dallas trip sounds like a blast...I have my own circus here with a bunch of students visiting my lab for the summer and my own daughter graduating from high school and heading off to university.
Hope you have a good week "off". |
Pat,
Happy Fathers Day to you. I don't have any offspring myself. We had two "boys" Patches and Merlin. They were Papillions, 16 years old. My wife and I had to put them down about six weeks ago. Hardest thing I have ever had to do, it brings tears to my eyes, just to type this.
I am very impressed, I could not keep up with a couple of two year olds, like you are doing. Although I am sure that you are enjoying every second of it.
You seem to be more active than me and I am training for my 3rd marathon.
Again happy Fathers Day
Jeff |
Ron,
Thanks for the sentiments about family and friends. True, very true. All you can take with you when you leave the bonds of earth is the love given by others. The family reunion this weekend has been a lot of fun. Watching two kids almost two years old interact is a riot. Both of them are very much into listening to tunes too. My grandson, who is around us a lot, enjoys sitting in the sweet spot. He seems amazed at the sounds coming from different locations in space and especially enjoys female vocalists. They both dance whenever the needle hits the groove.
I've expressed my appreciation for Albert's hospitality before. He calls often and provides me with a lot of laughs. Music is the common bond with the gear coming in a distant second. Along the way we've both discovered that we share many of the same attitudes and values and HIS zest for life is contageous. He put a lot of effort into our visit and I felt a little uneasy about putting him in the position of tour director...for about a nano-second. It was obvious from the start that when he says it was like a vacation for himself he is telling the truth. Moments after Steve and I were picked up at the airport the fun began and it didn't stop until we loaded on the plane to return to Boise. I wish you would have been there too, as well as so many other A'goner's.
Sorry I didn't follow up about the TAD. Unfortunately, the output impedance didn't match my amps and it had to be returned. The build quality was very high and Paul is a great guy to do business with. I wish I could tell you more.
I did purchase a Supratek Syrah from Steve. It's a great piece of gear. I need to acquire the right tubes for the phono stage in order to maximize its performance and suffer from some confusion about this issue. I don't think it's as easy as one would believe and I really don't want to just waste a lot of money experimenting. Each of the various tubes need to work in harmony and this is the issue. It goes beyond the four tubes in the phono stage. Clearly there are different combinations owners find to their liking and I have yet to sit down and spend the time condensing all of the 1800+ posts into what nine tubes work the best together. Besides, all of this is probably system dependent anyway. At worst it sounds glorious with just about any tube compliment. Other system issues take priority at this point. If anyone has bothered to make lists of the different proven nine tube combinations I would be grateful for that information.
You are right. I am holding my own health-wize. Even though Barb and I both are looking forward to a more leisurely pace for awhile I'm up for attending other get togethers where I can meet more of you guys. Everyone has been fun so far.
I hope all you Dad's have a good one tomorrow. |
Hi Pat sounds like you will have a fun fathers day week!!
Family and friends and our relationship with then is always said to be the most valuable thing we have in this world by those who have to deal with their mortality. I am jealous as hell about your Dallas trip, this is the kind of thing I would really enjoy. Props to Albert for being such a gracious host.
Maybe sometime in the future we could plan some kind of event to gather around. I gather from your recent posts about you health you are holding your own and feeling ok most of the time.
This is by far the best news of all.
still waiting to hear how the TAD is working out.
You bud Ron |
Joe,
Thanks for shaking my tree. I've been remiss this week in posting to this thread. In spite of wanting things to slow down some I still have much on my plate. My wife took on the project of helping me hang some inexpensive drapes in the music room behind the system. They look wonderful too. So, I moved the system and she did the drapes which needed hemming and I hung those acoustic panels that turned into a nightmare. I didn't want to use anchors because I'm stubborn. Ended up that I had to anyway and the house being old had sand mixed in with the ceiling texture so I had to use a masonry bit. The anchors are overkill for what is suspended from them since masonry bits are at least 1/4"diameter. Looks good now and it did improve the focus of the system. Steve has again shown what kind of a friend he is by offering to install a custom pair of bi-fold doors between the music room and the rest of the home. This should allow me to experience more depth of stage but may create some problems that don't now exist. We'll just have to deal with it. I'm excited.
