My love of music is killing me.

I am incredibly sorry for your loss.

I use to feel that way when I heard music my parents loved or songs that brought back memories of past loves, special moments and general happy times of the past. For what ever reason....time I guess, it does get easier and now I look forward to reminiscing and take great joy in reliving all of the memories that made me who I am today.

You are a composite of all that you have experienced. The good and the unpleasant. It is in tragedy and in bliss that we really know/feel we are alive.

The best way to honor yourself and the memory of your son is to embrace the music you shared and loved. Listen with a 'new perspective', one that embraces all that it is to be human and to take pleasure in the music you had in common. Let yourself feel free to sob uncontrollably while you listen and realize that this is a part of the grieving process. It will pass and once you get that initial weight off of your chest and the lump in your throat disappears you will find that you will look forward to hearing that music again but now you will only have pleasant thoughts and warm remembrances of the special hobby and music you shared. This 'new perspective' will allow you to have a positive experience when you re-visit your music collection.

This has been my experience and yours may not be the same. It used to break my heart to hear certain songs because the emotions tied to them were sooo strong. That has passed and now I even increase the volume and now I am able to get myself into a spiritual "happy place" during those listening sessions. The tears have been replaced with smiles laughter and warm comforting thoughts.

I would suggest that Devon would not want you to give up on your "lifelong love of music" anymore than you would have wanted him to forego listening if it were you that had gotten sick and passed.

I realise that sometimes it is easier said than done. Speaking from experience, I have done it and as I mentioned above your experience may vary.

I challenge you to put on your favorite songs, crank up the volume and raise a glass to Devon and in his memory enjoy the heck out of that music. He will be listening with joy!

I will offer up a special prayer for you tonight. Peace!

Dean,
I am very sorry to hear about you and your son. I'm certain that he'd want you to continue to enjoy the times you had together, remember his smile when certain music hits your ear.
You loved each other and you still do. That will always be.
I wish you peace.

I can relate to what you're going through. I lost my mom to cancer and my big brother to a serial killer in the same year. Music was just too painful because it tends to touch an emotional side of you like nothing else can. It was hard to listen to music that reminded me of them. With time the pain passes to a certain extent, and now I enjoy listening to music I know they loved and feel great comfort knowing they are beside me enjoying it right along with me.

I have been a physician for 30 years and I have seen my share of pain and suffering, and have now lost both of my parents. What little solice I can give you is this: a professional grief counselor would help you in your journey through this depression. For me, music is my anti-depressant, but for you there are too many associations of music and your suffering. Perhaps it is time to step away from music for the short term and slowly get back into it when you are feeling better. Instead, you may find some other creaative outlet such as drawing, photography, or some other artistic endeavor. Exercise is also good medicine and should be a part of everyone's recovery. I wish you well. Your son would want you to carry on...

Hang in there Dean. In the past 6 months I’ve lost my father, my mother and several weeks ago my older brother. I could do nothing but standby and watch this unfold before me with the disbelief that yet another member of my family was actually gone. Music was a big part of their lives as it is mine. For me it’s been tough to hear songs come on the radio or in the grocery store that they loved so much but at the same time it’s an uplifting reminder that music brought us so much joy. If you give up your passion for listening to music then you will be losing a part of your life that both you and your son loved and shared.