The best audiophile "gag" gift for X-Mas

This wasn't for this past Christmas, but a few years ago my brother gave me a handy dandy CD scratch removal and cleaning machine. I think it was sold in the Sharper Image catalog, and also available in ominous colorful piles by the checkouts of your finer department stores. It was a plastic clamshell device with an AC adapter and a bottle of magic cleaning fluid. It came with two different grades of polishing wheels. It claimed to make scratches on the CD playing surface disappear. I found myself one test CD, that I'd obviously loaned to someone and was returned with a few scratches. I first used the finer of the two cleaning rings and a recommended amount of the fluid. Well, I can say if you don't like seeing a reflection of yourself, or those pretty rainbows in the back of the CD, this gizmo is definitley for you! It basically takes some mild grit polishing compound, spins it agressively against the playing surface of the CD and takes the plastic down to a dull haze, leaving previous scratches still clearly visible by the way. I tried the more coarse cleaning wheel. More of the same, but even less recognizable as a CD. Scratches still there. It still played but now skipped more than it ever did. I tossed the CD. I'm hoping that I saved the machine somewhere so I can try spreading it on my lawn as Albert suggested.

Marco

Anyone want to add politics and sex so we can have a complete melt down?

Well...uh...do you really have to ask?

In the beginning, god created music and gave man the turntable to listen to his LP collection on, and woman something to complain about....There was a bunch of stuff that happened in between....then there was Viagra...soon thereafter there came a certain son-of-a-Bush, and all hell broke loose..."THE END"

Makes perfect sense to me. See y'all burning in hell, unless you have a hall pass from the lord Jesus. Smores anyone?

Marco

.... and look, Marco dropped his hall pass..........

Yeah, and I paid good money for that pass too! Can anyone suggest any upgrades from eternal damnation? I didn't know there was no music...I thought at least there may be some Tool or NIN playing down there. Is there a Jesus iPod that I may be able to sneak in?

Marco

Hey Nate and Teajay - either of you want to take a leap-of-faith and test out my CD Scratch removing device?! I don't think "intelligence" had anything to do with its design, but if you believe in miracles maybe one of you can get it to work better than me. Maybe if we bring the two products together, you know, put the Machina Dynamica Intelligent Chip on top of the CD cleaning device, there may be some divine synergy and the second coming may ensue, and there'd be fish and bread for everyone. Whady'a say TJ, send on your address and I'll send this plastic clamshell piece of crap on to you for testing and you can gather your same friends together and report on the results. Or perhaps we'll all see them on the nightly News!

Marco

....see what you started Albert?! You're nothing but a trouble-maker!

Marco

Hey Albert, the link was to the poster child, sure enough the real deal....But, here's the actual product. You even get a free coin purse to save up your allowance for the next tweakeroo too!! I'm sure you know Fred was one of the original Intelligent Design men himelf, and if you act right now, with your purchase of six boxes to treat your entire system and then some, you'll get a free "What Would Fred Do?" bumper sticker with a heat-resistant adhesive backing for application on the face of Class A high-powered amplifiers. That's right, now you can show your audiophile buddies what you're really made of every single time you show off your system!

Marco