I received my new ZYX Airy 3 Silver SB cartridge last Saturday but have yet to install it. My hands shake when I concentrate hard. When I install my new one I then need to install the Yatra on a friends table. So, I lack confidence with my hands and have two to do. Oh Steve, where are you?
My chemo went as expected on Tuesday. The steroids keep me pumped up and makes me want to be aggressive which isn't my true nature unless my buttons are pushed. Right after chemo I went to one of my audio club members home and helped install his new cartridge correctly. Luckily he is an emergency room doctor with very good hands. The result of our efforts was well worth it. It sounded very good right from the get go and will only improve with time. One cartridge project down and two to go. One more club member taking analog seriously again.
My first born, her husband and their almost two year old daughter will be coming tomorrow and staying through Father's Day. Both daughters and grandchildren will be here which means a great deal to me. This should be a lot of fun. The babies are very near the same age at slightly less than two. It's going to be fun watching them interact, if that's what you can call it. Nobody expects much other than two kids bumping into each other. Scott's all boy and Aidyn is all girl. Saturday night we're getting a babysitter and going out to eat and get an ear full of live blues as is Barb and my custom.
I'm still on a high from the Dallas experience. I'll never forget it. I know that some of you have met other Audiogon members and know what I mean when I say that no matter our differences, they dissapear when the topic is music. Never, and I mean never, have I met so many people that I had an instant bond with like this. As Albert says, it was like a high school reunion, as if we had known each other all our lives. Paul, Larry, Nate, Steve, Marty, Muna, Albert, Pat (not me), Frank, Chris, Doug, Paul, Dennis and Louis are all quality people and I consider them good and dear friends. Wow, I just counted and I've personally met 14 of you guys and I didn't go to CES or some other show and meet you. Amazing. They all know more than I do about audio so I'm a very lucky guy to draw on that huge well of knowledge if I need to. Sometimes I ponder on their individual record collections as well as mine. What would a combined collection of our finest offerings be? That would be interesting as just a list.
I'm doing better now than last week. I now get a week's repreive from the chemo which is always welcome. Hopefully after the next round of three treatments I'll be able to go without chemo for a few months. It would be nice to get all of my hair back and regain some of my lost vitality. Besides, as much as I care for the patients and staff that make up Mountain States Tumor Institute, I could use a break from that experience. It's hard to watch some of the other people and what they are going through. On some days many of the patients are like me, getting low doses just to keep things at bay. Other days folks are going for a cure and it can be very brutal. One of the drugs that I used and didn't work is really, really horrible in that parts of your hands and feet turn purple quickly and chunks fall off. It hurts really bad and you must stop taking it. The first drug I tried put nearly every muscle in my body into a permanent charlie horse. I had to stop taking that due to an allergic reaction. People, the ones going for a cure of my type of cancer take those two drugs as well as the current drug I'm taking at a much higher dose. Honestly, if the cancer doesn't get them the cure might. I don't think that is much of an exaggeration at all. Few of the people that start this program stay with it. A person can't honestly convey how bad some of this can be. Other treatments for other malignancies aren't so bad though. I don't wish to scare anyone but if you have no experience with this then it's good to know that there is a range of effects from really bad to easy. I'd be glad to get away from this scene for awhile.
Life is very good now. The tunes are sweet and made sweeter by the huge support group of Audiogon. Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's. Enjoy the weekend!!
Pat |
Hi Pat,
I was just sitting here listening to a little Coltrane tonight and was wondering how everything is going. I hope you are feeling well and keeping your spirits up! Sounds like Dallas was a great trip.
Let us all know how you are doing.
Joe |
As everyone can tell from Lugnut's post, we had a blast.
I had never met any of these guys face to face except for Nate (Nrchy), who visited me about a year ago. When I told Nate that he and Larry would be welcome to come celebrate, they both jumped at the chance.
Riding around in my GMC with Pat (Lugnut), Nate (Nrchy), Steve (Vetterone) and Larry (Cello), was like revisiting with old friends at a high school reunion. People that you really cared about but had not seen in 20 years. Now you are back together, surprised, grateful and laughing about old times.
It's uncanny how similar all of us responded to each other regardless of the topic, and we spoke of many things. All these guys brought experiences that were shared around the dinner table and during the many car trips in search of LP's.
I think everyone found at least one album they had been looking for and it was a blast coming back to my home and spinning them in my system. Cello got a "Men At Work" for $3.98 that was absolutely like new. Amazing how good it sounded for a pop record.
