Is it possible to have vinyl nearly noise free?

Use a Zero-Stat on the record just before play. Use Static-Guard https://www.walmart.com/ip/Static-Guard-Spray-5-5-Ounces/21092566
Puff a little around (not directly over) the turntable. Waft a little around the phono leads, phono stage, and over all interconnects and speaker cables. Between the conditions in my room and how keen I am on SQ I do this before every side. Its not like it gets real bad and I hear zapping if I don't do it as often. But if I skip a side or two and then spray there is a rather obvious improvement in terms of a little less grain and a lower noise floor. This stuff is cheap, I don't mind the smell, and I never ever hear or see any static zapping or popping anywhere when I do this.

The improvement spraying the cables tells me static isn't just a problem when records pop. Its everywhere. Cable Elevators get them up off the floor and work great. Same for power cords and interconnects. None of this was done because anyone said so. I only do what I myself have tested and proven to be worth doing. This stuff is dirt cheap. So don't take my word for it either. Just try if you want and see for yourself.

Still, one has to admit, the way the phono stage knows to make the tick happen every time the record comes around, is pretty impressive.

Yes it is impossible. Waste of time. Worse than a waste. We don't clean records for the satisfaction of having them play quiet, or to make the stylus last longer, but to make the music sound better. I suggest you follow BetterRecords.com advice and use the Walker enzyme cleaning process, clean the stylus every side, and nothing else. Better still, buy one of their Hot Stampers. You can have quiet or you can have music, and when you hear how good the music can be I bet you agree its worth the noise.

Not that I can't relate. For years- decades- I was in the records are great except for the noise camp. I bought all the newest, quietest vinyl, cleaned and vacuumed incessantly, all the usual BS. Then I realized almost all of the newer/quieter vinyl sounds nowhere near as good as a lot of the older/noisier records. Now I pay a hell of a lot more for USED records that sound a whole lot better. Now my VPI vacuum sits virtually unused. I only even brush a record when I see something on it, not reflexively out of habit like before. And my records probably play with less noise doing this than when I was slaving away, although best I can say is probably because honestly unless and until they get a whole lot noisier I could hardly care less. Its just not a factor.