Wedding toasts... let's hear them

A toast to wives and mistresses...may they never meet!

A Toast to the guests.... Raise your glasses in cheer, for I would rather drink with you all than the finest people on earth. Cheers

those are all great. I'd write 'em down and combine them for my toast... especially that one about blending into mono, and your past best day being your future worst one.

"As we family and freinds come together to witness
this bi-amping meld into mono. And as freshly cleaned virgin vinyl is best the first time it is played. It can only deteriate as dust and cracks and pops appear. Remember that the music remains the same and remember not to let the surface noise detract from the music you invested in the first place. And most importantly, as the man of the house please remember to keep the remote always close at hand so you can drown her nagging *ss out at any given moment, but with caution because she and only she can shout louder than Mcintosh MC1201's and B&W 802's at full volume."

May the happiest day of you past, be the saddest day of your future.

not sure it's good for a wedding, but i've always liked:

"may misfortune follow you all of your life and never catch up."

Ah, audiophile wedding toasts.

"May this marriage last longer than that crappy integrated amp I told you not to buy."

"May this bond be the interconnect between two great components."

"May you hear each other perfectly, even without speakers."

"Though you will both hear crackles in the background, it's the beautiful music of love that will come shining through."

And it just sort of goes on like that.

Do you need any poll-bearers?

Don't promise anything in a toast you don't have complete control over (like a feeling) because, rest assured no matter how long you stay married, she'll remember it verbatim.

For good or ill I've always felt a personal touch best in times such as these, rather than something canned.

A personal touch there carries more weight and most of the party will associate better with it if known things are said about each of them, and their future together being a happy and prosperous one.

Maybe too you could wax poetic. that's always well received and can be more memorable.

I remember well two folks getting married and all their friends at that time were saying or thinking, "There's either a lawyer or doctor in those two future!" or "I'll give it a year at best!"

Their marriage lasted over 50 years... and yes, there were Doctors and lawyers in the mix too... though they never were divorced.

here's my thought:
Be genuine and speak from your heart with your very best wishes for them both.... then play something like "Forever young" or the like.... or whatever the bride likes for their first then wedded, dance.

BTW don't put shaving cream on their car or let the groom get drunk and drive off!

Shaving cream took off the paint as it took two days to recover from the hangover, and fixing a tire when loaded is just no fun either! However I did manage to carry up all the left over beer up the stairs to the lake front stilt house we had at the time.

Good luck & enjoy.

When my sister finally married for the first time at age 52, I said in a toast directed to her new husband, "..and if you hurt her, I'll kill you."

Those gathered, found that hilarious. I was dead serious.

I don't think I'd recommend that approach. Good luck! ;->