Pat is an amazing guy, the kind of guy you want to be friends with for life. Courteous, thoughtful and reserved, with a sense of humor as twisted as mine. I am happy we shared this time and music. High end audio is as always, the only venture in my life where I met the BEST people.
Even my wife and I are together because of music, she was helping out at a radio station where my friend, who was the DJ, allowed me access to the control room, where we spoke while the LP's were spinning.
Love of music is an amazing venture and never ceases to amaze and entertain me, as well as providing me with people who change my life and make it more worthwhile. |
Boy,,,it sure sounds like you guys had a great time!!!!!!!!Pat,seems like your living a fuller life than most folks without your worries,,,Right on Brother,geez,showing my age with those last 3 words,,,im glad things are going well!!you have a little slice of heaven on earth,,,,an endless supply of audio buddys! |
This is just an immediate response. Ill post a thought out and reasoned response later. I dont want to get too caught up with thought and reason! I have been looking forward to this weekend since Albert called me and told me hed kick my sorry white %$#@ if I didnt show up. I have wanted to meet Pat for many months. Im not ashamed to say that I have a lot of respect and admiration for him. It has been a life changing event for many people, but to encounter someone on the web is to look though a darkened window when compared to conversing in person. The small amount of money it cost was well spent. Pat is a blast. Hes not as sedate as his comment about Albert being Lugnut on steroids might indicate. He gave the rest of us a run for our money. We hit three very good record stores. I went home with a lot of new vinyl: read, 27 LPs plus a seven LP Pink Floyd box set thanks to a friend of Albert. Thank you Dennis, if you ever read this!!! Thanks also to Louis and Dennis for opening their homes and letting us enjoy their rooms and systems.
We spent many hours listening to music, lying to each other and telling the worst jokes known to all of mankind! Albert put lots of miles on his truck, a fact for which each of us was grateful. Thanks to Cello for dinner Saturday night, and Vetterone on Sunday night!
Having met Patrick made the trip worth the effort, meeting Cello and Vetterone was like winning the lottery and then finding out that the payout was more than you expected. I would love to get to Boise to spend more time with these music lovers.
Thanks to Albert for putting this together and making it possible. The world hasnt changed, but for four days Albert made it seem smaller. |
J.D.,
Wize words well spoken. I am learning to slow down but only by the school of hard knocks. I'm an ornery bastard with a thick skull sometimes and this is one example of it. The guys in Dallas looked out for me without making me feel an invalid or inadequate.
I don't have much time to write since I have a busy day ahead. Man, for a guy that doesn't do a lick of work it's funy how I get behind. Tonight will be enjoyable in spite of the chemo today. I picked up a lot of new albums while in Dallas and look forward to giving them a listen.
The Dallas trip was a blast. Albert has an incredible sense of humor and an equal zest for life. You simply could not ask for a better host. He's gracious, kind and giving. It's like we knew each other a lifetime. Plus, surprise, surprise, Cello and Nrchy showed up too. Everyone kept this as a total surprise from me and I was touched.
I could write volumes about Albert's system. What he has done is incredible. Music just emerges from the blackest background I've every experienced. This is no small feat what with probably over 100 tubes in the mix. The coolest part though is just how big a music lover Albert is. The equipment is simply a means to an end. It's that simple. And, what a software collection! So much of what we listened to was new to me so now my list of must get LP's is much longer. His quick wit and endless stream of jokes aside I found that he is much like me. In many ways we are kindred spirits. Perhaps I could best describe him as Lugnut on steroids. It's a shame that Paul could not attend.
It's nice to be home to a more leisurely pace. Dallas is a huge, busy city. I won't complain about traffic around here anymore. Still, for a city that large it is very attractive and incredibly clean. There are at least three truly wonderful places to eat and I suspect there are countless others as well. I hope to go back some time and listen some more, finish that bottle of cognac and bring along a few "new to Albert" LP's now that I have a clearer understanding of what makes up his library.
I hope every one of you is in the mood I'm in. Life is very, very good thanks to my Audiogon friends.
I really don't want to forget about Vetterone. He's a great traveling companion and lots of fun too. |
Hi Pat,
I guess my message was swapped with a different thread or lost in cyber-space. Sorry about that.
