You may never equal the headphone with the speakers and the room you now have. If volume is in play, and low bass, stick with headphones and everyone will be happier I guess. You see to be leaning that way. And if speakers and headphones are going to cost the same, stick with headphones.
I know how fabulous headphones can sound these days but the listening experience is night and day for me and if forced into headphones I could probably adapt. They just don't sound like a good loudspeaker, and that's what I do prefer.
You might consider an extreme nearfield experience with your speakers and see how it might sound. Keep experimenting with the Totems. Good luck!