Most live concerts of the popular variety--not classical-- are way too loud for me. I wear ear protection (cheap Etymotics are way better than the give-away foam plugs). And that can sound fatiguing.
I remember hearing Etta James at Carnegie Hall a while ago-- Susan Tedeschi opened, and though we had excellent seats, the sound was a blur-- she overplayed the room. Etta's band gets on and it's bliss.
I listen to a lot of so-called spiritual or soul jazz, mainly from the '70s. Much of it is decently recorded even if the pressings were made at the nadir of vinyl quality. I can get a very compelling performance at home but it will not scale to the level of King Crimson in my room- I did that comparison listening to Live in Toronto 2016 the morning after I heard them live in a 2,000 seat hall. Even with multiple woofers, I could not get the power of the bass, nor the sheer amplitude of the show at home. But, like the OP, I don't necessarily listen at crazy high db. Typically a little over 80db on peaks, "C" weighted. And it sounded very much like what I heard live.
Is it the same as "live"? Nah. But it can be compelling, sound like real instruments particularly when the arrangements are spare. (I have thousands of classical records that I rarely listen to anymore, but keep anyway).
I remember one of the first systems I heard that could reproduce a full sized double bass-- it was a pair of those huge Duntechs from the '80s owned by a compadre who was a listening buddy. We shared many great listening sessions. At the time, I was still listening to my old Quads, which required me to ignore a few shortcomings to get the midrange. To me, that's where it has to be right-- if it isn't transparent, grainless and dimensional, the rest is irrelevant. But, that also takes us into the quality of the recordings- and my preference is for simpler, less "produced" stuff.
I think if you listen to any system long enough, you will hear the "man behind the curtain." It is at best an illusion.
And, though I don't think my system is fatiguing, I don't have the stamina I once did for all day listening sessions. Those used to be common when I was much younger.
I think making music is actually even more engaging, though I don't really have the chops I did when I was a kid. In NY, we would occasionally have visitors who were professionals, and they'd do their thing, informally. That was great fun and in some ways, much more engaging than hi-fi.
Interesting question. Sorry I did not have time to make this shorter.