Detlof's in jail. When he threw the mono pair of his Jadis 500 out of the window, they happened to land on the Audi RS4 of Gianni S., twin brother of well known personality in these parts. Gianny supplies the town with Flittchens, which he floats down the Rhine on a special sub past immigration at Bale. Seems that Detlof ordered a couple but ran amok , just as G. was about to deliver. In the ensuing fight, so the local paper has it, Detlof hit G. on the head with his Goldmund Reference and then, obviously in remorse, tried to reanimate him with the help of the transformers he had ripped out of one of his Quads. Instead of getting his heart back into action, seems that G. caught fire, which however D. managed to choke with his room damping material. When finally the police arrived, he almost fried one officer by using the other Quad as a frame for his head. They finally subdued him by tying him up with his Nordosts and took him away. |
Katharina, LOL! Thanks for making my day brighter (it's day in these parts).
Must get the poor guy out of the can...
Kubla, I'm running out of butter... Pls tell me where Detlof's stashed whatever's left of his system. I'll use that as a down-payment for Cornfed.
I'm only doing this for Detlof, you know ;~) |
Gregm, good point. In fact, I didn't sleep at all last night.
And what are flittchens? Do I want one? |
katharina, just before i signed on here i noticed a little blurb about that on my msn homepage. where is detlof now? did someone post his bail? i told you guys something like this was going to happen but does anyone listen? NOoooo. kubla, you're crazy, kubla you're paranoid. NOW look! worse than i imagined for sure.
katharina, any updates you have are greatly appreciated. thanks for keeping us in the loop. |
Are Detlof and Arthur acquaintainces? Oh excrement! |
It sounds like Detlof is at least safe while in custody. I heard that AS is so POd about his brother that he is sending a team of flittchens down the strasse to look for Detlof. And their all dressed in Salvatore Ferragamo. Lay low my friend. |
Detlof, if you can, try to remember those helpful jail-time hints I outlined above, they'll keep your butt from bein sore. And what in the hell are flittchens--do you eat or drink them? |
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Damnit Wirehead! There goes tonights sleep too. That's just gross. |
this thread is begining to remind me of those sort of jugglers who would appear on ed sullivan's show about every third sunday, spinning multiple plates on skinny sticks. wonder, how long we can keep all our platters rotatin'? a little longer, i hope. from what i've been told of detlof's remainining gear, grem's gonna need to find the other "stash" just to make my initial retainer. and, oh yeah, i fly only first class or private charter. -kelly |
Eyin' a new Boulder amp are you Kelly? Just remember that mixing that fancy booze they serve in first class with the Napoleonic code and Berlitz .... well just remember Detlof |
PSSSST: I managed to smuggle this out. J, thanks for all your helpful advice...I managed to keep my back to the wall...and the director here is an audiophile...He doesn't know about my stash nor about this website..yet. J you could, if so inclined I suppose "eat of drink" them, though I would be a bit careful, "flittchens" are what the Victorians used to call loose women...and indeed they really seem to be loose all over town, with mure bulges underneath there Ferragmos than usual, Uzis ( not Uzo, Kubla ) they say, and all looking for me, besides....must stop now, someone is coming... |
well, our worst fears have been verified; detlof's as mad as a hatter. we can only hope now that he is caught unharmed and given the proper medical attention he deserves. i'm so upset i can barely type.
maybe one of us SHOULD drop by his house and perhaps store his rig *temporarily* until he gets well again? i could go over. thunders... if possible...could you privately email me detlof's address?? |
Ok, I get the polite hint: you guys are expecting *me* to do the dirty, rig picking & storing, job. After all, Detlof lives just (1500 miles) round the corner from me... I'm happy to help.
Kelly, I'm looking into suitable charters. I understand your hourly rate runs into 3digits, so I asked for a F16 to fly you over -- will that be OK? |
Here is a short report as promised:
1. No news from Detlof
2. There are indeed strange looking young women in the streets, who indeed have more bulges underneath their clothing than nature would allow. To me indeed it looks like handgrenades and yes, it could be uzis, not golfclubs.
3. Infrequently there are strange bursts of noise which seem to come from somewhere near the vicinity of the jail. It has chased all the birds and squirrels away, dogs howl and cats spit and act strange.
