I think if you're "listening intently", you're missing the point. I don't listen for the drums, but I frequently find myself following the drums or the piano or a voice without trying to. Kind of just absorbed in what's coming out of the speaker. I am more likely to do that listening to a great recording on a great system in a great room.
There are times where I feel that people cast aspersions on those of us who are into the equipment. But this is a hobby and when you think about really any hobby, the end goal is to enjoy it and do it as well as you can. Golf, coin collecting, oil painting, all of these have an end point of doing the best you can do. For me, the artificial reproduction of music is one of the things I want to do well. I don't believe this makes me any less of a music lover.