I referred your question to "Ask Dr. Science" on PBS radio (who also writes for "Funny Times"). He replied:
"Yes, actually, your DVD player IS possessed. Digital audio and video products were developed as the result of a pact between the Devil and the major electronics manufacturers.
Although it is not widely known, DVD's do not actually have millions of tiny little pits on their surface which are read by lasers, nor do they use DAC's to convert the picture and sound into analog form. These technological explanations were devised to mislead gullible humans who refuse to believe that the Devil is real and often affects our daily lives (think what he did during the last Presidential election...).
DVD's, infact, are an invention of the Devil, and they rely on a fiendishly clever method of burning a 2-layer message into the plastic medium. (How else is the Devil going to do this but burn it in? This same method was invented by Satan to produce the 2-layer SACD disks at $30 apiece, which have caused high-end audio paranoia everywhere, but that's another story.)
The DVD contains both a movie from Hollywood (known by many to be a place of iniquity), AND a subliminal message by the Devil encouraging consumers to buy cell phones, MP3 units, and Personal Digital Assistants (for those whose lives are WAY too complicated, and require supernatural assistance to remember everyday information).
Occassionally, the Devil's subliminal DVD message is so distasteful that it causes the DVD player to malfunction. In an effort to purify itself, the player spits out the corrupted disk, the same way you would spit out something that tasted bad. The DVD player, having only a small, weak motor, is only able to reject the disk, since it lacks the human ability for projectile vomiting. Only the best DVD players are able to detect the majority of these vile, contaminated DVD disks, so it is understandable that a fine unit like the Theta rejects many of the disks you try to play.
There are only two solutions to your problem: return the DVD player to the Theta factory, and wait for 6 weeks while the player undergoes an exorcism ceremony, or sell the Theta and buy a really cheap $149 Sony DVD player, which lacks the discrimination to tell good from bad."
I hope you realize how fortunate you were to get audio advice on such short notice from Dr. Science. He wishes you the best of luck in trying to solve your problem.
"Yes, actually, your DVD player IS possessed. Digital audio and video products were developed as the result of a pact between the Devil and the major electronics manufacturers.
Although it is not widely known, DVD's do not actually have millions of tiny little pits on their surface which are read by lasers, nor do they use DAC's to convert the picture and sound into analog form. These technological explanations were devised to mislead gullible humans who refuse to believe that the Devil is real and often affects our daily lives (think what he did during the last Presidential election...).
DVD's, infact, are an invention of the Devil, and they rely on a fiendishly clever method of burning a 2-layer message into the plastic medium. (How else is the Devil going to do this but burn it in? This same method was invented by Satan to produce the 2-layer SACD disks at $30 apiece, which have caused high-end audio paranoia everywhere, but that's another story.)
The DVD contains both a movie from Hollywood (known by many to be a place of iniquity), AND a subliminal message by the Devil encouraging consumers to buy cell phones, MP3 units, and Personal Digital Assistants (for those whose lives are WAY too complicated, and require supernatural assistance to remember everyday information).
Occassionally, the Devil's subliminal DVD message is so distasteful that it causes the DVD player to malfunction. In an effort to purify itself, the player spits out the corrupted disk, the same way you would spit out something that tasted bad. The DVD player, having only a small, weak motor, is only able to reject the disk, since it lacks the human ability for projectile vomiting. Only the best DVD players are able to detect the majority of these vile, contaminated DVD disks, so it is understandable that a fine unit like the Theta rejects many of the disks you try to play.
There are only two solutions to your problem: return the DVD player to the Theta factory, and wait for 6 weeks while the player undergoes an exorcism ceremony, or sell the Theta and buy a really cheap $149 Sony DVD player, which lacks the discrimination to tell good from bad."
I hope you realize how fortunate you were to get audio advice on such short notice from Dr. Science. He wishes you the best of luck in trying to solve your problem.