I have a confession to make

Scottht,

In re-thinking ad re-reading your post, I am afraid that my last post, and the attempt at levity to address our problem, is absolutely not appropriate. I apologize.

Since I am dealing with, pretty much, the same affliction, I think it best to listen to the wiser minds above as I will also try to do.

My spouse has been very understanding about "my" $800. record-washer and assorted toys but I also see the concern. I don't think it is only the "if you can afford it" factor, it is that the gear starts becoming the mistress.

Best regards.

This is a personal issue and there isn't one cure-all for everyone. Here are two key turning points to my audio nervosa:
I spent a lot of time making the rounds to dealers to check out the "makes heaven come alive" systems. Finally I'm driving home from a really great dealer who spent an hour showing me his stuff. It's a perfect warm sunny day. I realize "what the hell am I doing wasting all this time over micro nuances in sound quality". I should be outside enjoying the world. My system sounds great. There will always be something better and there is no end to chasing it down. But it pleases on it's own terms.
Further "recapturing the live event" is just a ploy by the audio establishment to make you spend more money. First of all, does the original recording sound like the REAL event? Most don't. If the source doesn't no stereo will consistently bring all types of un-real recordings to life since they are so inconsistent in their shortcomings to the live event.
It is an unobtainable goal. Which is great for dealers and stereo mags since their goal is to make you spend money. To do that they first must make you dissatisfied.

Second, I burn my own "best of" CD's collection. I found with a Denon UDM-31 mini system and some ELF .5 single driver speakers on the mantle of my small room: 1) the sound was pleasant and not irritating. And I've heard some very expensive systems that are unpleasant and irritating. More important 2) I could just as easily decide what songs I liked or didn't like as on the big rig. So basically I found the big rig did NOT make me like music I wouldn't otherwise like. And that the quest for better sound over the Denon was a HOBBY not a necessity.
What made this mini-system work was that:
1) small room 13' x 15'.
2) speakers against the wall improved bass response to 40 Hz with the Mission's that came with the Denon.
3) Speakers placed 8' or more apart for great stereo width.
4) For most music, I believe that soundstage depth is unnecessary and an artificial manipulation of the signal by phase shifts (esp tube gear) and largely doesn't exist in the real world. At least it doesn't in the live events I attend and with the type of music I listen to. This is not to be a flame, just qualifying that the system meets what is realistic to my musical style. So speakers against the wall / killing any depth is not important to me.
5) Single driver speaker has an amazing matural sound to it.
6) I don't listen to music loud or require deep bass to enjoy music.

Many improvements are really differences, not improvements.

Scottht, Good luck, listen to your wife, she can be a great help if you let her. You're lucky to have her around.

This is the bigger/faster/more/better quality we humans are born to seek. You mustn't let it get out of hand. I recommend you commit to being happy. Pursue it directly. It sounds to me your hobby is now to the point where it is bringing you more sadness than happiness. This can happen in a relationship with anything, and it means you must alter the relationship if your goal is happiness. Read "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama...excellent book.

If you don't deal with the problem at its root (which I believe to be about happiness), you may stop buying stereo equipment, but this problem will likely manifest somewhere else in your life.

I agree with much of the above -- focus on the music and spend your time there. Also, get rid of all stereo/video publications to which you might subscribe. Don't ever look at the auction page here. Stay away from the "best of" threads to avoid the upgrade temptation. "If you're not in the donut shop, you won't buy the donuts." Set up a deal with your wife and stick with it so you always talk to your wife before buying anything. You are honestly not alone, and it is not just this hobby. It will take time, but keep working it -- self-awareness really is a critical step so congratulations on that. Hang in there buddy. It will get easier and easier to say no once you get into the habit. Good luck.

that is why there is an audio asylum and people recognize one another as inmates! Welcome to the institution!

You are lucky that you know your "sickness"--many do not. Warn you: there is no cure. Yes, we want to enjoy the music and the movie.

Serious now, one DOES NOT HAVE TO SPEND SO SO MUCH to enjoy the great music. Of course, if one has the money to spend, that is fine.