Top 5 Reaons to NOT BUY A TURNTABLE.

1. You already have 7 turntables.
2. You gave away all your vinyl LP’s in 1988 when CD’s became popular and absolutely refuse to buy all your favorite records all over again. 
3. Your cat claws at the tonearm of your turntable when you’re spinning LP’s.
4. You’ve been convinced that turntables are “the devil’s work” ever since you played all your Led Zeppelin records backwards when you were tripping on acid.
5. You’re secretly concerned that your hearing is shot and you won’t be able to tell the difference between analog and digital after spending a ton of money on a high-end turntable.

6. You’re too old and out of shape to get up and turn the record over after Side 1.
7. Your wife has threatened to see a divorce lawyer if you buy one more piece of audio equipment.
8. The gas bill is overdue, and that didn’t work out well last winter when, instead of paying the gas bill, you purchased a huge tube amp that barely heated one room.
9. You’re up to your ears in audio equipment down in your basement. There is no more room to put anything. To accommodate the new turntable, you’ll either have to rent storage space, or sell something. Making a decision like that could paralyze you for a month.
10. If you buy a new turntable, you’ll have to get into yet another discussion about “analog vs. digital” with your “friends” on the Audiogon Forum, and you would rather eat broken glass.