YIKES! So sorry this happens to ANYONE. When I opened my shop in the early 1970's, I was convinced I could help every customer who walked in. I spent HOURS with each one, first getting to know them--it was a VERY small town back then--and then learning as much about their musical likes and dislikes, what they currently owned, and what they were looking to achieve. This was sometimes difficult as it was kind of a one-person shop, so should more than 2 customers arrive at the same time, I had to learn how to manage that situation, which I think I did fairly well.
Now, some customers were "just looking" as we had the only high-end shop for 30 miles either way. Back then, you could only carry what the other guys were NOT carrying. Fair trade and territorial branding were in force, which made it difficult sometimes to help customers. A good example: we were and ARC/Magnepan shop. Hi-Fi Associates in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale was a Mc shop. Luskin in Ft. Lauderdale was a middle shop that sold under cost since he bought closeouts by the train-car load for less than they cost me. While business was good, the items we sold were EXPENSIVE compared to middle stuff, so I had a lot of, "I can get a receiver at Luskin's for 1/2 of that" comments when I was selling Marantz and he was selling Scott or another decent but middle-priced item.
Many customers wanted discounts like they found at other shops, but Fair Trade laws prevented me from doing that. At the end of the day, I had many loyal, repeat customers for high-end products and we added a 5000 sq ft custom wood shop to our business and were making custom hardwood cabinets for customers who wanted to house their gear out of sight (wives ruled back then as I suppose they do now) in expensive homes and condos. We were unique in that space, and with our top-of-the-heap products we had a nice following.
Some lessons: NEVER ask what a customer does for a living. I had barefoot, shirtless, long-haired guys walk in with suitcases of cash. I had well-dressed doctors try to shoplift $15.00-$50.00 items. I had "frantic" late night calls to "come get my stuff and store it until you hear from me again." It was an interesting time in my area back then for many reasons... . I treated EACH AND EVERY customer with respect and spent as much time with the tire-kickers as with the good repeat customers. At the end of the day, I felt good about my ability to educate customers even if they did not buy that day. Many showed up years later and bought when they had more income.
I enjoyed THAT part of the business. The worst part was the state, city, county, and federal and other rules, laws, requirements; manufactures were also very in control and that was a point of friction as well. Customers don't see that part of the business--it is debilitating when your only goal was to help people improve their systems.
At the end of the day, while I was jealous of stores like Lyric in NYC ("they sell 6 ARC pre-amps a week" my sales person told me. I sold one or two a month), I was pleased that I had helped people and (almost) made a living at the same time. If your dealer is not receptive to spending time with you, demoing whatever you want, and bringing gear to your house to demo since store demos are pretty much useless, I would find a new dealer. These days, with brick-and-mortar dealers few and far between, you might have to travel. BUT, if you are spending big money, you should be in control of the sale. Best of luck to all of you. In a way, I wish I still had my shop. In another, with today's retail environment, I am happy I don't!
Cheers!