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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller

Showing 1 response by french_fries

french_fries
815 posts
 
i work in a hospital and being really ill is another world so detached from the one outside. there is only one answer (from a secular standpoint) that i have found after witnessing a thousand recoveries and a thousand deaths- give yourself permission to enjoy your life every day. if you're healthy and able to get around you should never forget to appreciate this simple reality. i have witnessed many patients, even those with terminal illnesses, that really do get it.
your son was really special, and you were able to spend some precious moments with him.
as others have suggested, chronic depression is nothing to ignore if it continues to prevent you from embracing life and all of its gifts.
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