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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller

Showing 1 response by mapman

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mapman
21,887 posts
 
"Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile."

Though one cannot compare ones trials and tribulations to another person's, the best I can say is that some of my favorite and most endearing music is the music that brings a tear to my eye when it strikes a chord that makes me remember a loved one, either living or deceased.

Also there have been times when I could not get myself to cue any music up for similar reasons however eventually I found the strength needed to do it and found it to be quite therapeutic in hindsight. Sometimes its like having to force yourself to take some bad tasting medicine that you know will help in the long term.

My wish for you is that you are able to tap you inner strength and perhaps your enduring inherent love of music and what you and your son shared in it to help provide the catalyst towards better days ahead as well!

"Never Blame the Rainbow for the Rain".
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