I had responded with some extremely insightful and highly profound thoughts that I will attempt to recreate. I had two pearls of wisdom to extend to you. The first is regarding your doctors inability to give you clear vision as to your treatment. In my case the doctors have given up attempting to predict my future in that by every statistic available to science, Im dead. The point is sometimes the doctors simply do not know how a treatment is going to react. I believe that attitude has more to do with your successful treatment than anything. My doctors have gone from year by year to quarter by quarter waiting for the other shoe to drop. The past three years have proven how well the treatments are working, and although they expect me to fail any day, I keep going. In your case your will is strong and you are beating this disease with your will to live every day to its fullest. I know God has great plans for you over the coming months, a portion of those plans have already been shown to you through this web site and your effects on so many of us. You are doing great work for God, and he is not about to loose such an important messenger. The fact that the Taxol is continuing to be effective shows us all how no outcome is inevitable, and how powerful an effect we have over our own bodies. Enjoy the ride, and maybe if all our prayers are answered you will beat this cancer like you did before.
As to the second point, I understand the exhaustion. If I have a day of exertion I too pay the next couple days. If I try to link three days of activity together I pay with a couple weeks. I used to try to believe I could overcome the tiredness and keep going, but for me it ends with congestive heart failure and that requires a full three months of recovery, if I do fully recover. Ive learned over time what my limits are, but its hard to live with them. I get bored and feel sad and lonely. I know I must not over do, the payback is too severe. I believe the fatigue is your body telling you it can not fight the disease and over extend physically. It needs all the resources to fight the cancer and when you go too far you are depleting the reserve. Listen to your body and maybe slow down a bit.
I continue to believe you are going to go into some type of remission; therefore I believe you need to give your body the time it needs. I for one am not ready to let you go. I know God has more for you to do, and selfishly I still need you.
Go out and enjoy, in moderation. I know its hard for you. We both were extremely active guys, and a lot of the high we found every day was in physical experiences. Its hard to change old behavior, but do your best.
I love you Pat and I will pray for strength for you during your trip to Alberts. Im so jealous, have a great time!
J.D. |
Sorry about the above post, I lost my intended message and somehow got this one. |
I need the help of anyone from Columbus to track down a guy who sold me a power cord here on Audiogon. He cashed my check over a month ago and now does not answer his phone (cell) or emails. If you can help me, please email me for details. I do not remember his Audiogon name or else I would be getting Audiogon to help, but they have not answered my email either.
PS Have fun with Albert! Im jealous |
Sometimes my medical consultations leave me confused even though I'm a better advocate for care than most. Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor after the regular blood test results were in. We were to discuss my last CT scan and decide if it were time to take a break from the chemo. The scan showed that malignancy is not problematic at this time but there is a strange mass, small in size, that appeares to be calcification of likely lymph nodes that may be a result of my earlier lymphoma. An educated guess is that it has nothing to do with my stomach cancer. Anyway, the decision was made to continue with the Taxol for the next two months. I'm accepting of this since the Taxol has few sides effects. Funny, but at my last visit I asked about how long Taxol works for patients like me the answer was for about two months. Obviously we are going to use this drug until it stops working, or at least that's the way it seems without actually saying so. The promise this time is that when I get my next CT scan at the end of this two month period begun yesterday I will get two months free of therapy. We'll see, but I seriously doubt it. It may sound like I'm grousing about this, and I am to a certain extent, but all I want is some straight talk. I do know this doctor has done me a huge favor by guiding me on this course. I was not an easy sell.
Fatigue is really something during this battle. It's my biggest issue. If I stay home, log on some computer time, make and answer phone calls, listen to music and clean records I feel fine. I can go shopping for normal needs and do fine as well. Errands I can run without tiring. Doing more than the above is what I can't do without having to lay down for the next two days. I can't explain it but driving a car for a few hours kicks my butt but riding in one for the same time is kind of relaxing. Is driving that big a physical challenge? An easy job like scraping and sanding the garage doors to prep them for paint is out of the question. Vacuuming one room is okay but more rooms in one session is not. Pacing myself is a mental exercise that is foreign to me. While feeling well and appreciating it, I do long for those days when I could just go on and on working all day. I guess I feel good enough to bitch. This is a good thing, right?
My new ZYX Silver Airy 3 should be drop shipped from Japan tomorrow as Mehran is going there and offered to do this for me rather than bringing it back to the states and then ship it. It should arrive around the time Steve and I return from Dallas. I can't wait. The next, and hopefully last step will be to get some of the most desireable tubes for my phono stage and a new tonearm cable.
