Ever since I invested in one of those electricity generating treadmills at BestBuy, my electricity bill is now $0.
However, after reading the manual, it became clear that someone had to be continually walking on the treadmill for it to work properly.
So, I did what any of you would probably do under similar circumstances; I bought 2 slave/walkers on EBay to power this thing. I have them both on 12 hour shifts and it's been working out well so far.
I must give a warning, however, to anyone contemplating the implementation of my solution. While your electricity costs will dissappear, your grocery bill will definitely increase if you are cursed with being humane as I am. Walking for 12 hours a day/7 days a week gives you a big appetite.
Sure, both of these guys have lost about 50 pounds each since I bought them, but they are in excellent shape. So, I look at this as a win-win scenario.
But, there is one issue that's been bugging me that could throw a monkey wrench in the economic viability of my solution: Am I obligated to purchase health insurance for these guys?
Also, I can't understand a word of whatever language these guys are speaking. They seem to be getting increasigly aggravated over the past few months. I can't say I blame them. When they are not walking in my basement, they are eating or sleeping. I don't feed them the most delicious food but it's all they can eat for every meal. My foremen may need to apply the occasional taste of the whip to keep up their pace. They also need to make sure the chains and leather hoods are secure.
As you all can clearly see, they should have no complaints. My basement may be dinghy but they're living in climate controlled conditions breathing Hepa-filtered air for heaven;s sake. Yes, they are in chains, whipped once in a while and are paid nothing for their labor. But, on the positive side, they're living rent free in a nice house in the suburbs with a pool they're forbidden to enter.
I know what you readers are thinking: "these slaves should be grateful they're being held against their will by such a benevolent owner." And you're right.
But, even though I don't understand a word they're saying, I swear these ingrates are planning some kind of revolt or escape.
My suggestion, if you're thinking of lowering your electric costs, go with the BestBuy treadmill gizmo but pay the premium and go with the upgraded modded slave/walkers on EBay with the submissive personalities.
Just my experienced 2 cents,
Tim
