Spam as far as the eye can see!!

When I was a kid, we were so poor we couldn't pay attention.

We were so poor that if it costs a dime for an overcoat for an elephant, we couldn't buy a vest for a canary.

We were so poor that if it cost a dime to go around the world, we couldn't get out of sight.

We were so poor, our clothes were so tattered and torn that whenever we would walk fast our clothes would hum. 

MC ...

I know, these youngins today are a bunch of slackers. I instilled a good work ethic into my kids by making them hike across shag carpeting in order to change the channel on the eleven-inch, round-tube TV. When I was a kid, "my" TV was in the window of the local hardware store. At least you had a father. We were so poor, my Mom sold our father in order to put food on the table. And you had a butter knife? What did you do with it? We didn't have butter. We had this stuff called Oleo. It was a white block of solid grease that we put into a bowl and sprinkled red powder on it, then mixed it all up and just like magic, it turned yellow and looked like butter. Tasted like crap.