A Record Collection/Moral Conundrum - What Would You Do?



Folks,


I’ve been rolling around an issue and I’m simply curious what others would do in my place.


Here’s the situation:


I had an long time great friend and audiophile buddy who I’ll call "John." Around 2009 or so John wanted to open a restaurant. I lent him some money. You already know how this story goes and why we aren’t friends anymore.


But to add some detail, he asked for a heap of money because he was in a fix - said he was expecting a bunch of money (from the government as I remember - showed me some papers about it) but it was going to show up a bit too late, so could I lend him the money just for about a month then he’d pay me back. I explained I was just starting a renovation of a room in my house turning it in to my long-dreamed of home theater, which I’d saved for, and that it would come out of my own savings for that project. I was very hesitant, he begged, promised it was only for a few weeks. I said I could lend him 1/2 of what he was asking (otherwise I couldn’t even pay for the contractors coming).


One of those situations where long time, very good friend who I knew was a good person, who was only ever honest with me, needed help. So I stepped in. That’s always how it goes, right? Yes, I learned the hard lesson about lending money.



Needless to say the money didn’t show up the next month. Or the next. Or the next. Whenever I asked it was another story on how the restaurant was sucking every spare dollar, he’d pay me as soon as he could. Of course the restaurant quickly went under. I was like "I need that money, I have contractors to pay" and he just said he didn’t have any to give. Next he told me he was selling his house, downsizing, and he’d use the funds to pay off his debts including to me. Ok. What else was I going to do?


He asked if he could store his much beloved record collection at my place while he sold his house. Ok. Several boxes full of nice records took up (some valuable) real estate in my basement.


Basically I never heard from him again. Heard he sold his house, but that was it. Other friends have been in occasional contact. I’d been hoping that with his records here maybe he’d show up one day. Of course not.


So...now...11 years later!...I need some money. And I’m cleaning out the basement, wanting those records out of there.


I could sell the records and at least make some money.


The question for the audience is: Do you do it?


The case for selling them seems relatively obvious. He stiffed me for many thousands of dollars that he never paid back. Had me store the records forever while he went AWOL. Clearly has zero intention of ever picking them up.Every arrow points towards "They Are Mine Now."


Except...I have a conscience. He never formally gave them to me.


So, would you try to track "John" down to ask if he wants his records back (and explain otherwise I’m going to sell them)?


Or would you just go ahead, assume ownership (and payback) and sell them?


Floor is yours.



prof

Showing 11 responses by prof


Thanks Mike.
What if I’m able to find him to suggest a decision: either pick them up, or put in writing (email) that he has given them to me.?


Thanks for the replies so far.


Cripes almighty I never considered getting lawyers involved.(No I don't have any document of the loan that I recall - perhaps an old bank statement, but that's water under the bridge that I'm not going to re-visit)



I'm in Canada.


A quick google on my province only yields law pertaining to landlords (when they can dispose of/sell property left behind by tenants).   Basically it's considered abandoned after 1 month.  If the landlord sells the stuff the tenant has up to 6 months to claim any money.   Clearly 11 years later is a different ballgame, but I have no idea if this stuff pertains to individuals.

Nothing I can find on the matter.


Thanks for all the replies. I was as much simply curious what other people would do in the same situation, as for looking for advice.

I had not even considered the legal aspect of the whole thing. So I’m glad some raised that issue.

I’m not looking for my money back - gave up on that long ago, life is too short. Learn the life lesson, move on.

Of all the posts this one tracks my sentiments and thinking most closely:


You have no legal obligation at this point. However, I can tell by your post that you care about doing the right thing here. Your integrity is important to you. The past actions of your friend have nothing to do with how you conduct yourself now. He is responsible for his actions and you for your’s alone.

Go ahead and try to contact him. Ask him if he wants them and if so to please arrange to have them picked up by a certain date. If he does not want them, then just confirm you are good to sell them and keep the proceeds. Make no mention of the money he owes you, but be gracious. In the end this approach will win your past friend over more than any other action you could possibly take. You also maintain your impeccable character and integrity. No downside to reaching out and concluding this matter.

I’m not actually one to hold grudges. I think our estrangement comes more from his own embarrassment about contacting me than anything else.


As for selling the records, my situation is the following: I got back heavily in to vinyl several years ago and have been purchasing vinyl furiously. But also very cautiously and carefully. I don’t want to be one of those places overwhelmed with records everywhere and I’ve already reached my current storage limit. So I’ve already got a pretty big, well curated record collection. That’s why I haven’t spent much time even going through my friend’s records. I don’t want to have them "just to have them" and likely won’t want to keep many of them, if any.

Though he was heavy in to vinyl way before me, and I think he was pretty careful about what he bought too, in terms of quality.

The idea of putting much time at all in to the selling process is just a pain to me. There’s no way I want to turn selling the records in to some second job, e.g. using discogs etc. So I’m likely to get what I can for the ones local record stores will take, then maybe give away the rest.

That is, all depending on how things go if I get in touch with my ex-friend. (Apparently some of my other friends have been in occasional contact, to I might be able to contact him).



Oh if I'm selling them I'll definitely go through them first.  But also as fate would have it, we recently had a small flood in the basement area where they were stored.  The front part of the box containing some of the records was soaked.  I haven't dared look at the possible damage to the records yet.
(I listen to all kinds of music on LPs - jazz, soundtracks, electronica, funk, disco, prog rock, rock, fusion, folk, pop, classical, Library Music - you name it.  But I'm very particular about what I want to own.  I don't generally keep around an album that only as one or a couple songs I would listen to.  I can pull out just about any of my albums and want to listen through the whole thing).

Quite a range of opinions!
Thanks folks!
At this point my plan is still to contact him and see if he wants the records or if I'll sell them (and keep what I want).

I'll report back on whatever happens.

 

I was given his purportedly current email address.

 

I sent him a friendly email asking if he wanted his records, and that he could pick them up if he'd like.

 

We'll see what happens.  I'd actually prefer to give them back to him.  For me the loan thing is water under the bridge.  Not that I'd be lending him money again :-)   But it doesn't help to dwell on that stuff and even very good people can get in to that kind of trouble.  Apparently, talking to another friend who knew what was going on,  his mental health issues were flaring up at the time of very high stress. 

 

For me the best result would actually returningi the records and being at least on good terms with my old pal again, vs carrying spite or even having to get rid of the records.   I don't know if he's going to respond, though.

Update:

 

To my astonishment he replied to my second email. (As I said, I kept things friendly and open). He replied tersely that he doesn’t listen to music anymore and to toss them. Sounds sad. I gather he’s still having some problems. (He generally won’t speak to any of our other friends either).

 

So I’m going to sell what I can and a friend who has gotten heavily back in to vinyl says he’ll take any leftovers.

 

Problem solved.

 

Thanks for all the responses. It was fascinating.

 

 

 

 

 

^^^ Keepin' it classy.

This thread isn't sour enough for millercarbon apparently.  ;-)

But this guy never did the right thing by you ,ever.

 

Actually he did tons of things right by me.   We were close friends on and off for a long time and he was often very generous.  He's a good guy who fell on some hard times.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As mentioned I was curious about other people's take on a situation like this.

I thought it would be a subject of interest, and clearly it was.

Also, I was still not perfectly decided on exactly what I was going to do.   People raised some issues I hadn't thought about.

Reading other people's responses did ultimately help me process exactly what I chose to do.