I am incredibly sorry for your loss.
I use to feel that way when I heard music my parents loved or songs that brought back memories of past loves, special moments and general happy times of the past. For what ever reason....time I guess, it does get easier and now I look forward to reminiscing and take great joy in reliving all of the memories that made me who I am today.
You are a composite of all that you have experienced. The good and the unpleasant. It is in tragedy and in bliss that we really know/feel we are alive.
The best way to honor yourself and the memory of your son is to embrace the music you shared and loved. Listen with a 'new perspective', one that embraces all that it is to be human and to take pleasure in the music you had in common. Let yourself feel free to sob uncontrollably while you listen and realize that this is a part of the grieving process. It will pass and once you get that initial weight off of your chest and the lump in your throat disappears you will find that you will look forward to hearing that music again but now you will only have pleasant thoughts and warm remembrances of the special hobby and music you shared. This 'new perspective' will allow you to have a positive experience when you re-visit your music collection.
This has been my experience and yours may not be the same. It used to break my heart to hear certain songs because the emotions tied to them were sooo strong. That has passed and now I even increase the volume and now I am able to get myself into a spiritual "happy place" during those listening sessions. The tears have been replaced with smiles laughter and warm comforting thoughts.
I would suggest that Devon would not want you to give up on your "lifelong love of music" anymore than you would have wanted him to forego listening if it were you that had gotten sick and passed.
I realise that sometimes it is easier said than done. Speaking from experience, I have done it and as I mentioned above your experience may vary.
I challenge you to put on your favorite songs, crank up the volume and raise a glass to Devon and in his memory enjoy the heck out of that music. He will be listening with joy!
I will offer up a special prayer for you tonight. Peace!
I use to feel that way when I heard music my parents loved or songs that brought back memories of past loves, special moments and general happy times of the past. For what ever reason....time I guess, it does get easier and now I look forward to reminiscing and take great joy in reliving all of the memories that made me who I am today.
You are a composite of all that you have experienced. The good and the unpleasant. It is in tragedy and in bliss that we really know/feel we are alive.
The best way to honor yourself and the memory of your son is to embrace the music you shared and loved. Listen with a 'new perspective', one that embraces all that it is to be human and to take pleasure in the music you had in common. Let yourself feel free to sob uncontrollably while you listen and realize that this is a part of the grieving process. It will pass and once you get that initial weight off of your chest and the lump in your throat disappears you will find that you will look forward to hearing that music again but now you will only have pleasant thoughts and warm remembrances of the special hobby and music you shared. This 'new perspective' will allow you to have a positive experience when you re-visit your music collection.
This has been my experience and yours may not be the same. It used to break my heart to hear certain songs because the emotions tied to them were sooo strong. That has passed and now I even increase the volume and now I am able to get myself into a spiritual "happy place" during those listening sessions. The tears have been replaced with smiles laughter and warm comforting thoughts.
I would suggest that Devon would not want you to give up on your "lifelong love of music" anymore than you would have wanted him to forego listening if it were you that had gotten sick and passed.
I realise that sometimes it is easier said than done. Speaking from experience, I have done it and as I mentioned above your experience may vary.
I challenge you to put on your favorite songs, crank up the volume and raise a glass to Devon and in his memory enjoy the heck out of that music. He will be listening with joy!
I will offer up a special prayer for you tonight. Peace!