Our preferences are all different, and we all have a unique "sweet spot" we need to achieve to let the music take us away. There’s not a one size fits all road map. It’s always a matter of striking a balance on all fronts (including baffle width). There’s no free lunch, and there are trade-offs with every choice. We need to pick our poison, and keep chasing down the weakest link. Sometimes "too revealing" is just excellent clarity in parts of the chain that points a finger at some other source of sloppiness or harshness, sometimes its simply a tonal imbalance that’s too bright. I suspect sometimes it’s just too loud of a volume level for a given recording. Your right though....it’s pretty elusive!
The room is significant, and so is how well your speakers interact with it. Best bet (IMHO) is to find speakers that you love that work well in your room, then buy amplification that drives them well and has a tonal balance you like. Tubes can offer great clarity, and options for fine tuning to taste.