I've slowly been making headway with the acoustic treatments in my room. They are modeled after the Eight Nerve products to an extent. Also, the wife of my buddy that I'm building a system for has offered to make some heavy drapes and my sister who owns a embroidery machine has offered to make the valance. I'm thinking of using Neil Young's line of "IT"S BETTER TO BURN OUT THAN TO FADE AWAY" across the valance. Feel free to offer other suggestions.
I've spoke with Steve about installing a locally built French door in the opening leading into the rest of the house. We both feel that this is the only way to get the room to behave best. It's a nice thing that Barb really likes this idea for aesthetic purposes. I think we'll get this done early summer.
Barb and I have been considering new furniture for the music room as well. There is just too much stuff in there now and I really want to be able to recline while listening. The coffee table must go to be replaced by a small ottoman or the like. I did find a really cool two person wide something or other. I dunno what to call it. Looking from the side it is the shape of a reclined "S". That is my favorite position. Problem is that the colors don't go well with the room and the special order colors don't fit any better. I had asked to see chaise lounges and this was the last option the fellow had to show us. The new furniture would be a stretch so we probably won't do it unless I receive some kind of financial windfall. You gotta love the priorities. Gear first and furniture last. Unless of course the furniture is to hold the gear.
I hope everyone is enjoying Spring. I sure am. The simple joy of having open windows is great. I know it sounds cliche but for all you guys that are busy please take the time to appreciate the small stuff. Life is good if we take the time to be in it. |
Very sorry to have condescended to the late Mr. Webb Ellis. His spontaneous gesture created the game, of course. Whether it was against the rules or not is somewhat moot, since if I understand the game's history correctly, there were even fewer rules at that time than today... gee, Pat, sounds like rugby might actually be up your alley (as well as mine) :-)
Congratulations on the honorary membership and have a great time in Dallas! |
Pat, I too can hardly wait.
Once you come to Dallas, we are going to move at whatever speed suits you . I have at least three of my listening group guys ready to receive us so you can sample several systems, depending on your mood. |
Tobias,
Hope you realize this is an honorary thing invented by Springbok10. LOL. For what it's worth, I've always admired rugby players. It's a brutal game and one I would have been a part of if it was offered here in the states when I was a kid. I played football when young and thoroughly enjoyed myself starting at the age of seven or eight and continuing through high school. I'm glad to see there are rugby fans here at Audiogon and would be happy to tip of few with you in honor of the Springbok team anytime.
I saw Paul off at the airport yesterday morning. We had an evening of listening at Vetterone's house with several of my local friends showing up. My sincere thanks to Steve for having us over and being such a great host.
Paul and I hit the local record stores, visited Idaho City (an old mountain mining town), listened to some live blues at my local watering hole and sampled some of the ethnic dining establishments around here. I enjoyed the visit a lot.
Now I'm resting up for the Dallas trip to Albert Porter's. I can hardly wait. |
Lugnut
William Webb Ellis was the schoolboy,went to Oxford later on and obtained Cricket blue.Did very well academically as well.Statue in his honour at Rugby School.
Ellis Park Stadium in Johannesburg was named after him.The Springboks won the Rugby World Cup there in 1995.
Proud Springbok supporter.
Chris |
Pat, I had no idea I was hobnobbin' with a Springbok... lemme buy you a cold one. I went to the school where the game was invented. A plaque on one of the old brick walls is dedicated to the thick-headed schoolboy footballer "who first picked up the ball in his arms and ran with it", thus inventing the game of Rugby football.
You might explain to any cowboys you run into while playing the noble game that as long as it's in your arms, there's no need to shoot the ball
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Pat,
Visit www.herbdoc.com
After using His products for 6 months my
Health has been turned around because of it.
The Idea is to rid the system of toxins & poisons
that acumulate in your system (mainly the Liver & Colon)
Then and only then can Your Systems own Imune (defense)
mechanism combat desease. Natures Herbs will clean out the
system, Drugs will not.
Take Care |
Lugnut
Hope you enjoy wearing the Springbok rugby jersey !
Another Springbok supporter.
Chris |
Marakanetz,
No matter what the state of public transportation in NY I'll always wish I could have gone there for a visit. It must be a very exciting place to be. At least for a visit. Buy some of those tickets and enjoy.