4. Two extra charter flights from Sicily are due this afternoon.
(Which reminds me, Greg, wouldn't take an F16, make it a stealth fighter, which is a two-seater anyway, because I'm sure Salvatore's men can decipher this page)
5. Careful about D.'s rig: It may well be boobytrapped by now by the S. mob.
6. Shall try and see poor D. now, who must be on a very cold turkey!
Will keep you posted. |
Here's a thought: maybe we can "toeten zwei voegel mit ein stein". Why don't we sell Detlof's remaining equipment on Audiogon and post it to Dssman. We can stipulate "buyer must pick up, personal cheques only". I would pay a mark to see that exchange with AS's flittchens. Maybe the uber flittchens aren't women after all - might explain the bulges.
If Detlof is going cold turkey I hear butter helps smooth things out. |
K, I'm checking out prices on Stealths right away. Had fresh butter delivered from Normandy today: can we smuggle some to Detlof? Should we join forces with Don S.'s boys & generate a few alliances? The Don could orchestrate a suitable reception for Dssman.
BTW, what does "Dssman" stand for? |
Wirehead: Do you mean Dr. Dssman?? Small world, 'cause he is the consigliere of the Salvatore clan, didn't you know?...and I shouldn't say this here, but D. is high an colesterol, I've brought him cognac instead, the best and not the cheapo stuff. That had methylated aditives in it, which must have driven him nuts. He finished the bottle in a jiffy and had a funny smirk on his face, perhaps he's planning something, so I would wait before you fly Cornfed in. |
Thanks Katharina, you have your bulg--heart- in the right places-sorry must be the cognac you brought. Can anybody give me the address of PFIZER. Its urgent. I have to do something about those flittchens, once I get out of here and there is only one stoned to kill those many birds. By the way, I'm helping the warden to improve the bass output of his rig, but need more cognac to get my hearing straight. |
Detlof: Maybe the warden would improve his bass output if he auditioned your banged up Jadis monos? I guess he would have to pick them up cause you ain't going anywhere? If we time everything just right you could walk out of there scot free, flittchenless. |
Detlof: your warden told me today: "Not a day goes by, without the guards complaining about D. First, there was the 12 hours of you acting really trashed, laying in the corner begging for some "serotininereuptakeinhibitors" then the vomiting, and the mumbling about "no bare-breasted blondes, no pretty milkmaids in a Dirndle, no ultra horny sunshine Flittchens, where are my sunshine Flittchens!"" (whoah Detlof! guess J's advice paid off) The next day, you gave your Muesli to some two-fisted giant from St. Moritz who (under the harmless cover of a chocolate factory) allegedly spread a computer virus that infected all of the SACD discs around the world in order to make them repeat the Ballermann top hit "Zehn nackte Friseusen", and you--Detlof--tried to to convince this thug that it was a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity for him to start up a criminal fraternity with someone with a "party-with-no-holds-barred pharmaceutic expertise." What you didn't know was that this Alpha-male you were trying to finagle into your schemes (Katharina is right, Detlof is planning something) is a key informant in the Salvatore clan, and quickly informed the don of your habits (Detlof, this is a matter of life and death, please be careful of any "Canadian" cognac from the outside, even if Katharina gives it to you--the guards switch it around while they inspect it-- because it is laced (by the don himself!) with some seriously disjointed lo-fi gnarl that will have you hallucinating you have a "secret sex friend" who can stand on their head while you sink in their quicksand hearing "Glühwein, Girls, und Gipfel-Gaudi" played backwards at the wrong speed. But, you know what kubla (he has some inside connection to the police where you live, I don't know how, something about "Thailand Teens at the Schatzi Bar") e-mailed to me after I told him what your warden said? That they (I mean, the authorities watching you closely right now), as a last measure, have called in some phonopsychologists (some former colleagues of yours that are angry at you for dismissing their experiments as "scantily clad sonic Pavlovianism" in your last essay for the "Zurich Psychoanalytic Blätter") preparing a good-old-American saturation therapy for you: you know, what the white-coated prison doctors tried on that unlucky Beethoven fanatic in "A Clockwork" with the eyes pried wide open, only with you they plan something through the ears--with Bose loudspeakers and a Minidisc player left over from Sansui's R&D into data hyper-reduction (the good Dr. of Bose is even flying in as we speak on a plane under Cornfedboy's pseudonym). Wirehead, we have to get the timing right, we have to get Detlof out of the "Knast" fast, scot free, and put him immediately into a de-Flittchen-ization program. I know a good one near Baden Baden; and while Detlof is squirming in his bed screaming vainly for an ultra-horny Tüssi, we can smuggle his rig in a storage container marked "Schweizer Butter Ist Besser" to Gregm and Dssmann. |
