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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
rex44
64 posts
 
Dean, i know how hard is to lose someone. My most sincere thoughts.
swampwalker's avatar
swampwalker
5,138 posts
 
Dean-
Your post has got a 52 year old, normally stoic man, crying at his computer this afternoon.
Ditto for this 59'er. For your pain and also for the horror and fear that it unleashes in all of us w children. I, too, urge you to get some help in trying to find a way to get past this. Not get over it, I know you never will. But time does help. I have a close friend who lost a 20 y.o. son, maybe 15 years ago. You can make it to the other side of your grief; if it takes a professional guide then, so be it. In the mean time, your Audiogon friends (even friends you haven't met yet, me included) wish you all the best.

Dan_ed- I had no idea. My deepest sympathies to you and the rest of Michael's family.

My son is getting a major hug when he gets home tonight.
Peace
mfsoa
76 posts
 
This November it will be 5 years since the loss of my 15 year old daughter to cancer and indeed there is a certain horror to those last days that cannot be described.
I too then reached out to my newly found friends at AudioCircle, who will never know how much their support and love helped me survive. Literally.
Cancer blows.
I wish you whatever peace you can find, my friend and brother in this fight.
-Mike
cdc
1,677 posts
 
An emotional injury can be worse than a physical injury. I would suggest 1) Eat well 2) Exercise 3) Write your thoughts down. Take care of yourself, you couldn't be good to a nicer person.
dean_fuller OP
44 posts
 
Thanks folks for all the encouagement. I wrote the email because it was on my mind big time. Watching others out taking their family...their kids for granted. Like they will always be there and there will always be time to make it up...say I'm sorry.

I knew Devon was not going to be with me for long. What was worse was HE knew he would not be here much longer either. How alone he must of felt. But he wasn't. I was there.

I really wanted to help others wake up and see what they have. Its too easy to get tangled up in the crap that is our lives. Money, vacations, a bigger house...its all crap without sharing it with those that we love. REALLY...if you love your wife, husband, kids...don't let ONE day go by without letting them knowing it. The night before Devon passed I went in his room and I told him " Love you bud". He always answered "love you too". Don't cheat yourself out of knowing you said what you wanted BEFORE you regret it later.

I miss him every moment. The only thing that keeps me going is I hope to see him again.
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