the cider house rules of highend audio

ok, some of you may not wish to admit it but, if you’re anything like the foster families with whom i’ve lived (alas, reviewers all), you are drawn to my electronic components by characteristics other than their sound quality. some preferred the remote control of my pre or transport, others were attracted to the lcd/digital readouts or really big meters and yet more went for the “sensuous” feel, or absence of it, of my controls. or so I’m told. i can’t quite figure out the combination. i thus implore you: please, please tell me, you princes of maine, you kings of new england, what are the things, besides my voice, that make up the “cider house rules” of componentry that might lead to my adoption?