Why are brick and mortar HiFi dealers so bad?

When I was last into high end audio 25+ years ago there were good stores but if you look at what has happened to society and sales of everything today it is a totally different world (including for the sellers).

Trying to actually audition or AB any particular components in a store today might be theoretically possible but in practice very difficult.   Online reviews and the ability to easily sell used components are a godsend.  

Of course your friend is correct when he told you the local hifi dealers feel used when people shop, listen, question then buy elsewhere. Finding a retailer that does not survive off the teat of the Home Theatre sow is rare. Mostly they have folded. Gig Harbor Audio, Brooks Berdan  and Hawthorne Audio -Seattle, love that sign out front which announces that the store is "a nice place" are some of the few I have enjoyed spending time in. But honestly I never bought anything there. Someday perhaps but that won't pay their bills.
It was my very great fortune to meet "Blake" three and a half years ago at Audio/Video Choices in Phoenix. My last stereo purchase had been in 1985 at Definitive where they sent me home with NAD and Polks. 
Last week the owner of AV Choices closed his doors after 13 years to retire.
We threw a retirement party at the store two Saturdays back.
I am going to miss that place. Even more I will miss the ridiculously 
honest, unbiased and totally accurate information Blake shared with me.
I now enjoy a system (following Blake's tutelage) put together for about $9k that creates what I call that 'magic' sound. As to OP's question, be patient and you will be rewarded. Make it an educational journey. You may enjoy the learning process. Go to  Axpona if possible. Join a local club if one exists. If not join the nearest one and read the newsletters. 
Many manufacturers have gone "direct" and as such offer a trial period.
You pay freight both ways. Cheaper to fly/drive there sometimes.

For those in the Seattle area, I have found Olson’s HiFi (olsonshifi.com) to be very good.   They aren’t pushy, they have rational advice, they lend components for people to try at home, and they have a generous return policy.   They also stock and evaluate very interesting brands.

I’m just a regular customer there and have only had positive experiences.   I don’t like to bash places, but there is no other place in the area that I would even consider.

I live on eastern Long Island. Back in the 70s and 80s there were plenty of places to shop for audio. Today the closest one is 30 miles away, and they are moving. You can buy plenty of Theater equipment, since there's a best buy in every corner. I do business with a family that owns 60 independent appliance stores in the NY metro area. Although the manufacturers they have are limited, they do have Marantz and Yamaha. Through them I have been able to special order some of the higher end equipment these lines offer and at dealer cost. I've spent about 5k on about 10k worth of equipment. I made my choices solely on reviews, as no one carried the models I was interested in. So today I'm happy with how it sounds, yet curious about the vast array of equipment I read about on these posts. I hope to attend a show so I can actually here some of the gear I read about on this forum.

One more recommendation for John Rutan and staff at Audioconnection in Verona.