Albert, do NOT allow these characters to come to your party...I smell trouble. Besides, I think I remember Detlof now...didn't he STAR in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" |
Stereokarter, Albert actually plays an inconspicuous but not insignificant role in the "web of fate" encircling Detlof right now: we must never forget the small detail of Albert shipping Detlof a bottle of RR (what is this code for? we can only guess) a few weeks ago with the (seemingly innocent words): "Having just shipped samples of RR cleaner to ... Detlof ( in Switzerland) ..., I look forward to reading comments as to the outcome of the tests." Just what tests was he referring to, I ask you? |
Slawney you are a genius. Quite right, Arthurporter shipped a bottle of RR to Detlof and Sedond at the end of May and next thing you know we have this problem. Somebody should reeally get in touch with Sedond. I wonder if Porters his real name, can anybody translate Italian? |
I would like to buy a round of flittchens for all! Flittchens Flittchens and more flittchens. . .hey, watch it flittchen. Watson my boy, I do believe you have found a flittchen. |
Wirehead, I managed to bribe the Swiss Air Station Manager here by getting him a couple of Flittchens, so he gave me a list of all the passagers that came in this week. Amongst them was a guy called Alberto Porta. He was fetched from the airport he told me, by a big black car and a chauffeur with bulges. On the radiator there was written RR as well and it had a small statue of a flittchen on top of it. Do you think that could be of any significance?
Otherwise no news from Detlof, but the strange noises from near the prison continue, though less frequently than before. Thankyou Slawney for getting us on the right track. Your information is invaluable. All that we know here is from the "Neue Zürcher Zeitung" and they are known to be slow. |
Thank you Katharina. This is getting more serious every minute. An inside source (I bribed a prison guard with a Power Snake, saying "you can't get these in Switzerland, can you?") tells me that the sound from the prison is actually the warm-up for the "audio-ero-gon" saturation therapy (AEG treatment, for short) they are preparing for Detlof: something about tape loops of Donna Summer's "Love to Love You Baby" mixed with the most brutal hard-disc noise art from Merzbow (he brought the Sansui minidisc player over from Japan). They even have a new 5 channel 2000 Watt Swiss Home Entertainment facility hooked up, and are getting Detlof himself to tweek the sub-woofer settings under the cover that the warden is an audiophile and will give Detlof early parole for a bass reaching down to 2Hz (the subliminal messages in the AEG treatment are all encoded subsonically). Alberto Porta, I am told, is bringing the key ingredient, I heard, something top secret, something with the code name "RR cleaner SE" (so Wirehead, we ARE on the right track here) but the guard did not have high enough security clearance to tell me. To naturalize him better, the Swiss authorities added an "umlaut" to Dr. Bose's name (he sneaked in through the Swiss-Austrian border, having arrived in Vienna, so there was no chance the Swiss Air Station Manager could inform you, Katharina): now, he is referred to as "Dr. Böse." As I said, this is looking very serious. Thunders, another round of Flittchens, please, before ...wait... I can hear them banging on my door... the voices of the Swiss authorities..."get the Spritze ready, Schwester"...Zzxxzzxxoo...ooooover....RRSE...zzzZZZxxxzzz...Alberto...chen... |
In the meantime Mr. "Porter"(yea, right) is having a party at his place and some of the brighter luminaries on this site are all passed out. I bet you he sprayed them all with RR as part of his diabolical scheme. If I recall he posted his system once and its value could have Switzerland swimming in Flittchens for a hundred years. I wonder if he has amassed his fortune by taking other peoples systems? Are Detlofs' Jadis amps still lying in the strasse? I wonder what Mr. Groesse is up to? Maybe Detlof is the least of our worries. Somebody should do a little recon over at Porter's place. Me? I'm gonna hide my equipment. |
Albert has just now finally fallen asleep (gripping a Swissair flight schedule in his fist, I dunno?), and we're laying out for a giant AUDIO GARAGE SALE in the driveway.....we'll use the money to have another side of Canadian bacon sent down along with some kegs of brew.....y'all come.....this partay ain't over yet! |
Alberto Bonaporta is of Sicilian decent. He belongs to the US branch of the family better known as BONAPARTE, of Napoleonic fame. Hence, the worldwide connections. Alberto moves, as is his wont, in exalted circles where it is rumoured (got this from a swiss chamber-Flitchen) that RR stands for "Release se*R*um". It's a secret formula closely guarded by the family, and well serving for over 200 years! The immediate effects, upon skin (or other)contact, are to release psychological inhibitions; hence the *better* sound (it's the skin contact that does it, not the vinyl cleaning), sensuous Flitchens', and complacent soldiers in the Napoleonic Wars. Just rumours, ofcourse...