Well, Paul arrived yesterday afternoon. The poor guy has a lot of stuff on his plate right now and looked very tired when I picked him up at the airport. We grabbed a bite of lunch on the way to my house and fired up the system when we arrived. A local friend of mine for nearly 40 years stopped by and we talked music, records, cleaning vinyl and equipment for a few hours while listening to some tunes. He too is a lawyer, actually a judge, and he and Paul talked a little shop too. Lugnut, the welder, mechanic, and general handyman hanging with a couple of legal eagles is funny to contemplate. Hopefully a bunch of other friends will join us as we invade Steve's music room some evening this week.
Yesterday I was drafted into the SA rugby team. I received my new jersey courtesy of Springbok10 (aka Denis) with the offical player name and number on the back of "Lugnut 1". Now all I need is an honorary doctorate from Harvard, Yale or Princeton! Thanks Denis.
Earlier this week Jeff (jdodmead) forwarded a Jay McShann album. Great music. I love being introduced to music that's new to me. The Big Apple Bash has a lot of heavy hitters sitting in on the sessions. Of particular note is Herbie Mann playing not only his flute but clarinet and tenor sax. I'd never heard Mann playing any instrument other than the flute. Now whenever I see one of his albums I'll think of Jeff and Jay McShann.
I hope to get today organized quickly so that I can take Paul out to show off some of Idaho's geography. We'll be heading out to look at the Snake River plain south of Nampa and get a good look at the Owyhee Mountain range. Maybe we'll get lucky and run into a real cowboy or something. Yep, real ones still make a living here doing what cowboys do; riding the range, roppin' those little doggies and saving the reputations of pretty maidens. I'll never forget the first one I met when I moved here in the 80's. When I shook his hand it was like grabbing onto a rock. His deeply lined and leathery face looked to belong to a man in his late fifties cursed with "get old quick" genes but I discovered he was only in his mid thrities. Six gun on his hip no less, in town. I'm not kidding you one bit either. The guy came to town twice a year whether he needed to or not I guess. Supplies and "dudes" were flown into the ranch he cared for on a regular basis as the last three or four miles driving there was an eight hour trip. We be talkin' remote; snowed in all winter with no expectation of getting out for any emergency whatsoever. It's a hard thing to comtemplate for the uninitiated.
Gotta run and get this day movin' along. Yeehaa. |
Pat write me if you plan to visit dirty NY with overpriced public transportation that in addition has a terrible service(don't even bother to use it unless you plan to finish some new Dan Brown's book right there:-). Although our mayor urgently advises to use public trasportation that gets you where you want to be upto one and half hour later...
Despite above...
There are so many great names comming this season there that I realy have to run for it every weekday and weekend, but I certainly can't have that luxury. The great concert season will last until November as far as I know the names are: Nick Cave, David Torn, U2, Oregon(band), Art Enseble of Chicago, Carla Bley and many many more... I gotta have some very vast reason to arrange some one of the great concert ticket...
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Mornin' everyone,
Barb and I returned home late yesterday afternoon from our Portland, Oregon trip. We had a lot of fun and made some really good memories as well as friends. Varidian and his wife (Marty and Liz) joined us for dinner twice during our stay and one night we went on an adventure together in search of live blues but ended up listening to jazz. I shopped hard for some hardware and harder for software being successful in each department. Of note is how much fun I had at Echo Audio. Kurt, the owner, is very accomodating and a lot of fun to work with. He didn't hesitate a moment to hook up several speakers for me to audition on two separate visits. I ended up buying some Tannoy monitors, stands and a used equipment rack for a system I'm building for a friend. I recommend this store for anyone that wants to be treated well not to mention the very fair prices for quality used audio gear. The record stores, which are many, are a mixed bag. I ended up buying twentyone records and one old Vogue 78 rpm picture disk. A couple of the records I purchased were ones I'd been looking for for some time. One was still sealed and the other was in mint condition.
The trip kicked my puny ass and I'm dog tired. Still, it was fun. Portland is really pretty and a very vibrant town. It struck me as very interesting how casual everyone dressed. More so than any other place I've ever been. It rained a lot during our stay and just about nobody bothers with umbrella's, except visitors. Public transportation is free and very organized as well as clean. With only a little planning it's easy to organize a day and find all the stops. The food is great and the place is Emerald City/Wizard Of Oz green. I sure understand the attraction it has for young folks. There is so much to do and the area definitely has a young persons cultural attitude. It was nice to come home to dry, warm weather and a slower pace though.
