Record-playing Rituals?

Why of course. I take fine sandpaper and rub it on the record in a circular motion quite vigorously in the direction opposite the playing motion. This removes all the dust. I then appply copious amounts of Dawn concentrated dish detergent and let it dry slightly to set into the what is left of the grooves. then rub it to a foam with ordinary tap water. rinse and rub try wth a terry cloth or nited up woolen sweater. I then apply a good clump of dust bunny to my platinum pure sapjire body custom made Koetsu with palladium coils. The stylus is osmium coated quartz.This treatment will take all the shrill sounds out of it. Very mellow indeed.
Then sit back and enjor

Run in a circle 5 times, breathing as much as possible through your nose, kind of like snorting. You must be in the center of the listening room. Then go to the bathroom and pee, at least a little. Wash your hands very thoroughly and cue up the record. Sit down and relax, but be wary of foriegn scents.