How do you pick your gear? Tips and insights are welcome.

@oberoniaomnia

RE: "Listening is a pipe dream".

Upscale Audio is one CA dealer that offers a return policy.

There are plenty of others online.

Audio gear purchasing need not, by definition, be a "shot in the dark" -- it’s your choice, ultimately.

For me, buying without a home demo does happen, but it's extremely rare.

Not saying what you ought or ought not do, just pointing out there are options.

I have auditioned every piece of equipment in my system in my home and every component came from a dealer in another states with the exception of my speakers. It can be done. Naysayers are foul o the crap and did not even try to do the work. Home auditions will save a tone of money and earache. 

@suartk Re Upscale, I tried to set up a demo with plenty of lead time for some TTs when I had something else going in LA. They flat out would/could not do it. So in-store demo is a pipe dream. It is not possible anymore if you have something specific in mind.

The question I had is "do TT plinths have different sounds?" So I asked them to set  up a couple of rigs with same cart, same PS, same amp, same speakers (all their choice) just different plinth-arm. They could/would not do that. Said they do not have the material for that. In theory, I would have loved to see whether I can hear ANY difference, regardless of room. So much for providing education to potential customers. How it sounds in my room vs. dealer is secondary to whether I can hear any difference in dealer show room. That's why I consider dealers rather useless.

I still don't know whether I can hear differences in plinths. People argue there are differences, but I do not have first hand experience with that, despite trying.

Side-by-side comparison with multiple $20-40K rigs with intention of returning a few, that is equally a non-starter. Doing it over longer time, one at a time, raises the issue of long term audio memory being infamously poor. So you would need all the gear at the same time. And that is where dealers might come in. But they fail me as the customer.
Re ordering something with some >>0 probability to return it, I would not call that a demo. And upscale coming to my house with a few rigs to set up and run through, that is also a non-starter. 
So I did my due diligence with assorted reviews and bought a Naia package. Unheard, but with decent expectation of success. I'm happy with the end result.

Same with several other purchases from upscale. Specific demos is just not happening. Sorry. That is my experience.