Paul's travel plans are being modified as I write this. He has had a number of things come up within the last week making it impossible to arrive today. I hate to see him pay dearly for last minute flight changes but am anxious to see him. We'll just have to see how this works out.
This is my scheduled week off of the chemo schedule and I'm glad. I do have a CT scan on Wednesday morning. Dunno if it will tell any more than what my body is telling me. I'm without any cancer symptoms at the moment and willing to stop the treatments. No, that's not exactly correct. I'm anxious to stop the chemo. I'm tired of being tired and maybe if I get some time off now I'll have more energy when Steve and I go to Albert Porter's June 3-6.
Gotta run. The day is getting hectic already. My buddy's turntable and amps arrived so I need to clean off a work area and take an inventory of all the bits and pieces and check for shipping damage. Peace to all.
Pat |
Hi Pat,
I know you get tiered and its hard at times to go through all this. Its no fun not being yourself because the drugs make you crazy, but believe me, your role in Barbs life along with so many of your friends is huge! I have been seeing a psychologist since we last talked, and Im beginning to remember how my life affects so many. I complain that living for the sake of others is too hard some times, and that l cant live my life so unselfishly. Well I have done just that for the past eight years and I do have a lot of people who still need me.
As I have told you, I can not make it much over five hours without a nap, which is both due to my heart and the drugs. I hate it that Im not me, yet my kids and wife would take this every day over being left alone. I know you get tired, and some days the fight is overwhelming, but we need you around. I personally can not tell you how much your emails have meant to me, youre a gift that God has provided for me. Your role is great, and I love you. I was very depressed when I wrote you for your help, and that response gave me the strength I needed to make the changes I need to make. Thus the shrink! Keep the spirit as you go through this next treatment, were all pulling for you and selfishly I need you.
J.D. |
Hi guys. Been busy with other things and not posting much.
Thanks to Swampwalker for the visit and his kind words about our system. We just upgraded from Teres 265 to 320 and that's what he heard. The improvement was far larger than we expected, about the equivalent of going from Airy 3 to UNIverse. IOW, huge! I'll post something on my system thread when I get time. We upgraded our power amp a couple of months ago also. I haven't updated that yet either. A preamp upgrade is probably next. Our little c-j PV11 is in way over its head now, :-), but it holds its own remarkably well. We've had a friend's reference quality preamp in our system and decided to upgrade the power amp first. It made a bigger difference. The PV-11 is a remarkable performer, especially since used ones go for $700 or less.
We visited Swampwalker and heard the Airy 2 with our BentAudio stepups in his system. I've never heard a happier cartridge. It just sang and sang. Some kinda magic going on there with his SOTA, OL Silver, Merlins and Joule I guess. It doesn't match a UNIverse, but there was zero sense of that while listening. The music just flowed naturally into the room with a transparent grace and delicacy that was pure pleasure to hear.
Swampwalker was kind enough to lend us his Denon DVD-3910 with full Underwood mods so we could A/B/C against our stock 3910 and our Arcam FMJ CD23. Differences between them? Sure. Worth $2K+ to mod our Denon? Doubtful. The turntable upgrade was 50 times more significant for about the same money.
Cheers to all! |
LOL, Patrick thanks for the smile. As they say in Bahstan; Yaw a real pissah! |
Frank,
If your Airy is not fully broken in then you and your installer are going to be amazed when it does. It's very detailed out of the box but with time it gets so smooth it's spooky. At least that is how my Yatra behaves and the one UNIverse I'm intimately familiar with. Isn't it the quietest "in the groove" thing you've ever heard?
Howard, so I handle being ripped pretty well? Har har. I guess there was at least one benefit to growing up in the sixties.
Swampman, contrary to what Raul says (and I'm not fussing), to my ears, and in every case, I prefer the step up to a high powered phono stage. Some are better than others. Just my opinion but it seems more real. I'm no electronics guru but the way they work doesn't create a much longer signal path, so no loss as far as I can tell. Distortion? Maybe. I dunno. Tubes are more distorted than ss but I like it better. That's all I care about. I go by my ears. I'm sure glad you made this move. You will shit. In case you guys don't know shitting is bigger than having your jaw drop. Tell that to the reviewers. |
