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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller

Showing 1 response by nonoise

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nonoise
10,590 posts
 
As others have said, please seek professional help. The music you shared that now brings pain can be turned around but it will take time. The association is so strong that you'll need to channel it to someone who can guide you and absorb your loss so all that remains are the good and loving memories, which can only strengthen your love of music and the memory of your son. Like all paths, you have to start and the sooner the better. Presently, music is the key to your pain but even without it, the pain will persist. It's merely a trigger and has no cathartic value anymore. It can all be turned around.
You have my deepest sympathies and my thoughts go out to you this evening.
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