volume vs presence

I agree with Elizabeth but instead of recommending the amp change mine would have been more sensitive speakers, same idea just different sides of the same equasion

I would say that yes, what you desire is much bigger speakers than a monitor. Bigger woofer(s), bigger cabinet, and true bass extension down to at least 30Hz - this will afford the same perception of presence and visceral impact at a lower *average* SPL level. In fact it'll sound even better at lower levels since it will provide a much more natural balance. Sounds like you may be compensating for the typical bass roll-off of monitors by pushing up the mid/upper bass & midrange levels. As you noted, no matter how smooth that speaker is in mids & treble, this can push SPL levels into dangerous territory (and possibly push your amp towards clipping, which exacerbates the problem).

As an added bonus the bigger speakers are much more efficient (all else being equal), easing the burden on your amp. And I do believe amp/preamp can make a difference, but unless your amp is clipping it'll be a drop in the bucket compared to finding the right speakers.

What put me into my "comfort zone" was my current speakers with 105 Liter cabinets, 10" woofers, and extension down to 29Hz. I do at listen fairly loud, but not at dangerous levels, IMO. Plenty of headroom left, even from 25-35 Watts/ch tube amps - the speakers give a true 93dB/Watt (I believe anechoic).

GET AN SPL meter! Decent-ish analog ones (like the old Radio Shack Analog meter) can be had for $60 I believe. This will tell you what SPL levels you're playing at (and just HOW dangerous), and also give you a starting point for estimating how hard your amp is working.

If you feel ear fatigue or any noticeable shift in hearing after a long session, then you're listening too loud! Any ringing at all means it's WAY too loud!! Take action now!

There's a lot going on here, and more than can be covered in a forum.

A) Most likely, you already have hearing loss.
B) You aren't getting the full dynamics and transients, because 1) They're not in the recording, especially pop music, or 2) Your system can't produce them when they are in the recording, and 3) The louder you play, the more driver compression you get.

Causes range from compressed recordings to passive crossovers, inadequate amp power and overheating drivers coils. No one thing is going to solve the problem.

All good and valid input here already. There was a recent thread of someone having some synergy issues running class D amps with specific digital front ends and speakers. You may want to look for input on that specific combination you are using and alternative combinations retaining either amp or speakers.

One exception I'd have to a post above: bigger speakers are most definitely NOT necessarily more efficient (all else being equal). There are many large speakers that are notoriously inefficient and require gobs of current and power to make them sing. Magneplanar 20.1's come to mind. Size does not necessarily correlate with efficiency.