Was I Expecting Too Much

I do understand where the dealer was coming from.... "I'm not purchasing now but down the road".... Demoing at your place when you aren't going to buy something is not practical. The bottom line is price so if he brings it to you to demo and you find a lower price somewhere else on what you liked, you'll buy it there. The dealers usually have demo rooms which they have set up for optimal sound quality and they only have to do it once at their place and not many many times at potential customers who aren't really buying now anyway. Go to the dealer, sit down and listen there.

You don’t just demo equipment (which isn’t usually very useful; too many variables), you are evaluating the dealer, who one day may be needed for service, support or advice - or a positive buying experience on a c. $20k purchase, which should be a good experience, not a painful extraction of gear from an asshole. If you were a masochist, he’d be perfect. But then, you’d probably be buying a boat or Italian car instead.
You have successfully weeded out that one. His business model is poorly designed; he wasn’t “qualified” to get your business. Good work. Be glad it was before you bought.

There is a huge difference between “sales” people and people who provide customer service that results in a sale. I would walk away from this store as fast as you can. They have zero interest in their customers outside their wallets. If they are acting his way presale I can only imagine how their post sale service is. 

As a former dealer:

We have to understand that the initial conversation between POTENTIAL customers and POTENTIAL dealers is an "interview" process that involves two parties, analzing the prospects of a positive outcome for each Both have the option to proceed or terminate the relationship based on the information they are given. The dealer may get indicators that the prospects for success are very low (say, 20%) based on past experiences, and decide to tactfully withdraw at that point.

The key word here is "tactfully" withdraw. In my view, "preserving the relationship" was always the top priority, unless of course, I felt the person was a low integrity individual. I don’t know what kind of day/week/year/life the dealer was having. It would have good to get to know you face-to-face to discuss the turntable. I’m pretty sure your lifetime Hi-fi ambitions are not going to stop with your current turntable purchase.

By the way, I was in the market for a luxury sports sedan a few years ago. I asked the salesman: "If I pick the sports suspension option, how much lower does the vehicle sit?" To which the salesman replied: "I need to make sure you’re serious about the car before I spend the time doing all this research." I ended up purchasing the car (with sports suspension) from a salesman who was a performance driving instructor who, during the test drive, made sure I hit the apex at speed on the exit ramps. Relationships matter.

In business there are two philosophies for dealing with customers. I'll call them "transactional" and "relationship." Every positive dealer story or recommendation I've ever heard involves that dealer building a relationship with the customer. The Covina dealer missed a golden opportunity to meet you and build a relationship so that you would buy preferentially from him/her in the future. Anyone wanting to take the time and trouble to audition and operate a Brinkman turntable, and who has a complete audiophile grade setup, is a valuable future customer. Sadly, the dealer seems to operate in a transactional mode which is completely opposite IMO from the model of a successful high end dealer.

Many moons ago when I lived near Portland, OR, I did business with a few dealers but one in particular got most of my business. I could just stop in and shoot the breeze on a slow day and when he got something in that was cool he would call me and invite me to come over and listen. I bought pieces from him that I didn't even know I wanted to upgrade.

My point is, when buying high end products, seek out businesses that focus on a relationship instead of the immediate transaction. If we are ready to spend five figures on piece of gear the sales process should be pleasant and fun.