The butler in that same household indicated that a company called Pfizer had recently broken the family's secret formula and produced its own concoction unashamedly commercialised under a different name with no credit to the originators! He *thinks* it is sold in solid form, but couldn't supply the brand name.
The game is afoot, methinks. And, we are all in very deep waters! If Slawney manages to infiltrate the prison further and Katharina keeps watch on the media side, maybe we'll get to the bottom (Thunders, we're yer Flitchens?) of it all.
Oh, BTW: I managed to locate Detlofstrabe -- but couldn't get near D's lodgings. There's a 24 hr watch around the block with cops sporting modified Uzis und Kalashnikovs. My quattro-fils didn't get me anywhere nearer than a mile away.
What do you suggest I do? Please help!
Greg |
Gregm you are a fountain of historic knowledge. I did a little digging at the Italian Patent Office. In 1799, days before the Battle of Marengo in Italy, a Corsican alchemist applied for a patent of a compound called "Sciofiere Timpani" which loosely translated means "Release the Eardrum". It was described as a tonic to permit people to hear better. In the Battle of Marengo Napoleons forces captured the alchemist and extracted the formula. It worked all to well and drove people into a sonic nirvana much the way Detlof fell. It is now I remember in History class there was speculation as to why Napoleon was really exiled as it may have been for health reasons. Anyhow the alchemists families, with their Corsican ties continue to make the drug and sell it illegally. It was soon overshadowed by other opiates and wasn't heard of again. Funny thing is that the alchemists name was Gustavo Borodino Arturo Salvatore. Coincidence? Gotta do more digging. Slawney and Katharina, keep your eyes peeled, your ears to the ground something is happening. |
Wirehead, does this mean that Alberto Bonaporta and G B A Salvatore could be related?? Please keep on digging! We're close to unravelling a mystery that's been kept behind closed doors -- I can feel it in my bones... |
Anything but greg. The Bonaportas and Salvatores are mortal enemies (you know, one of those "family" things). One of the side effects to this drug was the ability of the consumer to have, how shall I say this, several flitchens a night, with or without butter. So with the combined ability to tranquilize, auralize and flitchenize, the families knew they were on to something. Now recently Pfizer, aren't they a Swiss company and makers of Viagra, was rumoured to be working with several psyciatrists in Europe for a drug to allow persons with personality disorders to hear things more clearly and ultimately help with treatment. I wonder if Detlof was one of those shrinks? I believe that both families are a little miffed at Pfizer and want their "cut" of the action and certainly don't want the others hand out.
Detlof may know something about the drug and all the players are trying to shut him up. |
Now it's becoming evident that the "flittchens" may be a test group for this wonder Swiss drug that Detlof developed (back to the wall and all) and is getting NO CREDIT for. And doesn't that explain why Detlof is always falling asleep? You know, overuse it and all that......? Send an envoy down to the patent office quickly to ensure that Detlof's claims are not stolen away by Arthur S. Get on the plane, Katherina, now. |
Stereokarter, I did not have to get on the plane, I was there. Things were very quiet for a long time, except for the strange noises from the prison, which nobody could explain. The good Dr. Böse afer unsuccessfully looking for Detlof's stash obviously left town. Also the flittchens were withdrawn, the streets again prim and proper as befits a Swiss town, awaiting the summer tourists. The Alberto gang was nowhere in sight as well. Things seemingly were slowy getting back to normal, when suddenly there were thousands of mice and quite a few legions of unsavoury rats, together with cats, dogs, birds, mules, horses, cows and what have you, that left town in panic. The people began to complain of dizzyness and pressure in their ears and strange feelings of panic. The situation had worsened so much, that most people started to evacuate, causing huge traffic jams as they tried to leave town. There was talk of mobilising the Swiss Army, because somebody obviously used some secret weapon against the town and its people. When the outside walls of the warden's quarters suddenly crumbled, the thing stopped. The birds were the first to come back, slowly life ebbed back into town, it was as if a spell was broken. Then suddenly I saw Detlof, who sober and cheerful and behind the wheel of a requisitioned Ferrari F40, with his stash well stashed around him, told me the following story:
One of his internee friends from the hospital managed to smuggle in a small portable "SiemensErsatzElektroschockgerät", the electrodes of which could in fact be mistaken for earphones. This was Detlof's chance. By telling everybody that he had a new walkman, which sounded better than anything Burmester or Ensemble could come up with, starting with the hulk from St. Moritz, he knocked everyone into a daze. When he got to the warden's quarters, he was welcomed with open arms, because the warden with Detlof's help had been tweaking his system for better bass performance, hoping for the final breakthrough, which D. had promised him. Well, that happened, but not quite in the way the warden had imagined, because after giving him the ES treatment, Detlof hooked up his Siemens to the warden's subwoofers, which in consequence sent out huge soundwaves in the range of 5- 10hz until they folded. The result was, what Detlof smilingly called the Jericho effect, the walls just crumbled. Detlof removed the rest of the butter hörnli, which he had used as protection from his ears and simply walked off. I'm sure we'll hear from him soon. |
Hey, sorry Ka, seems the boys don't come out to play anymore...though I did like the way you spun out the story. In the meantime, I'm having fun beating the shi...ahem....excrements out of the Porsche biturbos on the Autobahn. |
Detlof, sorry I missed you on the bahn (I must have zipped past you in my Bugatti;~). Good to see you're back in action. I was ready to propose a rescue expedition.
Cheers! |
I'm sorry, but this guys needs a LIFE! Yes he knows what hes talking about,.... but DAMN(!) he takes all the fun out of audio. He seems like one of those "retro guys" who insist that all things old are better than anything new. I picture him waking around complaining about how "they dont make em' like they used to" bla, bla bla.
This guy is a total retro grouch! I will go to his site only if I cant get to sleep! |
Mhubbard, I think of A Salvatore as a "romantic of lucid disappointment." ... Detlof, glad you got the Siemens Geräte I smuggled in and that you are now safe and sound. |
Mhubbard, so glad you ain't Ron. That one did not have any sense of humour at all.....Slawney congrats on your splendid definition of poor old salivating Salvo...its a true gem, wished I had thought of it, but then you know how busy I was. So it was Greg in the Bugatti and I was already doing 330 km/h, wondering if I should kick in the methanol, but he swept past so fast, when the thought was through, I saw him crashing through a roadblock of the autobahnpolizei....hope you're allright Greg, we don't want to miss you here!! |
Thanks Detlof. I'm trying to negotiate the fine with the bahnpolizei o-fuhrer. Presently we're down to house, wife and what's left of the Bugatti (for the autobahn museum). He hasn't shown interest in the rig -- yet.
Any sugggestions, anyone? |
Greg, we have to get ypou out of that fix. shall I come over with my Siemens? You could tell the o-fuhrer that I am a salesman for a new light weight communications system straight out of the Swiss silicon valley. It can even imitate cowbells and cuckoo clocks. If he falls for it, we can give him the treatment and make a brake for it. What do you think? Has anybody got a better idea???
P.S.: I think we should also salvage the Bugatti, shouldn't we? |
Detlof, thanks for volunteering. I think a swiss-gold plated gizmo will do the trick. Scratch Siemens and replace with "Piaget Com".
I'm going to get the guy suitably excited with my exalted connections in anticipation of your visit.
As to the Bugatti, it looks more like a Yugo after the crash. I think we should stick to your F40.
Cheers! |
How faaaaaast can you say Rudolph Caracciola? |
Stereo, as fast as I can say Bernd Rosemeier!!!
Greg, I'm on my way, prepare for the break of the century! |
Aaaahhh, Avus, 1936, now that was a race! |
How right you are and those battles before between Auto Union and Mercedes.......how I would love to own a Horch! |
Any Silver Arrow Mercs laying around? I'm ready to trade in my quattro fils -- nay, even a few kms of Valhalla -- for one of those. Detlof, I have a Maybach in the back yard. Interested? (would consider exchanging for yr Silver...) |
Greg, a true 12 cylinder ? What's the mileage?... and no I don't have any Mercs, I just don't like them. I prefer the Beemers. |
PERFECT condition, 10/10 (few unnoticeable scratches here & there) still under guarantee, complete with wooden tyres.
Detlof, what's a "beemer"? Not that 3wheeler manufactured by those bayerische something or other? |
