If it was my 100k, I would start with a dedicated room. It's by far the hardest thing to upgrade and will never be obsoleted. It doesn't have to be away from the rest of the house. However, ideally it's separate from your "TV" room. If you have your wife's support (and are having the house built?), give her whatever it takes (exercise room? art studio? bedroom-size walk-in closet?)
As for the gear, I'm in the speakers first camp. Spend until you hurt on them. The amp(s) have to play well with the speakers. The digital market is advancing so rapidly that I'd suggest you spend more on the analog upgrade, figuring you'll upgrade the digital side multiple times before circling back around to analog.
Unless your new place has bad power, I wouldn't spend anywhere near 10k on cabling & power conditioning.