the Swarm system is able to do the vanishing act that I ask for. Or most of it. Have never heard it, though.
@o_holter I have a pair in my system. My main speakers are flat to 20Hz so I added the Swarm subs to break up the standing wave only. One is to the left of the listening position and the other to the rear and slightly to the right.
The effect they have is dramatic. Without them there is bass along the sides of the room but none at the listening position. When I turn them on the bass is fine everywhere. Due to how the ear senses tonality, when they are on the mids and highs are more relaxed. They were very easy to set up.