Girlfriends and wifes, how do YOU cope?

This is a very simple question. The answer has been shown to me dozens of times throughout my life. And, yes, I am still not married. The basic reason is that when you are spending time, money, and attention on the stereo system, you are not spending that time, money, and attention, undividedly, on her. It has nothing to do with the stereo system. I've had this result with car hobbies, sports hobbies,etc. The bottom line is: What's hers is hers, and what's yours is hers. You will not stray from this concept or she will find someone else who will "toe the line". Needless to say, I don't "knuckle under" to stuff like that very easily, so I remain unmarried. On balance, I'd say I'm lucky, because all my married friends are going through divorces and losing their houses, and everything. They adjusted their lifestyles and priorities to suit the wife, and in the end, they were told,"I think I can do better" by their wives. You may not think you can "upgrade" a woman, but the woman sure as hell thinks she can "upgrade" from you. And her eyes are open to it every day. But, not till she sucks every last drop of blood out of you, first. And, has the next "victim" firmly in the sights. And the older you get, the worse it gets. At least in the teenage years, you have the "off chance" that they might actually fall in love with you before they "get wise". By the time they are in their 30's and 40's, forget it. They're dating your bank account. They measure their control capability by how much they can swerve you away from your central "core interests and values". If you resist, you are in the dog house. If you continue to resist, you are out the door. Notice, that they never complain that you spend too much time cutting the grass, or painting the house(improving "her" assets). It's the ability to influence what YOU really want to do, that is the guage of her control level, and that is why it becomes the issue. In her mind, it is only one short step, from there, to losing control of the money, and that is unacceptable. That's it. You may consider it harsh commentary, but we're talking about some very harsh, cold behavior. Just look how often you see on the Audiogon threads about "If I get speakers bigger than a shoe-box, I'll have to get divorced. Is this rational? No. That is because the speakers are NOT the issue. The issue is control. Mercenary? Yes. Heartless? Yes. That is the root of this issue, that nobody really wants to talk about.

I love watching sports, particularly basketball. I used to think that it would be nirvana to find a woman who was as avid a fan as I was. I'm now happily married to a woman who is at least tied for Most Apathetic sports fan in the world - she not only couldn't care less about any sport, she has no idea what's going on in the world of sports. I realize now that this is, in fact, ideal. We interact on lots of topics and activities - there's no need for my passion to be her passion, and in fact, when I'm avidly watching a game Sunday afternoon, she's fine with giving the kids a ride someplace, or anything else that's needed.

Another time, I was painting a house I lived in when I was single. I was standing back at one point admiring my progress and I thought, "It would be really great if there was somebody here to share this progress with me." That was followed by the thought, "If there was, we'd probably argue about what color to paint it." It was precisely at that moment that I probably made the most progress in understanding the tradeoffs of relationships.

At this point, it doesn't matter a bit to me whether my wife has any interest in audio systems, music, or any other arbitrary pasttime I might enjoy. If she suddenly got interested, I would embrace that as well, but assuming she never does, that's fine. I don't care if she thinks my music is too loud for her tastes, or that I'm "crazy" for spending the amounts I spend on it. There's two sides to everything, and the other side to this attitude is that I don't have any obligation to understand, embrace, or spend time on any of her pasttimes that don't genuinely interest me. There's plenty of stuff that we do both enjoy to spend any energy torturing each other about the ones we don't mutually enjoy.

Not many responses to this lately. My wife and I and one of her friends are listening tonight. Who knows where the goosebumps will lead. I will not be listening for equipment artifacts tonight.......

would that make it a tri-amping situation? Always wanted to try that...

Hmmmm, I have not been here for a while..

TWL:the first reply never made it....
So I will type a second one.

I hear you about the checkbook etc.....
But if I had to go deaf in order to keep my wife......I would! I would smash it all, burn my two copies of Amused To Death, my Krall, the Stones, Floyd, Sting.....ALL of it...and give it all up for her. I would listen to 128 MP3's with what little hearing I had left, if any!
For that matter, I would do the same for my second best friend, Gumby, my sheltie! (thats where my name comes from on here by the way.)
Tunes are cool. My system is WAY cool. But I have not been able to cuddle up to my pre-amp like I do my wife.
The last time I tried making love to a line conditioner, I was in the hospital for a week! D/A converters dont hug you during your sons school play.
Cartridges wont go fetch a ball in the yard and listen to your every command. In fact, turntables tend not to be loyal at all. Even thought they can be a part of relaxation, they tend not to come over to you and give you a lick on the side of your face when you are stressed out. Speakers dont follow you to the houseboat for the weekend either.
I hope you are able to find what you are missing someday!

If you found the right one, there would be no question in your mind either.